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Whenever I go home, my parents treat me like a teenager again - how can I stop this from happening?

151 Answers
Last Updated: 09/16/2020 at 10:52am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Sandra Butler, AOD, DV counselor

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Experienced in understanding how emotions and feelings affect our lifes in every aspect of interacting, not just with others, but how we process those emotions. I can help you

Top Rated Answers
August 10th, 2019 6:47pm
Write down occasions they do this with examples, and how it makes you feel to demonstrate your point. Maybe enquire why they do this so they are more self aware about it and can work on any internal issues. Then when they do it challenge them in the moment assertively and reinforce why it is unnecessary and how you feel when they do it. Perhaps explain why you are an adult and how you show this and the responsibilities you have in your life and how you have changed over time so they have examples of why treating you like a teenager is inappropriate
September 27th, 2019 6:33pm
Give it time. Be patient with them. Your parents are going through being your parent for the first time. Being a parent didnt come with a manual unfortunately. They are learning bout this new dynamic just as much as you are. Things will change usually, but over a course of time. Don't be afraid to set boundaries where needed.
October 13th, 2019 12:47am
Hey there! It sounds like you're having trouble changing your parents' perspective of you, although you have matured into an adult. From a parent's point of view, they have gotten so used to you being their 'baby' that it seems unfathomable to them that you are now an adult of your own. For cases like these, it would be best to treat your parents in an empathetic manner. Additionally, try to maintain a mature relationship with them so they understand you are no longer a child/teenager whom they have to deal with. Instead, try having a straightforward (and respectful) conversation about what has been bothering you and why. In cases like these, actions speak louder than words. Try your best to show them you are an adult equal and should be treated so, while maintaining a good relationship with them. The last thing to do would be lashing out and acting against your words. Good luck!
November 3rd, 2019 11:09pm
I have been in a situation like this before. I would try to talk to them about it. If you can. I would just tell them how you are feeling and what you are thinking. Tell them how you would like to be treated and just see if anything changes.
November 21st, 2019 6:05am
I remember when I was in college this would happen all the time. My mom was super strict. Eventually, as I got older, she stopped doing it. First remember, you will always be their baby. Second, you can push the boundaries a bit while still respecting them. It is a delicate balancing act. Eventually, they will come around and see you as an adult. The whole thing takes some getting used to. Honestly, I had to fuss a little with my mom for a couple of years. It took quite a bit of patience on my end as well as having conversations with her about what to expect out of me. Good luck.
December 28th, 2019 12:06am
Based on my personal experience, communication is the key. After all, there may be thousands of reasons ranging from something you said/did to unresolved family or personal issues. For example when parents are not able to step out of their role as a parent or are unhappy with their relationship with their partner. Sometimes instead it may be that they just miss you and do not know how to connect with you on more mature, adult level. If you feel that it is seriously affecting your well-being or relationship with your parents and you're not able to resolve this issue yourself, I strongly suggest to turn to the professional, for example family therapist.
January 8th, 2020 12:52am
Doesnt that stink?!?! I think that happens to most people, so you are not alone. Instead of expecting them to change, I'd encourage you to change your response to them, or the situations that they put you. We often cant change other people but we can change how we respond and react to others and that sometimes changes them, but at the very least it empowers us to seek the change we desire. So, when you are home, guide your parents to speak and talk to you and respond to their comments, rules, etc with how you feel a grown adult would respond. Carve out the life you want.
January 29th, 2020 3:48am
Assert your boundaries respectfully. It can be hard for parents to transition from treating their child like a child, to treating their child like an adult. Speak up for yourself, but also make sure to thank your parents for wanting to take care of you (so long as what they're doing isn't harmful). If your parents are being controlling, asserting your boundaries is even more important. Your parents won't know to stop treating you that way unless you tell them! If you encounter difficulty with this, asking a friend for advice may help, as they likely know both you and your parents.
February 6th, 2020 7:04am
Trying to understand your situation. Being young and adult you must have been annoyed by there interference most of the times. It is tricky situation for you....on one side they treating you like this must have become habit to them from your childhood. but on the other side you want to take your own decisions. How about you sitting across and talk to them about your uncomfortable feeling due to there interference, may be adding some of the very good decision taken by you and was successful outcome. you can also explain to them that you will learn from the failures/ small wrong will make you to more self- growth
February 21st, 2020 12:25am
Try and talk to them how you want to be talked to. In order to command respect, you have to give it, too. Another important thing is simple communication. Parents aren't mind readers, and if they aren't malicious, they'll care about how you feel. They are not mind readers, though. Communication is very often something that isn't given enough credit as it should. Learning how to directly and comfortably communicate with your superiors and peers, in order to coordinate and compensate for each other's differences, is a very key life skill. Remember, even if you're younger, you still deserve to be heard.
March 11th, 2020 7:12am
Seems like you get thoroughly annoyed by this. Has this been bothering you for a long time? Does it anger you or do you just not like it? Let's take a moment to think. Why do you think they are treating you like that? Do you have any idea what could be causing this behaviour on their side? Can you think of a way to change it peacefully? Also, I'm not really the person to give you advice, but you can surely try one of the therapy options provided by 7 cups. It was brave of you to reach out to us.
April 1st, 2020 10:29pm
Be sure to communicate your feelings to your parents. They can’t understand how you are feeling unless you directly let them know. Inform them that you are now older and can take care of yourself, and kindly suggest that you’d prefer that they treat you as an adult. Make sure to respectfully communicate with your parents on this topic, and ensure that you feel satisfied when the discussion is over. Your feelings are important, and your parents need to know how you feel before they can change the way they treat you. Be sure to suggest the changes you want to be made, and reassure them that you are doing what is best for your emotions.
April 4th, 2020 7:28am
The horrors of parents not realizing their child is now a full grown adult. There is nothing you can do to deter the from that.Depending on your age the line should have been drawn. Its going to be harder to convince them they are doing something wrong or annoying if they have been doing it so long in your adult years. It may not work but I will still sit down and talk to them about how you feel and whether it makes you procrastinate coming around sometimes. If you're younger I would just recommend talking to them and telling them how it bothers you and make you uncomfortable . Parents are like precious glass make sure you think it through first and avoid saying things that can be taken wrong or the conversation will go down hill fast.
April 4th, 2020 7:24pm
You can sit down and have a talk with them. Explain to them how you feel and that you would like to be treated like a adult now. Of course in a nice manner. I understand it can be difficult because you are their child and whenever they see you they want to treat you like a kid again because they probably miss those times. A lot of parents tend to that. But it’s always understandable if you sit down and talk to them and tell them how you feel and I’m sure they will be understanding about it .
May 2nd, 2020 6:05pm
I would always get annoyed when my parents were on my back like that as well. And sometimes, I would tell them how I felt, and say that I didn't like the way they were treating me, and they still wouldn't listen. What worked for me was talking about it with friends or people with similar experiences. I would go to some of my friends who's parents I knew were similar to mine, or at least may have gone through a similar situation. Knowing people are going through or have gone through something similar as I have been made me feel a lot better.
May 13th, 2020 8:47pm
Unfortunately, we are not in control of the actions of others. There is no way to prevent your parents from acting however they act. We are only in control of how we respond to others' words and actions. I, too, struggle with feeling like a teenager again when I'm around my parents. Based on personal experience, I would suggest reminding yourself that you're now an adult, a totally different person from who you were as a teenager, every time you visit family. If we portray ourselves as "caught up" by their treating us like a teenager, in a way, we revert to our teenage ways of interacting with them. It's certainly easier said than done, but if you try to remain aware of your own growth while interacting with them, they might just start seeing it and begin respecting you more for it, ultimately treating you more like the adult you are.
May 21st, 2020 10:03pm
What we don't realize is that though we have very clearly grown up, and matured (some even with their own kids now) some parents will always see us as their children who they have the authority over because they created you. What you're going through is very common, and has a solution that sounds easy, but takes time, and willingness from both parties to be successful. What I suggest that has helped me and alot of other people is sitting them down, and being honest about how their treatment towards you makes you feel, and set their boundaries that if they respect you, they'll learn to respect the boundaries and work on it with you. And like I mentioned before, maybe they don't even realize it or they can't help their parental instinct to keep a close eye on you. So be patient, honest and understanding with them. Good luck, and I hope this helped you.
May 28th, 2020 10:04pm
Talk to them about it. Do not yell or be agressive, just try to express how you truly feel so you guys can work it out and find a solution that pleases everyone. Do not be afraid to confront tour parents, they are there to help you and only want what’s best for you. One of the biggest problems between parents and their kids is the lack of communication! Explain why you feel this way and try to understand why they treat you like that. Maybe suggest some sort of solution to the problem and try to put yourself on their skin
June 18th, 2020 11:37pm
I would highly recommend talking to them. Show them that you have grown up by talking about your progress in a job if you have one. Maybe take them out to eat and pay for them. This will show them you are financially stable. Let them know what is on your mind and you do not like to be treated that way. Tell them what you have been doing when you have not been staying home. For example, staying out later and or eating out more. Make sure you spend time with your parents as well. This will make them feel appreciative.
June 22nd, 2020 2:05pm
According to my experience, the best plan I can propose, it to tell your parents that you want to see a Phycologist and once you see him, tell him your problem. I am sure he will give a good counseling session to your parents without telling them that basically your kid is fine, however you need a little treatment for better parenting. If we tell directly to the parents they will never accept, because they will not accept the fact that their kids have grown. In this way, you will be able to keep the respect of yourself and your parents as well.
July 2nd, 2020 9:35am
I am 53 years old and my parents still treat me like a teenager when I go home. I went out with some friends one night and my mum couldn't sleep until I got home. My dad has the ability to transport me back to my teenage years with one sharp word. This is despite the fact that I moved away from home when I was 18 and now live in another country. Becoming a parent myself made me realise that our children are always our children in OUR eyes. It's a hard thing for parents to recognise. I am also wondering if perhaps you default to a teenager while you are home? Sometimes, we can easily drop back into dynamics that feel safe and comfortable to us (and that simultaneously irritate that crap out of us). Here's another perspective - perhaps they are not treating you like a teenager but are trying to care for you. Maybe they are offering advice, but you are acting like a typical teenager and not wanting to hear it? Let your parents know how you feel, calmly. However, it might just be one of those things you need to accept and tolerate, unfortunately.
July 24th, 2020 1:53pm
I would recommend stepping away from this whole affair. Some parents can be possessive of their children through establishing they are your parents and continuing to treat you as if you've done something wrong by trying to be independent. To establish boundaries with a parent is very important if you are getting older, but your parents are stuck in the past. Taking charge of your life, and not allowing your parents to talk down to you is important to make clear. I would do this in either one of three ways: 1. Establish Your Bounds Directly through discussion. 2. Protest your unfair treatment, and ask to be treated like an adult, by showing you are grown up. 3. Just walk away entirely.
July 24th, 2020 2:02pm
That is something that a lot of people seem to experience. Your parents have watched you growing up in a continuum and may struggle viewing you as an adult in a clear-cut way. This is especially the case for very protective parents. I suggest talking to them, as delicately as you think the situation requires, and bringing up the occasions or topics that trigger that behavior from them. Don't be afraid to firmly express that this is making you uncomfortable. Some parents might also need "proof" of your autonomy, so remind them of some examples that show you are and have been capable of living as an adult.
July 29th, 2020 5:52am
You want your parents to treat you like an adult. I understand! My parents also treat me like a teenager when I'm home. What helped for me was reassuring them I did not need their guidance for every little task and doing more things around the house. I showed responsibility and ultimately my parents stopped treating me like I was a teenager. I did not want to be coddled up like I used to be, but I understand it was all coming from a place of love. It can be frustrating when they always treat you like a teenager, but for me, demonstrating that I could take on responsibility has helped.
August 19th, 2020 1:20pm
As a person who have been experiencing this for a long time, i think the key is showing them that you are an independent human being. Even when i was a kid my parents were very cautious while raising me and that prevented me to become an adult that does not depend on their family. You exist on your own and when you reach a certain age you need to start making things done not with the help of your family but by yourself. If you become a person who can take responsibility and action without being dependent on anyone else, then the way your parents perceive you will change.
August 23rd, 2020 12:24pm
If you are now an adult, perhaps you can tell them that you've grown up and want to be more independent, make your own decisions and be responsible etc. Though you should be able to show that you can be responsible and independent to be able to let them trust you and see you as an adult and not a teenager. After all, parents just want the best for their kids though they might sometimes be overbearing. I think that talking it out with them would really help. :) That said, change also requires time and patience so it might not stop immediately but gradually. Hope it helps you. :)
September 5th, 2020 3:59am
It seems to me that you dont like being treated like a teenager. Have you ever addressed it to them personally and told them hoe it makes you feel? That may be what they need if for you to Express how you feel. It may be scary to tell them how you feel, but they only know what you tell them. To them you will always be their baby, but as you get older you dont want to he treated as a kid and I think I understand what your saying. You get frustrated when your parents treat you this way because that is now how you see yourself? Is that true please correct me if I'm wrong.
September 7th, 2020 12:02am
Try pointing out your accomplishments and your signs of independence in your life to them to remind them of your true age. Let them know you want to be regarded as an adult and don't want constrictions placed on you like you are a teenager because you are well capable of being treated like an adult. They may just be wanting to hold onto the feeling of parenting you and may take the opportunity of seeing you as a way to relive it again. Let them know that you appreciate them but you don't need as much guidance and parenting as you did before and only really need guidance or opinions on things when you straight up ask them for it.
September 9th, 2020 1:38am
This is a valid question. It can be challenging for parents to admit when their child has grown up. They may not realize they are doing it. What actions are they doing that make you feel like a teenager again? Have you tried talking to them about it? Speak up (in a respectful way!) and set boundaries. Let your actions prove what you say and allow them to see how much of an adult you've become. If their behavior continues and it impacts your relationship, you may find talking to a marriage and family counselor to beneficial. Wishing you the best of luck with your situation.
September 11th, 2020 5:59am
For one, I would try to write them a letter expressing how you feel. Generally speaking, a verbal discussion usually leads to an argument because of disagreements and it would be difficult to get your point across, so hopefully writing it in a letter and having them read through it could resolve that. Plus, it would allow you to get all your thoughts out. I get how frustrating this can be, but maybe they aren't used to seeing you grown and seeing how much you have matured. I would suggest giving them some time as well. Change doesn't always work overnight.