Why do I feel like it is my fault she died when it really is no one's fault?
Last Updated: 09/26/2020 at 12:11pm
Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.
Top Rated Answers
This is part of step 2 of the 7 stages of grief. Admitting we are helpless is hard. There is a part of us that wants to believe we could have controlled the outcome, "if only" thinking. Which can lead to thinking we should have done something. We humans find this easier than admitting we are helpless when it is no one's fault.
Sometimes when there are no answers or explanations for events we take on responsibility instead - there must always have been a cause so I must have done something type logic. It can also be a distraction almost from our greif. Try and be gentle with yourself greiving is a journey and sometimes the emotions it raises are scary and painful. Reach out to others
It's too easy to blame yourself for even things that aren't your fault. You just have to remind yourself that it is no one's fault and that hopefully you did everything in your power and move on.
First of all, youíre absolutely right. Itís not yours or anyoneís fault. I donít know your personal situation, but whatís making you feel this way could have to do with survivors guilt. Often people who are involved in the same accident, death of siblings, death of S/Os, and lots of other situations can leave the people grieving them with faulty feelings of guilt and self blame. Itís totally normal and the feeling can be alleviated. Some helpful steps could include: recognizing what youíre feeling, shifting your focus to the external (real) forces that causes the event, allowing yourself to grieve, doing something positive that will lift your spirits, practicing self validation.
Some people find it stressful to lose people, and tend to blame themselves even if its no ones fault, its the sadness of the loss that can be apart of this
You might feel like it's your fault because of your relationship with her, orhow she died. It could have had a negative affect on you because of that
Guilt is part of the grieving process, however it is a positive thing to know that it is no-one's fault. Baring this in mind whilst you have the feelings of guilt will help you to hopefully overcome them.
This is a tough situation. Not everyone is the same, there is no one answer fits all to this question. If you feel you are experiencing emotional issues over a death, perhaps you can speak with a trusted person or seek the advice of a trained professional such as a counselor or therapist.
Guilt is one of the stages of the grieving process. It is hard to let someone go if you've been close to them, and it is only natural that you blame yourself. However, i think it's good that you know that it's not your fault, it sounds like a positive step towards healing!
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