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When do i get to stop making everyone else happy?

262 Answers
Last Updated: 04/13/2022 at 10:09am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
February 19th, 2022 6:36pm
That's something that is very difficult to answer. In one way, never? But in another, whenever you feel ready. You always have to keep your own happiness in mind. While I know that's hard, it's what has to happen. Life really genuinely sucks sometimes and a lot of times, it feels really incredibly hard to keep yourself in mind. You never really stop making everyone else happy. Sometimes you might have to take a step back and remember that you exist too and care for yourself. Sometimes that's all you can do.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2022 3:12pm
Whenever you want. You could literally stop now. Just stop wearing the mask that you are so tired of putting up. Start prioritizing your mental health and happiness. If those people that you try so hard to keep happy start leaving you, that probably would have happened sooner or later because they have just been using you to make themselves feel better. Once you can't do that anymore, they will leave. But those who still stay and understand are those that you need to treasure as they are with you BECAUSE of you, and not how you make them feel.
glasseyedgrace
January 1st, 2022 8:16pm
As soon as you decide that you matter too. It is okay to be selfish sometimes if it means taking care of your needs. You can still make others happy, but you can also make yourself happy too. Maybe instead of being the one always helping you can reach out for help. Or maybe it is as simple as keeping a journal and writing everything down, just get it out on paper and take its power away. True happiness comes from within, nobody else can give you total happiness. We have to change our way of thinking sometimes and try and see things in a more positive light. I cannot speak for anyone else, but personally, my happiness came when I learned to let go of the past and the bad things. It was not easy and didn't happen overnight but it has made a huge impact in a positive way. good luck!!
Bre4Me
November 24th, 2021 3:40pm
Why do you feel you need to make everyone else happy? Why do you believe that you can't come first? Maybe taking the time to answer these questions will help you put the reality of this situation into perspective. It's a conscious choice you have to make based on another set of questions: Do you value yourself? Why/why not? How do you show up for yourself? Do you show others that you're valuable? As you can see, a lot of this is about self-worth but honestly take some time to dig deep and I think you'll understand that it's up to you to put yourself first and decide that now is the time to stop making everyone else happy.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2021 3:32am
Short answer is now. Because it is impossible to make everyone else happy. An example for it might be that you wearing a shirt a certain person likes, but points out that it would look better if only it had hoodie. Another person might say that's not the trend and it would make them happy if you wear other color shirt and take a picture with them and so the possibilities are endless. The truth is that you, me or anyone else cannot make everyone happy. Even if you have been there for that person through 99 things/times they will remember 1 time when you were not. Thus, one must first themselves be happy in order to make most people around them happy and even then, it is impossible to make everyone happy.
TallyMark13
November 13th, 2021 10:43am
You can stop focusing all of your energy on making others in your life whenever you want! It is extremely important to always put your own mental health and capacity first, as to ensure your own safety and wellbeing. It's wonderful to help others and make sure they are happy... but never at the expense of yourself. You are worthy of your own attention and focus, and you can and should focus on yourself whenever you want! When you choose to stop and focus on yourself, know that taking care of yourself and others is a never-ending journey, process, and life commitment... but it should never be taxing or take away from your wellbeing and own happiness.
Anonymous
November 4th, 2021 2:00am
Right now. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness and cannot control anyone else's happiness. It's important to take care of yourself in order to be there for others, but when you put too much pressure on yourself to make others happy that can lead to negative emotions and end up having the opposite effect. Find ways to do what's right for you to feel happy and you will probably end up doing nice things for others because you want to, not because you need to. Authentic relationships where you get to be yourself will usually benefit both parties.
Omathewise
October 3rd, 2021 8:25am
Now! Start only to be fair with everyone and do what you can only! Everyone has his or her own goals, make your own goals and you could set one of your goals to help the community in general, so you can do something good for the people, and stop helping them individually unless you have full and free will as well as the capability and specialty to do so. You also stop immediately if it becomes an issue and source of tiredness and stress in your life or a hindrance to your own development. If you are not making progress you won't be happy either, so you won't be able to make others happy, which is not your role unless they are close to you and the relationship is the mutual source of happiness!
Anonymous
August 18th, 2021 3:32pm
Exactly when you choose to. Each step you make is a choice and if you are putting yourself last then you may choose to change that. Start small with a simple 10 minutes of doing something only for you that you love. Then add on daily or weekly and build up the time and activities for yourself as you go. Eventually, you will see that you have shifted the time you spend on others vs yourself to more time toward you. Keep along this path until you feel the balance is right and you notice you are happier. Best wishes.
imlistening01
July 30th, 2021 3:55pm
hello! i’m S, and i hope this finds you well. this question is a question that really resonates with me, so i just wanted to share my thoughts on this. to me, happiness is subjective and, for a lot of us, hard to feel, especially in certain times in our life. happiness can be an emotion that is experienced in various situations and is usually essential for a person to remain healthy and balanced. you deserve to be happy. i think that there is no set point in time in which decide or know when you start to focus on your happiness instead of others; it’s more when you start to acknowledge and realise that you need to start taking care of yourself more. while taking care of others and making them happy is fulfilling and enjoyable, it can get exhausting at a certain point, especially if you’re not taking care of yourself and making yourself happy. i think that true happiness comes from within yourself, and i hope you can try to focus on yourself and your happiness because you matter just as much as everyone else
Anonymous
July 22nd, 2021 11:23am
When I myself feel happiness after helping someone so that the process doesn't stay one-sided and I don't feel drained out of my energy. That way I'd be able to help others better and would increase their as well as my own happiness. Besides, I don't think making everyone else happy is a bad thing. Of course, it gets draining if you're not taking care of yourself first. Both the aspects should co-exist to get a balance. One should know when to back off from a situation that's making others happy but isn't helping you. That's pretty much it.
ingeniousBubbles2215
July 9th, 2021 1:49pm
My guidance counselor once told me that on airplanes, they tell you to adjust your oxygen mask before helping someone else put theirs on. If you only focus on others before making sure you can breathe, a point will come when you’re no longer able to help others. You can only begin to think about what will make the happiness of others thrive once you’ve gained insight into what gives you satisfaction in life. When you help yourself, you can in turn help more people in total than if you had ignored your needs. Through this process, you can gain even further satisfaction through helping others.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2021 10:13am
Whenever you realize that you matter as well. If you're the sort that always compromises for others, you're probably sick and tired of being there and never receiving anything in return. But the thing is, just like how you're making everyone else happy, you're also depriving yourself of happiness by not considering yourself worthy of the attention and care yourself. If making everyone else happy has brought you to this edge, maybe it's time to start considering yourself as well. Do it, seize the moment. Be happy. Do it for you. It's alright to be selfish once in a while.
Samcareforyou
June 12th, 2021 4:59pm
Just remember we are not capable of making others happy it depends on them all we can do is be kind to them and don't hurt yourself cuz of others . You are as important as they are so never think less of yourself it's okay to be selfish at times and to think about yourself but don't intentionally hurt someone Think about all that you do for everyone else, and then think about what you do for yourself. Set boundaries so that others don't take advantage of your kindness or inability to say “no.” It is OK to have conflicts with others.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2021 11:39am
That doesn't stop until you make it stop. That's the reality of the situation. There will always be an opportunity to make others happy. To put other people first, and yourself last. The opportunity will always remain and you have to understand that. That's out of your control. What is in your control however, is how far you go and for whom. The biggest lesson I've learned in life is that you can't put everyone before you. When you do, there's no room for you. There's no room for self care, for self growth. None of it. If you always want to make everyone else happy, sometimes at your own expense then you'll have loads of opportunities to. That doesn't stop. Hope this helped.
Anonymous
May 19th, 2021 1:46pm
In order to answer this question, I need to make sure that you understand that you don't need to make everyone else happy. Sometimes, we worry so much about the others around us, that we forget to think about ourselves. I know it's hard to stop caring so much about making others happy, but its important to understand that you need to focus on yourself too. Of course making other's happy is a great thing because it means that you care, but if making them happy means that you're shutting your happiness down, you should hold yourself back. My main point through this is that your happiness should be your first priority.
Dwinn
May 5th, 2021 7:58pm
Often we care more about the happiness of others than our own because it is easier for us. When we help others, it makes us happy for a short moment and we hope to be respected and appreciated. But helping others is also easier than helping yourself, because you would have to realize that you are not happy. You would have to become aware of your mistakes and problems. Even if you have done that, there is still the fear that you can't find a solution. If you can't find a solution for a fellow human being, it's not so bad for yourself. On the other hand, it also gives us hope that everything can be fine (including ourselves) when we see it in others. So the answer to the question is actually simple. You stop trying to make others happy when you realize that it doesn't make yourself happy.
Anonymous
March 21st, 2021 7:48pm
You get to stop making everyone else happy once you finally choose yourself. I used to be just like you and it would really hurt me because I would ignore myself and just do the things that I knew would make everyone else happy but then I realized that it was not okay because everyone else was putting themselves first so I asked myself; what was the point? There is no point. You’re a good person and good people tend to do those kind of things but the truth is you won’t be able to enjoy life if that’s what you keep doing. Don’t worry! I believe in you and you got this! good luck!🤗❤️
belladgreys
February 17th, 2021 1:55pm
You have to try to focus on yourself. I know sometimes it can be hard, because you want everyone around you to be happy, but you need to put yourself first. You can't make other people happy if you aren't happy with yourself first. It's like when on an airplane, they tell you that if there's a crash, you need to put your own mask on before helping anyone else, because you can't help anyone else if you're dead. Like I said, I know it's hard because you want to make everyone around you happy, but sometimes you need to just focus on yourself.
niceRainbows39
January 24th, 2021 2:24am
The answer to this question is simple: whenever you decide to put yourself first. It's great to make other people feel happy, but we shouldn't revolve our entire lifestyles around it. It's important to make sure that you are happy first. You can start right now if you choose. All you have to do is realize that people will still like you just the same, and if they expect you to constantly make them happy, then they are simply expecting too much from you. It's time to put yourself first, as that's definitely part of having a positive and healthy mindset towards life.
Anonymous
January 21st, 2021 11:22pm
The time that you feel that you can stop making everyone else feel happy, is when you yourself are able to make yourself happy. By living your life to please others, you are essentially killing your own happiness which should come first. By ensuring that you are happy, you can then make others happy by radiating your positive energy on them too. But, by forcing yourself to make others happy, long term you are making yourself feel unhappy. You should feel that making people happy comes naturally to you when you do and making yourself happy first should be your top priority.
Rainbowsandmiracles888
January 3rd, 2021 11:44am
I had this problem for a lot of my life. Then I learned about what codependency is and how to heal that wound inside. I used to be a people pleaser. I always put my own feelings, wants and need some the back burner compared to everyone else’s. Now that I have learned to set boundaries with others, practice good self care and avoid falling into the pit falls of codependency I am much happier. A lot of times codependency can be traced back to our childhood where we were taught that our needs didn’t matter. Healing from codependency is so essential to become happy and fulfilled. Self care isn’t selfish, it’s essential to your own happiness.
prosperosbowl
January 2nd, 2021 2:39am
It is/was never your responsibility to make everyone happy. Everybody is responsible for their own feelings. It is not your job to make sure that people are happy. It is also not your job to make others feel any way. So, when do you get to stop making everyone else happy? Right now! With that said, I understand that can be difficult to understand. I had a people-pleasing mindset for most of my life. And I get it. It can be difficult to go through disappointing other people. But you get to a point where you're giving yourself up to others to the point where you have nothing left to give. And what you're giving isn't quality anymore. The time to stop making everyone else happy is now. But it really only starts when you start loving yourself and caring for you.
RhiannonD2509
December 26th, 2020 10:28am
You should never feel the need to keep making everyone happy. Your happiness should always come first. I'm sorry that you feel responsible for making people feel happy all the time. While I understand that keeping people happy is really good and can often make us feel better. Sometimes it causes us to burn out. Burn out is where we get overtired and kind of just break. This is definitely a sign that you may need some self-care is needed. Why don't you check out the 7 cups guide to self-care? I hope you find things getting easier soon. Good luck!
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2020 1:43am
I think it is important to go about this in a different mindset. Possibly, take your opportunities of making other people happy and look at them in a positive light. Instead of looking at it in a dreadful manner, praise yourself for the good deeds you are doing for others. But, if you feel that you are making everyone else happy and you, yourself, are not happy, you can seek change. It is possible that the people you are hanging around with are too self consumed and you may need to look for people who can give back the same love that you are giving to them.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2020 4:33pm
When it starts ruining my life and messing up my mental health. I've been a people pleaser for a long time now and I'm trying to be better about fixing that. 7cups has helped me help people feel better, which in turn helps me stop pleasing people irl. My Dad had made me feel the need to be a people pleaser and make him happy, to get love, which only this year I've recognized. I'm trying to work on that, and it's a rough journey, but one step at a time. My Mother is also working on this, however I'm having to push her more.
Anonymous
February 5th, 2020 2:59pm
You are under no obligation to make others happy. You can not control the emotions or feelings of another, only your own emotions and feelings are within your control. It is not your duty to make others happy, comfortable or even content, only yourself. Practice looking after yourself. Put yourself first and learn to use the word NO frequently. If you don't want to do something, like covering someone at work for example, you are well within your right to refuse without an explanation. You can't pour from an empty cup so remember to frequently top it up through self-care.
Anonymous
March 27th, 2020 10:06pm
Now. You do not have to focus on making other people happy first, your focus should be on making yourself happy first. I understand that you may feel the need to put other people first, but remember that you should be your first priority. When you put others first, you might end up sacrificing your own happiness, which should not happen. You have to remember that some people are not who you think they are, they might just be using you to feel better about themselves. So, put yourself first, put your happiness first and do not feel bad about doing it.
Anonymous
May 6th, 2020 11:01pm
The point at which you get to stop trying to make everyone else happy (and note that I said 'trying to'; not actually procuring others' happiness) is the point where you ask yourself 'am I happy to continue running myself ragged like this? Am I making myself happy? Or am I trying to pre-empt and possibly control people's responses?'. There isn't an actual set point at which you are given permission to be relieved from that burden, but there comes a point where you give yourself permission to stop feeling like you have responsibility and/or control over everything and everyone.
Celty
May 9th, 2020 3:16pm
One day I realized that what truly mattered to me wasn't to society. The goals that our family set for us arn't always what we need. What TV shows try to sell us isn't always what we really want. I looked deep down inside of me wondering what it was I truly wanted to do with my life. What was my personal purpose ? I would like to make this world a better place where everybody feels accepted, valued, loved. I want people to get rid of shame, guilt and fear. I decided to live accordingly to my own values even when it meant I had to go against what one could call "common sense". I do not care much about owning the prettiest, cleanest and tidiest flat : I just want a place that feels safe, personal, warm and welcoming to the people I love. A shelter, you could say. I go by some principles like, if you own something that is too precious/expensive to be loaned to a stranger, I should no have it at all. I do not care about being the prettiest, hottest person in the room, it is not my job nore my passion. I just want to feel comfortable in my body and cloths. I would like to be inspirational to others and I believe that the best way to do so is to live accordingly to what is truly important to me, not because of what others value, because it allows other people to think "I can do it too, I can be just who I truly am, deep inside".