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How can you tell if you are a boy or a girl, or something else entirely?

210 Answers
Last Updated: 11/22/2020 at 7:58pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
heavenTouch21
July 9th, 2015 3:29pm
The gender issue isn't black and white, we have all the spectrum of colours. Try to find a place where you find the most comfortable.
TransMan1115
July 9th, 2015 7:36pm
Just ask, pull the person aside, don't make it public. And also don't judge just based on appereance
RIPGwenStacy11
July 10th, 2015 1:27am
Only you can answer this question. You don't HAVE to identify with ANYTHING. If you feel like you are something, anything, or nothing. Then that is what you are.
MusicLife
July 10th, 2015 11:00am
Base on there position in a situation certain things happen or feel for a girl boy lgbt their are mostly in a situation commonly to their gender
Randomnesseverywhere22
July 10th, 2015 2:31pm
You can tell what gender you are by how you feel about life, and how you feel about yourself, it's not looks it's a mind thing
Anonymous
July 10th, 2015 8:20pm
Your gender is decided by what you feel comfortable identifying as, not by whats between our legs. If you were born a girl, but you feel like a boy, then you can identify as a boy.
Anonymous
July 11th, 2015 12:47am
It takes time to decide what gender you are and there are many different genders you could identify as. Take time and think about it.
miraclebaby
July 11th, 2015 6:00am
go on instinct, and don't let society influence you. you may not know right away but sometime it'll hit you and you'll know
tranquilEagle75
July 11th, 2015 9:41am
A good way to figure this out is by experimenting with pronoun usage, clothing, and the way that identifying as another gender makes you feel. If it makes you feel comfortable/safe/at ease to identify as another gender, that's a good indication that you are, but don't feel weird about changing your gender/pronouns all the time - it's a process.
Anonymous
July 11th, 2015 3:36pm
check down below you will get the idea.
SoaringSky
July 11th, 2015 5:15pm
"Boy" and "Girl" are only the two opposite points on the spectrum of gender. Many people identify as one or the other, but a growing group of individuals choose instead to identify as "Gender Queer", "Gender Fluid" or "Gender Neutral" which means they don't identify as solely either gender, and instead flow somewhere between the two. As for deciding where you lie on the spectrum, only you can really know, and you don't have to make a decision. For some, it changes from day to day, which is absolutely fine. Additionally, you can be any gender you want regardless of your sex or sexual orientation. The decision is completely your own, and only you can choose. After all, only you know what's going on in your own head.
StevensLion
July 11th, 2015 10:02pm
If you feel like a boy, you're a boy! If you feel like a girl, you're a girl! If you feel like both, you're both! And if you don't feel like either, you're neither! You're the only person who can define who you are.
BeauRemo
July 11th, 2015 11:47pm
Only you know what you identify as. If you feel you are a boy then you are. If you feel like a girth then you are. If you feel like neither then that's what you are. No one else can place a gender on you other than what you feel you are. Biologically we are all assigned a gender but as we grow we might realize that it doesn't match who we are inside. That gender that you feel you are is the correct one. If you feel like you aren't either that's what you are.
bubblegumStrawberry72
July 12th, 2015 7:57am
You can tell by looking at your genitalssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssßssssssssssssssssss
ListenJessica645
July 12th, 2015 11:50pm
If you have had a crush on only one gender or have had strange feelings towards only one, then you are the standard heterosexual. If you feel like you were born into the wrong gender, or you have similar feelings towards both, then you are bi or transgender.
ListeningForHope
July 15th, 2015 3:43am
Most people know from the time they grow up wether or not they are a boy or a girl, but as we grow older it becomes much harder to tell for some people. Some feeling as if they belong in another body while other feel like they belong just where they are. So I don't think you can ever really "tell" until the day you wake up and decide "This is who I am going to be for today".
ReassuringOcelot37
July 16th, 2015 5:58am
The place to start, I think, is to realize that being a boy or girl, a man or woman, is to step into a role that has been crafted by society over centuries. It's not the "Natural" state of affairs for anyone to have all the stereotypical characteristics of one gender role or another. People have their own smattering of various characteristics, and usually they're partly a mixture of attributes from both "male" and "female" roles, plus others that are either neutral or just "other." So the upshot is that what you are is what you feel you are, what you identify as. Just as someone who paints a lot and feels it's part of their personality can identify as a painter, you can elect to identify with any role that matches the characteristics you want to embrace as parts of your personality. You're a girl or a boy or other by choice...or in the case of people who are not self aware, they were assigned male or female at birth according to the features of their bodies, and just assumed that the assignment was right for their whole lives. I didn't notice the disparity for many years myself. I called myself by one role, but felt that I was just a very atypical example of the type. But no; with my characteristics, a different role fits me much better, so now I embrace my chosen gender. Read up about the different sorts of people in the gender spectrum, and about being agender, and see what resonates with you!
Anonymous
July 17th, 2015 4:50am
You're going to question it for a while. You might have to do it in stages, you might have to experiment with your identity. You'll know, inside, when the time is right.
daisyinwounderland
July 17th, 2015 3:20pm
One things for sure. Body parts mean nothing! What do you feel you are? Boy, girl, or even neither. These are all possibilities. At the end of the day all that matters is what you feel the most comfortable identifying with.
alise
July 17th, 2015 10:46pm
There is no definite "boy" or "girl". Gender is a spectrum and you are allowed to be whatever you want. Just ask yourself, what do you feel like? Labels only go so far, but remember: you don't have to label yourself!
jkllama
July 18th, 2015 1:04am
Make sure you look deeply inside yourself on this topic. There are many things that may indicate who you are on the outside, but the only thing that matters is how you feel inside.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2015 6:26pm
It takes time to determine your gender, and there are many different gender identities. Keeping a log of what you feel you identify as each day can help!
Anonymous
July 18th, 2015 11:52pm
By the way you feel not by what body you were born with, but by what you mind and heart tell you that you are
Anonymous
July 19th, 2015 8:57am
How to tell what your gender is? If you could choose to be more feminine or more masculine what would it be? The answer could be both, feminine, masculine, niether, and much more.
Oreo
July 19th, 2015 7:47pm
See which identity you are most comfortable with and go with whatever your gut tells you. If both feel wrong/right, or if not having a label feels more appropriate, there are others who feel the same way and it is a valid feeling to have.
Anonymous
July 22nd, 2015 3:10am
Only you can tell what your true gender identity is. Remember: feel first, apply labels later. Focus more on how you feel rather than the title of how you're feeling.
xdchloe
July 22nd, 2015 7:30am
Labels are used alot in society just ask yourself if you feel you are born the gender you are most comfortable with calling yourself.
CaringAm
July 22nd, 2015 8:33am
Many say it's like a gut feeling - they just know. Others may feel uncomfortable with certain pronouns or being called things such as "brother", "girl" etc. For me, the conclusion that I was definitely nonbinary came from when someone gave me three scenarios: One where I was male, one where I was female and one where I was neither. They were all somewhat similar, but I definitely like the one where I was neither best. That's how I know.
tranquilFreedom
July 22nd, 2015 10:25pm
It's all in how you feel. If you feel more masculine or feminine some people feel like both or neither
Rojoe
July 23rd, 2015 12:23am
i am FTM and have known for some time it hit me like a ton of bricks i suddenly realized that i was this beautiful girly girl who everyone loved but i felt empty and different - once i started living for me and being who i was my whole life changed. spend some time with you and dont worry about a label..