When do i get to stop making everyone else happy?
262 Answers
Last Updated: 04/13/2022 at 10:09am
Moderated by
Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
August 10th, 2018 10:37am
On the other hand, why would you want to stop making everyone else happy? Is it draining you in the process? Possibly it is because you are not caring enough for your Self. Loving your self and not burning your time and energy over other's well being might help.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2018 11:12pm
You get to stop making everyone else happy whenever you choose to and, especially when making them happy is not ensuring you are happy too. In this world, there is only ONE you - don't burn out putting others ahead of your happiness and wellbeing. At the end of the day, (and as cliche as it sounds) you really can't help others without helping yourself and so whenever you feel like making others happy is hindering your own happiness, then you have a right to make that decision.
Anonymous
August 17th, 2018 2:50pm
You get to stop making everyone else happy, when you decide you want to stop pleasing everyone else before yourself. In this case you need to learn some healthy boundaries for yourself. Boundaries are very important in any relationship, whether it's with friends, your partner, or your family. Boundaries are important for your own self-esteem and you'll learn a lot about yourself and your needs and desires, what you want and what you don't want in any kind of relationship you have in your life. It doesn't make you a bad person for saying no to someone and setting your own boundaries.
Anonymous
August 22nd, 2018 1:51am
Your goal in life should not be to make others happy, it should be to make yourself happy. You should come first, always. You are the only you there is, so you need to take care of yourself and make sure you are happy. Worrying about others, while nice, should not be your main goal in life. It should be to create something of yourself, it should be to make you happy, to leave the world a better place. Do not put your self worth into how many people you have made happy. Because you aren't worrying about the most important person; you.
The moment you have to stop making everyone else is happy when you start to feel really unhappy and dissatisfied with whatever good deeds you’re doing. It is such an amazing act to be selfless and cares for others more than yourself. To put others first before yourself. To make others happy. The thing is, if you feel very happy while making others happy, good for you! But, life isn’t always like that. Not everybody appreciates you the way yo do towards them. Some people might just want to “use†you for their own benefits, may not be harmful, but definitely not something that you’ll like. Despite being such a wonderful person you are by making everyone happy, you need to remember to love yourself. Say “no†when you don’t want to do something. Don’t feel bad for your decisions. You know yourself best.
Anonymous
September 5th, 2018 5:22pm
When I care for myself and love myself, have good self-esteem and will power, and able to manage my emotions. Should think about myself and be happy. Making everyone else happy is not a wrong thing, but not at the cost of me not being what I want to be. This is not being greedy, but sometimes, I do need to be practical and ensure I take care of myself as well. I need to understand my needs, what I want, how I want to handle my life and go about and cannot please everyone all the time.
Good question, whenever you want. You’re not forced to do anything that you don’t want to it’s completely your choice. But remember to fully help people sometimes you have to help your self first. And that is okay take some time for yourself it is very important to see you better than nothing. And I get that you want to put others before you, just try taking a few minutes out of each day for some time for you. And slowly start to increase it a bit. Find a time that you are comfortable with and stay with that time.
Anonymous
October 13th, 2018 12:42am
Well that is a very very very good question. I myself have a very bad habit of putting everyone else's happiness before mine. It is a very hard thing to put yourself first. I myself sometimes feel bad when I put myself first,then get mad at myself for putting others first. At some point we have to tell ourselves that it is ok to be happy and make ourselves happy, to put our needs first, to put our happiness first. When we can realize this, this is when we can let ourselves be truly happy first. We can't help anybody else if we can't help ourselves first.
I think the one thing that's the most difficult when trying to find yourself or become who you truly is are, is understanding the fact that you don't need to make everyone else happy. It's isn't a set clear time as to when that happens. It's always a difficult battle between whether I have enough strength to see that if I can make myself happy for me, then the opinions and thoughts that everyone else has of me do not really matter. I think it is very tough to try and get to this point but we all strive for it.
Anonymous
November 7th, 2018 4:34pm
Never I will not ever stop helping people, we are all human and we need to support each other. When I’m going through a tough time, someone is there to help me, so when somebody else needs someone we as humans should be there through thick and thin to help each other. They say we are the most advanced mammal but we are still not there for each other, most of us now are on our phones (blocking the world out) or judging each other which can make our lives worse if you are the victim OR the bully.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2018 4:20pm
(I mean I am not an expert in this situation but still, Here goes.) When you decide to put your happiness first.. it’s important and never make it your option. Make it your priority. It’s not an opportunity that will come to you, but rather it’s a change that you must make yourself. It’s not when you will get to stop but it when you will stop making everyone happy. I hope this message helped you and that maybe I helped you solve your question. I tried as much as I could. Have a nice day/night! It’s was nice talking!
Whenever you want! You are in charge of your own life, so you do what makes YOU happy. Remember, we only live once and once that’s over, it’s over unless you start believing in those theories that we live again and again but in a new body or afterlife. So don’t waste your life trying hard to PLEASE others. Please yourself. Go skydiving. Swim in lava. Try bungee jumping. Get a pilot’s license. Do things that can be done instead of moping around on a couch. Enjoy life, even though its hard.
Hope that helped
Today. We will never be able to make everyone else happy, as each person is responsible for their own happiness. The more we try to take responsibility for the happiness of others, the more we are destined to fail. The more we take care of ourselves, and seek our own peace and joy, the more we actually have to offer others. Letting go of the idea that we can make others happy is a powerful step in self-growth. There is nothing wrong with wanting others around you to be happy, but accept that whether they are or not is beyond your control.
From my experience it is when you realise that to make others happy you need to be happy too. Your well needs to be filled to be able to give to others. Learning about boundaries is a way to get to this point of realising that by making everyone else happy, you lose yourself. It is a choice you have to make to be happy and still make others happy. You also have to think whether it is realistic to want to make everyone happy. If making others happy is important to you, it is about finding balance between being happy and still making others happy.
Anonymous
January 5th, 2019 6:39pm
Honestly, why woud you want to make others happy? When you make others happy you get good feelings yourself. It is of course something else,when you dedicate your life to it. What you need to find is a good amount of healthy egoism. Yes, selfishness can be good, in a cerain amount. That is the amount that allows you to say Ëno,Ë when it comes to you having to do something that makes you uncomfortable, sad, scared... So all you have to do is learn how to stand up for yourself! Start to respect yoursef. And do not dedicate your life to makng others happy. First you have to take care of yourself. If you are not okay, you can't help others.
Anonymous
January 6th, 2019 8:05am
When they stop caring about you. When they take too much advantage from you. When they make you depressed or miserable. When they don't appreciate you. When they lost their senses of humanity. When they become selfish. When they don't take everything seriously. When they act injustice to people. When they not giving what supposed to be your right. When you can't sleep at night. When you have your tears down your face. When you feel pain in your chest. When you want to stop taking care of yourself. When you kill your own feeling to meet the criteria.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2019 5:40pm
Wanting to make everyone else in your life happy is very normal and can be a good thing if done when you have the correct priorities. The most important person is your life is you. Make sure you are okay and comfortable with your own feelings and how to deal with your feelings appropriately before you try to help everyone else in your life. This is a positive thing and something the people in your life will appreciate but they will also appreciate you helping yourself first. The help you give your friends and family will be much more effective if you aren't feeling down.
When you realise that it is an impossible feat. There will always be someone who will not be pleased with what you have said or done. All you can do is to give it your best shot. Often it is easy to forget that your happiness is important too in the rush to make everybody else happy. Ask yourself if you have taken the time to do things to make yourself happy. You cannot control how other people react to you. Let it go and live a little. Your happiness is more important than pleasing other people. The more you try to please others, the more miserable you will be.
When you don't feel to do it, emotionally speaking... You go first, you must take care of yourself to do it to other people. If not, you won't be able to do it for yourself and for the other person.
We all must take care of ourselves. This way, we will do other things much better, taking care of other people included.
I realized this years ago, and I'm still learning to do it. It is not easy, but, when you try this, you are putting yourserlf first, putting up your self-care. It's not selfish: it is necessary. It's a must,
You never have to make everyone else happy. Your question makes me think you are not happy. If that is true, remember back to a time you were happy. What did you like about that time? What could you recreate in your life now that you think would make you happy?
Something that might be good as a way to start thinking about to recreate happiness for ourselves is to think of the idea of balance. Ask yourself when you felt like you had achieved balance between striving and resting, between do what you need and helping others on their journeys, etc. It might be that your life is out of balance right now and that you need to claim more space for yourself.
I suspect, deep down, you know the conversations you need to have with people to get more space and time to spend doing things that make you happy.
It all begins with realizing how trying to make everyone else happy drains and wears you out till your bones. We do not have to make anyone happy. We're responsible only for our own happiness. We also must remember that we can't pour from an empty cup, first we have to fill our own cup so that we can provide love and happiness for others. Loving and making ourselves happy let us show others love and compassion. However, if we skip ourselves and only focus on making others happy, we will never succeed, because you can give people only what you have in you.
Right now! You have to embrace the path to your own happiness. It is only we, ourselves who can make us happy, only we ourselves who can fulfill the dreams that we desire. We cannot complete another person's happiness, only our own. Likewise, other people must pursue their path of happiness and stop trying to use us or our efforts as a crutch or excuse as to why they are not happy. Every person is responsible for their own happiness, if they are making choices that make them unhappy, that is their own problem. They must find accountability for their poor decisions and rise up to the challenge to make better future choices that feed into their own happiness.
Anonymous
June 27th, 2019 3:14pm
My personal opinion is that you need to stop trying to make everyone happy, when you get hurt, or about to get hurt. I think it's fair that you want to make everyone happy, cause who doesn't want everyone to be happy? But if you eventually gets hurt by other peoples action because they do not care about how much you help them, then I think it's time to stop working your ass off to please them. Helping other people might be a really good thing, indeed. But to care about others, you gotta care about yourself too. If you get nothing back but shit, then it's time to stop.
Anonymous
August 17th, 2019 5:02pm
It's impossible to make everyone happy, because we're the same persons. You get to stop when you realize you put an impossible task on yourself that is un achievable and realize it's unnecessary and dumb to try and make everyone happy. No matter what there is always someone who isn't happy, and there's nothing you can do to it.
You can only make everyone else around you happy when you yourself are happy and in a good place. You need to prioritise your own happiness and wellbeing. If you are not in a good place, you won’t be any help to those around you. Putting your own needs first is a very responsible step to take. This shows maturity and understanding for wellness. It is like in a plane they always tell you to fit your own life jacket and mask before helping others. It is the same principle, help yourself be happy, before helping those around you.
Just remember we are not capable of making others happy it depends on them all we can do is be kind to them and don't hurt yourself cuz of others . You are as important as they are so never think less of yourself it's okay to be selfish at times and to think about yourself but don't intentionally hurt someone Think about all that you do for everyone else, and then think about what you do for yourself. Set boundaries so that others don't take advantage of your kindness or inability to say “no.â€
It is OK to have conflicts with others.
Often we care more about the happiness of others than our own because it is easier for us. When we help others, it makes us happy for a short moment and we hope to be respected and appreciated.
But helping others is also easier than helping yourself, because you would have to realize that you are not happy. You would have to become aware of your mistakes and problems. Even if you have done that, there is still the fear that you can't find a solution. If you can't find a solution for a fellow human being, it's not so bad for yourself. On the other hand, it also gives us hope that everything can be fine (including ourselves) when we see it in others.
So the answer to the question is actually simple.
You stop trying to make others happy when you realize that it doesn't make yourself happy.
Anonymous
May 19th, 2021 1:46pm
In order to answer this question, I need to make sure that you understand that you don't need to make everyone else happy. Sometimes, we worry so much about the others around us, that we forget to think about ourselves. I know it's hard to stop caring so much about making others happy, but its important to understand that you need to focus on yourself too. Of course making other's happy is a great thing because it means that you care, but if making them happy means that you're shutting your happiness down, you should hold yourself back. My main point through this is that your happiness should be your first priority.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2021 11:39am
That doesn't stop until you make it stop. That's the reality of the situation. There will always be an opportunity to make others happy. To put other people first, and yourself last. The opportunity will always remain and you have to understand that. That's out of your control. What is in your control however, is how far you go and for whom. The biggest lesson I've learned in life is that you can't put everyone before you. When you do, there's no room for you. There's no room for self care, for self growth. None of it. If you always want to make everyone else happy, sometimes at your own expense then you'll have loads of opportunities to. That doesn't stop. Hope this helped.
My guidance counselor once told me that on airplanes, they tell you to adjust your oxygen mask before helping someone else put theirs on. If you only focus on others before making sure you can breathe, a point will come when you’re no longer able to help others. You can only begin to think about what will make the happiness of others thrive once you’ve gained insight into what gives you satisfaction in life. When you help yourself, you can in turn help more people in total than if you had ignored your needs. Through this process, you can gain even further satisfaction through helping others.
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