What's the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation?
Last Updated: 07/28/2020 at 10:24pm
Sandra Butler, AOD, DV counselor
Drug & Alcohol Counselor
Experienced in understanding how emotions and feelings affect our lifes in every aspect of interacting, not just with others, but how we process those emotions. I can help you
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The best way I can explain this is saying you and a friend had a very big fight, you both said and did things that were horrible. At one point you decided to forgive your friend because you feel guilty about things you said or done but this doesn't say your friend feels the same way, forgiveness comes from one side. Reconciliation comes from both sides. You both ask for each others forgiveness and both of you do whatever it takes to restore the friendship.
Forgiveness is when you did not like what someone did to you. But you find it within yourself to get past the pain and the hurt they might have caused you. Because you see that the issue lies within them and not within you. Reconciliation is when you want to find a way to talk with the person who has hurt you. Together you want to find solutions so can still remain a relationship with each other
The difference of forgiveness and reconciliation or at least my understanding is that reconciliation is moving on by drawing a line accepting that a situation has indeed happened and cannot be changed and someone has learnt by the situation. Therefore then having the possibility to live along side and not stand in active judgement as God is the one to judge. Forgiveness is heartfelt giving total clarity to something ever happening with a loving open heart.
Forgiveness is an internal process where you work through the hurt, gain an understanding of what happened, rebuild a sense of safety, and let go of the grudge. The offending party is not necessarily a part of this process. On the other hand, reconciliation is an interpersonal process where you dialogue with the offender about what happened, exchange stories, express the hurt, listen for the remorse, and begin to reestablish trust. It’s a much more complicated, involved process that includes, but moves beyond forgiveness. Forgiveness is solo, reconciliation is a joint venture. It takes one person to forgive, it takes two people to be reunited. Take Care! xx
My first thoughts are forgiveness is for someone who you do not want to be associated anymore; just forgive, forget and move on. Another part of forgiveness is forgiving oneself for the mistakes done and accept them. It is easy to say we forgive, but it is not easy to forget it. it would be definitely good to have an elaborate conversation, understand the mistakes and close loop them, which may make it easier to forget them later. Reconciliation includes forgiveness to the person and self, continue the relationship accepting the mistakes by both parties. This is more futuristic in nature and restart of a relationship.
The concepts of forgiveness and reconciliation are very important in our lives. There are many instances in our lives when we find it hard to stand the sight of those who have sinned against us or hurt us badly. We may have forgiven them yet cannot accept them back in our lives as if nothing happened in the past. Forgiving others who may have done something wrong against us is easier than reconciling with them in our lives. We say we have forgiven but continue to hold grudge against our sinners, never really reconciling with them. Understanding the differences between forgiveness and reconciliation is important to forgive wrong doers in both thought and action.
i prefer to give answers keeping in mind that i don't know the other side's thoughts, because human mind and emotions are really complex, and it is rare for a random guess to go luckily correct. Hence I'd answer the question for you, like this... When you forgive someone you make a strong move, you sort of let go of a grudge and value your relationship and peace of mind over it. Undoubtedly it is very hard , but it is worthwhile, and it is also kind of silent-statement that you have learnt a lesson from the incident (whether or not you'll repeat/or let it repeat can't be said). Whereas reconciliation shows a passion, that though you are hurt , and maybe a little bit scared , you'll like to give it a try "again". It can't be black or white, but it is for sure that you still have hope and courage to (maybe) undergo all that once more.
Although these two words may seem to be very similar in definitions, there are significant differences such as how these two end. For example, forgiveness ends with the people not staying acquaintances/friends etc. While on the other hand reconciliation ends with both people working towards staying close and staying friends. However, which route you take depends on the damage you have done and how your character is. For example, someone who committed a bad crime may not be worthy for reconciliation with the other person. But, if it was something small then reconciliation could be a possible road to take.
Related Questions: What's the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation?
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