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How do I not fall for someone that is straight?

20 Answers
Last Updated: 08/26/2019 at 12:03pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Christina Hussami, MSW, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Strengths-based, solution-focused therapist focusing on helping clients find life balance and navigating down their own path leading towards overall well-being.

Top Rated Answers
opheliaslost
December 2nd, 2014 7:52pm
I don't think you can avoid falling in love with someone, regardless of their sexual orientation. I do, however, think it is important to be honest with yourself. If you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you back, it doesn't matter whether they're straight or not. What matters is that you respect them enough to try and not force change on them, and that you respect yourself enough to know that they might not be your ideal partner - that maybe a friendship is the best you can hope for at this point. It is important to take care of yourself, if that means some time away from that person, it is okay to take that time. Just be honest with yourself, love yourself and provide yourself with the opportunities to get to know other people. If you're actively looking for a relationship, try to get out there and date people who are interested in dating someone of your sexual orientation or gender identity. Meeting new people can be good to change your mental focus, and get back out there. :)
RebeccaH
December 21st, 2014 11:47pm
I wish I knew! It's such a common thing for LGBT people to end up falling for straight people, just by the fact that the LGBT community is so small in comparison. Just like we can't choose our sexuality, we also can't choose who we fall in love with. That said, if you find yourself crushing on someone who's straight, it helps to firmly remind yourself that your feelings will never be reciprocated. Try and explore the LGBT community so you can meet people who can reciprocate, and try to minimize your interactions with your straight crush.
Erynn
December 30th, 2014 7:41pm
I'm not sure how much control people have over who they fall for, but hanging out in places with more LGBTQ+ people and becoming more friends with those groups might increase your likelihood of falling for a person who will also be able to return your feelings. You may also find spending less time with the straight person you fell for, and trying to distract yourself from thoughts/feelings about them, or being very rational when those feelings come up and saying: 'yes I feel this way, but a relationship will never happen with them' might help your feelings fade faster - but that's no guarantee because emotions are rarely logical and often run on their own time. It sounds like a hard place to be in. There are also online dating sites if you think that might help match you with people who would be able to fall in love with you.
kshea14
December 2nd, 2014 8:26pm
I believe who you fall for is uncontrollable. You cannot force yourself to avoid having feelings for someone. However there are certain cases where it might be better to try to focus only strictly having a friendship since there might not be a possibility of a relationship. Although if these feelings do arise, it is okay and it is natural that it happens. Just recognize how you feel but understand the person might not feel the same, and that is to no fault of your own, it just might not be right for them.
blitheSun94
May 27th, 2015 12:53am
There is no easy answer for this as I firmly believe we do not choose who we love (or how we feel for that matter). However, we do decide our reaction and methods of coping. In times of unreciprocated love, self-care and healthy expression become so important. Most importantly is redefining your support system in times when you will need it the most. Surround yourself with positivity, love, and support. Identify peer pillars. Talk about it. Find a way to express yourself through journalism, music, dance, or art. Take baths, cry it out, exercise, keep busy. Finally, know that even though it seems impossibly absolute, this too shall pass.
TeaWithAFriend
December 2nd, 2014 6:08pm
The short is to cultivate self-control, self-respect, and use logic. This advice applies to falling for anyone who is not available and not just homosexuals.
ElijahxO
December 2nd, 2014 8:26pm
You can tell them how you feel and then they can help you try and fall out of love with them or you can look for other fish in the sea.
Anonymous
December 2nd, 2014 9:18pm
Perhaps this issue is not with falling for someone who is straight, but falling for someone unattainable and that way safe. Probably when you were a kid you had your celebrity crushes, and as an adult you might have your unattainable crushes. You probably could think why you have a crush on them? What do you need from them? Do you think in example that they would solve all your problems in your life if you had them fall in love with you or do you really think that they are the best person you have ever met? What would be the best possible outcome of the love relationship if it were to happen? Try to provide that to yourself in other manner other than going after someone who is unavailable.
letterly
January 5th, 2015 5:49am
Remind yourself just of that-- that they are straight, and it is very likely that falling for them will only end in pain for you. If necessary, take some time away from them.
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+
August 26th, 2019 12:03pm
I'm afraid there's no way to prevent this, since love does not come at command. But you can try to find out about a person's orientation as soon as you can when you don't know about it and you realize you're starting to have feelings, so you'll be able to process and accept it before your feelings start getting too deep.
ChaiChelsea
December 3rd, 2014 7:58am
This can be an extremely hard situation, especially if it is someone you have known as a friend before discovering your feelings. I have been there many times myself. One thing to remember is to honor your feelings. If you feel that you need to step away from this person to make yourself more comfortable and to let the feelings pass with time, that's okay. It can also help to find more LGBTQ people to meet--perhaps going to the LGBT community center closest to you or to LGBTQ related events. Once you start to get to know others in the LGBTQ spectrum, you'll be able to expand your circle of friends that share your sexuality. You'll also find more people to fall for that will be a great fit for you! It is hard to know if someone is straight or not before feeling comfortable enough to ask them, and so avoiding it completely can be hard. The one thing to remember is that you are amazing the way you are, and even if you have fallen for someone straight, that doesn't mean you won't one day find someone perfect for you that also shares your sexuality/sexual preference!
Anonymous
December 7th, 2014 7:33pm
You can't help who you fall for but it might be wise to avoid that person until you've moved on. I know it's tough, but you'll get through it.
Anonymous
December 28th, 2014 5:11am
I am not sure if you can control who you fall for so that is a difficult to do. I am sorry but I think you fall for who you fall for. Good luck:)
Anonymous
April 16th, 2015 10:12pm
Falling for someone who is straight is difficult, mainly because you know that there is a slim chance of you ending up together
Anonymous
June 7th, 2015 11:48am
Sorry buddy, there's no easy way around this! In your life, you're going to fall for all kinds of people. If they're straight, too bad. One day you'll find someone for you who shares common interests (and preferences!). Right now you're just going to have to ride it out. If you 100% know someone you're crushing on is straight, don't act on it. That's probably the only advice I can give.
MoodyBloom
June 18th, 2015 6:33am
This is a hard answer to tell, but there really isn't a way to stop yourself from falling in love. Falling in love is like slipping over a waterfall, you can't really stop it once you really start being pulled over the edge.
Greatlistener87
April 18th, 2016 8:59am
There is no way of stopping yourself to fall for any type of person. Its your taste that matters. People follow their attractions that they have for a certain taste in people.
Anonymous
July 12th, 2016 4:23am
Sadly sometimes we can't control how we feel or are emotions! and I'm sure most of us have experienced this in a way before a vast majority people are straight. But you got to remember there are loads and loads of people who are also LGBT! who I'm sure would love to be in a relationship. you've just got to keep working on it and move on and look forward to your future - hopefully with a happy relationship! :)
Clipse26
March 6th, 2017 8:06pm
You should allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you feel and e true to yourself in that, because you cannot change who you are. In that same way, the person you are falling for cannot change who they are either, and it helps to constantly keep in mind that you wouldn't want them to, because caring about them means wanting the best for someone.
Anonymous
May 15th, 2018 9:35am
Spend as little time with them as possible without being rude or cutting them out entirely. It’s okay to be friends with whom ever you’d like, however.. falling in love requires spending a lot of time with said person and if you feel for them don’t be fooled so quickly, it may not be the love you think it is but try not to let it grow by inviting a “third wheel” when you’re with the person, and try not to get into personal conversations.