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I don’t have enough money to contribute to my friends presents and I feel awful asking my parents because they don’t have the money to give to me. What do I do?

3 Answers
Last Updated: 03/30/2021 at 12:02pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lindsay Scheinerman, MA, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

My work with clients is to help them recognize and build on their strengths to find solutions for the conflicts presented in their lives.

Top Rated Answers
October 21st, 2019 6:21pm
If you do not have the money to spend on your friends’ parents, asking your parents who, from your question I gather, cannot afford to spend that extra amount, does not seem like the right thing to do. If you really must give money to your friends’ parents, finding money on your own terms seems like the better option. And if this is also not an option, coming clean to your friend about your situation might be of help to you, even though it might be difficult to admit to it. But I must stress that, not being able to contribute to your friends’ parents is in no way a shameful thing, and please don’t tell yourself it is so. :)
November 18th, 2019 11:04pm
Have you considered making your friend a present by hand? There's something really nice about receiving a gift that is not bought, but that someone made with love, spending their time and effort instead of money. I'm sure your friend would love whatever you give him or her - after all, you're not friends to provide each other with possessions, but to give each other love and support! If you go that route, you don't have to ask your parents for money, and you'll still be able to give a beautiful gift. I bet you can find all kinds of craft supplies by looking at what you already have at home - be creative and have fun! :-)
March 30th, 2021 12:02pm
I can really hear that you sound worried about maintaining friendships through giving gifts and can hear you feel guilty asking your parents as they do not have money to give you. You sound torn apart from the feelings of your friends and feelings of your family. As a people pleaser you associate gifting things to your friends would give you and them joy and happiness. In understanding humans better we can appreciate the thought matters more behind the gift. Some gifts are made from the heart, take creativity, time and your own individual effort which people can respect! To know that someone took time out of their day and created a gifted especially for you can make oneself feel special. A reason you may feel pressured to gift your friend’s gifts which can be expensive may be due to a fear of being abandoned or neglected by your friend's if they were to dislike your gift. Sometimes it takes us to assert our boundaries although we can be worried about the reaction received from asserting them. It’s ok to say to people what you are able and unable to manage. We are not super human! Just truly be with your friend on their journey emotionally. Actions say a lot more than gifts! Just sheer PRESENCE can beat the joy of any PRESENT. You are welcome to reach out to any of our listeners or online therapists on our site to further explore what you are going through!