I work with issues such as substance abuse, anxiety, depression, low self esteem, trauma, anger management, women issues, emotional disturbances and other life stressors.
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November 19th, 2019 7:04pm
The question here is, who benefits from forgiveness, the person who was in the wrong or the person who was wronged? When somebody wrongs us, it is way too easy to withhold forgiveness and be bitter and upset, let that hurt fester inside of our hearts. It sounds like this person has no intentions of making amends and doesn't care that they hurt you. That means that it makes no difference to them whether or not you forgive them. But it would make all the difference to YOU.
There's a concept called "radical forgiveness" that I think might be appropriate for your situation. You may not be able to get closure from this person who mistreated you, they may never admit they were wrong and ask you to forgive them. But you don't need an invitation to forgive someone. Forgiving them whether they ask you to or not puts the power over the situation back in your hands.
I'm not saying you have to trust them again or forget what they've done. In fact, it may not be wise to place your trust in them if they show no remorse. But forgiving them and telling yourself, "They hurt me, and even though I don't trust them any more, I can be kind to myself and let go of the hurt and forgive them for hurting me."
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Related Questions: Should complete "forgiveness" be extended to people who refuse to admit they did something wrong? Or show no remorse even though you've made it clear they mistreated you?