Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Why doesn't taking care of myself come naturally to me?

121 Answers
Last Updated: 10/04/2022 at 7:13am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lisa Groesz, PhD

Psychologist

With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
Pumpkin74
February 28th, 2018 8:20am
Caring for ourselves comes in many stages. Basic care includes brushing teeth, showering and making sure our clothes are clean and hair is brushed. Others go the extra mile and do their hair, make-up and accessorize every day! If neither of these come naturally to you, perhaps you are dealing with other overwhelming issues which make these less of a priority to you mentally. Schedule some time and set an alarm to care for yourself because it helps you mentally.
Anonymous
April 4th, 2018 1:35pm
Self-care is a skill that, honestly speaking, needs to be learned. Not all of us are born with a guide on how to take care of ourselves, some life experiences may even guide us to the wrong side of the road. Rest assured that with some determination and self-awareness, the journey of self-care will become a second nature.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2018 12:47pm
Sometimes we are programmed from childhood to ignore personal needs in lieu of making others around us happy and may even ‘run our blood to water’ to accomplish this. As a result, our awareness of self-care needs is minimal. On the other hand some people over indulge by constantly focusing on their needs. Both responses represent an imbalance and a need to learn how to regulate suitable self-care. One cap does not fit all as far as self care goes because we all have different needs. Appropriate self care involves an intentional lifestyle which is focused on ensuring that the withdrawals we exact from our self each day is balanced with the inputs we make. It is a personal regime which targets the different aspects of our being (social, emotional, physical, mental and spiritual), to keep us healthy and happy. Self-care is a learnt skill.
Anonymous
June 30th, 2018 4:03pm
Taking care of yourself is hard for many people, and is often not what’s seemingly natural to do in difficult situations.
wildsiamreads
September 9th, 2018 3:20pm
Self-neglect can be an indicator of something serious that needs to be paid attention to. I'm not a therapist or a mental health care professional so I don't know what prolonged self-neglect can lead to, but i do know that it's not good. Self-neglect may be caused by lack of motivation, external validation, and overall lust for life. Taking care of oneself can be a lot of work and sometimes we just don't bother. But let me tell you something. Based on my experience so far on earth, the more you invest on self-care, the more rewarding your day to day life feels :)
Anonymous
March 5th, 2020 3:42am
Maybe you wasn't taught to put yourself first. There is something to do with your upbringing. If your family has taught you that putting yourself first is an act of selfish, probably it is easy for you to feel guilty about speaking out for yourself or even thinking about your physical(or emotional) limits in certain situations. In that case, congratulations! You have been raised to be a people pleaser. People-pleasers are good at giving instead of taking or preserving for themselves. It is not your fault that it is not natural for you to take care yourself first. But you are aware of it now. And you can start doing it today. Self-care is your priority now. Cultivate the habit.
barefootedhippy
March 21st, 2020 6:01pm
Taking care of myself doesn't come naturally to myself because I am a helper. I have a big heart, I enjoy tending to others. I am on the journey of discovering my self love as I believe it is a lifelong journey. I am accepting the reality that in order to truly help others, I need to help myself first. It is hard for me to tend to myself first, as I am my worst critic. It is easier to beat myself up when I have done something wrong. I struggle with others view of me, when people are rejectful towards me I turn it inwardly. As this negative spiral I experience makes it very hard for me to connect within me and take care of myself.
Anonymous
September 24th, 2020 11:57am
Self-care, just like anything else, is a learned habit. It shouldn’t come naturally at first. In my experience, taking some time out of your day to practice self care (like doing something you enjoy, helps you relax) is a healthy, formed habit to care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. It should be something that refuels you, instead of takes from you. In time, practicing self care can improve your relationship with others, help you feel more energized, and less anxious. How to start? • stick to the basics. Over time you will find your own rhythm and routine. You will be able to implement more and identify more particular forms of self-care that work for you. • Self-care needs to be something you actively plan, rather than something that just happens. It is an active choice and you must treat it as such. By marking part of your day to practice self care, you are holding yourself accountable to do it. With these tips, I hope you can begin to understand that self care takes practice, and lots of it! Don’t worry if you try something and it doesn’t work for you, you can always seek out other ways to take care of yourself and find out what works for you.
MrsLoveJoy
October 4th, 2022 7:13am
I wasn't taught how to take care of myself. I was taught to tear myself down and settle for less than what I am giving. It may be a lack of self love as to why we cant take care of ourselves among other things. Its also possible that I had many enablers growing up. I find that I will just go without but then a loved one will see and then buy me groceries or pay for someone to clean the house rather than helping me to figure out how to take care of that myself.
paperCrane15
September 2nd, 2016 7:24pm
There can be many reasons. Usually it is caused by depression, even if you feel okay - something can bother you a lot.
Nilo1602
September 8th, 2016 8:33pm
We tend to diminish our problems, to think they are not important, while we care more for the rest.
Activechris
September 9th, 2016 2:01pm
It is just a way of life Some people just need a little help and guidance to show that it is natural
myzzlyzz
September 23rd, 2016 5:52am
I always put myself last. Physically, emotionally, mentally. I am trying to make changes to put myself first. It isn't easy. But i have to make a conscious choice to come first.
Brighteyes86
October 5th, 2016 3:51am
Take care of oneself is something most people have to work at. The difference between someone that is doing more often than others, is they have made a chose and they make that chose every day to better themselves because that's what they want.
Anonymous
October 7th, 2016 5:44am
I am so focused on helping others that it is hard to focus on myself and my own needs, always try to put others first :)
WaltzingRavens
November 13th, 2016 6:18am
For me, I'm such an absentminded person that I often forget to take care of my basic needs, like showering and eating. It helps to make a checklist or set up alarms to remind yourself
AutumnLeigh
March 2nd, 2017 10:17pm
Perhaps you have spent a large part of your life taking care of others or trying to make others happy. It's important to try to try to break that habit. If you truly want to help others, you have to first care for yourself.
Anonymous
April 23rd, 2017 2:45am
I wouldn't say it comes naturally to me. It was definitely learned in my case. I was someone that always took care of others before myself. I realized I was generally, not that happy... then I changed to make self care a priority. It is amazing the difference it has made!
Anonymous
May 3rd, 2017 7:47pm
It sounds as though you put everyone else ahead of yourself, which is very easy to do. Remembering to practice self-care is important so that you can be the healthiest version of yourself and be able to continue to give to others.
Anonymous
May 21st, 2017 1:39pm
Sometimes the concept of self-care may seem like giving into your problems or acknowledging your own weaknesses, which can be intimidating or seem wrong. You may also feel that the idea of self-care seems cheesy or pseudoscientific. Neither of these things is the case. Just go at your own pace and do what you need to do to feel happy if you can.
Anonymous
June 29th, 2017 7:39pm
Taking care of ourselves doesn't come naturally because we tend to think we aren't somehow worthy. But nothing could be further than the truth.
ImaginativeBond
July 13th, 2017 2:58am
A mirror is like the boundary to the sole. You stand in front of an image but still see a creation of disguise. Your true soul in a mirror is everything hidden to become in your own reflection. Being mannered doesn't come naturally sometimes because our front to ourselves isn't the soul reflection to someone or something else.
Cj526
July 20th, 2017 11:47pm
I understand this question myself, some days you feel as if you have to force yourself just to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Not everyone's brains are going to work the same exact way. You just have to find ways to motivate yourself.
gracefulMonkey33
July 30th, 2017 11:51pm
I am a very focused person, once I am involved in a task I often get consumed with it for a long time. I forget to take breaks to move my body or even breathe properly! Have you ever noticed we sometimes hold our breath when we are doing something important!? I need to consciously remind myself to take some time for myself and breathe in some fresh air :)
windfox3
July 31st, 2017 8:08am
There can be many reasons why self care is a problem for people. Sometimes, we grow up in environments where we are not introduced to good self care patterns. Parents or guardians who struggle with addictions or mental health issues, or regular health issues can be lax in teaching us as children how to do the basic things needed for good self care. Other times, we can constantly be taught and badgered to take care of everyone else before we think of ourselves. We are taught that self care is bad, selfish and we should not take time or put effort into our own well being. Sometimes we honestly just get too busy with everything going on in our life and we forget - or avoid self care because we put it low on our priority list.
CompassionateMoonChild
September 26th, 2017 11:14pm
I'm not sure I can tell you exactly why taking care of yourself doesn't come naturally. There may be many reasons. So let's talk about it a little more generally. Taking care of our self has to do with self-love. Many people have a natural instinct to nurture a baby or a puppy, others don't. Similarly, some people are naturally more prone to take good care of them selfs than others. At the base of it all seems to be a general notion of knowing that we deserve to be loved and that all we need for that is already within us. Then life and upbringing, our surroundings and conditioning can get into the way of that, too. Maybe we have picked up the idea that we are not worthy. Or someone has told us we are not good in enough. We may have grown up seeing our parents not taking care oft themselves. Whatever the reason. Taking care can be simple. Even doing one thing a day that makes us feel good can be a start. What is that for you today? A bath, a cup of tea? Talking to a friend? Spending a few minutes meditating? Lots of love to you. 7 cups provides lots of tools to take care of your well-being! You are cared for here :)
Tesora
September 27th, 2017 12:11am
Understanding why some people develop personalities of givers or takers is deeply complex. We can't ever fully understand the minds and hearts of others, but there are a lot of theories from psychology and philosophy that can help someone ask themselves questions to shed some light on this issue. My personal quick answer to this is that everyone learns- from a very young age- how to survive the best they can. Maybe you learned to give to everyone around you and that somehow protected you on a deep level. Maybe there were messages you internalized about your worth and place in the world. Maybe you had roles models who didn't naturally take care of themselves. Whatever the answer, on some level, not taking care of yourself might have- oddly enough- been your way to survive. It's a big question, and one worth pursuing.
Anonymous
November 5th, 2017 6:34pm
Often times being in distraction is much easier - and not caring for yourself often involves things we would much rather be doing, like watching television and staying in bed for example. Taking care of yourself (properly!) beyond eating, using the bathroom and drinking fluids does not happen naturally. It is a decision you have to make, as hard as that may be. You need to decide to do it, and you need to continuously decide to do it. Eventually you'll find it easier to care for yourself, and also maintain a healthy level of self-care. What's your idea of taking care of yourself? Taking care of yourself is very different to having goals, desires and expectations. When we take away those expectations self-care becomes much simpler. Our mentality and how we treat ourselves is optimum!
Anonymous
November 23rd, 2017 5:04am
Maybe because we are all new here. In life. Even if you’re eighty years old and believe you know more than millions of teenagers, you’re just as clueless. Learning about other’s habits is easy. Finding your own...that’s almost impossible.
Anonymous
December 16th, 2017 12:17am
Taking care of yourself is essential for your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Although there are times where self-care may not seem to feel as natural as we may think. Identifying unique needs and them meeting them with nurture can be quite the feat, especially if you are not used to doing it, have suffered childhood neglect, or have an illness such as depression. Start small. Make very small, gentle, and attainable goals, these will lead to bigger ones.