Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

What do I do if my father thinks I hate him even after I told him I don't?

233 Answers
Last Updated: 06/03/2022 at 7:52pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Strauss, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am client focused and believe everyone has a strength. I feel confident in seeing clients with generalized and social anxiety, depression and relational goals.

Top Rated Answers
clarevictoriaa
August 16th, 2019 3:32pm
I think sitting down and chatting to your father would be really beneficial for you both. Ask him why he thinks you hate him and discuss the problem. Try to get to the root of the issue and clear the air between you both. Perhaps spending the day together and having some quality time would be good for you and maybe take the time to treat him and show you care! Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. Talking like adults together and getting to the root of why your father thinks you hate him is important. Once you know the reason, you can work past it and show him you don't hate him. At the end of the day there is no stronger bond than that of a family's bond.
AaronBurnsXXX
August 17th, 2019 5:47am
If you have told your father you do not hate him and explain that you love him and he still does not believe you there is nothing you can do. That though is in his brain and it may not be based on real life. So the best think is to accepted in but know that you so not hate him and it is in his head not yours. You can also repeat that you love and support. This over time might help him change his though pattern and he may stop thinking you hate him. All you can do is explain to him how you feel about him.
TrippleA
October 24th, 2019 4:25am
Ask him why he feels that way, maybe you've been different lately? Or maybe he blames himself for something, all you can do is ask and find out. Showing him you care with little things, like asking how his day went, going out of your way to spend time to get closer. Maybe even speak to your mum, or other trusted family members, chances are they'll know how to help. I understand how frustrated you must feel, but It gets better! Maybe trying going above and beyond on a holiday when he's not expecting it, I hope this was helpful!
Anonymous
November 24th, 2019 10:44pm
The first thing to consider is that maybe your father understands actions more than words so you may want to try to act more and see if that works out (little things such as offering him a cup of tea, giving him a gift, a trip...). If it does not work, ask him why he thinks this way and work with him to build trust. A good way to build trust is to do things together (cooking meals for example!). But if the problem is still there even after all that, maybe he needs help on his self esteem and relation to others.
Anonymous
January 10th, 2020 8:13am
No matter how hard we try, we cannot change how others view us. Each person owns their own perspective. We do not see the world as it is, we see the world as we are. All of our past experience influences our perception of the world, and the people in it. In addition, past experiences can cause some people to need more reassurance than others. What I mean is, even if you've said that you don't hate your father, he may need a little more convincing. Can you tell me, from your perspective, why your father thinks you hate him?
Anonymous
January 22nd, 2020 8:46pm
Sometimes words are not enough. They may need actions, not necessarily overt or even expensive, but something that gives them a physical understanding of how you feel. Maybe a just because card, a little "thinking of you" gift or note. Some days we may need a physical reminder we are thought of. A good example of this is seeing a key chain or stuffed animal at a check out. It reminds you of them so you get it to give to them. Now they have a physical representation that you randomly thought about them enough to get them this small token. Love is a language. And like any language we do not all speak the same dialect.
Anonymous
February 9th, 2020 11:55am
I think you can do a lot of things to express your love, love Does always comes by only words no real love comes with actions 💜✋ maybe just take care of him , call him to ask how's life going, make him a cup of coffee or anything he likes, buy him a gift it doesn't mean to be expensive or whatever no jusr something to shows that you actually care about him actually love him,maybe when you see him give him a warm hug saying that i missed you so much dad , thank him for anything he gets to you just to show him that you're glad, the point is always express your love with actions ,small nice action, words are just not enough sometimes it 💜
JeanaGriz7Cup
March 1st, 2020 3:06pm
Show him that you don’t dislike him take him place he likes to go. Do stuff he likes to do so he could know that you love him and that you don’t dislike him but if he still feel like you hate him see what you are doing that make him think that way. Once you find out what make him think that way, tell him that you love him and the reason for the distance or changes your doing or acting, just to reassure him that you still love him. Some parent understand but the other that takes time but they’ll get there.
Anonymous
March 4th, 2020 4:48pm
If something were to happen such as get in a argument with my parent. I know sometimes parents can be frustrating and such but at the end of the day they do only want what’s best for you. I would try to talk with your dad and just explain like no matter what you are going to always love him and maybe do a kind gesture for him as well. But really only thing you can do is just speak to him and explain your feelings towards the situation and that it is not in that type of way at all
Anonymous
April 8th, 2020 7:55am
i feel this is causing you great sadness.. asked why your father thinks you hate you? why do you think your father thinks of you? do you think you can talk to your dad about this question? I hear that this causes difficulty for you. what do you think, how your father says it why this? you can formulate it? should he want us to test what it would say to his father if he would talk with him about this problem?what would ask from his father? what would say to his father as an answer? what it desires his father? what it would like to attain in connection with his father?
Anonymous
December 12th, 2021 10:05am
Fathers are human too. They might feel left out and unwanted especially that their child is already an adult and have a life. Let your father feel that you don't hate him. Try to talk to him and spend some time with him. You can also try to send him a gift or a card to show you care about him. The gift doesn't need to be expensive. It is an act that you think about him also. Calling and checking on him once in a while would show that you care and love him. Your father might feel lonely at times and you can show that you can be there for him just like when he was there for you when you were a child.
Anonymous
April 30th, 2021 1:18am
I will ask him questions why he believes I hate him. Also, I will discuss with him about things he thinks I can improve. In relationship with our loved one's communication is always important. It is always good to improve relationship with people. When people are important for us, we have to work on ourselves and make sure that we don't destroy our relationship with people close to us. As a christian, I believe it is important to pray for people, and always seek God and speak life to our relationships in order to have strong relationship
Dominear
May 6th, 2021 12:11am
Try and show him you care so that he understands you don’t hate him and tell him how you truly feel explain and express yourself to give him a better understanding and try and find out why he’s feels that you don’t like him so that the problem can be fixed and also so that he can stop feeling as if you don’t don’t care about him and when you tell him you don’t hate him he will believe you and not feel as though you do because he will be then had a better understanding from you having express
Anonymous
May 15th, 2021 3:05pm
You've probably heard the cliche saying that "actions speak louder than words." Sometimes, when we do something that hurts another person and makes them think we hate them, the best way to make it better is by apologizing, and then behaving in ways that prove our apology is sincere. It's the same thing in the other direction. We might tell someone we love them, but if we continuously act in ways that are unloving (e.g. ignoring them, saying mean things to them), they it's unlikely that they'll believe we truly love them. In your case, your father thinks you hate him. What do you want him to think you feel towards him? If, instead of hate, you want him to think that you love him, show him love in your actions (e.g., making time for long conversations with him, dropping off some homemade cookies, inviting him over for dinner). If you want him to think that you're indifferent towards him, be polite and keep your boundaries firm. It might be helpful to explain to him why you've set your boundaries and why it's important to you that they be maintained, so that he can see where you're coming from. Our words only do so much. Actions can send a much stronger message.
LinaMoon
May 21st, 2021 6:38am
The only thing you can do is try your best to make sure your actions match your words. Unfortunately, your father has to come to the conclusion you don't hate him on his own because for some reason your reassurance doesn't feel like enough proof. Always remember that it's more of an issue he's having with himself, not so much with you. He may feel guilty or worried about your relationship and is looking for you to tell him you still care, but because he's not working on the root of his insecurities, it doesn't ease any of his worries. It may feel like your responsibility to fix but at the end of the day, as long as you're being kind and loving (if that's what you want to do) then there's not much else to do besides providing that reassurance. Hopefully this will be over soon
Anonymous
May 26th, 2021 5:45pm
Start taking care of him like he used to as a kid. Remind him of things he used to do for you by doing some for him. Gifts lots of love affection care and appreciation will make a difference. Don't give up on your parents as they never give up on you. It's easy to say it was their job but it's our job aswell to take care of them when they are old and weak. Lots of love and care and respect will make a difference. Please love your parents as when they are not with you anymore you will know their worth. Before it's too late make them realise you love them by doing small small things for them.
AtticusJosiah
June 9th, 2021 6:50pm
Peoples' feelings are dependent on factors in their own hearts and souls... they have a choice in how they react to each situation. You very well may love your Father, but in his heart your acts of love may come across as attacks against his character. Oftentimes men feel out of control... prideful.... even powerless. If a man like this feels in the least bit attacked, he may tend to make himself a victim to rectify why he feels that way. What he must do is look at himself honestly and submit himself to God, and ask his maker what needs to change. What you should do is continue Loving him well. I hope this helps.
Anonymous
June 12th, 2021 2:43pm
Most of the time we win people's trust through actions, it may take time for some people to be convinced what you're telling them is true if they are struggling with doubt, guilt, or anxiety or other reasons. If you're consistent with showing him you don't hate him, he may finally accept it. Try to understand where he's coming from, have you tried discussing this matter to him in an amicable way? Communication and understanding is key, if you show him you're willing to listen and understand him, that you care about this matter, he may feel more relaxed about it, it's possible he wants assurance, our parents are not perfect too, they can feel insecure about their parenting, they may feel they're not good enough, that their child/ children may hate them for it. We can give assurance for the people we care about by being consistent with our actions, sometimes it's the only way to prove we mean what we say.
Anonymous
June 19th, 2021 2:32pm
Firstly ask him to spare his time to sit and talk with you. Talk to him freely and explain that you love him. Talk calmly. Let him know that you love him. Other than that, show your love in the simplest way possible. For instance, always hug him and greet him "Good Morning", make him breakfast, and spend quality time with him. Always let him know that you are grateful to have him as your father. Be close with him. Share your problems or talk about your day to him to let him know that you trust him to share your highs and lows with him.
Anonymous
August 8th, 2021 3:21am
Showing kindness to others can often go further than words. As much as you've meant the reassurance you've told him, show him love and compassion through actions as well. However it is also important to ensure that the environment is a healthy and positive one for you. So while you show compassion and kindness to your dad be sure that you are not being too overwhelmed by the situation. Do as much as you can. These feelings of doubt your dad is currently feeling will hopefully be resolved when he sees and feels your love through your actions. Lead with love and watch it light the way for others.
Anonymous
September 3rd, 2021 1:16am
When I think people are thinking negatively about me, I realize that it's usually more of a reflection of how I'm feeling about myself and I'm only projecting it onto the people around me. I can't speak on your specific situation but if it were me, I would maintain compassion and assure him that you're there for him when he needs you. Letting someone know and continuously reminding them that you're there for them (no matter how tiring it can be) the thoughts that he has that you hate him will be harder and harder for him to believe.
FernWhispers
October 6th, 2021 3:51am
Sometimes people need to be shown rather than told. What activities can you do with him to make him feel comfortable with you? Additionally, some people need to be told things multiple times. Maybe you can go with a two prong approach by showing him and telling him that you do not hate him. What are some activities that he enjoys doing? Is there a meal you two can prepare together for nostalgia? Try to go back to a time when he didn’t have this belief. It must be hard for someone to have an idea about you in their head that doesn’t align with your truth.
Anonymous
November 19th, 2021 4:51pm
Have a heart-to-heart with him. Spend some quality time with him. Try and resolve the misunderstandings. If there is nothing left to say then let your actions live up to what you have told him. He may mean the world to you. You may love him a lot and you may have told him so a number of times. But that doesn't matter here. What matters is what you are doing about it. Show him how much you love and care about him. Don't just try to make a point, try to prove yourself to him. Even if it takes going out of your way, try to make it obvious through your actions how much value he holds in your life. Hope both of you reconcile soon. Best regards, Melody :)
Anonymous
December 1st, 2021 7:24pm
There are a couple possibilities I can think of here: 1) Your father seems to already have his preconceived notion set- that you hate him- and this will most likely not change in the short term regardless of what you do or say. OR 2) He knows you do not hate him but you've misunderstood it to be so. If 1 is the case, it may take some time but it is possible for this to change- you could try to slowly change his opinion by verbally affirming you care about him or through small actions or gestures. If 2 is a possibility or you suspect there is a deeper problem that may explain his belief, maybe try sitting down and having a long talk with him to figure his reasoning out and explain your perspective and feelings to him as well.
Train1
March 30th, 2022 6:37am
You need to have a heart-to-heart with your Dad to find out exactly why he feels this way. Did you have an outburst and said things to him that made him feel that you hated him. Was it something in the past that you thought wasn't a big deal, but he did. Maybe you have forgotten about it. Parents deep down always care for their children, no matter how they act towards them, or how their children act toward them. One day when you become a parent, you will know what I mean. Have a chat and ask him directly about what is on his mind.
friendlyWhisper7648
March 3rd, 2022 8:30pm
You have told him that you do not hate him and he continues to believe that you do? Have you asked him why he feels this way, is there something that is happening that makes him believe this, talking it out could help to identify any misunderstandings? If this does not work, at the end of the day it is important to remember that we are only responsible for ourselves and our own actions. You can continue to tell and show him that yuo do not hate him, what he chooses to belive is his responsibility once you have communicated your true feelings.
confidentEyes9393
March 16th, 2022 8:13am
YOU CAN SHOW HIM IN TIME MAYBE ITS HARD FOR HIM BELIEVE YOU BUT YOU CAN PROOVE TO HIM IN TIME THAT YOU LOVE HIM EVERY SMALL ACTION WILL SHOW HIM HOW MUCH YOU REALLY LOVE HIM..SMALL GESTURES OF FATHERLY LOVE CAN BE FELT BETWEEN FATHER AND CHILD.ALWAYS TREAT HIM WITH RESPECT LOVE AND KINDNESS AS YOU BEEN DOING SOON YOUR FATHER WILL SEE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM AND YOU NEVER STOPPED LOVING HIM.HE WILL COME AROUND FOR SURE HE LOVES YOU JUST AS YOU LOVE HIM WHY DO YOU THINK HE FEELS THAT WAY ?MAYBE HE JUST WANTS URE REASSURANCE AS PARENTS DO LOVE HEAR HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM
Anonymous
March 18th, 2022 6:19pm
You must be really upset that your father thinks you dislike him. Maybe you can try expressing your love toward your father through some daily behaviors, which might be more helpful than simply telling him you love him. Like bring him a cup of coffee, write him a letter on his birthday, cook for him, etc. Or you can have a drink with your father and start a deep heart-to-heart conversation with him, talk to him about your feelings. How do you feel about him? How did his thoughts affect your emotions? I believe that truth and genuine is the solution to most family relationship conflicts.
Anonymous
February 17th, 2022 10:54pm
Try and spend more time with your father. Perhaps try and take a walk with him or help him out around the house, or other aspects of daily life. If he does not agree with this, try and make an effort to talk to him every day about anything at all even if it is the most trivial of things (such as "Wow the weather is nice today, don't you think dad?) As long as you put in effort to interact with him, his opinion that you hate him will gradually change and he will be more likely to believe you when you tell him you love him!
Anonymous
May 7th, 2022 6:53am
Do not just tell him you don't hate him. Show it by your actions, by the way you treat him, and by making him feel that you valued him. As a daughter I myself sometimes failed to make him feel that i valued him. Actions speaks louder, that's a famous saying that means a lot. Sometimes it's better to express your care and love through actions because they will fully appreciate it since you made an effort in making them feel loved and valued. There are person who are vocal and choose to show it through words but some people want to see it, not just hear it.