Why do parents try to make their kids guilty by reminding them that they gave birth to them?
Last Updated: 01/16/2018 at 7:03pm
Brenda King, PsyD
I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.
Top Rated Answers
Because sometimes they feel it's the only connection they still have and they're trying very hard to build a relationship, to stay family. It's one of the few reasons that can't be disputed, and if it's being used it's quite possible the parent feels pushed out, sad, lonely.
I asked this question of a friend recently, and they told me that it's a parent's way of feeling seen and heard. That parents are people without manuals on how to raise children, and that as people, we all want to feel seen and heard sometimes.
Parents are humans, like the rest of us. They sometimes get frustrated and this is a way for them to relieve stress... I highly doubt they ever really mean anything through this.
It's some parents way of showing authority to their children. It's not right or wrong, it's just certain parents way of asserting themselves.
Parents want your love nothing else, they can't see their children in bad things or bad times. Sometimes they used to say that particular word to us that doesn't mean that they are making us guilty.
Basically, they feel that since they gave you life you should be appreciating them more, and doing more stuff for them often. The gift of life.
This is a very manipulative, damaging thing to say to a child, and indicative of a parent with poor boundaries. This parent is perhaps dimly aware that they haven't done anything good for the child, and so they cling on to this ultimate "gift of life" to make them feel better about it. But it's not a gift, really. Nobody DOES ask to be born, and it's certainly not some kind of favour a kid should be expected to spend their life paying off. I know it's difficult to resist this kind of guilt-tripping but please try. You deserve better.
Usually this reminds the child that the parent is "in charge" and they try to belittle them by reminding them of that, but usually it's because they don;t approve of what the child is doing and can't change it so instead they try to scare them.
I'm not a parent yet, but I believe this is something all parents will eventually do to their kids at least once in a lifetime, some for making you feel guilty but I believe most for instill responsbility. In the first case, they are probably very frustrated with you or themselves for some reason and act that way.
It’s an insecurity that adults have. Just like anyone else, parents need the recognition they deserve for raising a child. Of course, making their children feel guilty is not the correct way to do it, but maybe they’re feeling as though they need recognition. A child will find that thanking their parents for all they do and showing their gratitude will reduce phrases like these.
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