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Some of my family members don't speak to other ones. How can I navigate this if I'm on good terms with both parties?

23 Answers
Last Updated: 07/21/2020 at 10:29am
1 Tip to Feel Better
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I have 15 years exeperience in working with clients suffering from depression and substance abuse. I have worked with children and adults and believe in a holistic view.

Top Rated Answers
MirandaD
November 12th, 2014 4:46pm
The first thing I would say is to never spy on the other member for someone. If a family member has cut off contact with another, it is likely for a reason and they don't want their trust to be broken. Just don't bring them up in conversation. Try not to talk about the other person when you're with them. It's difficult, and a bit of a headache, but try to understand they have their own reasons. Planning family events can be especially hard, but inviting them both and informing the other that you have done so is the best thing you can do, it then becomes their initiative to either come and ignore one-another, or avoid attending.
Anonymous
October 31st, 2016 1:25am
When there is tension in a group of people, it can be difficult to navigation those relationships. The first thing to understand is that you cannot control the people whom the tension is between; you must respect their feelings just as much as you would want them to respect yours, this means not trying to intefere with their decision. If you think it will hurt one party to know you are speaking with another party, it's okay to have a conversation with each person separately, to say something like, "I understand you and ___ are not on speaking terms, and that's okay. I still want to have a relationship with them, and I want to have a great relationship with you too. I might still talk to them and do things with them from time to time, but I am still here for you too."
AnnSpeak
November 17th, 2014 3:37pm
Since you're on good terms, I think the best thing to do is not pick sides. Spend a good amount of time with everyone. If they have problems to work out, they should take the initiative to do that themselves. Some people just aren't the best at working out problems. At the end of the day, we all need family. Best of luck. :)
Tantry
August 4th, 2015 6:14pm
The more we keep quite on the issues, the more worse it gets.so it is always better to find why there is no talking terms between 2 parties and help to fix their issues.
Anonymous
February 15th, 2016 4:15am
Try to avoid talking about the other party when talking to the other. If you are trying to fix this, don't. Unless it is affecting your every day life or you are the reason for this, do not try to fix this. It is not your problem to solve. But if that is not your intention, try to stay neutral otherwise. Don't take sides.
Anonymous
October 12th, 2014 6:28am
You should make your parents understand about the good qualities of those people, and also convince the other party to be good to your parents.
Samangel93
October 26th, 2014 6:16pm
I tend to remind both parties of the good times they had together and how I missed it. I will also respect their space to grow and accept each other again.
Lighthouse42
November 19th, 2014 9:28pm
It is important to remain respectful to all parties and the boundaries that they have set for their relationships with each other. Make sure that you do not become the "go-between" for the different family members, but also do not short-change your relationship with any of them because of their restrictions on their relationship with others.
Greatlistener87
September 13th, 2016 3:09am
Be yourself and talk to whomever you want to. If you are questioned by any of those family members simply say that there is no issue between you and that particular family member so thats why you just speak to all of them.
Uniqueg
October 23rd, 2014 8:47pm
Maybe you can try to figure out the reason they don't speak and based upon those answers see if both parties are willing to have a meeting or conversation to work out their issues.
mayank4u
October 28th, 2014 7:17am
it happens mostly in family that you have a good relation with both haters and some time you feel so hopeless in between both of them.According to me you should not leave one member for other.You have to maintain a balance in your relation.Best thing you can do that do not discuss first member matters in front of second member ..
Anonymous
November 18th, 2014 4:50am
It is always difficult when you feel as though you are stuck in between two parties that you care for. I always find it best to remind both parties that life is short, and family should be loved as much as possible.
PippaCalisto
March 20th, 2015 6:51am
Keep conversations neutral, light-hearted, and about the family member you're currently with. Knowing how to deflect certain comments help as well. I.E. Your grandmother attended your aunt's wedding, but isn't too happy about who she married. Focus the attention of the conversation onto how much fun the wedding instead.
delightfulKoala48
July 12th, 2016 5:27pm
I would try to educate both of them on the right and wrong done intentionally and unintentionally by both parties and have them introspect and reflect on what they could do subsequently to ensure that they are not being part of the problem. You always need two hands to clap, you can't clap with a single hand
Seremonia
October 23rd, 2014 3:24pm
Try making your business project, and let them get involved indirectly. One of them must send or receive things you need to do business. Don't let them get in touch directly, rather one of them sending to you and you send to the other. Whatever it is, but that's the idea, making both getting into working together seamlessly.
Anonymous
November 12th, 2014 5:11am
Sometimes it's just the way it is, but you could maybe suggest that it upsets you, and try to get to the bottom of why they don't talk, and if there is a way of you helping them.
MariaX
November 13th, 2014 8:24am
Be loyal to both. Don't share anything that goes on in one household to the other because that results in more bad blood.
Kel4055
November 15th, 2014 9:22am
Establish yourself as Sweden. If they ask for your opinions on the other party, don't give one. Remain diligent, neutral, and calm.
Anonymous
November 17th, 2014 3:08pm
That's always difficult. You can't choose who your family is and I can imagine you feel bad that you can't really talk to them like you might want to.
Cerebralreflections1
March 31st, 2015 2:30am
Remain neutral. Do not comment on anything hostile from one party toward another.
ConnerAlexzander
February 13th, 2018 7:44am
Make allowed times for both; a schedule. If it is your parents, spend half of the week with one and the other half with the second. If it is aunt's, uncles, grandparents, cousins ect. That want you to spend holidays with them, go every other holiday or year; spend thanksgiving with your mother's side then Christmas with your father's, or thanksgiving with your mother's one year and your father's next.
Anonymous
July 7th, 2020 4:29pm
Be yourself and take everything easy and slowly. Act normally and don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed by this situation and if someone questions you simply say there is no issue between you and that member. Remember to stay respectful with every member. Keep conversations neutral, light-hearted, and about the family member you're currently with. When there is tension in a group of people, it can be difficult to navigation those relationships. The first thing to understand is that you cannot control the people whom the tension is between; you must respect their feelings just as much as you would want them to respect yours, this means not trying to intefere with their decision.
ImperturbableHomosapien
July 21st, 2020 10:29am
That's a difficult situation. I also have been in a similar situation myself. I suggest it's better to listen to all their feelings and words. The best solution will come to you automatically. You yourself are best one to find the solution. Try to understand each others problems and feeling. Make them feel you are always with them. It may be difficult but when the root cause is found out it would be easy. Be empathetic and help them relieve their anxiety, stress, misconception etc. You can always get my service if you want. Thankyou for choosing 7cups. It's the best place to find solutions for your problems.