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How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?

90 Answers
Last Updated: 04/16/2020 at 7:48pm
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Top Rated Answers
spacedouthashbrown
May 26th, 2018 7:51pm
Yikes, this is a familiar situation. Love sucks sometimes. But, try not to idolize them. They aren't perfect for you, because they are straight, and you deserve better than that. Remember that you are worth more than a one-sided crush.
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+
August 9th, 2019 10:25pm
If you are sure that they are straight and there's no chance of romantic love, it all depends on how you feel about your friend. If you think it would be better for you to distance yourself for while as you try to move on, you can do it. If you tell your friend you need some time for yourself, I'm sure they'll respect your choice and let you do what's best for you - after, friends only want to see us happy! You could also decide to tell your friend about these feelings, if keeping them for yourself feels to hard. If your friendship is deep and true, I'm sure it won't break because of this, and you can work together on finding a balance that feels good for both.
youwillbeheard
February 7th, 2018 3:22pm
Best friends are people who you love and sometimes, that love can change. Stay calm and do what you think is right.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2018 7:36pm
This can be a very difficult situation because it seems as though you are stuck in a hopeless love. There are different ways to deal with this, and it just depends on what you think is right for you. You could tell your friend that you like them and say that even though they are straight you still want to be good friends (although if you do this, just make sure you are prepared for their reaction - it could be very good, it could be very bad). You could also try to meet up with some other people so you don't always feel like you are hopelessly in love with somebody you will never be with. Or you could always just settle for being friends and ride it out. What you do is up to you, just go through the pros and cons for all of your options and decide which one you think will work best :)
Meguminx
March 29th, 2018 12:14pm
I suggest you tell them and let the weight of it fall off your shoulders. It helps with moving on as well, unless you're worried about "ruining" your friendship. Make sure that the other person would seem chill towards the situation and go for it. The sooner you can let it out the sooner you can move on, and you'll feel so much better afterwards. If you feel like you will need some time off from them in order to move on, then do so. It's hard, it sucks, but reality is that they won't feel the same way (assuming they're straight for sure). Should you choose to stay with them after you tell them, make sure you let them know (if they exist) of the certain things they do that make you feel things towards them (something silly like if they get too close, or teasingly flirt because they believe you won't go any further than that) and set some boundaries if needs be. Whatever the case, if they're truly your best friend, they should understand and support you in all cases. Otherwise the friendship itself was probably not that strong in the first place, and you're better off without them. Good luck.
Anonymous
June 13th, 2016 6:21pm
Rejection can be really hard (even if it's not really said), if you feel like it's hurting you too much you can try and explain it to your best friend and take some time for yourself...
radiantFireworks51
September 16th, 2017 10:42am
This happened to me, I just realised that if she was really my friend then she wouldn't care, which she didnt. It was upsetting as I knew my love for her wouldn't go anywhere but over time I learnt to use that love in a friendly kind of way. Hope this helps x
proudLove89
December 6th, 2017 3:39am
It is always a tricky situation. But you must be true to your heart. The worst thing you can do is bottle up your feelings and let them eat away at you. You don't have to speak to your straight friend, directly, but you should speak to someone. A problem shared is a problem halved.
SleepySnow69
May 12th, 2018 12:16am
That's hard because it happened to me before. Our friendship ended when I told her. But everybody is different. I'd say be honest and tell them how you feel.
AmanitaForest
June 28th, 2018 4:26am
This is a tough situation. I have encountered in once while taking a college class. I liked this girl alot, and my "gaydar" kind of starting pinging. However, she was not gay. I did put it out there that I was attracted to her, because I was just going out on a whim. I think that it's ultimately your decision and each situation is completely different. If you are trying to come to a conclusion on whether or not you will disclose your attraction, I would say that you should evaluate your relationship. Do you think it will make things awkward, or will you be able to be open and move on?
SimpleHarper
July 4th, 2018 6:32am
Well its easier for you to cope with the feelings by actually talking to them about it. If they're your best friend, they will support and love you (as a friend) despite your feelings for them.
MikaelMotivation
November 17th, 2018 5:13pm
I'm actually in this situation right now. I've been in love with my best friend of six years for three, and I'm still figuring out how to deal with it. I encourage you to let him/her know about it, even though I'm to scared to do so. It'll help, really. If he/she is really your friend, he/she will accept you, and consider your feelings. You say that he/she is straight, but even so, nobody knows him/her better than him/herself. Who knows, maybe he/she is trying to figure him/herself out? I don't want to give you false hope, but it's possible that there is still a chance of him/her being able to return your affection.
ImpeccableB
November 29th, 2018 5:59am
Having been in this situation before, I can say that it’s not an easy place to be. Often times we feel safest with our closest friends and strong bonds begin to form. These feelings can often times be misconstrued, but In the event they are real for you, it’s important to decide one of two things: either express your feelings in hopes of getting them off your chest or allow enough time and space for these emotions to fade. There is no right answer and every situation is different but know that this person Loves you for exactly who you are. It may take time for this person to give you an answer that often times it’s important to express such feelings.
Anonymous
December 20th, 2018 4:41am
I’ve actually been through this and I knew she wouldn’t like me but I told her anyways just to get it off my chest. It was awkward for a while but that’ll go away. We’re still best friends and we even joke about it to this day. But what worked for me may not work for you. I say asses the situation and think about your options and do what’s best for you. Make sure you’ll be safe and make sure what you do will make you happy and feel better. Try talking it out with yourself before anything else.
LaughingTaffy
March 8th, 2019 5:08am
This is probably one of the hardest parts about being part of the LGBTQ+ community and single. Falling in love with someone who is as straight as an arrow. What I'd recommend (since this is what I did) is tell them about your feelings. You will most likely be rejected, but it doesn't mean this is the last person you'll ever love. There are many fish in the sea. You just need to find the right one. You will. I promise. It will be a hard journey, and will probably be depressing as you get over the straight crush, but you will get over them... eventually.
Anonymous
January 10th, 2018 1:43am
Feelings can be difficult, especially when they are not reciprocated. If you are sure there is no chance you could be together, the best thing you can do for both you and your friend is to move on. If you need distance from this person to do that, then you should take it. If your friend cares about you they'll understand.
helpergirl61
January 20th, 2018 7:14pm
This is a hard one. But, it’s impossible to stop falling in love with people, but just tell them how you feel. You never know what they might say.
onemorelonelygirl
June 28th, 2018 10:58am
I’m in the same situation currently, but I’m slowly learning to cope with it. It’s hard, it hurts, but eventually the pain and hurt get easier.
Allears247
July 25th, 2018 8:49am
I have been in this situation a few times and the best ways that I found to deal with it were to end the friendship depending on how strong your feelings are or to just ride it out until you learn to cope with it. I generally went with the second option because I always valued the friendships.
Anonymous
July 29th, 2018 5:10am
I can totally relate because I am the same. I didnt tell them though because i didn’t want to ruin the relationship.
Teenagehelp
July 29th, 2018 10:41am
Ask yourself: wouldn’t this relatioships break my whole entire friendship? Write me, I’ll try to help you)
MusicOfTheWillow
September 9th, 2018 4:45am
Oh wow. Let me begin my saying that it is not a rollercoaster I ever want to ride again. I love my friends, I really do. And sometimes that love tends to wander into other forms of love. I did fall in love with my best and straight friend. And I did tell him. I already knew how it was going to turn out, but telling him was necessary. It brought up what I was feeling and what he felt about it and we were able to talk about it. When it comes to topics like theses, communication is always the most important thing. I am still in love with him, but I also know that nothing will come of it. It took a while for me to accept that, but now that I have, there isn't anything awkward between us. He still is and will always be my best friend.
LaurenCantSpelll
December 5th, 2018 9:28am
Falling for your best friend is certainty tough. Unfortunately if your friend is straight there is nothing you can do. You need to ask yourself what is important to you. The situation is different for everyone. You need to take time to work out how much you value your friendship with this person, and how much the feelings are negatively impacting your life/harming you. Moving on is the only thing you can do if they are straight. It is hard but you will manage. You need to evaluate what would be best for you. You may need to cut the person of or just slightly distance yourself. Just make sure you keep track of your emotional wellbeing. Often the best thing you can do is remain friends but set yourself boundaries that stop you from ending up in situations that can hurt you. In the end only time will help you deal with these feelings. Goodluck
healingCloud74
December 28th, 2018 4:10am
If so, I’d evaluate what sort of impact dating would have on his life. His family could be VERY aggressive towards him. His family could isolate him. His family could kick him out. You’d have to establish that if dating him would be worth it, despite the risks. If it’s not worth the risk for him, just be mutual snuggle buddies and then some If you are snuggling together, my suspicion is that your friend might not be so “straight.” Straight men don’t snuggle with other men. Maybe you should have an honest discussion. Maybe he is trying to tell you that he’s open to something other than friendship. But please, talk before you do anything physical. If he’s ambivalent, you don’t want to traumatize him. Tell him you’re just wanting to know the boundaries of your relationship and if he’d prefer you to put your feelings aside. I think it’s important to talk about it so that he is able to explore his feelings, otherwise you risk harming the friendship. Good luck!
cl0verfield
July 12th, 2019 7:39pm
As someone who has fallen in love with one of my best (straight) friends - it's hard no matter what you do. I had a crush on her for 2 years in high school and kind of still have a small crush on her now, even in college. I always thought that was my fault that I was gay and that I was going to ruin my friendship with her constantly. I came out to her but she never knew that I had the biggest crush on her. During that time I just felt like everything was wrong with me, if only I was a boy or if only she was gay or if only I didn't love her etc.. It's hard. Loving someone who doesn't love you the same way back. I just gave it time. During senior year she got a boyfriend (now ex) and I cried my eyes out at home. Why does he get to date her and not me? I was friends with her first, I loved her first, I was there for her when he wasn't. But I realized that I was just being selfish. She was happy with him. So shouldn't I be happy for her too? It's not like I could make her love me like she loved him. It took a long time for me to be okay with her not loving me, it took me around 3 years. Obviously that's just my experience, you have a different story, but I think the most important thing is to take time to take care of yourself and remember you can't change people. You are who you are and they are who they are. Everything takes time, so please take time to care for yourself and don't be too hard on yourself.
aestheticbeebo
November 18th, 2017 2:45pm
I can totally relate right now. I'm like in the same exact position. But what hurts the most for me is that he is already in a relationship. But tbh I don't like his girlfriend and it's not just because I like him. She's really not serious about him but anyways getting back to the point, I would strongly advice you to tell him. Not just straight out go and drop the bomb. But start casually and tell him . It's for the best. You'll never know. Maybe he even reciprocates your feelings? Maybe you're even in for a heartbreak. But anyhow, regret i something that you'd ever experience. You'll never think of the what if's and you'll at least have an answer. In fact I'm going to do this too. I know I would regret it, him being my first crush and all. Let me know how it goes. -Nikki
indigoraspberries
January 31st, 2018 12:06am
Talk to them about it. They may be closeted and it's always best to be able to talk to your best friend, they're there to talk. They care about you.
Kanga
February 10th, 2018 8:00pm
Its perfectly okay for you to feel this way, just as if you were straight and had a crush on your best friend of the opposite sex. Just understand the boundaries with your friend.
Dreamer123456
February 17th, 2018 7:59pm
I know how you feel. Trust me when I say you should tell them. If you don't you will always wonder if you two had a chance. For all you know they may feel the same. Don't feel bad if they don't feel the same. At least you where honest. Maybe you two can move past it.
ScientificLlama04
March 14th, 2018 12:44pm
If you are in the situation, it's best to be upfront with them and tell them, just be careful when doing this though as it can backfire for some people. Also, if you can, do something to distract yourself or be away from the your friend until the crush feeling subsides