Why can't I handle relationships well?

12 Answers
Last Updated: 04/24/2018 at 6:14pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Chanel Bowen, LCMHC, LCAS, CCS, NCC

Licensed Professional Counselor

With clinical skill and compassion, I help clients navigate anxious thoughts or depressive feelings. Improve quality of life, self-love, and relationships with counseling.

Top Rated Answers
originalLion57
June 4th, 2015 11:25pm
Maybe you're terrified of getting hurt and heart broken because you've experienced some kind of scary pain before and you want to protect yourself from that. Or you've taken over some self-destructive behavior that perhaps your parents used to do.
SugarSweet
April 18th, 2015 12:37am
I used to ask myself this question, and some similar questions as well, all the time. After pondering on it for a while I was able to come up with a legitimate answer to my problem. It was because of my own insecurities. The fear that the other person might start to think i'm boring or dumb. Worrying that they might find someone else eventually, someone better, more suited to them. Thinking that it was actually a joke and that 'this person can't actually be interested in me, look at me!' Self deprecating thoughts like that are why I wasn't able to hold on to a relationship, in any form. Whenever I could feel someone getting close to me I would feel happy, giddy almost, about having made someone new in my life, and then the doubt would come. So Instead of continuing the relationship I would instead start to push the other person away. I would've rather done that than let myself get attached to someone only to later find out that they don't think I'm good enough or they were just playing me the whole time. But doing that didn't make me feel any better. Pushing the other person away didn't erase the thought s of self doubt going through my mind, if anything it made it worse. I've come a long way since then. I've lost out on some good potential friends/lovers but I hold on to the belief that if it was truly meant to be it would have happened. I've also learned some things: 1. If someone is making a point of trying to be in your life, it's probably because they want to be there. 2. Its okay to have your guard up against people that may mean you harm, but not everyone is a threat 3. When someone becomes important to you, them leaving is a natural thing to be concerned about, but if that person does leave think of it as another spot for another, better person to fill. I hope this helped~ , SugarSweet
newbiebunny
September 21st, 2015 3:57pm
I think it first starts off with understanding yourself before involving someone else into your lifestyle. Understand your needs, wants, and what your expecting and what you feel you can tolerate with. Most importantly, being honest with yourself and at the end of the day you do come first.
Anonymous
December 1st, 2015 1:35pm
Consider your mental health, this is a key factor, stress,depression and anxiety can impact your relationship.
calmLove11
May 31st, 2016 12:39pm
You are may be perfect person and seek others to be like that. And you may be short tempered. You may not sacrifice something for others. You may braggarts at others. You may feel others are more great than you. So feel free and rectify yourself. Thak you.
PeelTheAvacado
February 26th, 2018 1:25am
Sometimes when we have lots of responsibilities, ie; Jobs, School, Homework, Expectations, Deadlines, the added stress of a relationship can sometimes feel like it adds to the responsibilities. This, in turn, can sometimes make keeping a stable relationship difficult.
therapistnlistener
September 8th, 2015 6:15pm
Firstly before getting into a relationship you have to focus on yourself, find your inner happiness! Once you understand yourself and you are completely happy then you can make others happy. Then your relationship will be long lasting due to the fact that you yourself is already found your inner joy. Never be afraid to love and spread love as you go
Greatlistener87
September 13th, 2016 3:26am
What do you base your relationships on when dating someone is really important. Also if you have a bad history in dating or maybe bad experiences faced from the people close to you can also effect the relationships you have.
Anonymous
April 24th, 2018 6:14pm
Some people arent good with words or actions when there with the person they care about, its not your fault.. just know that.
AJourneyTowardHorizon
April 30th, 2015 8:06pm
relation ship isn't always easy it takes both part to work together and it takes time to get to know each other to be intimate. if you feel that you can't handle it well, try communicate with your gf/bf or your partners and see what park you already doing well and what are some area that you can improve :)
PoliteOcean
September 6th, 2015 7:47pm
Theres no one fits all answer for everyone. Everyone is different. If you feel that you have trouble developing or keeping relatinonships perhaps you can seek advice through a relationship counselor or therapist.
skylerraber1234
August 2nd, 2016 12:41am
It could be the way you were brought up, you learn most behaviors from people you were raised around. You might also just have curtain standards and if that person doesn't have what your looking for it can make the relationship uneasy.