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Does everyone secretly despise LGBTs although many openly claim to accept and love it, including LGBT members and allies? Are there really people who see LGBT as of equal worth as heterosexuals?

269 Answers
Last Updated: 06/18/2020 at 8:34am
Does everyone secretly despise LGBTs although many openly claim to accept and love it, including LGBT members and allies? Are there really people who see LGBT as of equal worth as heterosexuals?
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United States
Moderated by

Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
October 19th, 2018 5:23pm
Not everyone despise LGBTs, in reality, many people don't even think about then as another class of people, just as another human that deserves the same love and care as any other. I can understand why some LGBTs, being one myself (B), think that most of the people out there look at them as different and less worthy but most of the time it is just a reflection of how we see ourselves because of our past experience. Trusting people and being understanding may be the first step toward a new perception about how we and other people look at the LGBT community.
October 26th, 2018 7:46pm
No, not all people despise LGBT+, many of my good friends are LGBT, and I think of them the same way I think of heterosexual and/or cisgender people. A person's sexuality really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, a person's character does. As long as you can be as kind and caring as possible, you can be sure there are people who treat you as equals. Just because you're into someone of the same gender as you or you're transgender doesn't make you any less human than people who aren't. All humans are equal at birth, it's how you act and what you think of others that makes you better or worse.
November 9th, 2018 6:15am
I cannot be sure of what your personal experience with the LGBT community is, but I’m truly sorry if you believe that all people experience some sort of bias towards the LGBT community. From what I’ve personally found that is not at all true. There are many people who have embraced either who they are or have embraced their friends and family. Though not all people have an easy time overcoming their prejudices towards LGBT people it is possible. Many people have had a poor education in relation to gender and sexual identity but it can be learned. What it comes down to is does who a person loves or the gender of a person impact their worth or make them less of a human being? No.
November 11th, 2018 6:38am
No, no way. There are many people out there who nurture hate in their heart for things they don't understand, or the things that they've been taught. The GLBT community has had to deal with overwhelming situations that are often created in fear-based and misunderstood situations. Religion also plays a factor, but when looking at the situation in blank honesty - what two people who in the privacy of their homes or relationship is no concern of anyone else - as long as it is a healthy, consenting and lawfully abiding relationship. (By that, I mean both members are of age).
November 15th, 2018 7:19am
I wouldn't say "everyone". Don't get me wrong-- homophobia is very real. My own parents are the most homophobic people I know(hence why I will never come out to them). But acceptance grows every day. Ex: GSA clubs and other events, such as ENS. I personally am involved in my school's GSA club and find that the majority of my school, including teachers, are very accepting. As for ENS, I would extremely advise going. It's an amazing opportunity to connect with other people in the LGBT community, members and allies alike. However, as acceptance seems to become more popular, I do see how being pro-LGBT can be used as a social tool. In response to the second question... If I were a computer-generated robot or Mahatma Gandhi, I would say that there will always be people who don't see LGBT members as equal as heterosexuals. But I'm not Gandhi, so my opinion is yes, but I would recommend focusing on all of the positive feedback our LGBT community receives.
November 21st, 2018 10:47pm
No everyone does not secretly despise LGBT and there are many more people that see LGBT as of equal worth as heterosexuals as there are people that don’t! I have been an active ally and supportive of LGBTQ rights for a very long time and this has been really important for me to show the world that as a married heterosexual, can see the worth and value of every human, not just the ones that conform to how I live my life. Support for the LGBTQ community grows all the time thanks to amazing work by organisations such as Stonewall. The huge increase in attendance at Pride parades is one way to measure this!
December 1st, 2018 1:06am
There are people who secretly despise LGBTs although they claim to love and support LGBTs. And yes, including members and allies. Trust me, I know. Thankfully, there are many people who believe homosexuals are equal to heterosexuals. Are you dealing with anxiety? There are plenty of LGBTs who are only LGBT for attention, or for any other reason. There are also plenty who are LGBT because it's who they are. I've met plenty of fake homos, trans-trenders, etc., and they aren't my favorite people. But many LGBTs are real and really feel affection to the same gender or really aren't comfortable being their biological gender.
December 14th, 2018 1:43am
I dont know if this counts as I myself am bi, but when I thought I was straight I saw nothing wrong with it. Love is love and the people who say they are allies are allies. Bad people are out there but Don’t let them overshadow the people out there who realise that there is nothing wrong with you no matter who you love! It can feel like things are hateful sometimes but no, everyone does not despise the LGBTQ, infact it is as it should be, loved by many. I hope that helps! And I hope you are able to meet some nice allies that I know are out there!
January 18th, 2019 3:21pm
There definitely are people who have no doubt about the worth of lgbtqia+ people. Many lgbtqia+ people have doubts about their own worth, but as do we all. Nothing is an 'all or nothing' situation when it comes to emotions, and while one person may be doubtful about their own feelings, it doesn't make them any less valid. As a trans person myself, I often have doubts, but I've never been able to see other trans people as anything less than what they are: a human being living the best life they can. There are always people that will believe and us, and there always have been. There's always hope.
January 24th, 2019 5:04am
Yes! There are a lot of people out there who are truly supportive. It's just a matter of surrounding yourself with the right people. It's easy to get stuck around people who aren't supportive, making it hard to believe that people can be, but a lot of people really want to help. There are a lot of queer and straight people out there who are really amazing people. Not everybody can see that everybody is equal, but quite a few can. Many people actively support the community and are making a huge difference.
February 2nd, 2019 11:38pm
I'm ace (technically LGBT+), and my boyfriend doesn't despise me. Lots of people don't despise LGBTs. I don't. My transgender friend is cool; I don't see him any differently now than before he came out. He's of equal worth. My lesbian friends are great people, even if they don't always think that they are. They're of equal worth. My ace and aro buddies are incredible, wonderful people who are of equal worth. My bisexual friend is of equal worth. I know a lot of LGBT+ people, all of whom are of equal worth as heterosexuals. People should not be considered lesser because of not being cisgender and heterosexual.
February 7th, 2019 3:28pm
Yes, I do. I don't really care if someone is gay, lesbian, etc. I think everyone is the same. I accept everyone. And everyone is a human being. The only thing is changed, is who they love, and there is nothing wrong with it!
February 10th, 2019 3:32pm
Absolutely do I believe there are people who see LGBT as of equal worth as heterosexuals. As someone who works at a performing arts center, I encounter dozens of heterosexual people daily who enjoy and appreciate members of the LGBTQ community for not only their bravery, but for their open ended ways of expressing their thoughts and bringing their experiences to the table. I’ve met more people who are compassionate and caring towards LGBTQ members than people who are not. Now, yes, there are people out there who probably secretly despise LGBTQ members, just like there are people who eat dairy even though their allergic to it. It’s a method of fitting in; of not looking weird to people who disagree. And members in the LGBTQ community tend to be proud and accepting of other members, I think it’s rare to find a person who is against being in the LGBTQ community, because in the end we’re a family.
February 10th, 2019 10:57pm
Yes. You need exposure to people who have viewed the LGBT community as equals for a very long time. There has been a lot of progress I think in recent years for your community. A lot of views have changed when it comes to the rights of LGBT community. Unfortunately this means that there are many people out there that have had a RECENT change of heart. It will take a little while for them to completely change their behavior. It'll take exposure and experience. For those who ARE part of the community or have had friends in the community and have believed in true equality for a long time, you'll be able to tell. You'll find comfort with those people. Seek them out and find them. They exist. I'm sorry you are having trouble finding them. One day, there will be way more acceptance and it'll be easier. You're at the forefront of change. Consider yourself a warrior, and hang in there. You are loved by many....TRULY loved....even if you haven't had a lot of exposure to us.
February 14th, 2019 1:50am
No! LGBT people are human and who they love does not impact their worth. There are a lot of people who view LGBT people as equal to heterosexual people. Perhaps you have not met them yet, but I live in a progressive city, and LGBT people are very much accepted here. I think that the LGBT community is not accepted in all parts of the world quite yet, but eventually, hopefully we as a human race can better accept people's choices. Love is love. Never forget that you were put on this earth to love whoever you want to love!
February 18th, 2019 9:34am
I don't think this is true. I cannot speak for other people, but I know my own thoughts on this. For reference, I'm a straight male. I think acceptance of LGBT people (and really, this applies to acceptance of anyone) is about respect - respecting that other people do not need to be the same as me for me to accept who that person is. I'll apply this notion to another, far more trivial, part of my life. I cannot understand why people like lobster, and more, why people pay huge money for it. However, I don't NEED to know or understand this - I simply respect that other people do like it, and that they are willing to pay for it, and at the end of the day, their choices have zero impact on my life, so why should I worry if they like lobster or not? We don't all need to be the same, and we don't need to be repulsed by differences.
February 24th, 2019 5:51pm
We are all created equal and should be treated as such. I don't see why anyone would despise lgbt members who are just existing and being true to themselves. This world can be so negative at times, but we can remove ourselves from those who ignite it and accept each other instead. I hope we get to a point where there is no stigma, taboo or discrimination and we can engage respectfully with one another. At the end of the day it doesn't affect anyone personally how lgbt choose to live. Those who still oppose to it need to practice more tolerance.
February 27th, 2019 10:55am
Many people still despise LGBT's because for them it's unnatural and they can't understand it. But in most countries where it's not seen as a taboo, more and more people actually accept it and treat LGBT the same as heterosexuals. It also helps that on the internet LGBT's can find a lot of support. This makes other internet users more willing to accept. The internet generation will see it as normal, the previous ones will always have difficulties with it because they were told since they were small that it's a sin. Because more people are open about it, it'll become more and more normal until eventually it's like heterosexuality for (almost) everyone. There are always going to be LGBT-phobic people, but they'll become a minority. Where I'm from most people accept it and see LGBT's as equals. I hope this answers your question. Kind regards, Mark H.
March 7th, 2019 7:08am
There are reasons why schools have clubs such as the Queer/Straight Alliance other than that they just like rainbows. I personally don’t believe that everyone hates members of the LGBTQ+ community, and I certainly don’t see heterosexual people as any better than other people. I feel that there are a fair amount of people who have an irrational fear of or prejudice towards LGBTQ+ people, but they hide it because they don’t want the backlash they might get for their unfounded disdain. The same goes for the majority of LGBTQ+ allies who are afraid that society will reject them for being accepting. No matter if you choose to openly despise or openly love a group of people, other people are going to judge you for it, which is why most people do their loving and despising in the privacy of their own brains.
April 5th, 2019 3:56pm
As a bisexual women I feel that there is a lot of confusion surrounding the LGBT+ community. Some people feel nothing but hatred when confronted with a member of the LGBT+ community, others seem less angry and more scared of something that they do not understand. Whilst it can't be denied that discrimination and homophobia is still a huge problem, we shouldn't let bigots undermine all the fantastic progress that has been made towards true equality. I believe for all the people who despise us, there are people who support us. Some people don't understand but try their best to support anyway. There are heterosexual allies who have helped the community and they shouldn't be undervalued because of the efforts of hate groups. Above all, there are members of the LGBT community who have fought (and continue to fight) tooth and nail to get to where we are today. There is nowhere to go but up.
April 20th, 2019 12:00pm
Well, I don't think that that's the case. While LGBTs might not be considered equal by many people, society is doing their best in trying to see them as equal and give them as many support as possible. But I see your point.. "Gay best friend" and "gay couple" roles, in movies, series and books, are still sometimes frowned up or being talked rudely about, I like to think that the rest of the population sees all humans as equals, regardless of their gender or who they love. If that's still not as accepted as it should be, then we have to ask ourselves where did it stop and how to make it happen
June 26th, 2019 4:51am
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July 11th, 2019 6:30pm
From my experience then yes plenty of people value LGBT+ members as much as people of a straight orientation. And they are right because who you like or what your gender is does not have to define you as a person and it should be your personality that counts. Unfortunately some people think that LGBT members are not deserving but there are plenty of people who advocate for equality who are LGBT and allies. It's important to find people in your life who are willing to be open and accept your identity. Seeing LGBT as equal to heterosexuals is becoming more normalised in our culture which is great news!
July 20th, 2019 2:28pm
Most people I've met were never against gays. In fact, the only person who said they were a homo-phob was a Bi- person ( probably as a joke). No one really cares what sexuality you are, because your sexuality does Not define you. The problem with LGBT community is that they feel constantly suppressed. Even if you were bullied, it isn't the end of the world, because we've been all bullied. At the end of the day we're all human, and we're never perfect. Trust me I've met rude people from the LGBT community, but that doesn't make me define them as a whole. Because again, we aren't perfect beings. So if you are LGBT, please don't hate on straights ( well if you do), because we aren't all that different.
July 26th, 2019 6:07pm
I believe that many people in this world see LGBTQ people as equal; they see them as their brother/sister, as fellow colleagues, as friends, as family. However, I also believe there are also plenty of people who despise the idea that LGBTQ exists in humanity and want to have nothing to do with it. A large factor involves culture too. Oriental culture, for example, is much less accepting about being non-heterosexual, while the Western cultures are more accepting (in most cases). On a personal level, I believe that you should see a person for his or her morals and virtues, not by sexual orientation.
July 28th, 2019 6:40am
I know that I, personally, do see all humans as equals. I would hope that there are others like that as well. I find it hard to believe that I am the only one who believes we are all equals. I am bisexual and I see myself and other members of the LGBTQ+ community as equals to any heterosexual human. Just like the color of someone's skin, their sexuality doesn't define their worth. I honestly find it crazy that some people define a person's worth by the color of their skin, gender, culture, religion, or sexuality. In reality, we are all the same things, humans, with differences that make us unique. With that being said, I don't think everyone secretly despises the LGBTQ+ community and there are people who see us as equals. :)
August 11th, 2019 3:34am
Yes I believe there are people who see lgbt people equal in worth for Hate is taught. No one has been born hating lgbt people or anyone of that matter. In the society we live in it’s easy to find many who do hate lgbt people for that was how they were raised. But there are also many who have been raised to know that lgbt people should be accepted and loved as everyone else. I personally as a bisexual person truly feel that lgbt people are 100% equal in worth compared to everyone that is heterosexual/cis/etc. if you truly look at the world and people in a loving and accepting manner, I don’t see how one could still see lgbt individuals as inferior.
August 12th, 2019 6:08am
I truly believe there are people out there who are true allies of the LGBTQ+ community. Unfortunately the world as a whole is littered with so much hate in general and they obviously pick the easiest targets that they think are weak due to differences. I personally don't know exactly where I fall into the spectrum but I am a pansexual and I also have a gay son and I have seen how cruel people can be so I make it a point to help out with making others feel loved no matter what and have offered to be someone's substitute mom if their real parents dont accept them for who they are. There are good people out there regardless of sexual and gender identity who are kind hearted.
September 6th, 2019 12:02am
No! Not everyone hates the LGBTQ+ community. In fact, most people in the United States view them as equal to heterosexuals. I, for one, definitely do not hate the LGBTQ+ community or people who identify as LGBTQ+. I'm not sure what prompted you to ask this question, but if it was someone saying that everyone hated the LGBTQ+ community, I urge you to ignore them. They're just spreading false information. Lies.
October 2nd, 2019 9:18pm
Everyone is a big group of people, and a secret discrimination on that scale would be somewhat hard to manage! But I digress, What you're talking about has a name-- "Internalized (homo/bi/trans)phobia." Internalized phobias are obtained through exposure to outward, or external, phobia and discrimination expressed at the person. When subject to a large group of people who are outspokenly despising you, it's hard not to adopt those thoughts and think "They might be onto something." Understanding that to be socially acceptable and not-heterosexual is a relatively new thing for many people. There are many in this community who are still in quite a bit of pain due to or even still enduring homophobia/transphobia in their lives. Sometimes, simply needing to cope, they express this pain outwards or hold it against themselves. There are, however, many people who don't feel this way, most of which have taken efforts to work with their internalized homophobia/transphobia. I highly recommend that anyone who feels this way to seek out other LGBT people in a support group, speak to a LGBT-knowledgeable therapist/counselor, and/or connect to a listener who is familiar with what internalized transphobia/homophobia is and how to work to grow from it.