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Do I have the right to be mourning a friend for longer than a year when someone closer to them is already doing much better? I feel like I don't have the right.

19 Answers
Last Updated: 11/16/2021 at 8:26pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Jennifer Patterson, LMFT, ATR-BC

Art Therapist

Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.

Top Rated Answers
January 4th, 2017 2:08am
Of course! :) Even if it has been 5 years, that is still okay. It is very hard to get over losing loved ones, both friends and family, even pets. Some people may recover faster, but others take more time.
January 5th, 2017 8:55am
You definitely have the right. People react differently to circumstances. Whether that's a loss of friend or some other situation that may provoke negative feelings. It isn't abnormal nor wrong of you. Hopefully you can find ways to cope, despite the amount of hurt. Time heals best, but also trying to live your life again helps (distracting yourself from the memory of them, finding meaningful things in current life etc.).
January 6th, 2017 9:53am
You feel what you feel. There's no right or wrong, no rights in the whole grief thing. No use comparing yourself to anyone else. The person who seems to be doing much better may have different coping mechanisms than you do (not better, just different). A lot depends on the way you cope with life in general, how much loss and grief you have had recently and over time, etc. There are so many variables. You have the right to grieve your friend as long as you need to. When you are done, you will know, because the loss won't dominate your thoughts, and you won't feel sad as much. Just give yourself the space and the right to grieve freely without a timetable. Be kind to you!
January 7th, 2017 6:02am
Of course you have the right to. You always have a right to your feelings, especially in times of grief. There are no rules in grief and everyone handles it differently and recovers at different paces. You and this other person are different people, thus, you handle grief differently. That's okay. Neither of you are doing it wrong. It doesn't matter if this other person was "closer to them." You lost someone you care about. That's hard. Let your feelings be what they are, and don't worry whether they are right or wrong. It's okay to feel however you feel about this.
January 10th, 2017 2:53am
Of course you have the right to mourn for a friend! Everyone mourns differently. You may think that this is wrong or weird but it's completely normal. While the other person may mourn faster and easier, it doesn't mean that they are better than you or that your way of grief is wrong. Plus, you never know, that other person may be hurting more than you realize. Just take your time and grieve in whatever way is most comfortable to you. Maybe you could talk to the other person and ask them what they have been doing to stay positive! I hope this helps!
January 10th, 2017 8:41pm
Hello, I'm actually surprised by your question. No one, not even you, can tell if you have the right to mourn something or not. Mourning is not something to measure nor judge in any way. If you need to mourn something or someone, you are 100% allowed to do so as long as you feel like it. It is an emotion that can not be suppressed when we want, mourning is a deep pain that needs time and requires healing. We all have different ways to mourn someone or something, just like we all have a different way to cope with things in life. If that other person is okay today, good for them, that's amazing, but it doesn't mean that you have to undervalue your emotions and force yourself to move on from the pain when it's not ready to leave just yet. I can not explain the whole process of it here, it would be too long. But if you ever feel the need to talk about it, please come to me or find a listener who could help you out. You have to realise that your health can not be undervalued so you could be like someone else. It's good that other people are healed from that difficult loss but you, as a unique human being, you have a different way to cope with that loss and it's definitely acceptable and coherent to mourn longer than just a year. I hope this helped. xx
January 22nd, 2017 7:50pm
Grief is subjective. Emotions are subjective. People have different ways of dealing with things in their life, and nobody has claim over who can be the 'saddest'. Their way of dealing may be very different to yours, and although they seem like they're doing better they may not be. You can take as long as you need to process how you are feeling, as long as it doesn't start eating at your overall wellbeing. Loss can be incredibly difficult to deal with and it isn't something that can just be brushed aside. As long as you're working to heal yourself and you're aware that you're still grieving (as opposed to losing touch with your emotions), you are doing great. If it feels overwhelming, you have all of us here at 7 Cups to speak to, and perhaps if you speak to other mourners you ca suggest ways that you're recovering from the loss and help one another begin to feel whole again.
January 25th, 2017 10:22pm
Absolutely!! Your feelings are entirely valid!! Take as much time as you need to feel better, you can't force recovery
February 1st, 2017 12:39am
Everybody copes with grief differently. Your feelings are no less important or justifiable just because somebody is already feeling better. You have every right to mourn your friend.
June 12th, 2017 1:53pm
Everybody mourns differently. Just because you don't see their mourning doesn't mean they aren't.
August 14th, 2017 6:03am
Yes, you in fact do have the right to still be in mourning! Everyone mourns in a different way and for different lengths. None of us exactly do it the same way as someone else might. This is very, very normal no matter what. I don't think the mourning ever does go away for someone as valuable to you as a friend or family member. But it can subside a bit for sure. The rate at which that happens is not exactly up to you, and that's okay!! Just keep those good memories/pictures of them in your mind.
November 27th, 2017 11:14pm
It doesn’t matter who was closer to who. You are allowed to mourn as long as you want to. It is important that you allow yourself to grieve.
January 2nd, 2018 9:01pm
Of course you have the right. Everyone is different in handling emotions and how they grieve. Give yourself as much time as you need.
February 19th, 2018 3:18am
Yes you have the right to grieve for however long is necessary for you. It might take you a little while to start doing better. Someone closer to them might seem to be doing better than you with this but that's ok people deal with grief differently, there is no time limit on grieving.
August 13th, 2018 8:08am
Everybody grieves differently. It's quite alright if you haven't moved on. Don't worry about other people. Take your time, you have the right. They're your friend and you care.
August 27th, 2018 1:55pm
Everyone mourns in the own way, and at their own pace. We feel loss based on our experiences, and getting over the loss is a process. Some people are better at adjusting. But that should not be a reflection on you. Who is to say how long we should mourn. A mother could mourn for a child for the rest of her life, while the brother could move on in less then 2 years. It does not mean the brother loved less. It just means they have different coping mechanisms, and will heal at a different pace. So in short - yes - mourn as long as it is necessary.
December 4th, 2018 5:15am
There is no right or wrong way to mourn. It is intensely personal to an individual. Please try to not hold yourself to anyone else’s timeline. Each person grieves in their own way. The person who seems to be handling it better now, might find themselves sucked back into grief and loss in 6 months or a year. It could also be that they are in a different place and are working through their grief faster. Either way, your grief journey is your own, and it shouldn’t be compared to anyone else’s. Good luck in finding peace in this goodbye.
November 10th, 2020 7:59am
It sounds to me like you're still very much grieving the loss of your friend and it's totally ok to take your time. We all have our own path and progress through the stages of grief at varied paces. Allow yourself to feel your feels and be gentle with yourself. You're hurting and it's important to take good care of YOU. You've for to put the mask on yourself before you can out it in anyone else. Be patient and gobessy on yourself. Grief is hard and painful. Death isso final and can be scary. I'm here to listen if you'd care to say more.
November 16th, 2021 8:26pm
Hey there! To be honest, there isn't a 'limit' to the amount of time you spend mourning someone. Everyone is different, which means that not all will manage to do better at the same as someone else. And the closeness between people has nothing to do with it. As mentioned, everyone is different, and everyone deals with things in different ways and speed than others!