How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?

75 Answers
Last Updated: 08/09/2019 at 10:25pm
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
August 2nd, 2018 4:47pm
Being honest about your feelings with yourself and your friend, life's too short. It could be the start of something amazing.
MusicOfTheWillow
September 9th, 2018 4:45am
Oh wow. Let me begin my saying that it is not a rollercoaster I ever want to ride again. I love my friends, I really do. And sometimes that love tends to wander into other forms of love. I did fall in love with my best and straight friend. And I did tell him. I already knew how it was going to turn out, but telling him was necessary. It brought up what I was feeling and what he felt about it and we were able to talk about it. When it comes to topics like theses, communication is always the most important thing. I am still in love with him, but I also know that nothing will come of it. It took a while for me to accept that, but now that I have, there isn't anything awkward between us. He still is and will always be my best friend.
Anonymous
September 29th, 2018 4:18am
It's rough. I went through it the hard way, with heartbreak and healing. It's not always easy if you're truly in love. It can require the whole process of going through this. If you're able to reflect and stop yourself from getting deeply entrenched, then this would be ideal. However, it is difficult to stop your feelings. If you know that it is impossible to be with your best friend who is straight, you will have to get over the feelings eventually, and this happens over different periods of time for different people. It is painful and hard, but always remember to love yourself and surround yourself with supportive friends (or Listeners).
Anonymous
October 14th, 2018 1:49am
This is always hard falling in love with a friend, especially when they are straight. The best thing to do, from my experience, is to be forward and tell your friend how you feel. If they truly care about you, they will tell you if they resiprocate, and if they don't they will try to continue the friendship with you. If you tell them how you feel, and they aren't willing to make things work, then they were most likely not a true friend in the first place.
MikaelMotivation
November 17th, 2018 5:13pm
I'm actually in this situation right now. I've been in love with my best friend of six years for three, and I'm still figuring out how to deal with it. I encourage you to let him/her know about it, even though I'm to scared to do so. It'll help, really. If he/she is really your friend, he/she will accept you, and consider your feelings. You say that he/she is straight, but even so, nobody knows him/her better than him/herself. Who knows, maybe he/she is trying to figure him/herself out? I don't want to give you false hope, but it's possible that there is still a chance of him/her being able to return your affection.
ImpeccableB
November 29th, 2018 5:59am
Having been in this situation before, I can say that it’s not an easy place to be. Often times we feel safest with our closest friends and strong bonds begin to form. These feelings can often times be misconstrued, but In the event they are real for you, it’s important to decide one of two things: either express your feelings in hopes of getting them off your chest or allow enough time and space for these emotions to fade. There is no right answer and every situation is different but know that this person Loves you for exactly who you are. It may take time for this person to give you an answer that often times it’s important to express such feelings.
Anonymous
December 13th, 2018 8:29pm
Remember to respect that they can’t choose who they do and don’t like. If it is something that’s taking up a lot of your thoughts, then try and speak with them about these feelings you’re getting. If they’re your best friend then they’ll understand that you can’t help how you feel either, and perhaps together you can work something out. Sometimes focusing your efforts elsewhere can help, such as on your schoolwork or on your own mental health. It might be a case of spending a little less time together, just so you have a chance to work around these feelings. Love can change a lot over time, so try not to worry too much that this is how you’ll feel for the rest of your life. There’ll definitely be other people out there that you’ll have the same kind of feelings for, just remember to take this kind of thing one step at a time.
Anonymous
December 20th, 2018 4:41am
I’ve actually been through this and I knew she wouldn’t like me but I told her anyways just to get it off my chest. It was awkward for a while but that’ll go away. We’re still best friends and we even joke about it to this day. But what worked for me may not work for you. I say asses the situation and think about your options and do what’s best for you. Make sure you’ll be safe and make sure what you do will make you happy and feel better. Try talking it out with yourself before anything else.
zainjj
January 25th, 2019 7:13pm
Well, it's never going away if you do not admit it in the first place. Otherwise it'll stick in you until, God knows when. If you're not getting it out, then it won't get out by itself. On the other hand, you can try to point out the flaws of that best friend to yourself, see if there is anything that can make you take your mind off them. Remember to keep it to yourself, though. Just between you and yourself about these flaws. Besides, we might all feel a little sparkle with our best friends someday. But it's just a crush. If you don't want to "ruin" it, trust me, the crush will eventually go away.
cl0verfield
July 12th, 2019 7:39pm
As someone who has fallen in love with one of my best (straight) friends - it's hard no matter what you do. I had a crush on her for 2 years in high school and kind of still have a small crush on her now, even in college. I always thought that was my fault that I was gay and that I was going to ruin my friendship with her constantly. I came out to her but she never knew that I had the biggest crush on her. During that time I just felt like everything was wrong with me, if only I was a boy or if only she was gay or if only I didn't love her etc.. It's hard. Loving someone who doesn't love you the same way back. I just gave it time. During senior year she got a boyfriend (now ex) and I cried my eyes out at home. Why does he get to date her and not me? I was friends with her first, I loved her first, I was there for her when he wasn't. But I realized that I was just being selfish. She was happy with him. So shouldn't I be happy for her too? It's not like I could make her love me like she loved him. It took a long time for me to be okay with her not loving me, it took me around 3 years. Obviously that's just my experience, you have a different story, but I think the most important thing is to take time to take care of yourself and remember you can't change people. You are who you are and they are who they are. Everything takes time, so please take time to care for yourself and don't be too hard on yourself.
Aayla
August 9th, 2019 10:25pm
If you are sure that they are straight and there's no chance of romantic love, it all depends on how you feel about your friend. If you think it would be better for you to distance yourself for while as you try to move on, you can do it. If you tell your friend you need some time for yourself, I'm sure they'll respect your choice and let you do what's best for you - after, friends only want to see us happy! You could also decide to tell your friend about these feelings, if keeping them for yourself feels to hard. If your friendship is deep and true, I'm sure it won't break because of this, and you can work together on finding a balance that feels good for both.
Ganimed
May 22nd, 2019 6:38pm
If it's too obvious or too hard to handle, then a talk could help. Communication and telling the truth should be the right move. It would be hard to understand it through text if you want to share your feelings with them so it is better to do it upfront, one on one. Saying the best about them, complimenting them, saying how you really love what you have with them but honesty isn't something to be ashamed, saying that you can't control what you feel doesn't make you a bad guy here. It may seem awkward for them but they wouldn't do anything radical as long as they understand.
ReflectiveLens
June 16th, 2019 3:14pm
I love this question! Sexuality isn't so strict, however, I appreciate the concern. I have had personal experience being on the other side of this, being the "straight" friend. Two years ago, I married my gay best friend after being together for 10 years. I know not every story turns out like ours but if he would have never told me, then we would have never started a relationship. There's no way to know how your best friend will react, but as your best friend at the least they should respect your feelings and have a dialogue with you about what to do next. It's not worth spending years in love with this person you have no chance with when you can move on and meet someone else. It's also not worth spending years keeping a secret when you could be spending that time together. It's not easy but it's worth being honest with your best friend, so together you can go forward as friends or more. You're not the only person to have been in this situation and whichever way it goes you will have support her on 7cups.
SwordAndThePen
June 26th, 2019 1:02pm
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do. You can't force someone's sexual or romantic orientation, so if your friend is straight it won't go anywhere. If you think your friendship is a solid one, and you trust that friend with this sort of thing, you could let them know about your feelings for them. If you think it would be easier on your friendship, however, it might be better to keep this to yourself. It can be helpful to talk it out with a neutral friend instead. Good luck (I know it can be hard, but you'll fall for a non-straight person eventually).
BraveWings116
July 31st, 2019 5:28pm
Well, this is a tough one. Been there, done that. I think it depends on how your best friend feels about the LGBTQ community. If your friend is supportive, it might feel good to get your secret off your chest and simply be honest with them. Who knows? They could be questioning their sexuality. Sometimes a person in this situation will later realize that their friend was bisexual. It never hurts to ask. A safer strategy is to find out how your best friend feels about the LGBTQ community. Next, come out to them if you feel safe and comfortable doing so. Finally, if that reaction is positive, you could ask them if they have ever had feelings for the same gender, to flush out whether they could also possibly have a crush on you. I hope this helps.