How can I come out to my dad if he is homophobic?
Last Updated: 10/21/2019 at 3:09pm
Deane Rain Marie, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I take a holistic approach in working with eating disorders, mood disorders, relationships, and the LGBTQ community. I use EMDR, Dreamwork, Stories, CBT and Cinema therapy.
Top Rated Answers
Only if you are safe and comfortable with it. Do you feel that you may be put in a dangerous situation if you were to come out?
He is your father and loves you very much, He would accept whatever you choose to be :) but if he is seriously homophobic and you don't know how he would react, I wouldn't come out until I know I could support myself if something went wrong and he didn't accept me for who I am.
Coming out is a choice you make. You are not obligated to tell people about your sexuality, especially if you don't feel comfortable or safe doing so.
Whether you should come out at all really depends on whether your dad's homophobic views will affect your emotional or physical health. If there is a risk there, it is much safer to stay in the closet. However some homophobic parents, are often homophobic towards people they don't know. Some parents however can move past their homophobic views simply because you are their child and they appreciate your honesty. If your dad is homophobic, firstly Ii suggest assessing the situation for any real risks, and then if you choose to come, be sure to keep your composure and explain yourself with complete sincerity. It's much better to have these conversation to face to face, but as I have already stressed on. It's VERY important to put your safety first.
The best way is to be honest, tell him how you feel and that you've been worried about telling him. He may be a little apprehensive at first, but he should come around eventually because he really does care about you and should be able to understand that it's part of who you are. Your parents should still love you no matter what your sexuality is.
If your dad is homophobic then it will not be easy but if he really loves you then he will have to. You could let your mom knw first and then all sit down and tell him
If you come out to someone who's homophobic, initially, it'll be a hard pill to swallow for the homophobe. However, they'll need to eventually learn how to accept you as who you are. If my dad were a homophobe, I wouldn't necessarily come out but would bring my same-gendered lover to the house casually and introduce my lover as my lover as if nothing's wrong.
This is never something that is super easy, but my advice would be before you do anything to let him know that you are his child, and he loves you. Other than that, try to prepare beforehand knowing what you are going to say, and making it clear that this has been hard on your life too. But if you don't feel like you're ready to come out yet, don't feel obligated to do so, coming out is your choice that you will make and by no means should you feel forced to be out of the closet.
If you really do need to come our because you can't love as someone you're not it should probably be in a situation where you have people around and accepting you in the conversation and knowing there's some where you could go if he really disagrees with your sexuality (a friend or something) other adults who accept you and maybe a professional can help talk you both through it.
Coming out is a step that you don't necessarily have to do! you don't need to be forced into coming out and for some It can sadly be dangerous to do so. I'd only recommend coming out if you feel your completely safe in your household, for example your mother or sister will fully support you. I'm sure whatever happens your family and your dad will love you either way. Even if it does take some time for your dad to get used to you being LGBT. I can't make the decision for you to come out as I don't know your circumstances only you know if its appropriate. Please only come out if it is safe and you won't be physically or mentally hurt.
it all depends on if you'll be safe after you do. Is now the right time? Would a safer option be to wait until you move out? What is your plan if the worst does happen? Do you have the number for helplines? Can you go and stay with extended family or close a friend if you need some space? Your safety and well-being must always come first. Remember to have outside support and that you're not alone. He might try to shame you but you have to remember your sexuality and shame have no place together. Your sexuality is normal and there is nothing wrong or bad about loving who you want to love.
It all depends on your relationship with him. However, you may want to get the support of other family members first, so you'll be sure there will be someone there for you however things go. You could also ask someone supportive to be present in that moment. Or if you're too nervous, you could consider writing a coming out letter. Explain as openly as you can how you started questioning, what it feels to be like you, what it would mean for you to have him by his side no matter what. Make sure to ask him why he has prejudice about it and discuss it with him as calmly as possible. Maybe he will give you a chance and try to understand you!
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