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How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm transgender?

130 Answers
Last Updated: 12/13/2020 at 12:50am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
October 2nd, 2020 6:17pm
Tell him whenever *you* are ready. Don't rush things, it will only stress you. Know that there's nothing wrong about being transgender, that's beautiful. Figure out a way to tell your boyfriend. You could do it in person, text or call. Another example: write a letter (or on your phone) where you tell your boyfriend that you're transgender. If you're too scared to tell him, you can make him read the letter. Know that your boyfriend will react. He can be confused, sad, supportive, understanding or disgusted (i really hope he won't) I hope this helped you. I wish you luck! Take care
Anonymous
November 1st, 2020 2:48am
Take some time planning it out, make sure you have a rough plan of what you're going to say. If you want to, you can do it by text - or maybe you can just tell them in person. It's up to you how you say it, but make sure you're comfortable before you do. I had a hard time coming out to my parents, I ended up sending them a (probably unnecessary) multi-paragraph coming out message that they probably could've done without, but it went well in the end - I'm sure that your experience will end well too. It all gets better!
Anonymous
November 6th, 2020 5:07am
Firstly, don't panic! In my experience it's best to just say it. Don't time it specifically for right when he wakes up or when he's drunk or anything like that. Just tell him one day. Make sure you tell him when he's in a position to process it though; don't tell him right before work or before some event. And if you're having trouble just getting up and saying it, I believe in you. I might be posting this anonymously, but know that somewhere in the world, there's someone who believes you can do it. Wake up one day and tell yourself to get it done. You got this, I believe in you!
Anonymous
November 6th, 2020 6:58pm
You should sit him down and discuses how you are feeling so you and him can move forward and grow together . this will help you and him communicate and possibly uncover any decisions you might have or questions he might want answers to in the long run you will get rid of the burden of keeping it in on your chest and it will allow you to feel much better about yourself and it will be reassuring to include him into ur emotions and feelings when it comes down to you and him having this conversation to work toward ur fuhter
Anonymous
November 12th, 2020 1:07am
I believe you should sit down with him and be completely honest. Lies in a relationship is never a good thing. Lay all your cards on the table and let him react. If he truly loves you, he won't judge you for being transgender. If he is not okay with it, try to have a peaceful end to your relationship. Arguing never does anyone any good. Sit your boyfriend down, and just be honest. Let him scream and cry. Just do nothing and let him get it out of his system. Once he is done, he will be able to think more clearly and be able to see if the relationship is one for him.
Anonymous
November 14th, 2020 1:42am
First, start asking your boyfriend how he thinks about transgender. If he is positive with that and if he doesn't feel offended, then start talking seriously about this topic. It would be better if you can tell him early because trust is the most important factor in a relationship. If you hide something from your boyfriend, It is impossible to have a truly healthy relationship. Just tell him you have something to say, and tell him that you did not want to lie or hide anything from him. If your boyfriend does not accept you being yourself, then you should find another person that will accept you as yourself.
playfulRainfall2519
November 29th, 2020 2:44pm
Well, that's a hard question. I came out as non-binary to my girlfriend about 2 months ago. I wasn't a 100% sure I was trans, but I told her how I felt and that I thought that I wanted to change my name and pronouns. She was really supportive! But I know it can be really hard, just do it when you feel you are ready and maybe talk to him about lgbtq things and see how he thinks about that. That's a great way to see if he would actually support you. If you know that, I would or sent a text/letter or tell him face to face. I hope everything will be alright!
Anonymous
December 3rd, 2020 6:41pm
I know it's hard to tell him and i've never had to deal with this so I don't exactly know how to relate how you feel. But I can tell you and myself believe in yourself. Don't put yourself down just because you are transgender. I have people like that and it's sad to see the way they are treated just because they are a different sexuality. I want to help people to not feel alone. Knowing that they aren't alone. We believe in everyone and that it may be hard but we are here for you to help you understand yourself and how to help yourself.
Anonymous
December 4th, 2020 7:21pm
You can sit them down and tell them in a calm manner that you are more comfortable being transgender and it makes you feel happier and like yourself. Make sure you tell them( your boyfriend) how important it for you and in no way they are responsible for it and explain to them it is your personal choice. Elaborate your reason, make sure you tell them in a way that they don't feel excluded nor do they feel like they're in the wrong. You can ask them their thoughts on this matter and try to work out the matter taking both yours and theirs opinion into consideration
Anonymous
December 13th, 2020 12:50am
The way I did it with my boyfriend was ask him if he had any trans or at least LGBT friends or family. This is a good way to "test the waters", so to speak, and find out how much he has supported the transgender community in the past. Then, remind him that you love him, and tell him how your gender identity has made you feel, how long you have been transitioning or considering transitioning, Let him know about pronoun and name changes, and make sure you are patient with him as he adjusts to your new identity! As long as you are loving and direct, your boyfriend is sure to understand and help you in any way he can.