Why do my parents not let me get help?
Last Updated: 09/17/2019 at 9:01pm
Jennifer Geib, LCSWR
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
1:1 chats (up to 5 days/week). - My therapy is non-judgmental and focuses on emotions and motivation to accomplish your goals or overcome your struggles.
Top Rated Answers
Some parents go through denial, where they can't let themselves believe there's anything wrong because they think that'd make them a bad parent or a failure. Some parents might have different beliefs that other things can help. Other parents simply might not understand the situation or what might be wrong. For example if someone's child has depression or bipolar disorder, they might not understand one of those and take it too lightly or too seriously. I definitely suggest asking them whenever you get a chance!
Sometimes parents can feel threatened at the fact they cannot help you as well as someone else. They want it as their responsibility as parents, to help you themselves.
Sometimes people fear therapy, when it's really just an avenue for mental health. Just as when we get a cold or the flu, we visit our medical doctor. It's one in the same.
They are in denial there's a problem or if they do fear what will come out of you getting help and believe it can be worked on without issues coming out in the open. They also may see it as a phase you're going through that will change.
Your parents are probably scared. Scared of change, scared of how it's going to affect their lives, affect your life.. or maybe afraid of what others will think. Or it could be out of pride. Maybe they think you don't need help. What if they think you can handle it on your own? If you recognize you need help, there's a good chance you really do.
Sometimes parents believe that you dont truly need professional help. They believe they can help you by themself sometimes it can be very difficult to wonder why they do this.
My parents used to not let me get help with certain things as well. Sometimes I think parents are in denial about what is actually going on and need their eyes opened. I know once my parents realized I was actually sick and things were just bad they realized that the help I was asking for wasn't for attention. And then I got better.
There are many reasons for this, but one of the key ones is that deep down they probably want to be the ones to help. They hopefully agreed to take on the challenge to support you any way they can. When they hear you want to find help elsewhere, it's like saying they failed. That said, they may not be qualified to help in certain situations, but talking to them may provide them comfort.
It will have something to do with the way they were brought up. If they cannot see you need it, perhaps find new ways of showing them - even if you go as far as creating an informative powerpoint.
Not to bring your parents down or anything - but they could be in denial or just not want to accept that you need someone else to help you get through what you're going through. That definitely isn't fair to you - especially if you want to get help. Luckily we have many outlets either by phone, internet or even places of business where you can go get the help you'd like with total confidentiality.
They're abusive, or they don't accept that you need it, or they can't afford it. Either way if you feel like you need it, you should search for it.
Maybe they do not understand how much you need the help. Maybe you can get them to understand how important it is for you to get help.
Sometimes they want to be that help and be the first people you ever come to, and sometimes they are in denial that you need help other than them.
Maybe your parents are afraid of people thinking they are bad parents because you need help from the outside. Maybe they don't understand or want to understand that you are really in need. That's not an excuse for not letting you get help though.
First of all, maybe they would let you get help if you explained it better. Although parents are only human, and to err is human. They might never be able totally understand you, or that you need help. Try and explain it better, try to communicate. If it doesn't work, then find another person, maybe school counselor or teacher, or someone you trust, and tell them about it. If all else fails, study how to help yourself by yourself, and help yourself.
There are many reasons. Some parents never had to go through what you were going through, and they just don't understand. Some may think it is a waste of time or too expexnsive. Make sure you tell them everything you can so they can try to get the best understanding of what's going on. If they know that you really need help, they will get it for you.
I think parents want to think their child is perfect. It's easier for them to pretend that there isn't a problem because they might feel like they did something wrong. Sometimes being persistent with them and showing them literature can help them understand why you need to help for whatever troubles you. If not, you can get help on your own through internet, community and school services
With every generation, the world changes. Your parents are raising you based on an outdated version of what THEY believe is the right way to navigate life - and that sometimes can make it difficult for them to understand a lot of the things that you're struggling with or are challenging for you. The world may have been easier, or at least less complicated when they were your age, so it's impossible for them to imagine the tremendous amount of stress you might be going through with the current demands of a 24/7 school and social life both online and in the physical world. This is not an unnatural or uncommon occurrence, but it certainly is a sad one. In short, your parents are likely to not get you help because they don't think your problems are real/you're too dramatic, or because they don't think therapy and other resources are worth the money since you're not physically sick with some disease. In rarer cases they might simply feel like they're unable to afford it, or that they'd be "validating" your "spoiled" self or whatever. If you're not yet of the age of majority in your country it's important to call helplines or go through your school counselors and other trusted adults you might have access to beyond your parents; there are a lot of resources that can help you even on a budget or without approval from parents.
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