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Whenever I go home, my parents treat me like a teenager again - how can I stop this from happening?

159 Answers
Last Updated: 11/27/2020 at 4:08pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Top Rated Answers
May 31st, 2016 12:43pm
Talk to your parents and explain to them that you are no longer a child and that you can sustain for yourself. Have an open conversation with them.
July 11th, 2016 7:56am
Maybe it is time for you to be honest with them. Seat them down and tell them that you don't like being treated like a teenager anymore.
September 15th, 2016 10:28am
they do that because they love you. Try to have a conversation with them and explain your point of view
September 16th, 2016 1:12pm
Talk to them and explain that your now an adult. And that you love them but you want to be treated accordingly!
September 21st, 2016 7:53pm
Tell them how you feel. Tell them that you have experienced new things and gained independence but also that you still love and care for them but you maybe just want that little aspect of freedom.
September 23rd, 2016 10:54am
Explain this to your parents of your feelings and how it is affecting you. Incase if they don't you just ignore it since there are elders and because of their age and experience they do treat you like teenager again
October 7th, 2016 10:24pm
Do you feel like a teenager? Show your Ma and Pa you've grown up and know how to take care of yourself.
October 12th, 2016 9:14pm
Sit down with your parents and talk it out - set boundaries with clear consequences if they refuse to treat you like an adult (such as no contact for awhile).
October 13th, 2016 1:53pm
You can talk to them about this, it is a simple idea but it is helpful, if you talk to them about this then they should understand.
October 18th, 2016 10:56pm
Talk to them, make them listen to you. Never shout, but make a powerful argument. Make them understand that you're able to be an adult with responsabilities.
October 20th, 2016 1:32pm
this shows the way you act them think like that maybe you need to be more serious in talking and show to them you grown person
October 23rd, 2016 7:20am
Well if I were in the position I'd prove to them I'm grown up and am responsible. Or simply sit down and talk with them
October 27th, 2016 2:46pm
The problem with parents is that even when you're 90 years old, they'll always be older than you so you're always going to be their baby ... BUT you can sit down with them, and maturely explain to them that you're an adult now so it might be time for them to change the way they "treat" you without having to change the way they "look" at you. You're their baby, but an adult baby ... if that makes any sense hahah
October 29th, 2016 6:38pm
Make a list of your parents' behaviors that you dislike, let it sit for a week, then come back to it and see if you can add or subtract some. Then look at your final list - think about each behavior in terms of is origin and reasons it bothers you. Pick one or two that you feel are really taking away from the quality of your life when you are visiting your parents and talk to them about it. Voice your feelings about it and hear out what they have to say.
November 9th, 2016 11:55am
It's important to sit down with your parents and calmly discuss how they treat you. It's important to consider their perspective however, if they are unable to recognise your actions as that of an adult, it may be necessary to reduce the amount of time you spend with them depending on how you define 'treating you like a teenager'. Remember that, as an adult, you are able to make decisions for yourself and your parents should respect that while your parents' wealth of experience should also be acknowledged.
November 11th, 2016 12:34pm
I don't think you can. Your parents will always see you as their baby. I can only assume they do it because they love and care about you and want what's best for you. But communicating to them that you are an adult and would appreciate that they didn't baby you or treat you like a teenager may get you somewhere with them - they may not realise they're doing it.
November 29th, 2016 7:12pm
Sounds like you feel the need to stop your parents' habitual patterns of behavior. If you can direct that concern to change your behavior, you have a greater chance for conditions to improve. Conflict with parents and adult-aged-offspring, seems fairly commons, so you don't have to feel alone in this. Take a look for solutions online!
December 9th, 2016 11:47am
Try talking to them about it. It is hard for a parent to let go of their child and realize they are now an adult. Tell them you love them and appreciate the time they took to raise you and all that they have done for you, but... you are now out in the world living your life and would appreciate being treated as an adult.
December 10th, 2016 12:44am
It can take time for parents to adjust to the fact their children are grown and independent. I have experienced success through being patient, acting responsibly to help them transition, communicating openly as an adult. As you do this perceptions change for everyone's benefit. It is also necessary to begin to create your own boundaries. Determine the things that are important to you and always try to act from a place of compassion. Remind yourself of both perspectives as you learn to adjust the family dynamics.
December 22nd, 2016 8:44pm
Change cannot exist without communication - communication best begins with empathy. Open up a conversation with your parents next time that you visit home. Ask yourself, and then communicate clearly: - In which ways do my parents make me feel as though I am a teenager again? - Why might they be doing this? - What might they be feeling? What do they need? - How can I alter these actions, with my own responses and actions? - How can I help my parents cope with my adulthood, and adjust their behaviors accordingly? You parents may be feeling as though you've grown up too fast - many do, including my own! It's one possibility of many, but an offer of explanation, nonetheless. They may feel as though caring for you or treating you the way that they had while you were a teenager living under their roof offers some comfort or eases the reality of your ever-growing independence from them. It could be a crutch, for them - an emotional coping mechanism that helps them feel needed and loved. However, this feels overbearing and inappropriate to you as an adult. A good way to meet in the middle, without any person feeling hurt or left out, would be to say something like "Mom and Dad, I love you both and I really appreciate when you cook me dinner when I come home! I miss our home-cooked meals! But, I need you to respect and treat me as the wonderful, capable adult that you both raised me to be. Be confident in your job well done as my parents and examples, and let me be free of (ways they treat you like a teenager)." All the best!
January 11th, 2017 1:02am
I have the same exact problem as you do. While my parents have been increasingly more lenient with me and more trustful, they also continue to express the need to "control" certain aspects of my life even though I am finishing up my last year at a university (e.g. what I eat on a daily basis, whether I should have a boyfriend). Their constant demands have been very overwhelming for me, so I completely understand where you are coming from. I think what helps is to communicate with your parents your feelings about their demands. Set your boundaries. While you cannot completely ignore your parents' needs, let them know which demands you CANNOT meet and explain why you cannot meet them reasonably. But also, it is important to SHOW them that you are increasingly become independent through your own actions too (so as to reassure them that you can make your own decisions). If at all possible, I'd suggest getting your own job so that you are more financially independent of them. Let your parents know that, while you are not immune to making mistakes in your life, you can at least bounce back and learn from them. Gaining maturity and experience is not about avoiding failure at all costs, but rather it is about demonstrating resilience in spite of the difficulties that life throws at you. By showing your family that you are independent through your actions, you demonstrate to them how responsible, competent, and intelligent you are. Hopefully, within time, they will begin to trust you!
February 15th, 2017 4:53pm
You can sit down and talk to them about how you feel, but remember that you are still their child and have to show respect. But I think talking to them and if there are things that you do that can be upgrade in a positive way make it happen.
February 18th, 2017 2:13pm
Talking to your parents is key here. You should initiate a dialogue with them and, in actively listening, acknowledge the concerns that they have. From there, in turn, you can talk to them about why you feel they're babying you and how, in your view, their concerns aren't as justified as they may have been some time ago. Listening to their views patiently and responding to them is the key here.
February 24th, 2017 2:27am
Ask them why they do that and behave like an adult if that's how you want to be treated. Remind them of your age not just with words but actions.
March 8th, 2017 7:19pm
Parents love to treat their children like children, you are the most important thing to them and if you live away and return home, it brings a lot of emotion and feelings for them. Best thing to do is show them you are not a teenager any more, discuss how you feel about coming back, talk about things that interest you and treat them how you want to be treated.
March 15th, 2017 5:11pm
If you can, try demonstrating behavior which will make it apparent to them that you are no longer a teenager. Behavior typically characteristic of an "adult", such as good emotional intelligence for example.
March 15th, 2017 9:18pm
No matter how old you are, your parents will always think of you as their child or teenager, and you might possibly be acting like a child or teenager and maybe that's why they do it. If you want them to see you as an adult and all, then act like one, be mature, and you might see some change. But your parents will always see their kids a certain way, that's just how it is.
April 16th, 2017 2:53am
Be proactive in doing things for others while you are home. It's hard to not slip into the child role in your parent's home, but an awareness helps avoid this from happening. You can only change how you behave, not how your parent's treat you, though!
April 28th, 2017 10:01pm
In my personal experience, it's difficult to for any parent to fully see their children as adults. Even at my wedding, my inlaws referred to us as "the kids". It can be a very difficult thing to cross over those boundaries as parents that they have made and kept for 18+ years with us. But with that said, as we grow, I think we have a better opportunity to have a new kind of relationship with our parents. I think it's important to be able to sit down with them and explain to them how it feels to still be treated as a teenager when that's no longer who you are. And I think that taking the initiative to talk to them in this way is just one way you're showing you are grown and mature.
May 19th, 2017 10:22pm
Parents, in general, have a hard time letting go of their children. However, continually treating your parents with respect and making mature decisions will show that you are indeed worthy of being treated as an adult. It's a process with parents so be patient. Realizing how hard it is for a parent to become "empty nesters" may shed some light on why you are still being treated as a teenager. It also never hurts to have open communication with your parents. Showing them you are capable of having a mature open conversation is a sign of maturity as well.