Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

What do I do when my husband ignores me?

161 Answers
Last Updated: 12/05/2020 at 3:26am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
July 13th, 2018 6:41am
Try talking to him. He may be ignoring you but being completely honest with your feelings could help save the relationship.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2018 12:21pm
I think when this happens, you have to try to communicate with him. Maybe it can be something you can work out together.
Katheryn
July 18th, 2018 5:04pm
I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is ignoring you. There are many things you can do, and only you know what the best course of action would be. However, it seems like it might be important to examine his motives. Is he ignoring you as a way of punishing you? Is he ignoring you on purpose? Does he ignore you all the time or after a fight? It sounds like a course of action might be just to talk about it with him, when he is not in a bad mood or ignoring you. You could try letting him know how his ignoring you makes you feel and try to understand his motives behind it. There may be a better way for him to express his emotions rather than ignoring you and he might be open to finding it.
ThisCrazyLife77
July 19th, 2018 12:07pm
Every relationship is different- but trust and open communication seem to be essential for a healthy relationship. Perhaps you can talk calmly about how you feel ignored. Perhaps your husband doesn't eve know you feel this way! Perhaps they do not know what you need in order not to feel ignored. You will not know unless you tell him how you feel and open a healthy and calm conversation about it.
Anonymous
July 25th, 2018 11:44am
Try to speak with him about it. Maybe he's thinking about something else, he struggle with something or he's just bussy.
Anonymous
July 26th, 2018 12:09am
try to communicate with him to see the reason to why hes ignoring you. communication is the key to ever relationship. if he doesn't feel like talking then let him cool down until he decided t talk.
Sweetieangel
August 2nd, 2018 4:30pm
You love your husband much more when he ignores you show your love no one can give love what your love
jessicajessica
August 15th, 2018 11:19pm
It's always hard when your partner isn't available to provide you with the physical and emotional support you're looking for. When you feel ignored, the first thing is to evaluate the way you're asking for the other person's attention. The goal is to ask for what you want in a way that the other person is able to hear and respond to. Consider this example: Your friend hasn't seen you for a while and wants to have a night out with you. "You're never around when I want to hang out! Why don't you like to go out with me?" "We haven't seen each other for a while." "I miss you! Let's get together this weekend." Which would you rather respond to? The first one is obviously problematic because it starts off with blame. The second one is also wrong because it states the problem but doesn't give the listener a solution. The last one is the best- it outlines the problem (I miss you) and provides a solution (let's get together). When your partner ignores you, start with an "I" statement and end with an offered solution: "I've had a hard day and I'd like to talk about it with you." "When you get home from work/school, I feel ignored when you don't come and say hi to me." "I'd like it if we could just hang out and talk more often. Can we try to schedule a time every day to catch up?" The next step is to accept their response. Everyone's personality is different, and your partner may need quiet space without talking in order to process their day. Your partner may not realize you feel ignored. When you both have different needs, you as a couple need to be able to compromise to meet both of your needs. This happens especially in the context of dealing with stress or a fight. Usually one person wants to talk about the stress or process after the fight, while the other person prefers to manage stress or fights by separating and isolating until they feel in control of their emotions. It's important to recognize that both ways of dealing with difficult situations are valid and positive. Neither is better or healthier than the other. You need to understand the way you work as well as the way your partner works. He may not be able to engage with you in the way you want when he's feeling stressed or overwhelmed. You may need to accept his need for space and isolation while he manages his emotions. But he may need to stretch himself by engaging and processing with you after he's had some space to reflect. That's the nature of compromise with a relationship.
Ana4hear
September 4th, 2018 8:04pm
I pamper myself. As I understand everyone needs a personal time for themselves, if it happens with my husband and he ignores me, I try to use this time for myself. I watch television or read a book, I like painting so depending on the time and my mood also I choose my activity. Sometimes I go for a walk. I spend time with my son. If the ignorance is bothering me a lot sometimes I send him messages on mobile what hurt me, sometimes I share it after the situation changes. I also share the bothering events with my in laws if necessary.
Blink182andNirvana
October 19th, 2018 4:33am
Communication is key. Does he know he's ignoring? Is it possible he doesn't realize? It's important to tell him how he is affecting you and how it makes you feel so you can work towards fixing it together. Sometimes we hurt each other without realizing. Without communicating how you feel and letting him know what he's doing, you can resolve this issue or feel better. Alternatively, he could be ignoring you because of something going on in his mind. Maybe he doesn't know how to open up and ask for help or a listening ear when he needs. Sometimes they need the help.
SaltWaterSoul
November 18th, 2018 6:43am
Have you tried talking with your husband, in a non-confrontational manner, about how this makes you feel? I would recommend being honest about how this makes you feel. Sometimes we feel ignored by the other person, and it’s just a miscommunication. Maybe the two of you just need to establish some boundaries. By that, I mean set clear ideas about when and even how you need him to pay attention. It could be that he finds it hard to interact immediately after he gets home from work, or during his favorite TV time. If so, then agree that unless it’s urgent you won’t disturb that time, but in return he agrees to set aside 30 minutes before bed to be absolutely present to hear whatever you have to say. You need to find the plan that works for you, but be willing to listen to his side as well.
bestFreedom28
November 30th, 2018 12:38pm
The best thing to do is concentrate on yourself, do things you love whatever makes you happy, if you push him about it chances are he'll only drift away. Although talking to him about, it should make it better. After all he's your husband and there's no one better to discuss it with than him. However being in a marriage can be difficult and he may just need some space, try doing that and if, after a while you think the situation hasn't changed, talk to him again. If conversations doesn't help you, that is if he isn't much talkative or cannot express his feelings, seek a counselor maybe. Hope that helps.
Kookiesandmilk101
December 27th, 2018 8:26am
remember to ask him if there is anything wrong between the both of you or is something else bothering him way too much.Talk to him about all the issues and try to sort it out.Remember to use your words wisely otherwise it might break out into a fight which you don't want.Remember to stay calm and talk properly and be nice. Don't start ignoring him too and that might lead somewhere else which you don't want.Talk and communicate as soon as possible before it becomes into a daily routine.You can maybe go for marriage counselling too and talk to women around you who are married for their opinions.
Mahiway1436
February 14th, 2019 12:49pm
I try to stay calm and approach him to ask what’s wrong and that I feel that we haven’t been talking as much. Or ask him if he is ignoring me directly. Give space. Sometime I cook up his favorite meal and talk to him when he is in a happy mood. Communication is very important. Sometimes giving space and time to my spouse really helps him approach me instead of me asking him. There are times when he has time to think all by himself and realize that he may be ignoring me or not giving me attention and then he brings it up himself and tells me what’s wrong or why he was behaving the way he was behaving.
Jackxist
May 6th, 2019 5:47am
Try thinking of ways you could deal with this situation, Maybe come up with a solution or an idea that will benefit both of you. It is best for you to come up with your own answer as I am unsure of the situation you are in and you are more of an expert on your life than I am and It would be the best for both parties if you both come up with a solution on your own. Try thinking why he is ignoring you and use that information from what you think to come up with a suitable solution.
AnnieBE
June 27th, 2019 6:04pm
It depends on whether or not he’s approachable. If he is, try talking with him about how you feel when he ignores you. You might say something like: I feel (blank) when you ignore me. You’re taking responsibility for your feelings Instead of blaming him for them. It doesn’t mean it’s okay to ignore you. Whether or not he pays attention to you, is his responsibility. You are in charge of your reactions. It can be helpful to find friends and other support systems where you feel your voice is heard. In the process, you might find new and effective ways to ask for your husband’s attention as a result.
AdmirableGrace
August 23rd, 2019 5:11pm
You could have a one-on-one talk with him. Maybe he's avoiding you because he has pressure from work? Sometimes men need the space to think and relax. Allow him that time. However, if you feel something else is going on, it's better you confront him about it. Hear him out as to why he's treating you like the way he is. Maybe something you have done offended him? Talking about it might clear out the misunderstanding that is going on. Be patient with him too. Tell him how you are feeling gently. Give him the time so that he opens out to you about it. I hope everything will go well for you. :)
SpaceDino
January 30th, 2020 5:07pm
I think it would be important to get to the bottom of why your husband is ignoring you. It might be related to your and your relationship but it could also be entirely unrelated and something personal he is going through. We can't get very far on the basis of speculating and hypothesizing. Better to engage in open communication so you know what is going on and can act accordingly. Let your husband know how being ignored is making you feel and voice your needs going forward. Maybe he also has needs that he hasn't felt able to voice. Through open and honest communication, try to find a way to move forward and reconnect.
sereneMusic8330
February 28th, 2020 7:27am
Before jumping to solutions, it might be better to first take care of your emotional well-being and tend to your feeling of being ignored and hurt. You can use sites like 7-cups to express your feelings in a safe space. The pressure you feel about the situation will lessen. You will feel better about yourself when you know having your feelings is okay and valid. This will also enable you to avoid reacting in the heat of the moment and fueling the fire. Once you feel more safe and supported, I'm sure you'll be in a better place where constructive ideas for dealing with your situation could just come up on their own.
CalmCourage
March 5th, 2020 11:40am
I would bring it up with him. One little communication tip I learnt was to say 'I love you and' then you say what you are struggling with - in your case your husband ignoring you. The crucial word is 'and' not 'but' because that makes it seem like your love is hanging on it. But if you guys have a chat about it in a adult way where you are both understanding each others view points then things will change for the better. Hope this helps and you guys get a chance to talk to each other, try the 'I love you and' see how that works for you.
Anonymous
April 5th, 2020 7:26am
Talk to him. Communicate with him because more often than that, it can be a small misunderstanding that may lead to unnecessary confrontations and petty fights. If he's ignoring you, he has a reason and there's no better way to find out other than talking to him about it, see how he feels, why he feels that way, and talk about it. Come to a solution together instead of creating assumptions in your head that will cause distress. Your approach towards him will matter a lot so think about it. Having a civil conversation would be the ideal way to go. After all, all relationships have ups and down.
sunshinesparkles2468
April 8th, 2020 3:24am
try to find time to spend with him, tell him how he is making you feel and explain to him what you two can do together to try and overcome this obstacle, if you dont find that talking with him i helping and or he isnt replying. see if there are any reasons as to why he would be acting this way. if none of those options have worked you could always try to do couple therapy. it is possibe he is going through something and doesnt feel like he wants to speak right now. that can always be a possibility.
richyShiny39
April 24th, 2020 9:12am
Whenever your husband ignores you this may mean either he is ignoring you or maybe he doesn't even know. Maybe you should say are you ignoring me I just haven't felt like we've been on the same page lately and ask him in a non convention way maybe I'm wrong but it feels like you're ignoring me and if you would like to know I miss us having time together and if you would like to do something can we arrange to do something such as and then throwing the blank of what. If he doesn't answer that question then maybe you should consider if your relationship is not working out right now and then go from there.
Danny7629
May 2nd, 2020 6:36pm
I always think that one should resolve these type of issues with more love, attention and care. It could be a husband ignoring or it can be a wife ignoring. Either case, all you got to do is to give them more love and provide them a chances to return back to you. Try to find ways to get the attention back but donot try too hard. Cook for them their favourite meal, or give them a head or foot massage. Many times, the spouses ignore because they are tense with something else. Show them that you care. Sit with them even though sit in silent. Tell your spouses the things that you enjoyed together. This ignoring is temporary. Just be there for you other half.
PineappleLemon
May 8th, 2020 5:09pm
That sounds incredibly unpleasant! I've had this happen to me in the past - it's not enjoyable and over time I felt de-valued and not respected (in which everyone deserves that respect when having conversations!). If possible, in the past I asked to have a conversation with my partner regarding these issues. I would first start with something that is a positive in the relationship (i.e. maybe non-verbal acts of kindness around the house?). Then, I would attempt to integrate the fact that your feelings when you are ignored. From there, discussion would occur and hopefully you two can talk about potential solutions! Hope this helps!!
mysteriousPeace7489
May 10th, 2020 12:14am
There are a few different ways to go about this. The ideal way to go about it is to tell him how it makes you feel. No one likes to be ignored, and no one should have to deal with it from their significant other. Ignoring people promotes no progress, it only does damage. Ideally, he should respect you enough to not do it simply because you don't like it. Another way is to ignore him back (followed up by a discussion on how it makes you feel), because he'll be able to get an idea of how much it sucks to be ignored and will likely be particularly aware of the negatives of it. And finally, give him space. Sometimes someone ignoring a person isn't done in the interest of avoiding them, but protecting them. People need time to calm down to avoid saying things they don't mean, and this could be his way of doing that.
safeshoulder2CryOn
May 15th, 2020 12:30am
When my husband ignores me, i should not be offended by his apparently withdrawal. Instead, i would respect this as his need for his personal space for introspection or to nurture other hobbies. Constant communication do not indicate closeness.In fact ignorance is a method of tolerance that some men employ to hide their displeasure about our behaviours. This space is needed by both for us to heal. Being a couple is like being on a see-saw. When one is happy n high, the other is feeling blitzingly low. A balance is hard to achieve.So silence is golden and would serve both well to respect it.
raymaniii
May 27th, 2020 10:27am
Being ignored by a loved one is tricky. I think that the first step is figuring out why he is ignoring you and work from there. Communication is key! Talking about the problem with your husband in a loving way shows that you care. This is an important aspect in any relationship, especially a marriage. Telling him how you feel will definitely help. Maybe he is unaware that you are feeling this way. Bottom-line is that in any relationship, both people need to show the other person that they are loved, as well as communicate when they are feeling unloved. In the end, with lots of talking and plenty of love, things will work out!
Anonymous
May 29th, 2020 2:30pm
I think clear communication is important. Find a quiet time to sit down with him and explain how you are feeling and why. There may be a reason why he is ignoring you at certain times when you talk; it may be that he is distracted by a phone and therefore you need a no phone rule when talking, or that he has just gotten home from work and his mind is distracted/tired, and therefore he needs some time to himself before he is ready to give you his full attention. It could be a number of reasons so try working together to find the cause(s) and figure out a solution that works for both of you.
Anonymous
June 7th, 2020 12:45pm
Try approaching him slowly and try talking it out with him. Don't ask anything that may be too serious and instead , try talking it out privately and calmingly. Try approaching when there is nobody around or when you two are in a private place. If he decides to still ignore you , try doing the same thing back and if he tries to talk to you , talk it out with him. If he tries to avoid being asked why he is ignoring you , isolate yourself from him. Try distancing yourself from him for a short period of time.