During the developmental stages of childhood, when children or even some adolescents cant find any other assumptions they automatically assume they are to blame. It is very important to let children know that they are not to blame after such arguments between parents.
When parents fight it's usually because they disagree on a subject. Sometimes the yet so friendly arguments can get out of hand and they wished that they wouldn't have argued and said what they did. In some other cases such as this one, some parents find it easier to relieve their stress and get over the argument by placing the blame on someone else and in some cases that is why the blame ends up on their children. It's not very pleasant on the children that the fault is blamed on but it most certainly shouldn't be taken personally because parents love their children unconditionally in their own ways. It's human nature to want to blame someone else for what has happened to them.
Well, you are a big part of their lives, so if they argue alot, you are bound to be pulled into their arguments. But it is not your fault that your parents don't get on, surely without you they would still argue. When a person feels mad, they vent out their anger and look for a scapegoat, and in some situation, you might be the first person they see, so they use you as a scapegoat. The important thing to remember is that you cannot blame yourself for them two arguing, because you can't help it if they clash.
When parents argue around their children, I believe that they become embarrassed because many times, what they are arguing about is a very small problem that became heated. Blaming the problem on the children gives them a reason for the argument, relieving their own embarrassment.
Because they are aggressive in this moment. If you tell someone who you do like in an argument: "I wish you'd be dead" you don't meant it so, right? So it's the same with the parents. They don't meant that so.
They might do that in the heat of the moment and are not thinking straight and definitely do not mean it.
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August 25th, 2015 7:46pm
It's called a scapegoat. It's so much easier to put the blame on someone else. People often do that to try to escape the guilt. But what I can say is: that is not okay. There will be times where it can be your fault. But if you believe it isn't, then it's unfair to point the finger at you.
I am going to take this one by one-
Why do my parents fight? There might be umpteen number of reasons right from different interest, to the fact that they are angry with themselves, to unfulfilled wishes. THe reasons could be anything. Even may be difference in opinions on whats best for you.
Blaming fault on you- Parents unfortunately despite wanting to have all figured out do not have that most of the time. So when they start running out of options to say to the kids, they resolve to the age old tactics of you should have managed it differently.
Your take- Take the learning leave the negativity. Well honestly this is a parent speaking. As a child or a youth dont please don't take it personally. Think of it as something that your parent are also probably doing for the first time irrespective of the fact whether or not you have an older sibling. They are learning as well. So give yourself an opportunity to learn with them.
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