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Why do I always seem to feel like I have to defend everything I say or do?

14 Answers
Last Updated: 12/25/2018 at 1:18pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
November 24th, 2015 7:16am
The feeling that one needs to defend themselves in everything they say or do is probably rooted in a past traumatic experience that has left and indelible emotional impression. It is a faulty thinking that creates a belief in us that by defending ourselves we will somehow influence others to accept us. However, our present situation Is Rarely the True cause of our ongoing Emotional Pain. Emotional pain and fear in present day-to-day life is seldom solely caused by what is happening in the present situation. Instead, our circumstances stir up painful lie-based thinking, the false beliefs we learned during past life events. If we continue to blame our present situation for emotional pain coming from an earlier event, we will be trapped in an irresovlabe cycle of distress and defeat. Believing that other people or circumstances are the cause of our emotional upheaval empowers them to control us emotionally until they change. When we find freedom from the lie-based thinking held in our memories, we will no longer be stirred up by it and can walk in peace.
February 25th, 2015 5:05pm
because you feel the need to prove everything even when it doesn't need explanation. actions speak..
October 8th, 2015 6:53pm
The way you ask your question makes me think you see this as a negative behavior. It may also be perceived as positive, but it matters to whom do you always feel the need to defend your actions/sayings to. If it's to yourself then it's natural - as we really need introspection and reflection to be able to better act next time. But if it's in front of others, ask yourself what made you feel like you need to defend yourself? What do you feel in those moments? Shame, embarrassment, anger, what emotion? Identify it. The next step is to try to identify who made you feel these emotions before. Once you are able to identify the behavioral pattern and the source of it you'll be able to change it. It isn't easy if you acted like that all your life but you can do it. If you need help, please come back for a 1-on-1 chat. :)
July 17th, 2018 11:24am
After a while of people doubting you, it's normal to develop a mindset of doubt. Maybe you feel that way because you have been doubted your whole life
January 2nd, 2017 4:08pm
A lot of things can push you to feel this way. Your self pride for thinking you are always right, or you fear from being wrong or losing an argument, or being in nature an opposing person for anything, or the most likely option which is being not very open minded and unable to wait and think before responding to be able to have a normal conversation or debate.
June 8th, 2015 2:33pm
Many people want you to explain your actions in order to protect you and themselves. Maybe your parent or significant other feels as though your actions are dangerous or silly. It may not be right but its the way some people work.
September 6th, 2015 3:27am
Its not easy and there is no one answer fits all to this. Perhaps you should try thinking about what you say or what you are doing and really thing within yourself is it really something that needs defending or why?
December 26th, 2015 12:09pm
It is actually really good to feel that way, because if anyone insulted you, you will have the courage to defend yourself, you have to be thankful, many people have problems and they wish to feel the same way you are feeling and if you want to know why, well, it is caused by past traumatic experiences as a child or as an adult but remember that you are not alone. This behavior is negative and positive so before you defend yourself ask yourself about your feelings because sometimes feelings can cause this
January 4th, 2016 4:13pm
Because I feel like I have to fight for what I say or do, I don't want someone to take that away from me
July 26th, 2016 8:08am
You might feel that you always need to defend everything that you are say or do as you need to feel justified for your actions.
February 25th, 2015 5:20pm
People are naturally defensive over their actions. Its a form of self preservation and justification that what they do is right in their minds.
December 22nd, 2015 9:09am
No sometimes you can hold back and just it pass on by, a lot of times were ready to react to a lot of things but Just hold your peace and relax
December 25th, 2018 1:18pm
It might be due to my words might not be convincing for others. It might be due to others are not ready to accept my words. It might be due to others differ with my words. Sometimes it might be due to i might be wrong. Sometimes i might say the words without thinking and said the things coming under the influence of emotions. Sometimes the person listening on other side is not ready to accept it even though the words are correct out of his ego. There might be many things that can be considered as mentioned above.
December 23rd, 2015 3:43am
The fact of life is to have defend what you do or say, for people always critizize. In order to survive in tribes, we had to critizize what others did in order to ensure the best chance of survival. Deal with each day as it comes, for you've already stepped on the battlefield we know to be life, never look back.