Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How do I come out to my parents?

273 Answers
Last Updated: 11/07/2020 at 3:31pm
How do I come out to my parents?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Terrence Sawyer, MS Counseling Psychology

Drug & Alcohol Counselor

Social disorders counseling social psychology, substance use disorder counsel

Top Rated Answers
Gracegiveshelp
April 19th, 2019 8:23pm
Coming out must be ridiculously hard. I am not part of lgbtq+ myself, but one of my friends is a part of lgbtq+ and I know many people in my school who have found coming out extremely hard. When my friend came out to me, he was nervous that I wouldn’t understand, or that I wouldn’t speak to him ever again; I’m sure he’s really worried about coming out to his family. Please just realize that they’ll love you no matter what. You’re their child, at the end of the day. They won’t mind which gender you fall in love with.
SmallGirlBigWords
June 6th, 2019 1:58am
Coming out can be very challenging for everyone. Coming out is perfectly normal and happens all the time. You’d be surprised with how many parents are supportive of their children. Just know before you come out to not have any expectations. You are opening up about you to the people who care about you, they will be surprised and might not know exactly what to do or say at first but if you had big news you would like time to sit and think. If there were a small chance they god mad then so what! You are you and you are amazing
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+
July 11th, 2019 12:18pm
It depends on how is your relationship with them. Maybe you can try to find a quiet moment and start off by telling them there is something you need to share, and little by little express your feeling. You can encourage them to ask you questions about it if they have any, and reassure them that nothing changes in any way, you simply hadn't told them yet because it's kind of a delicate topic. If you don't feel comfortable you can even write all of this in a letter, to introduce the conversation that you shall then continue in person. However you wish to do it, I know you can make it!
Anonymous
July 19th, 2019 5:19pm
What’s best for you is something only you can figure out. It all depends on your situation and relationship with your parents, that being said there are many different ways to come out like recording a video and sending it to them, just flat out telling them, get them a present that has hints about you being lgbt and let them connect the dots, hang up a flag and let the connect the dots, make the inside of a cake your flag, when I came out I recorded a video and sent it to her, I was so terrified of her response but she took it quite well and you can never know exactly what their reaction will be you just have to do it
Anonymous
August 18th, 2019 11:21pm
Firstly, if you are still dependent on them, if you are living at home or dependent on them financially, I would advise to only come out to your parents if you are sure they would not have an bad reaction to you coming out. This is for your safety, and to prevent any worse case scenarios. To come out to your parents you could sit them down and just tell them, or if you are too nervous to do that, you could write them a letter explaining your situation and your feelings. There are also some more extravagant ways of coming out, which can take the "edge" off and make it into a more funny experience, like baking a cake or something like that! Whatever you decide to do, I hope that it goes well, and good luck!
Anonymous
August 24th, 2019 7:51pm
First, you have to decide whether or not it’s safe to come out to your family. If you feel there’s a high chance of being disowned/kicked out, you might need to wait until you can support yourself financially and don’t need the help of your family. On the other hand, if you trust your family and doubt the possibility of being disowned, then simply tell them the truth. Tell them how you feel and what you’ve been thinking. Most likely, they will respect you for trusting them, even if they disagree with the issue. Do what’s best for you, and if that means coming out to them, then have no fear in doing so. Your parents love you and they, also, want the best for you and your future.
Anonymous
October 13th, 2019 6:10pm
If and when you make the decision to come out to your parents just continue to know that they love you. sit them down and express how much you love them and respect how they feel about the situation .explain that you are happy and content with yourself and with the decision you have made. let them know that it will not harm the relationship with your parents, that you are the same you that you have always been and will continue to be that you respect them and you hope they respect you as well- good luck friend
wildghostmemories
November 1st, 2019 9:19pm
There is no wrong way to do so. Nor is there a timeline for your life, at whatever age and whenever you feel ready to come out is valid. I want to say that you are extremely brave for wanting to be open about and share your true self with your family. You can come out by speaking your truth in a letter, by text, in person or an email. Some people find it helpful to begin the conversation by saying "hey ___ I want to talk to you about something important to me, it's not because I want you to see me or treat me diffrently but because I value my relationship with you and want to be honest about something I have been thinking about for a while..." You can always chat with a listener to help brainstorm methods that work for you.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2019 1:08pm
This is different for everyone. The question if you even should should also be considered. Never feel pressured to come out- it could lead to negative responses towards you. If you aren't sure that you will be safe if you do, it might not be the best place or time to do it. Before coming out, ensure that you are safe and will be safe. The actual coming out can be slid into a conversation, brought up over dinner, or discussed with everyone present. The actual specifics of it are upto you and how big of a deal it is to you and what reaction you want. If you don't want it to be a big deal it is just something you casually throw in, if it is important you could sit your parents down and have a discussion with them about this. It changes from person to person and there is no one size fits all.
Pretty0dd
November 16th, 2019 9:04am
Coming out is never an easy thing to do, whether it be to your best friend or your family. It's scary. It's difficult. And it may take a long time to do it. Never rush into it. Never come out because you think you have to. Do it on your own terms. If you don't think you can sit down and tell them face to face it's okay to write them a letter or heck, put it on a cake if you want. The most important thing is that you feel safe doing so. That you're comfortable and that you're ready.
Anonymous
December 3rd, 2019 8:18am
Some people are luckier than others when it comes to coming out and parents. Some people come out at a young age whilst others wait it out. I think it depends on what you think your parents reaction will be. The main thing is that you need to take care of yourself, this is about you, not about them. If you think it is going to be difficult, surround yourself with people to support you at the time that you decide to tell them. If you have a sibling you get on well with and trust maybe you could tell them first and take it from there.
Anonymous
December 12th, 2019 4:15am
Sit them down and tell them you have something serious to say. Make sure they are ok with it first by mentioning a gay/ trans friend and observing there reaction. Tell them the honest truth. It can help if you write it out first. Have a safety bag and a friend/ family member who you are out to who's house you can stay at for a few days if necessary. Do things that are safe. Use your brain. Please please please Above all, be aware they might react badly or even violently. Don't be too terrified to but be brace enough to stand up for yourself. It will almost certainly turn out alright. Best of luck! Salem
Obstruct
December 12th, 2019 8:21pm
There is not a definite answer, unfortunately :(. The best person to answer this would be you, as it is your special thing and you should be the one who gets to plan it! Remember it only happens once, and that you need to be one hundred percent comfortable with doing it which is why it's sometimes best for you to plan. When you are emotionally and physically reayd to come out I'm sure it will be a natural outpour of words and emotions. There is not a one size fits all - what works for you may not work for others! Good Luck, and keep smiling :)
Anonymous
February 15th, 2020 7:01pm
first, make absolutely certain that your parents/family would be supportive of you. your safety is the most important thing here, so make sure you're safe before you do anything. second, what are you parents like? would they prefer a more serious, formal talk? for you to slip it into conversation? a funny coming out story? i'm bisexual, and my story was a little more serious/formal (just your average talk), but i have a gay friend, and she came out to her mom by joking that she couldn't get pregnant now. you know your parents best, and as long as you're positive that you're safe, come out in the way that seems best for you and for them! good luck, and i'm rooting for you xx
Nyama
February 19th, 2020 12:17am
Coming out is hard, and is a very difficult thing to do. I know that, personally, it was probably the scariest thing I’ve ever done, even though I knew they would not react badly. I had to work my way up, first telling my friends, then I told my brothers over a year later. It was scary and new, and it is not always fun to feel like that. The thing is, everyone has a different situation. I had to work my way up over a couple years, but not everyone is like that. Some people realize they are LGBTQ+ and immediately know that it is okay to tell their parents, while others feel unsafe. In order to answer this question, I first have to know if you are in a safe situation by coming out, and it is important to know if you are ready to come out. Sometimes it may hurt to keep it inside, but hurts even more to let it out. It is just important to know how ready you and your parents are, then you can move on from there
CelloandMellow
March 29th, 2020 6:23pm
Decide first if it’s safe. If it is, sit them down and be clear and concise. Ask if they have questions and support their journey through this. As much as coming out is about you, they’re going to struggle, too. Even the most accepting parents face battles when their kid tells them that they’re LGBT. Make sure to discuss your own feelings and ask them how they're feeling, too. Opening communication lines is incredibly important for a healthy and lasting relationship. If you can, provide resources for them to read and get in touch with religious leaders that are affirming, if that applies.
joyfulUnicorns10
April 2nd, 2020 1:47pm
I did it in in a letter as I felt writing it down was easier and i could get everything down about how i was feeling and then just give the letter to them. It has to be something that is most conformable for you and so if you feel talking to them is easiest do it but i felt the letter was just the best way for me to get everything i needed to say out then the dialogue started afterwards but it was less awkward for me as i wasn't stumbling trying to get the words out. You are incredibly brave and whatever the outcome know that you are loved, you are a good person and doing this will be the best thing you ever did. It changed my life in such a positive way even though my family didn't respond well. Good luck.
CourageousHeart1602
April 10th, 2020 7:44pm
That is a very interesting question that many of us ponder over. I would say there is no "right way" of coming out to your parents. It depends on what kind of people your parents are, who are you more comfortable telling? Would you like to tell one parent (the one whom you believe would be more supportive) over the other (who might not be as supportive)? Or would you like to tell them both at the same time? Are you in a safe environment to come out? Do you have support from friends or siblings? I know these are all questions instead of telling you what to do but you would know what is best in the situation you're currently in love. But you're always welcome to pop in and talk to one of us listeners and perhaps during our discussion you'll find the answer to your own question. Good luck!
Anonymous
April 19th, 2020 5:18am
I never have. My parents are extremely homophobic, and they do not understand gay or lesbian or any other LGBT individuals. If I were to come out, I would be as gentle as possible and as natural as possible. I wouldn’t want to have them sit down and listen to me say something do ground breaking. Instead I would introduce them to my partner, try to relate our relationship to there’s, and comfort any of their new emotions. They may be scared or worried that I’m a different person. But I can reassure them I’m still the same, and what they’re feeling is normal, but I want their love and respect.
BookChunky
April 26th, 2020 7:19pm
Sit them down in a comfortable environment. Start discussing the whole situation with them. Bring up past memories as reminders that you are still the same person and their child. Try to give some facts to clearly establish your sexuality and do not let the topic change or become a conflict. Present all your points patiently and calmly to help them understand you better. The best way would be simply talking to them and sharing your feelings. Being open and honest is the key to making this easier for them and yourself. Do not shy away from difficult questions or issues that might be raised. Lastly, do not let them make you feel that you wrong or bad in any way for the way you are! All the best!
scarletDrum22
April 29th, 2020 7:49pm
There's no right or wrong way to come out, but as someone who's come out to my parents, I have some tips. 1. Make sure you're ready. For me, this meant knowing my parents would have questions and being okay with having a conversation about it, even if it would be awkward. 2. Know that it's normal to feel anxious and awkward. 3. Think about how they might react. If you're a minor or live with your parents and think there's a potential that you'll be unsafe after coming out, talk to a friend or other family member to have a back-up plan in case you need a place to stay. You're better safe than sorry. 4. Think about how you want to come out. You can sit them down, write a note, text, call, bake a cake, o anything else. It's your moment, so don't be afraid to own it!
Anonymous
June 7th, 2020 10:26am
I think you could bring the topic up a few times before you come out to see where you parents stand with that, and if you feel that they will not support after that you can rethink what to do. After that I think that you could come up with a super fun way to come out, a transgender youtuber made a video on ways subscribers came out and some were quite creative. Overall I think when you do come out to your parents you need to feel comfortable with what is happening. Ok well hope this helps you out!!
Anonymous
June 20th, 2020 6:22am
Maybe I will sit with them and tell them in a silent situation about my identity. I will ask them to try and understand about my situation,I will tell them that I am okay if they are angry or I am ready to hear their opinion about it but I would want them to accept me as I am as that's my identity. I will try every possible way to convince them that how love is a feeling and not a gender. I will tell them how much their acceptence matters to me and I want them to understand how times and situations have changed and how things have changed so maybe they should change their mindset a little and understand me and how much their love and validation matters to me.
Lalamaximus
June 20th, 2020 11:23pm
Everyone is different. You cant just create a box and fit everyone in it. Do whatever makes you feel most comftable. You could just sit down and have a talk, write them a letter, make a short movie, send them a video, or anything else that you feel comftable with. No one can tell you what to do, because you re the only one that knows the whole situation. Dont stress it out to much. You will eventually find a method that works for you. If you need any help my DMs are open. I hope i helped. Have a nice day:)
elizabethunter
July 1st, 2020 9:29pm
Coming out is a big part of your life as a member of LGBTQ+ community. It is also very hard, because you dont know whether your parents will support you. So many people are dealing with this problem. So, if you know someone, talk to them first for some advice. Dont worry. Just try to relax, sit down with them and calmly explain the situation. Dont put too much preassure on them, because this may be a shock for them. But, if they really love you, they will support you no matter what. Everything will turn out fine and just dont worry. Peace.
Anonymous
July 24th, 2020 8:35pm
There are a few ways, but first of all, make sure it is safe to do so. So don't come out if you risk harm to yourself over it, if that makes sense. Then, for actually coming out; you can either talk it out with them or write a letter, among other options. Talking generally requires a safe place and a calm demeanor. Saying something along the lines of "this has been on my mind a lot and I think you would like to know that I am (insert gender/sexuality here). Letter writing just needs to be clear and to the point, little room for interpretation. Best of luck to you! You're loved.
Anonymous
July 26th, 2020 9:24pm
To tell the truth it’s kind of hard and not that easy. I was adopted when I was 5 years old and now I am 15 years old. I never do since I don’t know what to say or what will happen but now I think I am ready. I am doing a big step talking about my adoption which I tend to try and keep out of the public. The steps I am taking for when I want to do the chat is the following. I am planning what to say, I am preparing myself for what they may say since I have had others talks before, I am going to warn them before that anything I don’t want talk about I won’t, I may cry and that I will stop the conversation for any reason. When I do have a conversation and come out to my parents I try to do it somewhere I can trust and take advantage which can be when I am in the car driving since they can’t get mad or I could crash.
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2020 11:31pm
Well. I'm gonna be honest and try to go directly to the point. It mainly depends in how you feel comfortable and before doing anything you should think before about their reaction. I don't want to be negative and I hope this is not your case but many conservative parents are not that accepting. But if your parents are little teddy bears, probably try to find something that identifies you (if you want to make a big come out obviously), that could be like a cake, a painting etc etc etc. If you don't wanna do something big, memes work.
Anonymous
October 7th, 2020 2:19pm
The first thing is maybe trying to communicate and let them understand the way it makes you feel when trying to explain this. It might be the best to be transparent about your thoughts and feelings. Although, make sure that you don't let them rule your life and try to make your own choices. Their reaction should not effect you massively because they got to accept you like this one way or another. You know your parents more than anyone and so you know the best way to talk to them. I hope it goes well and everything will be fine.
Anonymous
October 10th, 2020 10:18am
if they are homophobic, don't. if they aren't just go and tell them who you really are, if they ain't homophobic i'm sure they'll have no problem accepting you however if they are homophobic, please don't. you know your parents the best and you might know how they would react, if you think they would take some serious action like abusing you either verbally or physically or some other things like disowning you, please don't open up. you don't need to, do it when you are self dependent cause why would you take such a risk? you don't see straight people coming out do you? exactly, you don't need to either. my point is if they are accepting, please do and if they aren't don't.