Why did it feel like I was always neglected, forgotten, or ignored when my siblings were not?
Last Updated: 07/10/2018 at 2:06pm
Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst
I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.
Top Rated Answers
When we feel something, we constantly look for facts to prove that what we are thinking is right. we interpret things the way we think rather than as they occurred. It is the sole basis of feeling neglected. There may be areas where your siblings are better than you and they are appreciated, but everyone is different. There may be areas where you excel. It may be because of any small, insignificant incident that you developed the feeling that your parents are neglecting you.
This can be a hard answer. Perhaps talking with the parent, guardian or adult that made you feel this way could be a good start in finding those answers to your questions.
Memory is, by nature, selective. You're more likely to remember a time when you were neglected or ignored in favor of your siblings, because that would have felt significant to you at the time. Meanwhile, any time one of your siblings was neglected in favor of you, you aren't going to remember that, because your memory would have been focused on what you were getting and making sure whatever it was was sufficient (help with homework, for example). And overall, many people remember negative experiences more strongly than positive ones (think of how, a person can eat at the same restaurant for years, but one bad experience and they never want to eat there again).
You who imagine that .. And if you stayed away for a while , they all gonna feel that you are absent and that means that you are not forgotten or ignored .
Many times we're focusing more on the negatives than the positives. Your parents made you tea when you were sick... But it was too small to see it when you had to faced their negative comments etc. But they loved you, they do love you and they will love you.
Parents have to share their love and sometimes they forget or even take a child for granted by thinking they are ok when actually they need a bit of love or attention even though they do not ask or demand it.
I have to say that we were all neglected (but not always) in different ways, and perhaps given the circumstances, it might have been unreasonable to expect more from this particular set of parents. I learned to be grateful for the gifts that came my way – this became easier when I myself became a parent and faced some severe challenges and decisions bringing up my own kids.
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