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How do I come out to my parents?

296 Answers
Last Updated: 06/21/2022 at 9:26pm
How do I come out to my parents?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
Suiginy
August 4th, 2016 7:33am
I know someone who sent a long email/text to their parents, I did after getting a new haircut (it gave me confidence and someone else made a cookie, wrote "Gay" on it and said "well, you are what you eat." in front of their parents and ate it
Anonymous
July 19th, 2018 4:22am
Coming out is a very personal experience. First of all, you need to decide if you really want to do it, analysing your personal situation. The way you come out to others, especially to your parents, depends on how you deal with the subject and on how you expect them to deal with it. Some people might have more understanding parents, others might get in real trouble for coming out. This experience must be dictated by you, and only you. If you've already analysed your personal situation, you can decide on the best way to tell your parents. Some of them might need a little preparing first, because, unfortunately, sometimes it ends up as a shock. Maybe you could start telling them a little story, giving them a little background on your life, kind of directing them to the matter. Then, you could say that nothing would change, that you're still the same person and that you'd like them to know the real you, to get them closer to your life. After smoothing the path, you could come out. Of course, this is one of many ways to so it. Everyone has their own. Just make sure you stay safe. Some people might need a bit more of time to come out and that's okay, there is no right time for doing that. You need to feel comfortable and secure. Good luck!
Anonymous
July 14th, 2018 4:57am
Sit them down and say to them, there is something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now, and it’s been bugging me for a long time. Mom, dad, I’m _______
AveryinUnderland
April 6th, 2016 4:36pm
Well, there are many ways. I personally feel like it all depends on the people but if you feel that they'll take it well then you could do something witty, funny or just silly. But if you aren't sure you could write a letter, send then a message, or even a text but face to face is always best. Only do it when YOU are ready, trying and failing a few times is perfectly alright. I came out as trans almost a year ago and it happened over the phone with my mother because she weaseled it out of me (I wanted to have a face to face with her and my father) but it worked out. I hope for any who take this plunge do it with their heads held high and I hope your family accepts you for the amazing creatures that you are. Be free and be fabulous. OH! One last thing, if they approach you and ask if you are LGBTQ+ don't panic! It
Poptheweezl1058
January 4th, 2019 12:08am
Make sure you won't be endangering yourself when you come out Make sure you have a reliable friend that you can sleep over if your parent kick you out Make sure your parents understand the termonology, do this gently, "hey did you know..." or "I found this term at ... today, ... I think it was, it means ..." Remember your safety is your current main and biggest concern I understand the urge to come out but if it is not safe do not come out I don't mean to press this but it's important If you need amy help there are plenty of listeners oh 7 cups Hope this helped -pop
sailorDoge1
September 24th, 2016 3:54pm
Everyone's story is different, especially when it comes to how we are dealing with our own sexuality. My own personal experience was a positive one- almost insignificant to any other life events that were going on- I had been hanging around a girl who became my girlfriend slowly, and my mom just noticed how close we were. She one day just asked me if we were dating- and I said yes. That's all there was to it. Not everyone is so lucky, some people may have difficult situations/non-understanding parents. And for those of you suffering with this, I am truly sorry, but it gets better. #positivefocus
NotaThief
April 6th, 2016 3:38pm
I've personally never had to do this, but I would sit them down and ask them if I can ask them a very personal question If they say "you can tell me anything" Then I would continue.
AdorableReeds
July 24th, 2016 7:17am
Stay calm and get them together and sit at a table, coming out is very simple and easy if you just stay calm and tell them.
Anonymous
October 27th, 2016 3:18pm
Everybody has different ideas of how to do it. For example, if you know your parents will accept you then maybe bake a rainbow cake or pancakes. I came out through a simple conversation. I also used the coming out song by Ally Hills, which is kind of goofy but I love it. The most important thing is to do it in a way that makes you feel comfortable, and to make sure it's safe to come out (eg if you think your parents may kick you out, then it may not be the right time to come out). Good luck!
Anonymous
April 3rd, 2016 2:28am
Comeing out to anybody is a hard thing to do. I would reccomened sitting them down and politely explaining to them your sexuality. Hopefully all will go weel! Good luck!
HuddlesWillAlwaysListen
July 13th, 2016 5:08am
I know it's hard to come out. Trust me. I've been there. But, first find out if it'll be safe. Find out if they're homophobic, against the LGBTQA+ community, Transphobic, or anything like that. If it's not safe to come out, PLEASE. DO NOT COME OUT. If it's not safe, I suggest you come out once you're in a place where you can take care of yourself and they cannot throw you out of the house. If it IS safe, then you can bring it up in a car ride, at dinner, or just bring home a lover of the same sex (if you have any sexuality related to dating the same sex. Ex: Bisexual, Pansexual, Homosexual)
AHandToHoldAndHopeToGlow
June 1st, 2016 4:31am
Sit them down, and ask them how they feel about same sex couples, most likely they will ask " are you gay/bi/lesbian/pan/ace" Ansewer honestly, Im not saying be blatent but tell them that you have always prefered the same gender, and that you love them and think that they deserve to know whats going on in yor life, and tell them "mum dad, Im a lesbian/gay/bisexual/ace/pan" And remember to smile, act happy about this, because its a happy time :)
KingEvan0904
October 7th, 2016 2:58am
Just tell them whenever you feel is right. Remember you can't be closeted for the rest of your life.
Anonymous
April 1st, 2018 11:55pm
Sit them down, and gently explain to them your situation. Let them know that you are still the same person, you just love a little differently.
Anonymous
May 23rd, 2018 5:32am
Well only do it when you feel safe and not pressured. Sit them down and make sure they have your full attention. And once you are calm and have all your thoughts in line tell them.
WaterColorWitch
July 28th, 2018 5:36pm
It depends on how your parents feel about what you will share. If you trust them, you should be able to share. I would say start with the parent you trust to handle he news best, and go from there. If you're not sure, perhaps start with another family member you can trust to be understanding, such as an Aunt or a sibling or cousin or grandparent. If you have no options outside your family and fear violence, seek you nearest community online or in your hometown to get advice and build a support network.
LukeMOC
May 25th, 2018 2:13am
I would write down exactly what you will say to them and rehearse it. Also plan how you will respond to the different reactions you may get. You know your parents well and probably can guess how this may go. Preparation means you won’t be stuck for something to say. Plan when and where as well. Acknowledge you will feel anxious which is to be expected. Have a plan of what to do after depending on the response. You may feel like going elsewhere to have some space or you may remain at home. Also have friends to contact after.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2018 7:02pm
Sit them down and say you need to tell them something important and make sure there is no distractions. Tell them the truth and I’m sure they’ll listen, I promise.
NocheAzul25
June 1st, 2018 6:09am
Coming out to your parents can be a really scary thing to do, so you should be proud of yourself for thinking of stepping in that direction. First, you should make sure you have friends or family that will support you if you think your parents could react badly. Personally, I came out to my parents last month by writing a letter and leaving the house for the afternoon. This may be ideal if you don't want to have to talk in person quite yet, or again are unsure of how they'll react. Other people I know have simply just sat their parents down and explained, but I know that can be intimidating. No matter how you actually end up coming out, it's important to remember that it will likely take time for your parents to think through. Maybe also have some resources in mind if they have questions, or just think of some questions they might have in advance. Most importantly, only come out when you're ready, and you know you'll be safe doing so. Don't let anyone pressure you if you're not ready. Good luck, and we're here at 7 Cups to listen if you ever need us :)
Anonymous
June 6th, 2018 3:10am
coming out can definitely be a hard thing to do, especially with religious family members. sometimes, what you need most to come out is strength. you might feel scared or nervous, and that’s completely normal. first, it’s good to start off the conversation with what they think about the topic of your sexuality without telling them that it’s what you are. get their insight on it. if they seem pretty calm with the topic, take that as a chance to tell them that you were curious what they thought because that’s what you are. if they were cool with the topic of the sexuality, then they most likely will be cool with your confession. make sure to be open with their opinions. on the other hand, if your family members aren’t very accepting, it might be a better idea to just let other people you trust know, and wait until you are older to tell your family members.
Jacobbjackson
June 6th, 2018 10:41pm
Don’t come out in an inviroment you don’t feel safe in, next just try to have a calm talk with them which in my opinion works best from experience. Just explain to them how you feel and hope they understand, hope this helped and good luck :)
kvo8
October 15th, 2017 12:30am
Congratulations on wanting to come out to some of the most important people in a person's life! Its a huge step and it takes courage!! :) Sometimes the "how" is not as important as the "when". You want to make sure that when you come out to your parents (or anyone) that you can do so safely. Is the time appropriate in your life? Are you in a safe place? Your safety is priority number 1! If you feel you are in a safe time/place, then coming out is totally your own choice and so is how you do it! I came out to my mom casually and just told her I was a lesbian. Some people can't do that and that is okay! You can give them a song, write a note, just sit them down and explain things or whatever you feel! Don't feel pressured to come out in some spectacular gesture if that doesnt make you comfortable :)
Anonymous
July 26th, 2018 6:12am
There's literally no set way you should do this, because every family situation is different. Try gauging how comfortable and safe you would feel if you came out, and if you need to do it when you aren't under your parent's immediate control.
RumpleSteeleSkin
July 25th, 2018 11:08pm
Congrats on wanting your parents to know on this. I do know it is very hard and scary thing to do as even parents can be against this. Communication is the best thing, but also writing a letter if you feel you can't share on this the way you want to. Be honest of how you feel on this. Share that you may feel scared of their reaction to this. Also allow some time for them to understand and take this news in. Be open to feedback. Mostly know your parents love you.
Allears247
July 25th, 2018 11:18am
Just tell them. As hard as it is you'll just have to come out and tell them, Theres no easy way out of this particular situation unfortunately.
Rileigh7474
July 21st, 2018 7:58pm
The best way to come out to parents is usually to just tell them, don’t go crazy and do anything weird, just having a sit down conversation with your parents is usually the way to go.
LunarLemon8
August 1st, 2018 12:20pm
Take your time. No hesitation. You don't have to come out, and you should do it when you are feeling 100% safe. There are many ways to come out, you should choose a way that fits you the best. :)
Anonymous
July 10th, 2018 1:37pm
Take your time, don't rush into it, and if you feel as if you aren't in a safe environment to come out in, then don't!
silverForest36
June 13th, 2018 5:48pm
The best way to come out to your parents is whenever you are ready and on your own time. Make sure you feel comfortable and that you are safe in your home.
Anonymous
July 8th, 2018 10:36am
You can ask them for a chat then you can talk about whatever you are going to say but say it like you mean it so they understand.