How can I be sure of my sexuality?

18 Answers
Last Updated: 09/24/2018 at 12:10am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
c1ov3rda1e
February 14th, 2015 7:31pm
Sexuality is one of the most fluid things in our existence, so believing that you need a label for it can be potentially damaging. If you are someone who feels a need for the sureness of some label, I'd just suggest researching them. Keep in mind that however you choose to identify, your interpretation of it can be uniquely individual and that choosing a label doesn't mean you have to stick to what it implies or never change it. If you want you can even make your own label, or choose none! You make your own rules.
Surrender
January 11th, 2015 12:30pm
Difficult one. To be honest, I don't think anyone is ever completely sure, because it's never 'solid.' I think the most important thing is to find a 'label' that you're happy with, perhaps one that's closest to how you feel. And if you don't want to fit to a label, that's fine too!
Mushes
June 23rd, 2015 6:22pm
I personally don't think there is a correct way to making sure of this? It is all very personal. We are so complex and our sexualities are very difficult to understand and too deep to completely define. If you are unsure, get educated about some other orientations in case you felt like you had to choose from a limited group. And the most important thing is that while we can find comfort in a label, it isn't that important. You can use umbrella terms like 'queer' but at the end of the day, the only people who should care about your sexuality are you and your sexual partner. Explore, define your limits, don't be afraid of not fitting into a box!
Anonymous
May 31st, 2015 3:41pm
It's not an answer you'll love to hear - time. The only way to be sure is to wait, in time you will learn more about who you are and get to know yourself until you're finally comfortable with yourself. And in the meantime – who says you have to be sure? My mentality is that if I fall in love with someone, gender is just part of the package! Not something that should be a source of stress and anxiety. Your sexuality is a part of you, no matter what it is. Embrace it! Don't feel forced to come out until you're comfortable, and remember you're so many other incredible things, too. Don't become your sexuality. Just learn to love it. Love yourself.
Anonymous
June 7th, 2015 8:58am
Only you know your sexuality. You don't need to label yourself, sexuality is a spectrum which may change over time.
Anonymous
June 14th, 2015 6:27am
I would say, think about your feelings towards all genders and talk to people of different sexualities. Ask those people how they feel about their own sexuality and their life experiences. Seek LGBT resources, ideally in your local area and inquire.
readerandwriter
September 7th, 2015 8:43am
It's ok not to be completely sure. Many people are still figuring out this aspect of themselves, so you're not alone. There's nothing wrong with experimenting to make sure of your sexuality, but make sure if you are experimenting with someone else, they know what you're doing.
Mintyhugs
September 22nd, 2015 4:55am
Sexuality is not concrete. It's different from person to person. you do not really have to label yourself, just try to be what makes you happier
nyehJames89
January 26th, 2016 2:38am
To be sure about your sexuality you would look at someone and think of how you would be happy or not in a relationship with that person :)
avvvvvhotpotatojkimnothot
May 17th, 2016 4:07pm
You could carry out some experiments or maybe read GxG or BxB stories to find out similarities, or talk to a trusted adult
cryingkoalas
June 7th, 2016 11:58pm
You're never sure of your sexuality. Sexuality is something fluid and can change over time. You never know what will happen tomorrow. You might find someone you'll fall inlove with and it might be completely different from what you expect. It's alright to change your mind and look for the label you most identify with, but it's also okay to not label ourselves.
BigHeartBetty
January 23rd, 2017 3:50pm
You have to know your comfort zone and how you feel sexually. You have to have, for the most part, a sexual attraction to another person. You have to know if you'd be comfortable having sex with a specific gender. Sex isn't everything, but it's a huge part of sexuality.
kit67
April 18th, 2017 12:27am
You can be sure by not labelling it. Love you ever you want to love. If you are attracted romantically to a female then you're attracted to females and if you're sexually attracted to males then you're attracted to males. Sexuality is fluid. It's okay to wake up and feel really gay and feel straight the next.
Anonymous
May 5th, 2017 9:04pm
Just remember that its okay to realize you were wrong about your sexuality. I could have sworn I was straight until I got a HUGE crush on a girl in 9th grade. Give yourself some time to experiment or just be open to the possibilities, because you can't deny your feelings.
DatNat22
May 16th, 2017 3:36am
Short Answer: You can never be 100% sure. Sexuality is fluid, and can change throughout your life. Experimenting, both with other people, and without can inform you of your preferences. But, that doesn't mean that the way you feel is ever invalid. Period. If you feel attraction to any sex or gender, you have every right to claim that as a part of your sexuality, and no one but you has any say over that or any right to contest it. You are sure when you choose to be sure, and you can question it whenever you like. It's your sexuality, and it's nobody's business but yours.
SunlessSky
March 26th, 2018 12:47pm
The certainty comes with time. It took me some years to grow into the idea that I wasn't straight, and now I'm 100% sure that I'm not. You can really be sure if you do self-reflection regularly, this way you'll learn to read your thoughts and feelings faster than before.
Finn1001
March 27th, 2018 6:42pm
By spending time being yourself and finding out and learning about yourself. It just takes time, but you will find your way.
bentleek
September 24th, 2018 12:10am
For me, knowing my sexuality was extremely difficult, more so than I think anything in my life has been. It would always fluctuate; sometimes I would really be attracted to girls and not so much guys, but it would flip or I'd even be attracted to both. Occasionally I would stop being attracted to anyone altogether. Labeling your sexuality can be very stressful, I knew it definitely was for me. For a while, I hid under the general term 'bisexual,' although I didn't like how people would assume I just like girls and boys. In reality, I would be attracted to anyone based on personality, not just what they identified as. Take it at your own pace, and if you'd rather not label yourself, that's perfectly fine!