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Why do some parents shame their children for crying?

18 Answers
Last Updated: 09/01/2020 at 8:30pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Lisa Groesz, PhD


With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
February 24th, 2015 9:38pm
They feel that crying is a sign of weakness or a signal of their failure as parents, and consider their own ego and reputation more important than the emotional needs of their child.
February 25th, 2015 10:38am
Crying is sometimes seen as a weak trait in a lot of traditional cultures. They admire their children for being strong and 'invisible' but little do they know that strong also means crying. Strong means waking up again for another day, strong means falling down and getting back up. There is absolutely nothing wrong with crying, we cry the moment we are born, it is human nature. Never feel ashamed of crying! Cry away little warrior! :)
May 22nd, 2015 5:46pm
A parent should never do that, some parents do that because it makes them more mad when they cry, because they feel guilty, and parents hate feeling guilty of things, but that is emotional abuse, if you can't let your child cry.
May 19th, 2015 5:13pm
My mother did this to me my entire life and it never helped anything. I guess to them, it shows weakness. They don't understand fully what their kids are going through and why it makes them upset, because they probably didn't experience it themselves.
June 5th, 2015 7:55am
They think hat crying makes their children weak but its always wrong to shame your kids for it. Crying is a healthy part of growing up and nothing to be ashamed about.
August 9th, 2016 1:31am
Some parents aren't prepared to handle their children's emotions. They want to see their children behave in certain ways, even if it's not true to their feelings. Some see crying as a sign of weakness or defiance. So they shame their children for not living up to their rigid expectations. The reality is, children have an immense capacity to be honest -- they haven't learned to conceal their feelings, and put up a facade as adults do. This honesty intimidates those who become rigid-hearted, as those parents who contempt rather than console their crying children.
June 18th, 2015 3:40am
In previous decades, crying was perceived as weak because people assumed emotions were weak, which is totally untrue. Emotions aren't weak, but letting them eat away and control you is, which is what happens when you don't let them out. Not crying doesn't mean it hurts any less. I wish some parents would see that. Not crying also doesn't make the pain go away.
July 7th, 2015 6:28am
Because their parents and the culture in general has told them that a child that cries is weak and that weakness will cause you to be a failure in life.
March 16th, 2020 8:35pm
I have been dealing with this for as long as i can remember. It has always made me feel that my feelings weren't wanted or needed in this world. Most parents only do this because they believe that the child is feeling sorry for themselves and not because that whatever is happening around them is hurting them emotionally. Repressing these feelings is not good. If you show your feelings is shows how brave you really are. Repression can lead to worse mental issues later on in life, for example depression or anxiety. But no matter what, crying is a good thing, and do not be afraid to tell anyone who thinks otherwise.
March 21st, 2016 8:16am
Some parents feel they are doing the right thing by toughening up their kids. This doesn't help at all of course, but I think while it's far from being a good thing, it is forgiveable.
April 18th, 2016 7:39pm
I think it depends on the type of person they are maybe they keep everything to themselves and do not know how to express their feelings so they only see crying for the tears and not what's causing it, they might not be able to see behind the actions unless it was obvious. It's difficult for some parents to understand this form of expression and so they try to suppress it instead of trying to figure out what's happening. maybe talking to them about it and expressing feelings in talking will help them get a better grasp of the situation.
March 8th, 2016 5:23am
Sometimes, parents may see it unfit for a child to cry, which has the possibility of leading to issues later if they are too firm. Other parents are abusive, and just want to hurt their child and take their anger out on them whether they realize it or not
July 27th, 2020 2:10am
Some parents shame their children for crying because of their own personal reasons. Maybe the parent has never placed themselves in their child’s shoes and try to understand where they’re coming from or what exactly upset them. Also, the parent probably never grew up crying or grew up being raised with the theory that crying isn’t something that should be normalized or done. By being raised like this, the parent will then pass their own methods and what they were told while young and preach it to their children. Shaming their child for crying could also be another way of not being able to accept the fact that they were wrong themselves.
April 13th, 2015 9:47pm
They feel as if their child shows weakness.But in reality you can't withhold emotions and feeling for but so long so I say let it out!
January 5th, 2016 4:57am
They dont want to be seen as a bad parenting or feel as though they are failing to meet the needs of their child.
April 25th, 2016 1:29am
Some people view crying to be a weak thing. It could be something they develop when they were growing up or through their own experiences.
May 15th, 2017 12:02pm
Most just do it to make the child to stop crying. Shaming makes the child conscious and he/she stops crying and act brave.
September 1st, 2020 8:30pm
It could be that their parents did not like when they cried when they were little so it is something they carried into the raising of their children. Some people feel that when their children cry they are not doing their job of keeping their children happy. Not understanding the reason for crying may also come into play as it can difficult to know how to sooth them when you are not sure of why they are crying. It could also be a stigma of how they feel others will judge them as a parent because their child is crying