When you stop being a people pleaser.. I used to try to make others happy and dodge their displeasure at the cost of my own happiness. With this mentality, I created a world in which I placed my well-being in the hands of others for them to crumple like a piece of paper. realize, now that my people pleasing tactics were really a veiled attempt to sway others’ judgement of and reciprocation to me. While compassion and generosity are generally positive attributes, I gave from a place of insecurity, low self esteem, and a sense of lack, unknowingly, in an attempt to bolster my feelings about myself. That’s giving to get which is taking in the end. Like an unspoken insurance policy, I thought that the more I contributed to others, surely, the more they would give back to me. Right? Wrong! I attracted people in my life who were more than happy to take and take and keep on taking, and I ended up depleted, resentful, and empty. This is a perfect example of life reflecting back to me a part of myself that I refused to acknowledge. I didn’t love or respect myself and allowed people to treat me the same. The flip side of people pleasing is resentment and hostility. Even if people did respond graciously to my efforts, I couldn’t allow myself to genuinely receive their kindness and, instead, stockpiled animosity. Because I didn’t like myself, I was numb to most consideration that did come my way. Compliments slid off of me. In order to keep up the pleasant, people-pleasing front, the bitterness I felt got buried until it erupted in angry outbursts or came out passive aggressively. I’m not a people pleaser anymore, and, in fact, I’d bet that some would say I’ve gone too far in the other direction and gotten too comfortable saying “No.” In every situation, there is always a caring way to respond considering what is being asked of me while factoring in my own needs, happiness, and wisdom from my head, heart, and gut. The response doesn’t have to be “yes” or “no,” and is usually something in between.