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How can I support my friend who is transgender?

39 Answers
Last Updated: 01/12/2021 at 2:54am
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
November 5th, 2014 8:43pm
Don't feel like you need to make a big deal out of it. Try your hardest to use their preferred pronouns and name if they've decided to change it, let them know that you're there if they want to talk about anything and let them know you support their decision, and there isn't much else you really need to do.
Erynn
December 24th, 2014 11:35pm
1) Truly honor their gender identity. Use their pronouns and whatever name they ask you to call them. 2) DO NOT out them. Ever. To anyone. Ask them how Out they are, and if there are specific people or places they are in the closet. They need to be able to choose who they are out to to be emotionally, physically, and economically safe. 3) Do some research! Learn what are common mistakes so that you can avoid them. Learn what people find supportive, so you can do that. If you want to be a Super Friend: 4) Learn about gender roles and expectations and stereotypes and start to understand the gender as a social construct. 5) Read books, watch videos and youtube clips, read blogs by people who are trans, and visit trans-related websites. The more and more you learn, the more you can communicate on a deep and compassionate and articulate level about gender, gender issues, and the many issues trans folk face. More than anything though - Just be their friend. They are who they were before they told you, but now they can be more authentic and open about themselves. Realize what an honor they have given you by coming out to you. :)
RebeccaH
December 29th, 2014 6:53am
Ask them. Your friend will tell you how you can best support them. It may start with using their preferred pronouns, or actively supporting their gender expression. It may also include going with them to LGBT or trans* support groups or clubs, or just being an advocate for them.
attainablehappiness
October 12th, 2015 3:30pm
Understanding. Usually, the reason for hate is ignorance. If you read up on transgender issues and how transgender people feel, you can start to be more empathetic and have discussions on transgender issues. Use the right pronouns, respect their wishes. If you recognize what body dysphoria and hate crimes against trans people are, it will help you support them ultimately :)
softWingedgiraffe33
November 11th, 2014 12:39am
A good resource is PFLAG and the Trevor Project, I believe both have resources for Allies :). Also, just be there for them!
MonBon
November 11th, 2014 3:56am
Treat them like you usually do; they're still a person. Try to use their preferred pronouns and treat them like they're your friend -- because they still are!
HelpingHand56
December 8th, 2015 1:37pm
well , understand them and their sitution , ask them what they like to be called and their prefered name . Dont ask them what makes them uncomfortable like what gender they were born as and like sugery and what not , chances are they may not even know , its kinda like a stranger coming up to you and asking where you live . get my point ? you have to be close to someone before they feel comfortable to anwser , for now just be there :)
minervasarrowcomplex
December 21st, 2014 9:24am
Remind them that you love them for who they are, and how important it is for them to love themselves, too. If you are confused by their process, ask them questions about what they are feeling. There are great books available on the transgender experience, as well, such as Whipping Girl by Julia Serano. Reading books like these, and sharing them with your friend can be an enormous gesture.
Anonymous
June 7th, 2015 10:39am
Be there for them no matter what! As a trans, I can say that that is the biggest support I could ever have.
Anonymous
December 12th, 2015 9:20pm
Honestly, let them know that you are there for them. Ask them how you could help. Very likely, there won't be any specific thing that they tell you. In which case, just love them and listen to them and be their friend like you've always been.
uniqueHeart20
August 10th, 2015 12:58am
A great way to support someone who is transgender is to use the proper pronouns and let them know that you will be there for them no matter what!
museofdreams
December 13th, 2016 6:15pm
Being transgender can be really hard, I'd definitely say be there as a friend; learn teminology so you know what's going on, do research into the different feelings or emotions they can have, and help try to get everyone to be supportive. One person advocating for them can make a world of a difference, but one important thing must be noticed... Use the right pronouns!!!
Anonymous
January 12th, 2021 2:54am
Some easy steps to take to support a transgender friend are to simply use their chosen name and the correct pronouns, and to correct others if(/when) they use the wrong name/pronouns. One of the best ways of supporting your friend is to simply stand by their side, as a friend, regardless of their gender-identity. A small, but almost certainly appreciated, step is to educate yourself on the matter. It won't take long, and it will really be worth it. Remember, though, that even if you do research on the topic, your friend is still the expert and they know best how they feel. Don't try to undermine their experiences; if something bothers them, it bothers them. (E.g. your friend is upset about someone misgendering them. Don't tell them it was probably a misunderstanding or that people aren't used to using the correct pronouns. Simply listening can be enough.) So, basically respect their identity and be a friend, just as you've always been.
Maude221
January 30th, 2017 12:45am
Don't assume you know what the person's experience is. Be guided by what the person tells you about their own situation, and listen without preconceived notions. Treat transgender people the same. While they may appreciate your extra attention to them, they don't particularly appreciate you making a big deal of them. Be supportive. Those who have begun to express a gender different from the one assigned at birth are usually undergoing a major life changing event. Patience, understanding, and a willingness to discuss issues these changes will bring about will help them through a difficult and emotional time
TorynDeaux
February 21st, 2017 4:51am
Be understanding. Try to put yourself where they are at, but unless you have felt off in your own body, you won't understand. Give them advice on transitioning; proper binder usage, hormone and testosterone treatments. And just be there in general. If they have a preferred pronoun or name, use it and if you mess up and forget, apologize. Make sure you completely understand where they stand in their transitioning.
Anonymous
March 13th, 2017 3:39pm
You should foremost keep this in mind to call them by their preferred names. Secondly, you should use the right pronouns for them. Thirdly please correct anyone who isn't using the right name or pronoun. And lastly be there for them to lean on.
FriendlyIcecream99
March 16th, 2017 1:03am
Make sure you fully understand Transgender culture. This could really help your friend feel accepted
comfortableSoul80
August 14th, 2017 10:58am
Use the right pronouns and name! But there may be times where it's safer to not use them, so just ask. Also make sure they know you have their back and will support them the whole way.
Anonymous
November 14th, 2017 8:14pm
Just act normal around them as tough you would a normal friend. They are no different in personality they might just be discovering who they are. If they are being bullied though, stand up for them, support them as they are still your friend just with an extra special bit on the side. :)
radiantFireworks51
February 12th, 2018 9:00pm
1. Don’t treat them any differently 2. Stand up for them 3. Just be a good friend as tho they weren’t transgender and just always be there for them 4. If they get surgery or hormones then maybe go with them to appointments
dreamSpace91
March 19th, 2018 1:04pm
Good idea. Give him a gift like make up. Support him by feelings and discuss with him.
Anonymous
August 13th, 2018 6:42am
learn about trans struggles, listen to what your friend says about the issues their going through, be kind and understanding, and basically just try to educate yourself as much as possible
Anonymous
December 18th, 2018 7:06pm
One way you can support your transgender friend is to respect their pronouns. They are going through a tough time, especially with all of their new thoughts and hard times. Simply respecting their pronouns and their new name (if they have one) can mean a lot to them. Another way you can support them is to be there to help them if they need it. Just like any friend they need moral support and a good group of friends to help them with everything. You can make sure they understand that you are there for them by reassuring them that you are there for them.
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
June 10th, 2019 9:48am
Just be there for you friend, make sure they know you're there for them, encourage them to open up about their feelings, hopes and worries, but without pushing them. And of course, use the pronouns and the name of their choice. Having someone by our side already makes all the difference in the world!
Anonymous
May 11th, 2020 7:39am
I think the best thing you can do to support your friend is treating them normally. Use the right name and pronouns and just be their friend. If you make mistakes with pronouns or names at first that's okay, it happens but work hard to get them right. Use the right pronouns even when they're not there and don't always say their transgender or stuff like that. If they're struggling with dysphoria remind them they're valid and you love them. Often that helps a lot. I'm sure you're going to do great, and wish the best for you and your friend. Have a nice day!
Anonymous
September 12th, 2016 10:49am
Be there for them and support them throughout their struggles. That's the best you can do. Hope it goes well! :)
amazingHeart17
October 8th, 2015 3:07pm
All you have to do is let them know that you are here for them, offer help with anything they may need, and use the pronouns that they would prefer :)
Anonymous
July 27th, 2015 5:12pm
At first I have to say how happy I am about your wish to help. That's the first big step. I have a gay friend and years ago he came out. I wanted to support him, too. I think the way to help is somehow simmilar and one day he reflected our support. He told me, accepting him and treating him as a person, not a gay person, was very important to him. And the guarantee to know that there are people to depend on, still loving him, no matter what people say.
Anonymous
June 3rd, 2015 5:09am
help him feel proud of who he or she is. dont let them think they dont fit in because of who they are. help them gain self confidence and stand up for them.
HappyPlaces
May 28th, 2015 6:09pm
Just call them by their preferred pronouns, and treat them like they want to be treated, whether they're a trans* boy or trans* girl.