Everything demands so much attention - my parents, my partner, my career. How do I sort this out?
Last Updated: 04/03/2018 at 11:21am
Deane Rain Marie, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I take a holistic approach in working with eating disorders, mood disorders, relationships, and the LGBTQ community. I use EMDR, Dreamwork, Stories, CBT and Cinema therapy.
Top Rated Answers
When I hear this question, and how it's been framed, the weight of the stress feels overwhelming, like there's no room for the person at the centre of all this pain. The root of the stress seems to be about feeling like you need to be available for them on their terms. The 3 things mentioned here can be hugely influential in anyone's life. For many these areas (parents, partner and career) form the main pillars of our worlds. So to feel the burden of expectation from these things, feels like a pressure that's coming from all angles. How do I sort this out? I wonder if part of the answer is in the question. Because in that question I hear the desire for you to sort it out. And with that desire could be the source of many ideas you have to decide where you want to place your energy - where you think your attention needs to be placed. And to decide if maybe there's an opportunity to think about your needs instead of others. Which of these groups is nurturing your needs and helping you move your life in the direction you want to go in? Is there give and take in each of these relationships? Is what you're giving met with equal or greater receiving, in terms of time, space, support, everything you need to feel valued, respected and in a position where you feel like this is a connection that's serving you and your needs.
Maybe it's better to devote same time to yourself and see in what should be given a little more attetion. Balance is very important
If you juggle bowling balls your wrists will get sore. You need to either manage the attention according to days; such as I always see my bestfriend every Tuesday for dinner. I always ring my mum Saturday morning and do your best to stick to designating times. You'll be surprised how good someone will feel when you say "I will see you every Tuesday and it is only our time. Nothing will come between our time together." This is especially rewarding when they know just how busy you are. Make sure you always stick to it. Something can wait an hour or two. It's always worth sticking to your word.
I don't think any of us have the answer for sorting out life. What I mean to say is we have no control over what's coming at us or at what speed. Your parents, your partner and your career are all very important. Try listing them in order of priority; not meaning that one is more important than the other but just as a guide for which should be catered to first. Maybe inform your parents and partner of your difficulty so they are aware of how you are feeling and probably be less demanding.
Sometimes you can't get the best of everything, there will be times where you will sacrifice one thing from the other. Sometimes you will also need to prioritize what comes 1st at that time. The people who love you will understand when you prioritize something that is important to you..
When everything around you seems to need your attention it is easy to get overwhelmed. The first thing you need to do is take care of yourself. When many things pile up on you it is easy to get lost yourself, and when you are like that you definitely cannot help anyone else. If you are already giving yourself enough attention, maybe you could write a list of everything that needs your help. Once you have done that you can sort out what is the most important and make a more manageable plan of helping yourself and others at the same time.
prioritise everything in life in order of importance and ensure you let people know how much time you have to give in your own life
You sort it out by priorities and also using your time wisely and getting the most quality out of the time you do have. Generally the problem isn't that people don't have enough time, they don't use their time wisely. This link should help http://creativesource.com.ph/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Blog-Post-4.jpg
Life is like a juggling game. Its something we all subconsciously do without normally thinking about it unless the pressure starts to get too much for us. Normally when one of the parties starts demanding we spend more time with them. If someone in your life starts demanding your time you can always slot in a special day just for that person. Or a time when you spend with family.
You can start by prioritizing. Plan and prioritize the things you have going on in your life. If you feel you are having issues, perhaps you can speak with a "Life coach" who can help you to sort things out.
Talk to who you trust and they'll understand. You can't sort out people like books on a shelf- but you can connect with them and ask for help.
You need to prioritize and try to figure out what is important to you, and how to make that important to those around you. Life can be hard often but we have to push through it.
Sit down and make a list. Write down all the things that need to be done and/or need your attention. Then filter the things out, by how immediate they are, what requires attention immediately and what might wait a day or two. You list the things that need to be done with that system in mind but also what is important to you personally. Then you just start completing the things on the list, working your way down from top to bottom. These sort of to-do lists don't only reduce stress but also give you a sense of achievement every time you finished a task. It's a win-win.
No need to sort out anything,Each plays an important role in one's life for his/her success.Parents are your god who helped you to speak,talk and supported in every circumstances while partner is the one who carries your responsibilities as his/her and walk with you by your side.The career is your base that defines you who you are and what your place in the world
This is a completely valid problem, and one that weighs down on most people. I think there needs to be a conscious balance between what we want to give (or what different facets of our lives demand from us), and what we can give (in a healthy capacity). Prioritise what is important to you, and what is urgent to be done, and make sure that those things are settled. But also make sure you communicate to these people that you are being pulled in several directions, and ask for their patience and understanding with regards to allocation of your time. Be empathetic as well to their frustration, because you are important to them as well.
Just try managing your time and divide it priority wise. Dont try focusing on everything together and keep your professional and personal life separate.
You ration out what's most important. You give attention to them in different ways, you schedule times to see them and still have time for yourself. But just don't overwhelm yourself, it'll okay and it's okay to ask for some alone time or days where you don't see your partner or your parents. Take advantage of those day offs and hours you have vacation time.
Compromise. I couldn't stress enough how important compromising is. You just gotta firstly know that paying attention to your partner and your career is important at the moment. Family on the other hand can be more understanding.
You can sort it out from managing the amount of time you put towards it, setting yourself a maximum level of expectations to help you balance out your attention in family, partner and your career.
By first giving your attention to yourself. Balancing everything can be overwhelming, however distributing you time for your career, your partner and family is very important(obviously if you think they are important, I think they are because you are asking this question), you don't have to be very strict with this thing but you can surely set aside some time for each one of them in the week(I'm not even saying daily) and let them know that you are feeling this way hopefully they will also understand. But before setting aside time for others, set aside some "me time" for yourself where you will just relax and do what you like, this will help you in two ways, you would be able to think clearly by being by yourself, alone and secondly after being alone for some time you would feel more relaxed and maybe even would want to spend some time with your loved ones. Hope this will help, first take care of yourself.
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