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Why doesn't taking care of myself come naturally to me?

98 Answers
Last Updated: 03/12/2021 at 6:12pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Shruti Naik, MS in Counselling and Psychotherapy


I'm passionate about providing a non-judgmental & supportive platform to my clients to help them understand & accept themselves & overcome any emotional issues troubling them.

Top Rated Answers
October 5th, 2016 3:51am
Take care of oneself is something most people have to work at. The difference between someone that is doing more often than others, is they have made a chose and they make that chose every day to better themselves because that's what they want.
October 7th, 2016 5:44am
I am so focused on helping others that it is hard to focus on myself and my own needs, always try to put others first :)
November 13th, 2016 6:18am
For me, I'm such an absentminded person that I often forget to take care of my basic needs, like showering and eating. It helps to make a checklist or set up alarms to remind yourself
March 2nd, 2017 10:17pm
Perhaps you have spent a large part of your life taking care of others or trying to make others happy. It's important to try to try to break that habit. If you truly want to help others, you have to first care for yourself.
April 23rd, 2017 2:45am
I wouldn't say it comes naturally to me. It was definitely learned in my case. I was someone that always took care of others before myself. I realized I was generally, not that happy... then I changed to make self care a priority. It is amazing the difference it has made!
May 3rd, 2017 7:47pm
It sounds as though you put everyone else ahead of yourself, which is very easy to do. Remembering to practice self-care is important so that you can be the healthiest version of yourself and be able to continue to give to others.
May 21st, 2017 1:39pm
Sometimes the concept of self-care may seem like giving into your problems or acknowledging your own weaknesses, which can be intimidating or seem wrong. You may also feel that the idea of self-care seems cheesy or pseudoscientific. Neither of these things is the case. Just go at your own pace and do what you need to do to feel happy if you can.
June 29th, 2017 7:39pm
Taking care of ourselves doesn't come naturally because we tend to think we aren't somehow worthy. But nothing could be further than the truth.
July 13th, 2017 2:58am
A mirror is like the boundary to the sole. You stand in front of an image but still see a creation of disguise. Your true soul in a mirror is everything hidden to become in your own reflection. Being mannered doesn't come naturally sometimes because our front to ourselves isn't the soul reflection to someone or something else.
July 20th, 2017 11:47pm
I understand this question myself, some days you feel as if you have to force yourself just to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Not everyone's brains are going to work the same exact way. You just have to find ways to motivate yourself.
July 30th, 2017 11:51pm
I am a very focused person, once I am involved in a task I often get consumed with it for a long time. I forget to take breaks to move my body or even breathe properly! Have you ever noticed we sometimes hold our breath when we are doing something important!? I need to consciously remind myself to take some time for myself and breathe in some fresh air :)
July 31st, 2017 8:08am
There can be many reasons why self care is a problem for people. Sometimes, we grow up in environments where we are not introduced to good self care patterns. Parents or guardians who struggle with addictions or mental health issues, or regular health issues can be lax in teaching us as children how to do the basic things needed for good self care. Other times, we can constantly be taught and badgered to take care of everyone else before we think of ourselves. We are taught that self care is bad, selfish and we should not take time or put effort into our own well being. Sometimes we honestly just get too busy with everything going on in our life and we forget - or avoid self care because we put it low on our priority list.
September 26th, 2017 11:14pm
I'm not sure I can tell you exactly why taking care of yourself doesn't come naturally. There may be many reasons. So let's talk about it a little more generally. Taking care of our self has to do with self-love. Many people have a natural instinct to nurture a baby or a puppy, others don't. Similarly, some people are naturally more prone to take good care of them selfs than others. At the base of it all seems to be a general notion of knowing that we deserve to be loved and that all we need for that is already within us. Then life and upbringing, our surroundings and conditioning can get into the way of that, too. Maybe we have picked up the idea that we are not worthy. Or someone has told us we are not good in enough. We may have grown up seeing our parents not taking care oft themselves. Whatever the reason. Taking care can be simple. Even doing one thing a day that makes us feel good can be a start. What is that for you today? A bath, a cup of tea? Talking to a friend? Spending a few minutes meditating? Lots of love to you. 7 cups provides lots of tools to take care of your well-being! You are cared for here :)
September 27th, 2017 12:11am
Understanding why some people develop personalities of givers or takers is deeply complex. We can't ever fully understand the minds and hearts of others, but there are a lot of theories from psychology and philosophy that can help someone ask themselves questions to shed some light on this issue. My personal quick answer to this is that everyone learns- from a very young age- how to survive the best they can. Maybe you learned to give to everyone around you and that somehow protected you on a deep level. Maybe there were messages you internalized about your worth and place in the world. Maybe you had roles models who didn't naturally take care of themselves. Whatever the answer, on some level, not taking care of yourself might have- oddly enough- been your way to survive. It's a big question, and one worth pursuing.
November 5th, 2017 6:34pm
Often times being in distraction is much easier - and not caring for yourself often involves things we would much rather be doing, like watching television and staying in bed for example. Taking care of yourself (properly!) beyond eating, using the bathroom and drinking fluids does not happen naturally. It is a decision you have to make, as hard as that may be. You need to decide to do it, and you need to continuously decide to do it. Eventually you'll find it easier to care for yourself, and also maintain a healthy level of self-care. What's your idea of taking care of yourself? Taking care of yourself is very different to having goals, desires and expectations. When we take away those expectations self-care becomes much simpler. Our mentality and how we treat ourselves is optimum!
November 23rd, 2017 5:04am
Maybe because we are all new here. In life. Even if you’re eighty years old and believe you know more than millions of teenagers, you’re just as clueless. Learning about other’s habits is easy. Finding your own...that’s almost impossible.
December 16th, 2017 12:17am
Taking care of yourself is essential for your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Although there are times where self-care may not seem to feel as natural as we may think. Identifying unique needs and them meeting them with nurture can be quite the feat, especially if you are not used to doing it, have suffered childhood neglect, or have an illness such as depression. Start small. Make very small, gentle, and attainable goals, these will lead to bigger ones.
December 27th, 2017 4:47am
Mental health affects a lot of people and taking care of yourself is one thing that it may decrease your interest in. A lot of people struggle with taking care of themselves mentally and physically and talking to a therapist about it or downloading an app (ie. Pacifica) may help you to track your habits and allow you to work on improving them.
January 20th, 2018 11:50am
because we feel guilty if we put ourselves first. just do a few small things a day which will have a big effect, walking, exercise and mindfulness help me alot
February 8th, 2018 3:18pm
Humans aren't programmed knowing how to take care of themselves. No one knows what they're doing and no two people have exactly the same needs. Learning what you need to be happy and productive takes a lot of trial and error, but it's 100% worth it.
February 24th, 2018 10:07am
I believe that for many of us, we are wired to care for others and we are also culturally taught, whether consciously or unconsciously, that putting our own needs before those of others is greedy and self-centred. Overcoming natural wiring and a lifetime of cultural conditioning is a challenge, but not impossible.
February 28th, 2018 8:20am
Caring for ourselves comes in many stages. Basic care includes brushing teeth, showering and making sure our clothes are clean and hair is brushed. Others go the extra mile and do their hair, make-up and accessorize every day! If neither of these come naturally to you, perhaps you are dealing with other overwhelming issues which make these less of a priority to you mentally. Schedule some time and set an alarm to care for yourself because it helps you mentally.
March 10th, 2018 9:56pm
This might be happening for many reasons, but it is normal. Unfortunately, in today's society, it is normal to not like ourselves, to be extremely judgmental, etc. Learning how to love yourself might be a long process, but it is completely worth the work. Start with small things and work your way up. In my opinion, it is all about "fake it until you make it".
April 4th, 2018 1:35pm
Self-care is a skill that, honestly speaking, needs to be learned. Not all of us are born with a guide on how to take care of ourselves, some life experiences may even guide us to the wrong side of the road. Rest assured that with some determination and self-awareness, the journey of self-care will become a second nature.
April 8th, 2018 2:41am
Because sometimes we are taught that we have to put others before ourselves but taking care of ourselves is equally, if not, more important.
April 15th, 2018 7:38am
Well, Unfortunately some people just don't have what it takes to be able to take care of themselves. I personally will go a week or more not showering simply because i cant find motivation to do so
April 19th, 2018 5:49pm
First off, it is great that you are asking yourself this question! You have recognized a pattern and identified a problem that needs solving. Many people have trouble with this, and i want to remind you that you are not alone. As for why this is a pattern for you as an individual, there could be a variety of answers, but broadly speaking, it might have something to do with an experience or set of experiences that you have had. I would recommend working on this with a therapist, someone who can have this conversation with you in confidence and who has a lot of educational background that would help you move forward in your own life.
April 27th, 2018 2:14am
It doesn't come naturally to anyone. I don't believe many people have woken up one day and decided to take their vitamins every day, go to the gym 4 times a week and decide to have the friend circle they want. Taking care of yourself is NOT easy. Now what you might ask is what can I do to actually take care of myself and it's something that you have to start slowly and believe that the process will work. A good first step would be to start something or remove something that is hurting you(things you can manage to do) and then you will really learn how to take care of yourself. Just do the first step and it will come to you.
May 5th, 2018 4:44am
Many times we get wrapped up in our emotions and forget to do the most basic of things. When we do basic things, it makes everything much easier.
May 30th, 2018 12:47pm
Sometimes we are programmed from childhood to ignore personal needs in lieu of making others around us happy and may even ‘run our blood to water’ to accomplish this. As a result, our awareness of self-care needs is minimal. On the other hand some people over indulge by constantly focusing on their needs. Both responses represent an imbalance and a need to learn how to regulate suitable self-care. One cap does not fit all as far as self care goes because we all have different needs. Appropriate self care involves an intentional lifestyle which is focused on ensuring that the withdrawals we exact from our self each day is balanced with the inputs we make. It is a personal regime which targets the different aspects of our being (social, emotional, physical, mental and spiritual), to keep us healthy and happy. Self-care is a learnt skill.