Why do my parents fight and then somehow blame the fault on me?
Last Updated: 03/16/2021 at 4:09am
Jackie Dross, M.S. Community Counseling
I have a passion for working with people from a non-judgmental, strengths based approach to meet their goals for personal growth.
Top Rated Answers
Your parents should not be doing that. As adults they need to take responsibility for how they behave and how they trigger each other into an argument. It is never a child's fault.
They are looking for a defenseless target to blame their problems on. Let them know how it affects you and you will see change, as you will no longer be a silent victim.
they just cant take their own mistakes and since you are right there, its falls on your shoulders. it has nothing to do with you. they are just angry at what they are going through..
During the developmental stages of childhood, when children or even some adolescents cant find any other assumptions they automatically assume they are to blame. It is very important to let children know that they are not to blame after such arguments between parents.
When parents fight it's usually because they disagree on a subject. Sometimes the yet so friendly arguments can get out of hand and they wished that they wouldn't have argued and said what they did. In some other cases such as this one, some parents find it easier to relieve their stress and get over the argument by placing the blame on someone else and in some cases that is why the blame ends up on their children. It's not very pleasant on the children that the fault is blamed on but it most certainly shouldn't be taken personally because parents love their children unconditionally in their own ways. It's human nature to want to blame someone else for what has happened to them.
When parents argue around their children, I believe that they become embarrassed because many times, what they are arguing about is a very small problem that became heated. Blaming the problem on the children gives them a reason for the argument, relieving their own embarrassment.
It's called a scapegoat. It's so much easier to put the blame on someone else. People often do that to try to escape the guilt. But what I can say is: that is not okay. There will be times where it can be your fault. But if you believe it isn't, then it's unfair to point the finger at you.
It's a coping mechanism that some parents address when they cannot handle there problems and proceed to blame it on you but is not your fault
Well, you are a big part of their lives, so if they argue alot, you are bound to be pulled into their arguments. But it is not your fault that your parents don't get on, surely without you they would still argue. When a person feels mad, they vent out their anger and look for a scapegoat, and in some situation, you might be the first person they see, so they use you as a scapegoat. The important thing to remember is that you cannot blame yourself for them two arguing, because you can't help it if they clash.
It is the downfall of their relationship. Perhaps they never take the blame and it's just easier to blame someone else.
Because they are aggressive in this moment. If you tell someone who you do like in an argument: "I wish you'd be dead" you don't meant it so, right? So it's the same with the parents. They don't meant that so.
They might do that in the heat of the moment and are not thinking straight and definitely do not mean it.
They mostly fight because of our financial issues then blaming me because my studies cost them a lot of money.
I am going to take this one by one- Why do my parents fight? There might be umpteen number of reasons right from different interest, to the fact that they are angry with themselves, to unfulfilled wishes. THe reasons could be anything. Even may be difference in opinions on whats best for you. Blaming fault on you- Parents unfortunately despite wanting to have all figured out do not have that most of the time. So when they start running out of options to say to the kids, they resolve to the age old tactics of you should have managed it differently. Your take- Take the learning leave the negativity. Well honestly this is a parent speaking. As a child or a youth dont please don't take it personally. Think of it as something that your parent are also probably doing for the first time irrespective of the fact whether or not you have an older sibling. They are learning as well. So give yourself an opportunity to learn with them.
Because you are the one 'thing' they have in common, you are both their responsibility, their joy, and concern. When things goes wrong people find things to blame, even the good things. The fact that they casted their dreams and hopes and even quarrels on you, shows an emotional investment they have on you. I have faith that you are capable of taking the reponsibility up and get them to make peace with each other and remind them that things are going to be okay because you all have each other. This would be benefit your siblings too if you have em'. Peace!
Related Questions: Why do my parents fight and then somehow blame the fault on me?
My father is having an extramarital affair. Part of me wants to end my relationship with him for cheating on my mom, but i worry that he will be depressed as he loves me a lot. How do I deal with this situation?How to connect a person online with a therapist?How can I make my family understand that I'm not seeking attention and just trying to get the help I need?What do I do if my father thinks I hate him even after I told him I don't?How do I tell my parents I don't want to go to church?What age is too young to leave home?How do I live with a mentally-ill parent?My dad likes to touch me. Is this sexual abuse?How do I deal with a religious family as an atheist?What do I do when my husband ignores me?