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Why do I want bad things to happen to me?

105 Answers
Last Updated: 12/31/2021 at 4:06am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
February 3rd, 2018 5:59am
You might want bad things to happen maybe because you feel guilty about something and feel you don't deserve good to happen.
February 16th, 2018 2:59pm
I would if I felt guilty over something or felt worthless. You can always open up with a listener. Mistakes is something we can't avoid as humans. And if feeling worthless. What makes you feel this way? Every person is special and every life more precious than gold.
March 7th, 2018 7:38pm
probably cuz all u want is pain and suffering, u may think that u deserve bad things to happen to u when u dont, no one does, its ok in some ways but u dont deserve to be in pain every single day of ur life, u should be free and happy - that may not make sense sorry
March 9th, 2018 9:00am
because you cant remember how good somethings were... thats why you need to focus on what makes you happy and work towards it
April 4th, 2018 3:43am
When you desire to have bad things happen to yourself I often find that it is do to feelings of guilt, depression, or PTSD. Dont panic it is completely normal. However, if you are having the urge to act on those things then I highly suggest you see a professional or tell someone you trust.
April 26th, 2018 4:14am
Maybe you think you deserve it. You blame yourself for something and you think you deserve pain. That’s not true though don’t beat yourself up over stuff.
April 28th, 2018 11:10am
We might feel really bad about ourselves, and maybe it’s a passive way of thinking of death or intentionally hurting ourselves. It really depends on you and the situation and how you feel- maybe you want to be cared for more and shown more love by people, and we think we could get that from having something bad happen to us.
May 4th, 2018 4:04pm
Because people think that they’re not worth it, that they shouldn’t have born, that they are a waste of oxygen and space
May 30th, 2018 8:43pm
To get attention? Not in a bad way. I have personal experience with wanting something bad to happen to me so I would be more interesting and I could get attention from people.
June 6th, 2018 7:43pm
This is a lot more common than you think. In a sense we all play around with catastrophy as a concept. Sometimes just to entertain us, sometimes to try and predict possible disasters and try and present them, and sometimes to fulfill a subconscious processing of our mortality. The trick comes in when you want them to happen. This could be that you are frustrated some situation and have an extreme desire to disrupt the course things are heading in. When that want turns into destructive action, it is best to consult a mental health practitioner as soon as possible because there might be a mental health issue causing this.
June 20th, 2018 6:23pm
I never want anything bad to happen to me, but i guess at times bad things do happen to me. At times i am the one at fault and i accept my mistakes, learn from them and make sure that the same scenario doesnt occur in the future
August 2nd, 2018 12:08pm
Maybe because you see it as the only solution to your problems and give you temporarily a way out.But its not the solution
August 16th, 2018 11:25am
Because you may be feeling like you're worthless and a nobody in the world but you are really so much more than nothing. A little bug is nothing you're a beautiful person with a lot of potential for good things to happen to you in the future and I hope they do but as for wanting bad things to happen I think you don't love yourself and you need to learn how to love yourself in order to good things to happen to you and be satisfied with the future and what will come in it and I hope you learn to love yourself.
September 1st, 2018 8:07pm
It's difficult to answer to an extent but from my experience, people who want bad things to happen to them often feel this way because they've been made to feel like that. Perhaps you've been told bad things and you now feel like you don't deserve positive things in life, you only deserve the negative. It hard to comment without further information but it could be due to low self-esteem and perhaps a negative upbringing or even negative surroundings. If you're afraid something bad will happen to you or you will deliberately cause something bad happening to you, I would highly recommend seeing a health professional such as a GP before anything does physically happen. I hope this helps.
November 8th, 2018 7:52am
A lot of times I want bad things to happen is because a lot of times I have no self care and just dont care at all. I'm careless sometimes, And a lot of times I dont care. About anything, It always seems like I'm being pushed under this big plate of carelessness and once I'm under there its almost Impossible to get out, I have slowly leaned (Mostly on the Awesome Website) That there are people who care about you, And want you to stay safe. I am safe and healthy, I do care about myself and I'm happy to help others!
March 7th, 2019 8:22am
Animals create environments that are familiar to them. Humans are not the exception. Whether we like it or not, we as humans adapt to our environment and everything inside--the people, the events, our interactions, how we feel in our environment, etc. So when we adapt to a bad place and are stuck for a long time, we naturally create an environment familiar and similar to before. We are comfortable there. We are comfortable being depressed, self-deprecating, self-blaming. Over time we get to a point where we are waiting for bad things to happen so that we can return to our comfort zone of thinking “of course bad things happen to me”.
March 28th, 2019 8:44pm
A desire for bad things happening to you shows you are sincerely suffering and it can be seen as a form of self-punishment for something bad you may have done to something or someone, such thoughts can be very destructive as an eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind. If you're feeling as if you want bad things to happen to you, it'd be great to start with asking yourself what has driven you to have these thoughts? Consider every aspect, such as what the result would be. Rather than having thoughts of wanting something bad to happen to you, it'd be more helpful confronting the situation and forgiving yourself. You suffering does not balance any wrongs that you have done in life, we're all human and sometimes we seem to forget that we are allowed to make mistakes because we are not perfect.
June 26th, 2019 2:53pm
Because I deserve it after what I did to others. I am ashamed of myself for what I did and no one else deserves something as bad as me. I don’t know how I did it, or why I did but I do know that I deserve something bad for it. To the person who I did it to, might haven’t experienced it like that but I do. People can tell me it wasn’t my fault as many times as they want too, and I’ll say I know, but deep down I do blame myself for it. And to be honest, I don’t know how to stop blaming myself.
July 31st, 2019 9:43am
I used to feel this way. For me, it was because bad things had happened to me before, and the consequences of these (eg, sadness) felt comfortable and normal. Also, because those bad things caused me to have depression, I kept feeling sad, even when those bad things had gone away. I felt guilty for feeling like this for no reason, so kind of wanted something to expain these feelings. Also, it is normal for people to enjoy attention because it makes us feel cared for, and bad things can often lead to attention, and people showing their love and affection for us, which feels good.
September 4th, 2019 9:04am
Maybe you feel that you deserve it? Best to find out what is the underlining issue that makes you feel like you deserve bad things to happen to you. And to face it one step at a time. Always know that no one deserves bad things happening to them, but no one can avoid them either. Take the bad things as a lesson and learn from them, thats the best way to treat a bad thing positively.
December 21st, 2019 10:23pm
I think deep down inside most of us feel that we are not worthy. It is hard to explain why we feel that way. There is something to do with the society we live in and the family and culture that we are from. But all in all, I find it normal to have this kind of thinking. However, if you find out that you are doing things to yourself to gain attention, like purposely hurting yourself to the point of needing medical attention, then you will have crossed a line. That is when you need to seek professional help.
February 1st, 2020 2:02am
i used to question that alot when i was younger, i wanted bad things to happen to me so i can feel important, i feel like thats pretty twisted to want to be hurt by someone or have something or someone do something horrible to to you, whether physical, verbal or emotional. im thinking it must stem from a fear of self worth or a cry for attention (not in a bad way) but wanting that affection from someone or others you most crave. like, if that happened to me, people would start to care, start to check in on me, ask me how im doing. but then its something in your head you have to fight, deep down you dont want to be hurt, deep down its wrong to want bad things to happen to you. you should want good things to happen to. thats why i think that, its something to work towards everyday. i want this (good thing) to happen and make it happen. but i would really focus on finding someone you can confide in to express these feelings, dont bottle them up and hide and do something dangerous and secretive and put yourself at risk. speak to someone.
February 3rd, 2020 8:30am
sometimes we feel as like we 'deserve it' and practice mortification because 1) others have always told us to hurt ourselves 2) we have been wrongly informed that mortification actually has benefits Bad things do not lead us to better places. There may have been poor representation (example, breaking glass, or a mug releases anger - it does not) in the past, which may have misinformed. Also, faster, quicker methods are always used as short term solutions and often advertised. They do little good and while may seem like a 'quick release', does not actually have any long term benefits at all.
February 16th, 2020 9:19am
in psycology we accept what we thing we deserve. in the perks of being a wallflower Charlie says we accept the love we think we deserve and we do people enter bad relationships because that is the love we think we deserve but we don't we deserve much better than that. we sometimes choose people who treat us like we're nothing and that is not what we deserve. we deserve people who treat us with respect. respect is a big thing that everyone deserves. if they don't treeat you with respect they are not worth your time. you deserve better.
March 7th, 2020 7:28am
Sometimes you just feel you've had enough and that it will be all better if it all when away, and so leads me to think these type of thoughts, eg pain = a little bit less sadness, loneliness. Then leads me to doing such pain ect ect. Then after the feeling of success or achievement goes by. But sadly after that feeling fades, all the bad ones return, I have had these for only a few years and even though they are complicated to understand I feel I know them so well, like a good friend that come back after a while.
April 4th, 2020 12:00am
Self-destructive behavior is a concept we've all heard about, but self-destructive ideation that leads to that behavior can take multiple forms. Active desire to harm oneself isn't the only way that negative thoughts manifest - sometimes, just wishing that someone or something else would take the action for us can signal a need for emotional support. These thoughts are not uncommon, but they do require attention. Comb through why these thoughts may be happening by practicing mindfulness and communicating your wishes to someone you trust. Even letting out these thoughts alone can help to disspell them. Look for a friend, and if the thoughts don't go away, communicate with a therapist!
May 11th, 2020 8:55am
I used to want bad things to happen to me too. Now that I feel better I can see that it might have come from a place of hurt. Your reality on the inside is hurting and suffering. Bad things happening could be a way to make those things inside visible or validated to the outside world. If bad things happen to us, that can also mean that others maybe would want to care of us. Thus, validating our suffering and for us, it's a way to feel loved and cared for. Hopefully this answer can give you insight in how you are feeling.
May 17th, 2020 12:40am
It may be that you feel the need to be punished for something that may not even be your fault. You may feel guilty for something that you feel you could have prevented or feel that you caused or were responsible for happening. Wanting bad things to happen to you may be a symptom of a deeper problem, perhaps rooted in a childhood trauma or bullying. When bad things have happened a lot in our lives we come to expect it to happen consistently, it evokes familiar feelings and emotions that become a pattern. We begin to anticipate and expect further bad things to happen to us, when they don't we begin to want them to happen to be in the familiar pattern.
May 30th, 2020 7:50am
There could be a lot of explanations for that. Do you feel more alive when you're feeling down? Do you have something more awareness / inspiration from it? Do you like the stories you can tell the others? Or it could be maybe that you feel like you deserve for it to happen to you. And you think you deserve it because you think you have failed yourself for your Unworthy of something. Another likely that could be reason is maybe also because like self-destruction or suicidal ideation like reasons. like you would like to die, but don't want to do it to yourself.
July 26th, 2020 10:54pm
I can deeply understand wanting bad things to happen to me and I empathise with whoever is going through this. It's common to want to experience something negative to punish yourself or to suffer in another way if you're experiencing depression or general guilt. I've felt this before when I missed one of my final exams once, and felt undeserving of the care and support others provided me. I've realised now that wanting a bus to hit me and thinking that I wouldn't try to move or do anything in that situation was being passively suicidal. I've also felt this after I missed school work, been unkind to other people, and been unproductive. For me, I started to realise I did not truly want to be hurt after I thought of this in the position of someone else. One's worth is not based on their productivity, which we know when thinking about other people we care about, but often forget about when we offer ourselves little empathy.