How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?

78 Answers
Last Updated: 11/24/2019 at 10:55pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Andrea Tuck, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I tackle and discuss a multitude of social and emotional health issues. I have a belief that through empowerment and non-judgmental support clients' can thrive.

Top Rated Answers
May 16th, 2018 5:10pm
Don't tell them right at first... Give them an example of how you feel with two completely different people... See how they respond to your imaginary situation, and take it from there.
June 9th, 2018 11:12pm
It is hard, but try and talk about it with your friend. Most of the time you really just have to get over them. This may take a lot of time
June 22nd, 2018 7:44pm
Distract yourself by looking for relationships with others- don't dwell on it and try finding someone else to fulfil your needs.
June 28th, 2018 12:31am
I have somewhat experienced this, and I can only say that you should do what feels best for you. In certain cases it could be a great opportunity to grow as a person. But, try to talk to someone about it and manage to find distractions, because you must understand that a romantic relationship with this person is not going to last or perhaps not even have a happy ending (if it would even exist at all)
June 28th, 2018 11:37am
The best thing might be being honest with them. Make sure it’s clear that you don’t plan on acting on your feelings (if you’re sure they don’t reciprocate them), but communication is key in any relationship.
July 18th, 2018 7:23pm
Love is such a big thing that can be over a big spectrum. Whether this is romantically or just loving a friend or a sibling. Therefore is this love for your best friend definitely romantic or is it a mixture of friendship and possible lust for their love of yourself? If it's hurting you then take some time out to think about your feelings. Think about if you're feelings are making you feel bad or you're struggling. If you are maybe you should decide how to possibly get over them or just work your way through them. However, if it is affecting how you are around them then this is a struggle. It is definitely difficult because sometimes you want to tell them but you're unsure of the outcome. And if you know they're straight then that's even tougher. Maybe, if you can talk to another close friend who knows them, and someone you can trust, about these feelings. Opening up to someone who won't judge will help yourself. But sometimes it is too hard and easier to just hide them.
August 2nd, 2018 4:47pm
Being honest about your feelings with yourself and your friend, life's too short. It could be the start of something amazing.
September 29th, 2018 4:18am
It's rough. I went through it the hard way, with heartbreak and healing. It's not always easy if you're truly in love. It can require the whole process of going through this. If you're able to reflect and stop yourself from getting deeply entrenched, then this would be ideal. However, it is difficult to stop your feelings. If you know that it is impossible to be with your best friend who is straight, you will have to get over the feelings eventually, and this happens over different periods of time for different people. It is painful and hard, but always remember to love yourself and surround yourself with supportive friends (or Listeners).
October 14th, 2018 1:49am
This is always hard falling in love with a friend, especially when they are straight. The best thing to do, from my experience, is to be forward and tell your friend how you feel. If they truly care about you, they will tell you if they resiprocate, and if they don't they will try to continue the friendship with you. If you tell them how you feel, and they aren't willing to make things work, then they were most likely not a true friend in the first place.
December 13th, 2018 8:29pm
Remember to respect that they can’t choose who they do and don’t like. If it is something that’s taking up a lot of your thoughts, then try and speak with them about these feelings you’re getting. If they’re your best friend then they’ll understand that you can’t help how you feel either, and perhaps together you can work something out. Sometimes focusing your efforts elsewhere can help, such as on your schoolwork or on your own mental health. It might be a case of spending a little less time together, just so you have a chance to work around these feelings. Love can change a lot over time, so try not to worry too much that this is how you’ll feel for the rest of your life. There’ll definitely be other people out there that you’ll have the same kind of feelings for, just remember to take this kind of thing one step at a time.
January 25th, 2019 7:13pm
Well, it's never going away if you do not admit it in the first place. Otherwise it'll stick in you until, God knows when. If you're not getting it out, then it won't get out by itself. On the other hand, you can try to point out the flaws of that best friend to yourself, see if there is anything that can make you take your mind off them. Remember to keep it to yourself, though. Just between you and yourself about these flaws. Besides, we might all feel a little sparkle with our best friends someday. But it's just a crush. If you don't want to "ruin" it, trust me, the crush will eventually go away.
June 16th, 2019 3:14pm
I love this question! Sexuality isn't so strict, however, I appreciate the concern. I have had personal experience being on the other side of this, being the "straight" friend. Two years ago, I married my gay best friend after being together for 10 years. I know not every story turns out like ours but if he would have never told me, then we would have never started a relationship. There's no way to know how your best friend will react, but as your best friend at the least they should respect your feelings and have a dialogue with you about what to do next. It's not worth spending years in love with this person you have no chance with when you can move on and meet someone else. It's also not worth spending years keeping a secret when you could be spending that time together. It's not easy but it's worth being honest with your best friend, so together you can go forward as friends or more. You're not the only person to have been in this situation and whichever way it goes you will have support her on 7cups.
June 26th, 2019 1:02pm
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do. You can't force someone's sexual or romantic orientation, so if your friend is straight it won't go anywhere. If you think your friendship is a solid one, and you trust that friend with this sort of thing, you could let them know about your feelings for them. If you think it would be easier on your friendship, however, it might be better to keep this to yourself. It can be helpful to talk it out with a neutral friend instead. Good luck (I know it can be hard, but you'll fall for a non-straight person eventually).
May 22nd, 2019 6:38pm
If it's too obvious or too hard to handle, then a talk could help. Communication and telling the truth should be the right move. It would be hard to understand it through text if you want to share your feelings with them so it is better to do it upfront, one on one. Saying the best about them, complimenting them, saying how you really love what you have with them but honesty isn't something to be ashamed, saying that you can't control what you feel doesn't make you a bad guy here. It may seem awkward for them but they wouldn't do anything radical as long as they understand.
July 31st, 2019 5:28pm
Well, this is a tough one. Been there, done that. I think it depends on how your best friend feels about the LGBTQ community. If your friend is supportive, it might feel good to get your secret off your chest and simply be honest with them. Who knows? They could be questioning their sexuality. Sometimes a person in this situation will later realize that their friend was bisexual. It never hurts to ask. A safer strategy is to find out how your best friend feels about the LGBTQ community. Next, come out to them if you feel safe and comfortable doing so. Finally, if that reaction is positive, you could ask them if they have ever had feelings for the same gender, to flush out whether they could also possibly have a crush on you. I hope this helps.
September 22nd, 2019 7:01pm
Be gentle with yourself, your human! This is a really tricky situation, being honest is always great, but can be really hard to navigate. Take your time and try to gauge how they might react. You could try a story about a similar scenario and see how they react. Your feels are authentic and there is nothing wrong with feeling this type of attraction. You must be proud of reaching out for help to navigate a tricky situation. It takes a lot of strength to ask for support. Remember to be gentle with yourself!
November 20th, 2019 6:25am
Let them know you like them so then you don’t have to stress over everything. If you don’t let them know that you don’t like them you are just bottling up your emotions and feelings for your best friend and you wouldn’t know if they like you back or not. Give it a try and see if they confess back. If they don’t return the feelings, hopefully you guys can still stay as best friends. It’s okay to fear rejection, it’s a great way to move on and experience what rejection is like. Everything will be okay in the end.
November 24th, 2019 10:55pm
If you can be open about it, that would be great ; it's even better if they know already about your preferences. Considering it's your best friend, I don't think they would be offended. Now, I understand if you want to be more low key about the whole situation. Once you've realized that you're in love, you should try to distance yourself (enhance why I think it's better to tell them what's going on first, you don't want to lose your best friend). Falling out of love is always possible, it takes time. There is also the possibility of you still being in love with them and staying friends, just learning how to turn this love into appreciation, and things should go smoothly from here!