Can I be attracted to a gender but not in a sexual way? Like I want to be with them but not have sex with them?
46 Answers
Last Updated: 07/13/2021 at 8:01am
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I am a mental health counselor licensed in the state of Florida. I have been fully licensed for 5 years, however I have over 8 years of experience in the counseling field.
Top Rated Answers
Yes, of course you can. A common misconception is that there are things you can't feel when it comes to your sexual orientation or your relationships with others. Asexuality, for example, does not mean an absence of romantic interest in others, just the absence of a sexual one. Of course you can also like one gender sexually and the other romantically, or both romantically and only one sexually, and so on. The list is long.
Anonymous
January 11th, 2015 3:19am
Yes, there are differenttypes of attraction besides sexual attraction. It is very possible you might be experiencing one of those other attractions towards that gender. Some other attractions you can experience are: romantic attraction (wanting to do romantic things with them), aestethic attraction (appreciating the way they look as you would admire a sunset), sensual attraction (more related to your senses, like cuddling and touching)...A great and simply way an awesome listener called Erynn showed me to visualized this attractions is through a drawing made by a tumblr user (here: http://secondlina.tumblr.com/post/21955456091/a-comic-about-the-different-types-of-attraction ).
Anonymous
June 23rd, 2015 10:52am
yeah, thats what happen when we make friends. we want to be with them but not make out with them. but sometimes we emotionally attach our self with this person so much that we want to spend our lives with them, want them closer to us and get emotially attach to them.......not physically.....
Anonymous
April 16th, 2015 3:04pm
Yep! some people don't experience sexual attraction and a label for that is Asexual. Now, Sexual attraction and Romantic attraction are two separate things (not many people realise this) There are endless combinations of this people can be asexual and homo-romantic, Bisexual and Aromantic (aromantic is not feeling romantic attraction), graysexual and heteromantic...the list goes on.
This is perfectly normal. Romantic and sexual orientations can be seperate. It is definitely possible for someone to be romantically attracted to a gender they are not sexually attracted to.
Anonymous
April 26th, 2015 3:24pm
Yep, that's romantic love. It's lot like what you descibed, wanting a relationship but not necessarily for the sex or because of physical attraction. There's sexual and romantic love, and we can feel them exclusively for no gender, one, or multiple. We can also experience them separately, eg. Liking women but wanting to get into a guy's pants. There more online if you're curious. Good luck with any and all of your relationships.
there are different types of attraction, to list a few: sexual attraction, romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction and sensual attraction. Sexual is when you feel attracted to someone in a sexual way, and romantic when you feel attracted in a romantic way, and while these two types of attraction come together a lot of the time, some times they don't. Aesthetic attraction is when you're attracted to someone's looks but not necessarily in a sexual way, and sensual attraction has to do with the senses (wanting to touch, smell, see, etc a person)... so yes, you can
Yes, and these feelings may change as you develop relationships with individuals within that gender. You love a person, not their gender segregation, and this love will more than likely develop into a sexual love.
It's like saying you don't like all chocolate because you're not keen on Turkish delight, you know?
Of course. This is called asexuality, but some asexual people are still interested in developing romantic relationships with other. Asexuality is completely normal and healthy variant of human sexuality. As any other sexual orientation, it cannot and does not need to be changed. If you'd like to know more, this site may help: http://www.asexuality.org/home/
Definitely! Some people are attracted to people in a romantic way but not a sexual way and that's normal for them! It doesn't mean that you're strange or weird or anything like that!
Absolutely. Sexual orientation and romantic orientation are not always the same. For example, you might identify as male, be sexually attracted only to females, but be romantically attracted to all genders. If you want to claim a label for that, you would be a heterosexual, panromantic male in this particular example.
That's a perfectly normal feeling that many people experience in life. It's alright to want closeness with someone without feeling the need for a sexual bond.
Anonymous - Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
August 5th, 2015 2:08pm
Yes! There are several different types of attraction. Sexual attraction, in which you feel you want to partake in sexual activities with a particular person, is just one type, and not everyone experiences it. There's also a romantic version of it, a platonic version (like a friend crush), an aesthetic version (where you really admire someone's appearance), and more. If these terms don't quite explain what you're feeling, there may be other attraction types that explain it better, or maybe it's time to make up a new word! Just remember it's the language that hasn't caught up to you, yet. There's nothing wrong, invalid, or broken about you or how you feel.
Absolutely! This would be classified as romantic attraction. People sometimes find it helpful to identify with a romantic orientation label that's different from the one they use for their sexuality (ex: biromantic asexual). You might want to look into that if you feel like you're attracted to a gender romantically but not sexually :).
yes you can for example im a panromantic asexual meaning i cam fall in love with people but not in a sexual way
Yes. Sexual orientation and romantic orientation don't always coincide: one may have romantic feelings for someone even without being attracted to them in a sexual way, or viceversa. A man that is sexually attracted to both men and women but only falls in love with women, for example, would identify as a heteroromantic bisexual. There can be many different combinations, and you can identify as hetero/homo/bi...romantic and hetero/homo/bi...sexual according to what you feel.
Yes! Romantic attraction often correlates with sexual attraction, but not always. The genders one feels sexually attracted to sometimes have no overlap with the genders one feels romantically attracted to.
Anonymous
January 13th, 2015 1:28pm
Of course you can! That is called romantic attraction, and is something different from sexual orientation altogether. For example, I identify as an asexual panromantic, which means I don't really want to have sex no matter what, but I'm able to form a romantic relationship with people regardless of gender. As you can see, the two are entirely separate. Hope I helped!
Yes, of course that's perfectly fine. And I also think that is a good kind of attraction for you are using your heart and not your mind or your desires. :)
Of course, there's nothing wrong with not being sexually attracted to someone but still wanting to be with them. I mean, they might not be okay with that and think it's not worth it, or they might be with you. But there's nothing wrong with that, some people are attracted to someone only sexually and not feelings and other wise, but it's all due to that person.
Yes there is many different kinds of emotions when you are attracted to someone, sexual, emotional and romantic and you can feel like you are attracted to that gender emotionally but wouldn't be comfortable having sex with them.
Anonymous
October 31st, 2015 1:38am
Yes, of course. You could be asexual if you find yourself not having any sexual feeling for anyone, but let's say you are attracted to both females and males, and not sexually but just romantically, you are most likely biromantic
Yes its entirely possible! Sexual orientation is different than romantic orientation. You can be romantically attracted to a certain gender but not sexually attracted to that same gender. That is a very valid identity :)
Certainly. We are attracted to certain gender for various reason. One specific example I heard that some people find girls easier to talk to about emotional stuff. Whether it's true or not, it is based on personal preferences. And these preferences come in all sorts.
Anonymous
February 1st, 2016 5:27am
Sure, I think we are definitely capable of being attracted to a gender but not in a sexual way. Personally, values like loyalty, creativity and kindness are aspects of a person I find attractive, regardless of gender.
Anonymous
August 3rd, 2015 1:47pm
Yes! That's probably your romantic orientation, which can be different from your sexual orientation.
Anonymous
July 13th, 2021 8:01am
That is asexuality, my person! I was confused about that feeling too. Growing up, I had friends that were excited to have sex, even in college, I knew so many people that found sex important in a relationship. I simply could not relate. And for the longest time I thought maybe I was immature, people even told me that the right person will come along. Then I discovered what asexuality is. Its essentially the lack of attraction to sex. You could still be romantically attracted (or not, but thats aromantic, a whole other topic for another time ;)) to someone, as in be in a romantic relationship with them, but not care about having sex.
Remember, you are not broken. You just don't find sex important to your relationship.
Anonymous
April 12th, 2015 9:28am
Asexual attraction and platonic attraction are very much legitimate and real things. It is perfectly normal and not at all something to frown upon. The best option is to discuss the limits and interests of both involved parties to be sure that everyone is on the same page for their wants and desires in a relationship as emotionally intimate as anything involving the word or concept of "love." Just because it doesn't involve sex or sexual desire does not mean it isn't love, desire, or intimate.
Anonymous
June 30th, 2015 6:59am
Of course you can! Platonic relationships are everywhere, most people would call that friendship though. :)
Anonymous
March 15th, 2016 11:46pm
Yes! There are two forms of attraction that you can use in this case. There is romantic attraction (i.e. Homoromantic: the ROMANTIC attraction to people of the opposite sex) and sexual attraction. In this case you may be asexual and a separate romantic orientation. I recommend googling some romantic orientations to see if any apply to you.
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