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How do I forgive myself and the family member who abused me?

9 Answers
Last Updated: 03/27/2018 at 2:48pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Tara Davis, Doctorate in Counselling Psychology


I have worked successfully with a wide range of difficulties. Nothing is more important than developing a warm, compassionate relationship with someone you can trust

Top Rated Answers
March 23rd, 2015 3:43am
Forgiveness is a quality which needs to be developed. When one forgives someone, then we are also letting go of the past bonds and free ourselves. If a member has abused you, just be careful in future for his behavior and forgive for the past things and Look at the Present to make it happy!
April 14th, 2015 9:48pm
it is easier to forgive other people than forgiving yourself. And unfortunately forgiveness is a process and takes time. But before you can forgive you need to accept what happened. acceptance plays a big role in forgiveness. Sometimes by understanding why things happened or why you or other people acted the way you did can also help with the process of forgiving. But it is not easy.
May 11th, 2015 11:17pm
This will come with time and patience. You should never force forgiveness out, and you shouldn't feel the need to forgive ever. If you force yourself to forgive this person, you will only cause more pain and hurt over your stability. Discussing in group counseling is the safest option, and can help comfort you in a welcoming environment. If the person is forcing interaction with you, take a step back and think: are you ready? If you do not think so, give yourself the time to focus on YOU. Do not worry about what your abuser thinks of you, because it is about your well-being and health. Seeking our a professional to help mediate the conflict between you and your abuser is better than seeking out your abuser and facing them one on one. You need every ounce of moral support.
June 8th, 2015 3:50pm
I think the first step is expecting the fact it happen and realizing that it was not your fault. Forgiving the person that did the abuse will take time and will have to gain back the trust.
June 22nd, 2015 10:00pm
I have to reach deep into my spiritual side and know that most abusers were abused. It helps me move past the past.
June 29th, 2015 9:28pm
You must understand that what they did to you was not your fault. Once you understand it was not you you can start forgiving yourself. As for forgiving the family member who abused you that part is much more difficult. You have to realism that what they did was wrong and you have to make your peace with them. Whether it's sending them a letter stating how they made you feel or calling them. You have to have the closure in order to truly forgive them.
July 7th, 2015 5:11pm
First you have to learn that you are not the one that needs to be forgiven. You also do not have to forgive that family member. But it does help to have a sit down with that person and have a heart to heart. Forgiveness can take a long time but it isn't impossible.
September 8th, 2015 10:15pm
Forgiveness is truly in forgetting or letting go. When we remain stuck in our own personal stories it feels impossible to do so. Recognize your own shortcomings and you will be available to forgive.
- Expert in Forgiveness
March 27th, 2018 2:48pm
You are never the one at blame for being abused. It is helpful to forgive because it allows you to move on with your life.