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How do I come out to my parents?

264 Answers
Last Updated: 06/20/2020 at 11:23pm
How do I come out to my parents?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Terrence Sawyer, MS Counseling Psychology

Drug & Alcohol Counselor

Social disorders counseling social psychology, substance use disorder counsel

Top Rated Answers
April 13th, 2016 12:42am
For me, I came out when I actually had someone I was dating. I always planned to do it sooner than later, but for me, it was a kind of safety net at that time, that I did it while I was still dating. I knew I'd be welcomed in open arms, so I never feared it. My mom's always been very caring, and understanding. But having my date to talk about it to, really helped me doing it. Although that's my way. There are several ways to do it. Gathering your parents, and announcing you've got something on your heart, is a great way of doing it. If, however, you feel one of the parents might not take it too well in the start, you can always start by coming out to the other parent. Get their understanding, and break the news hand in hand. I wish you all the very best, when you're coming out to your parents. You deserve happiness!
April 13th, 2016 10:05pm
It can be hard to determine if your parents will accept you. I was lucky enough to have a mother who came out to me first. My dad, though, I had no idea. I knew he loved me, I know he still does. So one day I just told him 'Dad, I'm pansexual.' on the way home from dinner. That was that. He's asked me about it since, but the point is, it can be hard and it can be super scary. But it's okay, even if they dont like it, even if they get mad or dont accept you. Because you were strong and brave enough to tell them in the first place. Thats huge!
April 15th, 2016 7:10am
This is always a hard question because we don't know your situation. So in general: Get some support. Take a look at If you can and your parents will help you find a supportive counselor to help you understand your situation and help you understand if your parents are able to be supportive. The first rule is keep yourself safe. I wish you peace. J
April 20th, 2016 10:40pm
Simply talk with them, explain to them everything you feel and the most important thing is to do this when you feel 100% ready.
April 21st, 2016 9:14am
Coming out was really difficult for me, i was extremely scared. I kept putting it off. I finally worked up the courage over family dinner. I sat my mother and aunt down for a discussion. It took me a while to say it. Luckily their response was positive and accepting. The best you can do is try.
April 21st, 2016 11:36am
It can be very very difficult to come out to your parents, especially when you don't know what they're reaction is going to be. I would suggest sitting down with a cup of tea, and just say that you need to talk to them about something that means a lot to you, you want them to be open minded. approach them slowly, sometimes it can be a shock. and people react the wrong way. If you're too nervous to talk to them, write them a letter.. let them take their time to read it, and to come to terms with it.
April 23rd, 2016 1:02am
First of all, make sure you feel comfortable with yourself before you come out to other People. As long as you feel you are in a safe environment, the risk is low (e.g. if there was a negative reaction, you have a place to go for a few days), and you want them to know. Never feel pressured into coming out before you feel you are ready. But when you do, it will be a relief - trust me!
April 23rd, 2016 4:03pm
Honest. Just tell them straight away. Do not be afraid to tell them the truth. If they really love you they will accept you no matter who you love
April 24th, 2016 1:04am
First of all, Make sure when you tell them that it is just you and your parents. Something like this would be best if told during a dinner perhaps? Just tell your parents that you have something to say and tell them... & Then tell them. Yes they will be shocked & There might be some conflict of some sort but remember this is all due to shock & It is not you, Your parents love you but it might be hard for them to comprehend so please be patient with them. The shock factor will wear off but it may take time. Best hopes to you!
April 28th, 2016 9:07pm
It's always good to have a friend there with you when you do, make sure it's someone that you trust.
April 29th, 2016 8:27pm
First of all, if you think coming out would put you in a dangerous situation, don't do it. Your safety comes first. If you feel comfortable in your situation, you can approach your parents about it. Make sure they are in a good mood before you tell them. Coming out is a different experience for everyone who does it.
May 5th, 2016 6:18pm
Only come out if you feel that it is safe and are comfortable, and when you do, tell them in the best way you think they will understand. That's what I did.
May 6th, 2016 3:43pm
Most importantly make sure it is the right time for you and that it isn't too forced. Also make sure it is safe and that they won't act too negatively or mistreat you because of it. Good Luck!
May 7th, 2016 3:10am
I think it's best to come out when you're most comfortable & ready just have a sit down conversation
May 8th, 2016 10:07pm
You can find a counsellor to help you make coming out to your parents easier. The counsellor can also be useful to your parents if they have any questions or concerns about how to better understand you.
May 11th, 2016 5:32am
Call a family meeting, and go over it with them. Explain to them in your own words that even if you like people your parents do not 'approve' of, this doesn't change who you are as a person, just who their future 'in-law' will be.
May 17th, 2016 6:56pm
Just sit them down and be calm during the time. They will be maybe shocked or angry for a while but I assure you that they'll come around. They love you for who you are but you've got to guve them time to get used to the newly provided information.
May 18th, 2016 4:33pm
Tell your parents that there is something you want to tell them, and that you would like to sit down and talk. Take your time, there is no need to rush yourself. Tell them that you are still the same person, and that you just want them to understand this aspect of your personality. Good luck.
May 18th, 2016 9:26pm
I came out to my parents in two ways. The first was by writing them a letter and leaving it somewhere they could find it and read it whilst I was away on a trip with friends. The second was when I decided I needed to talk to them face to face. My best friend was there with me and that really helped. We never really know what their response will be but at least you will have done your part in opening up a space for both sides to explore one of the many aspects of your self that they had not known before. That's a bold step to take.
May 18th, 2016 10:14pm
When I came out to my mother, I sat down with her and told her... Just getting it off my chest brightened my world.
May 19th, 2016 2:17pm
There are many ways you can come out. First of all, you need to establish if it's safe. Do you have somewhere to go if they react badly? One of the ways you can do it is sit them down and tell them you need to talk. Turn off all distractions such as your TV. Explain to them that what you're about to say is important to you and you're not sure how they're going to react. Take a moment to breathe. This is going to be scary. Start by telling them straight up. "Mum, dad I'm _____". Go into detail about how you're feeling. The next way is a letter. Address the letter to your parents. "Dear Mum and Dad." then go into detail, start to explain why you're writing to them rather than saying it to their face. Once you've explained, it's time to write about your sexuality/gender. Say what you are and explain what that means. The mroe detail the more they'll understand. Personally, I came out in a Facebook message as Pansexual. I explained that it was too hard to say it to my mum's face, then went on to say I'm Pansexual. I explained what it means and how i feel. When I came out for the second time, I came out as transgender. I didn't even message my mum personally about this. I simply wrote a Facebook status. I don't recommend this way as it can come as a shock. Explain that it's extremely hard to be writing this, but you're fed up of hiding who you are. Go into detail about your sexuality/gender and say what it means to you. NEVER COME OUT IF IT IS UNSAFE!!!!
May 19th, 2016 9:39pm
If your parents aren't homophobic, I would just tell them. I spent a lot of time trying to find a good way to tell them, but they were all too extreme for me, so I would just tell them.
May 20th, 2016 12:46pm
It's often difficult to come out to your parents about things like your sexualitly. just believe that they love you and accept you
May 20th, 2016 6:09pm
First of all you need to make sure that you are 100% ready and are safe if anything goes bad. It is probably best to get them alone in a room (not just blurt it out in the shops/a public place) because it may take them a bit of time to process it. Then when you say it just say what your heart is telling you to say :)
May 21st, 2016 8:50am
Just say that the decision and feelings you have are uncontrollable and you are happy with being you
May 22nd, 2016 10:09am
Maybe try slipping it in to conversation like "so what would you say if i had a partner of the samesex" and take it from there. At the end of the day you can't change the way they are so the need to embrace it
May 25th, 2016 11:10pm
It all depends with what you fee comfortable with. You can talk to them in person, write a note or send them a text. It doesn't matter how you do it, just do what you feel happy with.
May 26th, 2016 3:03pm
there are many different ways to come out, but before you do any thing you have to make sure that you are safe.
May 28th, 2016 4:33pm
It's best to do it when you are ready, have a stable ground and understand yourself beforehand. It will be easier to understand their point of view when you understand yours.
May 28th, 2016 7:26pm
I just came out after a lot of thinking, I was tired of hiding my true self. Of course my parents were upset but over time they came to except me for who I am.