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When do i get to stop making everyone else happy?

261 Answers
Last Updated: 03/13/2022 at 1:32am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
June 29th, 2015 8:05pm
When you stop being a people pleaser.. I used to try to make others happy and dodge their displeasure at the cost of my own happiness. With this mentality, I created a world in which I placed my well-being in the hands of others for them to crumple like a piece of paper. realize, now that my people pleasing tactics were really a veiled attempt to sway others’ judgement of and reciprocation to me. While compassion and generosity are generally positive attributes, I gave from a place of insecurity, low self esteem, and a sense of lack, unknowingly, in an attempt to bolster my feelings about myself. That’s giving to get which is taking in the end. Like an unspoken insurance policy, I thought that the more I contributed to others, surely, the more they would give back to me. Right? Wrong! I attracted people in my life who were more than happy to take and take and keep on taking, and I ended up depleted, resentful, and empty. This is a perfect example of life reflecting back to me a part of myself that I refused to acknowledge. I didn’t love or respect myself and allowed people to treat me the same. The flip side of people pleasing is resentment and hostility. Even if people did respond graciously to my efforts, I couldn’t allow myself to genuinely receive their kindness and, instead, stockpiled animosity. Because I didn’t like myself, I was numb to most consideration that did come my way. Compliments slid off of me. In order to keep up the pleasant, people-pleasing front, the bitterness I felt got buried until it erupted in angry outbursts or came out passive aggressively. I’m not a people pleaser anymore, and, in fact, I’d bet that some would say I’ve gone too far in the other direction and gotten too comfortable saying “No.” In every situation, there is always a caring way to respond considering what is being asked of me while factoring in my own needs, happiness, and wisdom from my head, heart, and gut. The response doesn’t have to be “yes” or “no,” and is usually something in between.
June 16th, 2016 7:01am
When you realize it's you putting that pressure on yourself. You may have these notions in your head that if you don't do this for this person than this terrible thing will happen, but just realizing that people are responsible for their own happiness might help you end your quest to provide that for everyone and start doing things for you. You have to remember you matter just as much as they do. You can't go through life living to please others.. You have got to take care of YOU first.
July 15th, 2017 12:24am
If someone expects you to make them happy and you buy into it, then both of you become trapped in a cycle of dependency. The truth is, you cannot own what is not yours. You cannot live someone’s life for them, and you cannot own their feelings for them. It is hard, but when people learn to take responsibility for how they feel, it can be hugely liberating. A better gift is to be ‘with’ the other person, hold space for them, and be compassionate. Trust that they can navigate their own life. A poet named Henley once wrote: “I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.” Two boats beating against the current is so much better than one endlessly towing the other! Trust.
April 14th, 2018 1:15am
The moment you realize that's not why we are here. People do not exist to make others happy. We exist to make ourselves happy. Sure, it's great to make your parents, siblings, and other family and friends proud. But ultimately, you need to do what's best for you. At the end of the day, you're the one that has to live with yourself. You and no one else.
October 4th, 2015 11:13pm
That's a choice that only you can make. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first every once in awhile. It's ok to be selfish sometimes. It's a good thing that you are able to make others happy, but it can also be stressful. People take advantage of that a lot. Don't forget about you!!
January 20th, 2015 1:51pm
Whenever you choose to do so...remembering that everyone is responsible for their own happiness. Things happen but it's our reaction to them that creates the feelings of happiness or unhappiness.
June 22nd, 2015 9:08am
You get to stop making everyone else happy when you decide to. Live for yourself and your own happiness. If the people in your life aren't happy after that, you should reconsider why they are in your life in the first place.
June 5th, 2016 4:08am
When you decide to take time for yourself. Start being selfish if you need to your happiness is just as important as everyone else's.
June 7th, 2016 2:11am
When I ask myself and get an answer to, how can they be happy when I am not? Who makes me happy? Can I still make them happy even when there is no reciprocation?
June 15th, 2016 11:22pm
When you realise that you are the one who you have to make happy. Putting yourself first, not anyone else is extremely important.
October 27th, 2018 10:58pm
The simple answer: whenever you stop. The reality: never, assuming no abuse is happening. You always have to make another person happy, your parent(s) (or other people in charge of you,) your boss, or significant other. You can't skate on by without making others happy. The question is: when do you get to focus on yourself? You have to do what makes you happy. Example: Say your sister is having a rough time at work and so are you, but she needs to talk about it. It is ALWAYS about her. Let her talk and THEN CALMLY tell her, 'do you realize you always talk about yourself. You never let me talk about whats going on in my life.' Your happy because you got to tell her how she is treating you. Yet you still did a good thing.
November 10th, 2018 5:20pm
When you decide to love yourself and realise that you are your number one priority. This is the most important thing in life, to put yourself first. It’s the key to happiness. You have to be happy yourself before you can even focus on making anyone else happy because you need yourself to be healthy enough to even help anyone else. You get to stop making everyone else happy when you decide to, you can do it right now. Shift your focus from them to yourself. Believe me when I say that your happiness is the best and most important thing in your life. It’s the best thing you can ever have and a lot of us don’t have it these days because we don’t realise that we have to take time to care for ourselves. We get caught up in everyone else around us because this world is a social one and humans are social creatures that tend to lack self care, self love and self happiness. Make a change now, look after yourself before you look after others
December 24th, 2020 5:09pm
Right now dear! Your first priority is you , and you don't have a duty to make everyone happy . Just remember we are not capable of making others happy it depends on them all we can do is be kind to them and don't hurt yourself cuz of others . You are as important as they are so never think less of yourself it's okay to be selfish at times and to think about yourself but don't intentionally hurt someone . Always be kind to others and yourself in this world the only person who stays with us is 'us' . So love yourself and be proud of yourself ❣️ .
January 24th, 2021 3:16pm
Ask yourself ,what makes you question yourself to stop making everyone else happy ? Then think of your answer, maybe write it down somewhere ? Re read and re think again, remind yourself why is it important for yourself to keep yourself first and not go to extra miles to make everyone happy, as that really isn't your job and can be so draining to keep upbeat with everyone else's moods . And then you got your answer,NOW is the time, you gotta stop doing things that affect you ,make you feel used, and make you feel not happy! ❤
April 12th, 2015 5:48pm
Can you tell me a little bit more about the way in which you are making others happy? It would be important to find out why it is you find it important to make others happy
May 23rd, 2015 6:47am
It starts happening when you just start feeling you self as happy. One great personality has said that "There is only one place where persona can make the change & i.e. in his/her on self ". Just don't try to change any one start accepting each person as it as, as they are. You cannot make happy to every single person but you can yourself & if you are happy then all people around you will also feel happy.
July 20th, 2015 11:33am
Right now. You can't make everyone happy. And even if you could, you didn't have to. Because you deserve to be happy too. Try to let go of what is out of your control and focus on your own happiness.
July 20th, 2015 1:11pm
When you decide that your happiness is just as important as theirs, if not more. Be there for you first.
October 11th, 2015 10:34pm
Honestly, you don't. Your whole life is based on how you treat others. As long as their idea of happiness isn't damaging to you or anyone else, you should do what you can to fulfill it. Not trying to call you selfish. It's just a thought.
December 7th, 2015 7:53pm
When you start putting yourself 2nd place. Making people happy is a good thing, as long as you remember to keep yourself happy :) x
December 8th, 2015 1:26am
When you start focusing more on you, and less on others, thats when you can stop. You can only stop when you are mentally want to stop.
February 22nd, 2016 3:19am
Always remember that your happiness is your responsibility just as other peoples happiness is their responsibility. You are not responsible for other peoples happiness.
June 4th, 2016 3:55am
The person you should focus on making happy is yourself. It's good to be a nice person but, you deserve happiness as much as anyone else.
June 4th, 2016 5:55am
You must be the kind of person that puts others before your own self, a people pleaser. And that's okay at times. But when it comes to the point where you neglect to take care of and help yourself, it is time for you to just stop. You may think that the more you give to others, the same they would give to you. But then you attract the kind of people into your life that are more than happy to take then walk off. You need to be able to say plain ''no'' to people. There is always a way in situations where you can respond to what people are asking of you whilst at the same time taking into consideration your own needs and happiness.
June 4th, 2016 2:58pm
When you realize you're more important than "everyone else." After you learn to take care of yourself, when you learn yeah its okay to make this person feel good about themself, but do i even feel good about myself? When yoyurealize the obvious the unknown will come to you.
June 5th, 2016 3:00pm
the moment that you realize that this act is a projection of your need and start respecting yourself
June 6th, 2016 7:12pm
Wow, what an interesting question. I guess it will happen when you discover the reason why you try to make everyone happy. Best wishes.
June 8th, 2016 1:37am
When you decide it's time for YOU to be happy. You must realize that you need to be selfish sometimes and think about you. It's not always about everyone else and sometimes you need to do what makes you happy.
June 9th, 2016 9:16pm
Whenever you feel like it! I'm sure you've heard that being selfless is a good thing & putting others in front of you is good.. But this isn't true in every situation. It's wonderful to do selfless acts of kindness for others from time to time but you always need to make sure YOUR happy first. You can't spread happiness if you don't have happiness to spread! Make sure you take some me time every now & again instead of trying to make others happy. It's ok to be focused on you & you alone sometimes. I hope I was able to help, keep your head up! :)
June 11th, 2016 6:42am
It feels like a circle because I help someone become a little bit happier ... and then someone to me