Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

What do I do when my husband ignores me?

179 Answers
Last Updated: 01/01/2022 at 7:32pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Amanda Wiginton, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Now is the time to make a change! Professional, empathic, and compassionate therapist waiting to help you make healthy life changes.

Top Rated Answers
June 20th, 2020 7:40am
The first thing to do is talk to him. Tell him how you feel about he ignoring you. Ask him to give you some time and tell him how much you would love it if he would be there with you. Communication is the key here. If you don’t tell him how you feel he will not understand it. Make exciting plans with him. Make sure to ask him about his problems and if he’s going through something. Ask him about his day and if he’s living a happy life. Hope this would help you with your needs. Thanks
July 1st, 2020 6:47am
One of the most important steps in bettering a relationship is learning to truly love yourself first before committing to others. When you're going through times in which he is ignoring you, take that as an opportunity to look inside yourself and taking steps towards bettering your own relationship with yourself. Think of it as spending time giving your soul a big hug. Self-love is more than what anyone else on this planet has to offer you. Take this time for what we call "self care", which could be any activity that makes YOU happy. Whether it be working on a hobby, making and drinking tea, or even just curling up in a big blanket and watching some Netflix with a snack by your side. Whatever you need to do to feel at peace with yourself is better than trying to face these feelings you have with you and your husband's situation with nothing else to help or guide you through it.
July 16th, 2020 3:27am
Talk to him and explain how you are feeling. Sometimes your husband might have a lot on he is plate and doesn't ignore you on purpose. Communication is key in relationships. Think about all the things he does to make you happy and not just focus on the one negative thing he does. Talk to your friends and family and ask them for advice as well although at the end of the day only you and your husband know what goes on in your relationship and he might be the only one that can fix it. Try to understand him and put yourself in he is shoes.
July 22nd, 2020 4:15am
Have you tried telling him that you feel ignored and need more attention? Maybe he doesn't mean it and doesn't even know. Communicating with him will help you both and your relationship.Try to Visualize your words before talking to him i think it will help you and it will give you a chance to think of the right words to describe how you feel. If he said that he means it don't get angry but ask him why and try to understand his point and reach a solution together that satisfies you both. A successful relationship is where the couple share and understand each other.
August 7th, 2020 3:59pm
I would say give him time alone. Being ambushed into speaking is very scary. Trust me, I know. If he's ignoring you out of spite, this could be considered stonewalling and that's manipulative and something that needs to be worked out. It may not be out of conscious manipulative reasons but it's nonetheless valid. He can also shut down and become avoidant during argument because of childhood dynamics and attachment style. A good thing is to state how you feel with "I" statements. Letting him know how you to an action and see where his head is at.
August 12th, 2020 2:01am
Try not to beat yourself up about it too much. Talk through it with your husband and let him know how it truly makes you feel and try to come to some sort of arrangement so that you are both happy in the situation. Failing that make sure to be calm and collected and try and handle the situation as best as possible . Also don’t feel scared to express your emotions and make sure that you get your point across without feeling guilty of sharing your options. Try to keep your calm and not let the conversation turn into too much of an argument.
September 20th, 2020 11:07pm
It can cause a lot of mixed emotions when someone you love ignores you. The best way you could solve the problem is by communicating with him. Making him sit down and talk about the issues you have been facing rather than talking to others about it. Others won't know what is going on inside your husband's mind which would lead to a lot of assuming that could further cause misunderstandings and worsening of the situation. So the best way is to sit down and have a conversation with him where you both talk maturely without playing the blame game with each other.
October 28th, 2020 11:44am
Try talking to him, and do not assume the worst, maybe he is going through something. You could try talking about something he likes, for instance, a tv show, and see how he reacts. If he looks off, try asking him if there is something bothering him or if he needs some space, sometimes all they need is a little push or some space, you will find your answers in the way he reacts. Having a clarifying conversation might help in the long run, take care of yourself and I hope things go well for you, all the best.
November 20th, 2020 6:47pm
If it has not been caused by the aftermath of an argument, (if it has been, communication is key when he feels like talking again), maybe slightly distance yourself whilst he is ignoring you and let him come back to you. When he speaks to you again, check in with him and ask if he's okay. If you also share how him ignoring you has made you feel, it'll make him reflect on his actions. It may be based off of work stress or other external factors but be patient and don't blame yourself. Reassure him but also be open.
November 27th, 2020 8:20am
Try to talk to him. Don't push him to talk to you, he might get annoyed. If he continues to avoid you, simply give him some time and reflect on the past few days. Try to think of the most possible reasons why he is avoiding you. You should also watch your actions in the past, maybe you somehow offended him. If you remember something, try to consult a close friend about it. He/she can give suggestions on how you can fix this issue. If you do not remember anything, try communicating with a friend of your husband. Maybe he/she knows the reason why.
December 5th, 2020 3:26am
communication is always the best way, even though it might be tempting to speak directly, saying "I feel ignored" can annoy your husband and don´t get the expected result. Instead try a more subtle approach , using phrases like "I feel like we haven´t talk recently" or "we are so busy lately, i would like us to plan to spend time together". Marriages can often fall into a routine, so try something different to keep things interesting, a nice dinner, a cute outfit, a new hairstyle, sometimes men are just tired after a long day at work and don´t feel like interacting much, so try to find a time where he is more relaxed and rested to talk to him.
January 27th, 2021 6:42pm
This is an interesting query because it begs the question "Why is your husband ignoring you?" It is hard to say how you should respond to him ignoring you if there is no reason given that he is ignoring you. It seems like a good place to start might be by asking him (preferably during a time he is not ignoring you) why he sometimes ignores you. There are many potential reasons, some as innocuous as the possibility that he doesn't or can't hear you, so it is important to open up communication about what is really going on when he ignores you first.
February 24th, 2021 4:59pm
maybe try speaking it out with him. try to think if he is going through something or if he's having bad days at work. maybe try consider family therapy too . if he does not consider going to family therapy its pointless getting hurt. try to focus on yourself and the future of the family.but keep in mind if the relationship is a healthy one and there aren't much misunderstandings working it out maybe better depending what you think you need from this person. don't give up. healing takes time . and im sure you will both work through this.
February 28th, 2021 7:56pm
Be honest and open. This is the key to a good marriage. Express to him how you feel this way. If he cares about you, he'll listen. Come up with solutions you have for this problem and offer them to him. Your feelings are not insignificant, and it is always good to talk things through. Being silent about how you feel will only make you feel worse, as well as create a bigger chasm in your relationship. Remember, you guys are a team, and a team works together. Be honest and tell him what you're going through, then try to work out the problem with love and sincerity. You got this! I believe in you
March 18th, 2021 5:55am
if i were you, i’d give him some space. he probably needs to relax a bit and just zone out from the world and from a commited relationship. if he still hasn’t talked to you after about a week i would message him and tell him to type his feelings out and even if he didn’t send them he would feel better and you could ask why he has been ignoring you for this week. the reason i am telling you this is because i think everybody needs some space from time to time.
April 1st, 2021 12:02pm
You should sit down and talk with him and ask him why he’s being like this. You could ask him why he keeps ignoring you and if he’s willing to change to save your marriage. You should always ask to speak about the problems going forward in your relationship because if you didn’t discuss your marriage problems the relationship will not work . You should tell your husband that both of you need to work at the relationship because you love on another and want it to work
April 29th, 2021 10:56pm
Find something that interests him to open the path to talk about it. Maybe he doesn't know he's ignoring you and it could be something easily fixed. Just try to talk or find an activity you both enjoy doing with each other and see if that opens the line of communication a bit. I'm sure you two can come to some sort of middle point and work it out in the end. There always a positive outcome to any situation that seems tough at first but with some work and dedication anything can be fixed and happiness will be restored.
May 2nd, 2021 3:31pm
That is a difficult situation to be in particularly when it comes from someone who is supposed to be caring and supportive of you. I'm sorry you're going through that. Whether your husband is conscious or unconscious of it, ignoring someone is a form of dominating them and having control over them. Having direct and honest conversations about how you feel in those situations and setting healthy boundaries which you also talk about in a direct and open way is something I've found can help if the person genuinely does care about you and thus cares about your wellbeing, part of which is how you feel. Everyone is deserving of respect, including you!
May 6th, 2021 7:03am
Ignoring a spouse is a common reaction to an underlying problem in the relationship. That problem can be anything from an accumulation of minor disagreements to one of the partners feeling the relationship has become stale. It's also a common response when a cheating spouse is racked by guilt. The problems aren't always with the relationship itself. Your husband might be trying to find some personal space (this is especially likely if you have young children, and both of you are frantically busy all of the time). He might be stressed about work, or other parts of life, and feel he doesn't have the energy to maintain your relationship right now..
June 3rd, 2021 3:40pm
Being ignored is extremely painful and hard. You don't know what to do, because it's like a brick wall that is built up between the two of you and blocks any communication from taking place. If there is a specific reason for your husband's behaviour, perhaps you can reach out to him through a letter. Often I find that written words can accomplish more than speech, as they are much more controlled and state clearly and simply where you stand and what is bothering you. Make sure to first write the problems and your feelings down before you start writing the letter, and then, write clearly and neatly what you actually want to say. Tell him that you feel hurt and that you understand that maybe there's a problem going on and you would like to improve, and work on it. Good luck!
June 10th, 2021 5:47pm
People always say that communication and compromise are key to any relationship. It is important, if possible, to talk to you husband to express your feelings when you are ready to do so. He might not know how his actions make you feel even if it feels obvious to you. Setting up a time and place to sit down and express these concerns and feelings to him might allow him to better understand where you are coming from. It will also help you better understand why he might be acting the way he is. When we don't communicate with each other, it's hard to see where the other person is coming from and can result in a lot of misunderstandings.
July 9th, 2021 11:53pm
If your husband ignores you, you should talk to him. Communication is very important in relationships, and you should be comfortable talking about that stuff with him. If your husband isn't willing to talk about this with you, then maybe it's time to try to save your relationship. Try to show him that you love him, show him how much he means to you, spend time with him, and most importantly talk to him. If he still ignores you, maybe it's time to get your life sepersted and start thinking about moving on with someone who doesn't ignore you.
July 30th, 2021 5:18am
As a husband, I think the correct answer depends on the context of the situation. The real question here is "Why" is he ignoring you? Additionally, what exactly are you implying by "ignore"? for example, is he pretending you don't exist? Avoiding conversations? Avoiding intimacy? Is he distracted by technology? Decompressing after work? Are there emotional/mental factors/disorders in play? All of the above? I suppose what I am getting at is he could be ignoring you for any number of reasons. For example, when I am truly ignoring my wife, it's usually because I'm distracted on my phone, escaping an emotional trigger, or retreating into myself to work out a thought or problem. Sometimes I honestly just don't want to talk to anyone, especially after work. I know a reduction in intimacy and libido (if that's what you were getting at) can be caused by low testosterone, which is treatable. Additionally, he could just simply be dealing with depression, which is also treatable. There are a lot of things that could be going on potentially, and that's not even considering if he's unhappy with your relationship. The only real thing you can do is engage him. You're married, so I'm assuming you know what some of his favorite things to do are. Take/fake an interest in those activities. Do them with him. Make his favorite treat. Surprise him with something silly and out of the ordinary. Something like this could loosen him up and spark a conversation about what's really going on, and there's a pretty good chance that having an open line of communication is going to strengthen your bond and relationship. That's literally the whole idea behind couple's therapy. The honest to goodness bottom line is, you just have to get him to open up and communicate with you. It could truly be that nothing's the matter, and on the chance that there is a problem, communicating is your best option to resolving the issue and strengthening your trust and your relationship. Hope that helps!
September 23rd, 2021 10:36am
Thank you for reaching out! I can imagine you feel confused, angry , hurt or upset that your husband is ignoring you. It maybe good to ask yourself what the signs are that he is ignoring you? Ask yourself if there ever was time you would ignore someone and think why? Possibly there is something your husband is going through which he is finding difficult to come to terms with and so he therefore is hesitant to share which can come across like ignoring. Please reflect on your communication style and your husbands in general. How is the communication different? When he is comfortable sharing about what he has went through or is going through he will be open o talk to you. How has your attempt been to talk to him about feeling ignored ? Thinking about a time where you both were in conflict and solved the conflict may be a good way to think through how you are going to approach his thoughts and feelings as well as your own. Organisations geared towards supporting those needing assistance with relationships include: Relate and OneLoveFoundation. You are welcome to communicate with any of our amazing listeners on or site for a 1-1 chat to further explore your thoughts and feelings! :)
October 23rd, 2021 9:23am
I understand how it feels to be ignored by someone especially when someone is your loved one. It's okay to have such feelings. What makes you think that your husband is ignoring you? Have you talked to your husband about how you are feeling bringing what incidents made you felt that way? In this way, you and your husband would be on the same page and you might also find if your husband is going through rough patch. Communication can be really helpful to sort things out. I hope this answer helps you. There are many active listeners on 7 cups, please feel free to reach out, you don't have to go through this alone.
October 31st, 2021 7:29pm
Communication is key to any relationship. Choose a time where he seems to be in his better moods and neither of you are particularly busy and tell him that you need to talk to him, how him ignoring you is making you feel and ask him why he's ignoring you. Speak in a way that he knows you are open to valuing and listening to what he wants to say, regardless of wether you agree or not. Find a way to have a heart to heart. If he still persists on ignoring you, tell him how it is harming your relationship, or just give him his own time. However, value yourself and your feelings first so you dont end up being used or stomped upon—that is only my advice.
November 4th, 2021 3:25am
Ignore him back or try to talk to him.
December 19th, 2021 1:47pm
Consider the reason why he may be ignoring you, was there an argument recently? Is he battling his own mental health? We must first approach this person to ask directly if they are okay. We also often assume we are being ignored, it is not always our actions which cause this behaviour, therefore we must be open to listening to that person express their current emotions. Maybe they have had a bad day at work, gone through recent grief, reflecting on past actions, etc. Ensure you provide open advice and support for them which is safe and caring and hopeful you'll be able to get your answers. Wish you the best.
January 1st, 2022 7:32pm
I think giving them some space might work. If it's not working; just talk to them about this problem in a non-aggressive way. I remember times when I ignored my partner(3 years ago) it's wasn't about her, I was feeling empty and needed a goal, something to work for in my life. It reflects on our emotions and behaviors. We didn't solve the problem because we were closed to active listening and open communication. The relationship got toxic in multiple aspects and we had to end it. The next time your husband ignores you. Try asking them relevant questions about something they are having a hard time with. Communication is key.