Why don't my family members accept that something isn't right? Whenever I try to talk about an issue, they go into denial.
Last Updated: 06/11/2018 at 8:18pm
Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.
Top Rated Answers
We sometimes go into denial when we are not ready to face any kind of problems, when we don't feel strong enough to handle and cope with the reality. Maybe your family members feel safe denying whatever is the situation right now, they probably just need time to slowely slowely realize it and then eventually work upon it.
Because they want to cover up the problem. Some pressure will maybe help in such situations, because than the y will maybe understand the Seriousness
Family members often don't realize the severity of a situation until it's too late. I'm honestly not sure why, but I think it's because if you can talk about it, it probably isn't that bad. Honestly, I think maybe writing them a letter with all your feelings and problems may be the way to go. It's a concrete way of telling them exactly what wrong without interruptions or anxiety getting involved.
This is because denying something is a much more easier way out then accepting and facing the issue. It takes some1 strong to accept and face what they are going through. Sometimes if you are the only strong one that can face it then be strong for yourself.
According to what you describe, your family members try to deny talking about the thing that you consider wrong. Then in their mind, the issue is right or uneasy to talk to them. It's impossible to force people to think as the same like you do, for example, would you agree with them about the wrong things if they force you do? No, right? So you and your family members are like on the two opposite sides of the table, each side think they are the right one and wont compromise. If you want to fix the problem, then you have to be in their shoes, have the same perspective like they do, so that they can be persuaded to listen to your opinion.
Sometimes denial is the ting we use as a scapegoat. We always want to think it's not true, when it can be. Again, it's a scapegoat that we put the blame on to avoid the cold, hard truth.
My family members were like that too. I think that they don't understand that something is a big deal to you because they want you to be happy. Instead of helping you to be happy, they may chose to just believe that you are happy. I eventually got through to my family by sitting them down and communicating that I really needed their help and support.
For me my parents don't think I'm depressed because they think they have been through a lot more than I have because they are older than me, they still thought I wasn't depressed and only looking for attention when I attempted suicide. They just think that way because they can't imagine their child having a harder life than them. If you are the adult then it is because they don't want to see you depressed because they look at you as their guardian, whether it be your love one or child.
It can be a defense mechanism for them. Sometimes they just don't want to talk about stuff, try agin later.
Many people are dead set in their ideas and beliefs, even if they aren't necessarily logical. This is not your fault.
Some people are scared to face difficulties in them family as they see it as "them mistake". That's why they are choosing to ignore the problem and pretend everything is fine ;/
Some people would rather pretend that everything is fine despite knowing that it isn’t. It is their coping mechanism.
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