How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?

69 Answers
Last Updated: 03/08/2019 at 5:08am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Stacy Overton, PhD.

Counselor

I am an enthusiastic life-long learner and also a professor of counseling. I have a passion for peoples stories and helping to guide and empower the human spirit.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
September 29th, 2018 4:18am
It's rough. I went through it the hard way, with heartbreak and healing. It's not always easy if you're truly in love. It can require the whole process of going through this. If you're able to reflect and stop yourself from getting deeply entrenched, then this would be ideal. However, it is difficult to stop your feelings. If you know that it is impossible to be with your best friend who is straight, you will have to get over the feelings eventually, and this happens over different periods of time for different people. It is painful and hard, but always remember to love yourself and surround yourself with supportive friends (or Listeners).
Anonymous
October 14th, 2018 1:49am
This is always hard falling in love with a friend, especially when they are straight. The best thing to do, from my experience, is to be forward and tell your friend how you feel. If they truly care about you, they will tell you if they resiprocate, and if they don't they will try to continue the friendship with you. If you tell them how you feel, and they aren't willing to make things work, then they were most likely not a true friend in the first place.
MikaelMotivation
November 17th, 2018 5:13pm
I'm actually in this situation right now. I've been in love with my best friend of six years for three, and I'm still figuring out how to deal with it. I encourage you to let him/her know about it, even though I'm to scared to do so. It'll help, really. If he/she is really your friend, he/she will accept you, and consider your feelings. You say that he/she is straight, but even so, nobody knows him/her better than him/herself. Who knows, maybe he/she is trying to figure him/herself out? I don't want to give you false hope, but it's possible that there is still a chance of him/her being able to return your affection.
ImpeccableB
November 29th, 2018 5:59am
Having been in this situation before, I can say that it’s not an easy place to be. Often times we feel safest with our closest friends and strong bonds begin to form. These feelings can often times be misconstrued, but In the event they are real for you, it’s important to decide one of two things: either express your feelings in hopes of getting them off your chest or allow enough time and space for these emotions to fade. There is no right answer and every situation is different but know that this person Loves you for exactly who you are. It may take time for this person to give you an answer that often times it’s important to express such feelings.
LaurenCantSpelll
December 5th, 2018 9:28am
Falling for your best friend is certainty tough. Unfortunately if your friend is straight there is nothing you can do. You need to ask yourself what is important to you. The situation is different for everyone. You need to take time to work out how much you value your friendship with this person, and how much the feelings are negatively impacting your life/harming you. Moving on is the only thing you can do if they are straight. It is hard but you will manage. You need to evaluate what would be best for you. You may need to cut the person of or just slightly distance yourself. Just make sure you keep track of your emotional wellbeing. Often the best thing you can do is remain friends but set yourself boundaries that stop you from ending up in situations that can hurt you. In the end only time will help you deal with these feelings. Goodluck
Anonymous
December 13th, 2018 8:29pm
Remember to respect that they can’t choose who they do and don’t like. If it is something that’s taking up a lot of your thoughts, then try and speak with them about these feelings you’re getting. If they’re your best friend then they’ll understand that you can’t help how you feel either, and perhaps together you can work something out. Sometimes focusing your efforts elsewhere can help, such as on your schoolwork or on your own mental health. It might be a case of spending a little less time together, just so you have a chance to work around these feelings. Love can change a lot over time, so try not to worry too much that this is how you’ll feel for the rest of your life. There’ll definitely be other people out there that you’ll have the same kind of feelings for, just remember to take this kind of thing one step at a time.
Anonymous
December 20th, 2018 4:41am
I’ve actually been through this and I knew she wouldn’t like me but I told her anyways just to get it off my chest. It was awkward for a while but that’ll go away. We’re still best friends and we even joke about it to this day. But what worked for me may not work for you. I say asses the situation and think about your options and do what’s best for you. Make sure you’ll be safe and make sure what you do will make you happy and feel better. Try talking it out with yourself before anything else.
healingCloud74
December 28th, 2018 4:10am
If so, I’d evaluate what sort of impact dating would have on his life. His family could be VERY aggressive towards him. His family could isolate him. His family could kick him out. You’d have to establish that if dating him would be worth it, despite the risks. If it’s not worth the risk for him, just be mutual snuggle buddies and then some If you are snuggling together, my suspicion is that your friend might not be so “straight.” Straight men don’t snuggle with other men. Maybe you should have an honest discussion. Maybe he is trying to tell you that he’s open to something other than friendship. But please, talk before you do anything physical. If he’s ambivalent, you don’t want to traumatize him. Tell him you’re just wanting to know the boundaries of your relationship and if he’d prefer you to put your feelings aside. I think it’s important to talk about it so that he is able to explore his feelings, otherwise you risk harming the friendship. Good luck!
zainjj
January 25th, 2019 7:13pm
Well, it's never going away if you do not admit it in the first place. Otherwise it'll stick in you until, God knows when. If you're not getting it out, then it won't get out by itself. On the other hand, you can try to point out the flaws of that best friend to yourself, see if there is anything that can make you take your mind off them. Remember to keep it to yourself, though. Just between you and yourself about these flaws. Besides, we might all feel a little sparkle with our best friends someday. But it's just a crush. If you don't want to "ruin" it, trust me, the crush will eventually go away.