Some of my family members don't speak to other ones. How can I navigate this if I'm on good terms with both parties?
Last Updated: 07/21/2020 at 10:29am
Lindsay Scheinerman, MA, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
My work with clients is to help them recognize and build on their strengths to find solutions for the conflicts presented in their lives.
Top Rated Answers
The first thing I would say is to never spy on the other member for someone. If a family member has cut off contact with another, it is likely for a reason and they don't want their trust to be broken. Just don't bring them up in conversation. Try not to talk about the other person when you're with them. It's difficult, and a bit of a headache, but try to understand they have their own reasons. Planning family events can be especially hard, but inviting them both and informing the other that you have done so is the best thing you can do, it then becomes their initiative to either come and ignore one-another, or avoid attending.
When there is tension in a group of people, it can be difficult to navigation those relationships. The first thing to understand is that you cannot control the people whom the tension is between; you must respect their feelings just as much as you would want them to respect yours, this means not trying to intefere with their decision. If you think it will hurt one party to know you are speaking with another party, it's okay to have a conversation with each person separately, to say something like, "I understand you and ___ are not on speaking terms, and that's okay. I still want to have a relationship with them, and I want to have a great relationship with you too. I might still talk to them and do things with them from time to time, but I am still here for you too."
Since you're on good terms, I think the best thing to do is not pick sides. Spend a good amount of time with everyone. If they have problems to work out, they should take the initiative to do that themselves. Some people just aren't the best at working out problems. At the end of the day, we all need family. Best of luck. :)
The more we keep quite on the issues, the more worse it gets.so it is always better to find why there is no talking terms between 2 parties and help to fix their issues.
Try to avoid talking about the other party when talking to the other. If you are trying to fix this, don't. Unless it is affecting your every day life or you are the reason for this, do not try to fix this. It is not your problem to solve. But if that is not your intention, try to stay neutral otherwise. Don't take sides.
You should make your parents understand about the good qualities of those people, and also convince the other party to be good to your parents.
I tend to remind both parties of the good times they had together and how I missed it. I will also respect their space to grow and accept each other again.
It is important to remain respectful to all parties and the boundaries that they have set for their relationships with each other. Make sure that you do not become the "go-between" for the different family members, but also do not short-change your relationship with any of them because of their restrictions on their relationship with others.
It is always difficult when you feel as though you are stuck in between two parties that you care for. I always find it best to remind both parties that life is short, and family should be loved as much as possible.
Be yourself and talk to whomever you want to. If you are questioned by any of those family members simply say that there is no issue between you and that particular family member so thats why you just speak to all of them.
Maybe you can try to figure out the reason they don't speak and based upon those answers see if both parties are willing to have a meeting or conversation to work out their issues.
it happens mostly in family that you have a good relation with both haters and some time you feel so hopeless in between both of them.According to me you should not leave one member for other.You have to maintain a balance in your relation.Best thing you can do that do not discuss first member matters in front of second member ..
Keep conversations neutral, light-hearted, and about the family member you're currently with. Knowing how to deflect certain comments help as well. I.E. Your grandmother attended your aunt's wedding, but isn't too happy about who she married. Focus the attention of the conversation onto how much fun the wedding instead.
I would try to educate both of them on the right and wrong done intentionally and unintentionally by both parties and have them introspect and reflect on what they could do subsequently to ensure that they are not being part of the problem. You always need two hands to clap, you can't clap with a single hand
Try making your business project, and let them get involved indirectly. One of them must send or receive things you need to do business. Don't let them get in touch directly, rather one of them sending to you and you send to the other. Whatever it is, but that's the idea, making both getting into working together seamlessly.
Sometimes it's just the way it is, but you could maybe suggest that it upsets you, and try to get to the bottom of why they don't talk, and if there is a way of you helping them.
Be loyal to both. Don't share anything that goes on in one household to the other because that results in more bad blood.
Establish yourself as Sweden. If they ask for your opinions on the other party, don't give one. Remain diligent, neutral, and calm.
That's always difficult. You can't choose who your family is and I can imagine you feel bad that you can't really talk to them like you might want to.
Remain neutral. Do not comment on anything hostile from one party toward another.
Make allowed times for both; a schedule. If it is your parents, spend half of the week with one and the other half with the second. If it is aunt's, uncles, grandparents, cousins ect. That want you to spend holidays with them, go every other holiday or year; spend thanksgiving with your mother's side then Christmas with your father's, or thanksgiving with your mother's one year and your father's next.
Be yourself and take everything easy and slowly. Act normally and don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed by this situation and if someone questions you simply say there is no issue between you and that member. Remember to stay respectful with every member. Keep conversations neutral, light-hearted, and about the family member you're currently with. When there is tension in a group of people, it can be difficult to navigation those relationships. The first thing to understand is that you cannot control the people whom the tension is between; you must respect their feelings just as much as you would want them to respect yours, this means not trying to intefere with their decision.
That's a difficult situation. I also have been in a similar situation myself. I suggest it's better to listen to all their feelings and words. The best solution will come to you automatically. You yourself are best one to find the solution. Try to understand each others problems and feeling. Make them feel you are always with them. It may be difficult but when the root cause is found out it would be easy. Be empathetic and help them relieve their anxiety, stress, misconception etc. You can always get my service if you want. Thankyou for choosing 7cups. It's the best place to find solutions for your problems.
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