Should complete "forgiveness" be extended to people who refuse to admit they did something wrong? Or show no remorse even though you've made it clear they mistreated you?
Last Updated: 01/25/2021 at 10:18pm
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The question here is, who benefits from forgiveness, the person who was in the wrong or the person who was wronged? When somebody wrongs us, it is way too easy to withhold forgiveness and be bitter and upset, let that hurt fester inside of our hearts. It sounds like this person has no intentions of making amends and doesn't care that they hurt you. That means that it makes no difference to them whether or not you forgive them. But it would make all the difference to YOU. There's a concept called "radical forgiveness" that I think might be appropriate for your situation. You may not be able to get closure from this person who mistreated you, they may never admit they were wrong and ask you to forgive them. But you don't need an invitation to forgive someone. Forgiving them whether they ask you to or not puts the power over the situation back in your hands. I'm not saying you have to trust them again or forget what they've done. In fact, it may not be wise to place your trust in them if they show no remorse. But forgiving them and telling yourself, "They hurt me, and even though I don't trust them any more, I can be kind to myself and let go of the hurt and forgive them for hurting me."
Forgiveness is quite complicated and different people see it in different ways depends on the life's beliefs. One of the most common beliefs is that forgiveness is for the one forgiving and not the one who is being forgiven. So it does not look for remorse or admitting wrong. The person who was wronged is actually looking after himself and a way to gain peace and acceptance to himself but freeing himself/ herself from the burden of hate and anger. Seeing it this way a person does not have to rely or even speak to the one who wronged him/her.
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