Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?

90 Answers
Last Updated: 04/16/2020 at 7:48pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Amanda Wiginton, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Now is the time to make a change! Professional, empathic, and compassionate therapist waiting to help you make healthy life changes.

Top Rated Answers
AudriaNicole
May 16th, 2018 5:10pm
Don't tell them right at first... Give them an example of how you feel with two completely different people... See how they respond to your imaginary situation, and take it from there.
Anonymous
June 9th, 2018 11:12pm
It is hard, but try and talk about it with your friend. Most of the time you really just have to get over them. This may take a lot of time
BiStudent84
June 22nd, 2018 7:44pm
Distract yourself by looking for relationships with others- don't dwell on it and try finding someone else to fulfil your needs.
potatobreadpoint
June 28th, 2018 12:31am
I have somewhat experienced this, and I can only say that you should do what feels best for you. In certain cases it could be a great opportunity to grow as a person. But, try to talk to someone about it and manage to find distractions, because you must understand that a romantic relationship with this person is not going to last or perhaps not even have a happy ending (if it would even exist at all)
TwelveHedgehogs
June 28th, 2018 11:37am
The best thing might be being honest with them. Make sure it’s clear that you don’t plan on acting on your feelings (if you’re sure they don’t reciprocate them), but communication is key in any relationship.
AlfieGammon53
July 18th, 2018 7:23pm
Love is such a big thing that can be over a big spectrum. Whether this is romantically or just loving a friend or a sibling. Therefore is this love for your best friend definitely romantic or is it a mixture of friendship and possible lust for their love of yourself? If it's hurting you then take some time out to think about your feelings. Think about if you're feelings are making you feel bad or you're struggling. If you are maybe you should decide how to possibly get over them or just work your way through them. However, if it is affecting how you are around them then this is a struggle. It is definitely difficult because sometimes you want to tell them but you're unsure of the outcome. And if you know they're straight then that's even tougher. Maybe, if you can talk to another close friend who knows them, and someone you can trust, about these feelings. Opening up to someone who won't judge will help yourself. But sometimes it is too hard and easier to just hide them.
Anonymous
August 2nd, 2018 4:47pm
Being honest about your feelings with yourself and your friend, life's too short. It could be the start of something amazing.
Anonymous
September 29th, 2018 4:18am
It's rough. I went through it the hard way, with heartbreak and healing. It's not always easy if you're truly in love. It can require the whole process of going through this. If you're able to reflect and stop yourself from getting deeply entrenched, then this would be ideal. However, it is difficult to stop your feelings. If you know that it is impossible to be with your best friend who is straight, you will have to get over the feelings eventually, and this happens over different periods of time for different people. It is painful and hard, but always remember to love yourself and surround yourself with supportive friends (or Listeners).
Anonymous
October 14th, 2018 1:49am
This is always hard falling in love with a friend, especially when they are straight. The best thing to do, from my experience, is to be forward and tell your friend how you feel. If they truly care about you, they will tell you if they resiprocate, and if they don't they will try to continue the friendship with you. If you tell them how you feel, and they aren't willing to make things work, then they were most likely not a true friend in the first place.
Anonymous
December 13th, 2018 8:29pm
Remember to respect that they can’t choose who they do and don’t like. If it is something that’s taking up a lot of your thoughts, then try and speak with them about these feelings you’re getting. If they’re your best friend then they’ll understand that you can’t help how you feel either, and perhaps together you can work something out. Sometimes focusing your efforts elsewhere can help, such as on your schoolwork or on your own mental health. It might be a case of spending a little less time together, just so you have a chance to work around these feelings. Love can change a lot over time, so try not to worry too much that this is how you’ll feel for the rest of your life. There’ll definitely be other people out there that you’ll have the same kind of feelings for, just remember to take this kind of thing one step at a time.
zainjj
January 25th, 2019 7:13pm
Well, it's never going away if you do not admit it in the first place. Otherwise it'll stick in you until, God knows when. If you're not getting it out, then it won't get out by itself. On the other hand, you can try to point out the flaws of that best friend to yourself, see if there is anything that can make you take your mind off them. Remember to keep it to yourself, though. Just between you and yourself about these flaws. Besides, we might all feel a little sparkle with our best friends someday. But it's just a crush. If you don't want to "ruin" it, trust me, the crush will eventually go away.
ReflectiveLens
June 16th, 2019 3:14pm
I love this question! Sexuality isn't so strict, however, I appreciate the concern. I have had personal experience being on the other side of this, being the "straight" friend. Two years ago, I married my gay best friend after being together for 10 years. I know not every story turns out like ours but if he would have never told me, then we would have never started a relationship. There's no way to know how your best friend will react, but as your best friend at the least they should respect your feelings and have a dialogue with you about what to do next. It's not worth spending years in love with this person you have no chance with when you can move on and meet someone else. It's also not worth spending years keeping a secret when you could be spending that time together. It's not easy but it's worth being honest with your best friend, so together you can go forward as friends or more. You're not the only person to have been in this situation and whichever way it goes you will have support her on 7cups.
SwordAndThePen
June 26th, 2019 1:02pm
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do. You can't force someone's sexual or romantic orientation, so if your friend is straight it won't go anywhere. If you think your friendship is a solid one, and you trust that friend with this sort of thing, you could let them know about your feelings for them. If you think it would be easier on your friendship, however, it might be better to keep this to yourself. It can be helpful to talk it out with a neutral friend instead. Good luck (I know it can be hard, but you'll fall for a non-straight person eventually).
Peacefulgardens
February 16th, 2020 8:47am
The main thing you can do to make things easier is just be grateful for the friendship. Theres always going to be more opportunities for future relationships and love out there in the world as limited as you may feel right now. Even though the best case scenario seems like it would be for your best friend to be attracted to you and want you back, it's still pretty great to have proof you can fall in love with someone because it shows you can probably be capable of falling in love again. Something to be mindful of is that your attitude about them only viewing you as a friend will determine a lot about your level of maturity and general character. If you can do your best to be genuinely happy for them and mind your boundaries then things will probably work out and the friendship will be more likely to stay strong. Lastly, although the question assumes the hypothetical best friend is straight, there's a chance they're not but haven't come out of the closet or confessed their feelings yet. What you can do about this is be patient and try to test the waters about their opinions about LGBT+ topics, maybe suggest they watch shows with gay characters and ask them their opinions of them. What matters is that they make an effort to accept you whether they do want to be with you or not and this'll help show if that's the case. Good luck!
kindgentlephil
March 28th, 2020 4:31pm
Be honest, they might be less straight than you think, they were just more nervous than you. I opened that can with one friend & it turned out he wasn't as straight as he said. At my party senior year a straight friend and I were drunk and it turned out we were both at least a little bi-curious. Won't go into it, though while it didn't last and it was part love part lust, it was a positive and pleasant experience while it lasted. So sure you can delve deeper into someone if you think you love them.
Ganimed
May 22nd, 2019 6:38pm
If it's too obvious or too hard to handle, then a talk could help. Communication and telling the truth should be the right move. It would be hard to understand it through text if you want to share your feelings with them so it is better to do it upfront, one on one. Saying the best about them, complimenting them, saying how you really love what you have with them but honesty isn't something to be ashamed, saying that you can't control what you feel doesn't make you a bad guy here. It may seem awkward for them but they wouldn't do anything radical as long as they understand.
BraveWings116
July 31st, 2019 5:28pm
Well, this is a tough one. Been there, done that. I think it depends on how your best friend feels about the LGBTQ community. If your friend is supportive, it might feel good to get your secret off your chest and simply be honest with them. Who knows? They could be questioning their sexuality. Sometimes a person in this situation will later realize that their friend was bisexual. It never hurts to ask. A safer strategy is to find out how your best friend feels about the LGBTQ community. Next, come out to them if you feel safe and comfortable doing so. Finally, if that reaction is positive, you could ask them if they have ever had feelings for the same gender, to flush out whether they could also possibly have a crush on you. I hope this helps.
PerceptiveAllosaraus
September 22nd, 2019 7:01pm
Be gentle with yourself, your human! This is a really tricky situation, being honest is always great, but can be really hard to navigate. Take your time and try to gauge how they might react. You could try a story about a similar scenario and see how they react. Your feels are authentic and there is nothing wrong with feeling this type of attraction. You must be proud of reaching out for help to navigate a tricky situation. It takes a lot of strength to ask for support. Remember to be gentle with yourself!
Anonymous
November 20th, 2019 6:25am
Let them know you like them so then you don’t have to stress over everything. If you don’t let them know that you don’t like them you are just bottling up your emotions and feelings for your best friend and you wouldn’t know if they like you back or not. Give it a try and see if they confess back. If they don’t return the feelings, hopefully you guys can still stay as best friends. It’s okay to fear rejection, it’s a great way to move on and experience what rejection is like. Everything will be okay in the end.
Anonymous
November 24th, 2019 10:55pm
If you can be open about it, that would be great ; it's even better if they know already about your preferences. Considering it's your best friend, I don't think they would be offended. Now, I understand if you want to be more low key about the whole situation. Once you've realized that you're in love, you should try to distance yourself (enhance why I think it's better to tell them what's going on first, you don't want to lose your best friend). Falling out of love is always possible, it takes time. There is also the possibility of you still being in love with them and staying friends, just learning how to turn this love into appreciation, and things should go smoothly from here!
Anonymous
November 29th, 2019 4:48pm
there is no way to deal with falling in love. once the wheel has started moving, it will not stop. it will crush you head to toe. so if you want to experience being in love and take it forward, then take it in that direction but if you want to stop that wheel, i guess you should try staying away from that person for some time and stop magnifying whatever feeling you have for him/her in your head. our head is a great magnifier. i mean see how it magnifies the 2-3 mm image on retina into a full grown scene before your eyes. i dont know if it makes sense but hope it helps.
Izzyhappybubbles
December 26th, 2019 8:09am
It will be hard, but just be a good friend. The root of friendship is love. Even though your love is in a different form than may be appropriate, you can use that to strengthen your friendship. Feed all of your love into just being the best friend you can be. And for you, it will be difficult, but eventually the feelings you have will be replaced or focused on someone new who ,maybe, will love you back. You will get through this.
HereToListenRedone
February 2nd, 2020 11:21am
Remember that they are straight but don't let that inhibit you. Be friends with them, but don't make them uncomfortable. Hang out with them but don't get too close. I have a crush on one of my best friends, who is straight. I really love him as more then a friend but I know he doesn't love me back, and it's hard. I really wish we could be together but I know that's not going to happen. I want to be with him. This kind of thing affects everyone and is one of the harder things in life to get over. Be their friend without making them uncomfortable. It just might work.
Anonymous
February 6th, 2020 7:06pm
It's a very tricky situation. I know i fell in love with my best friend. At that moment, i had to question myself. What do i really want? What Matters to me? When you know your best friend so well, you know what your best friend wants in life too. Then if there is no way that you have a space in your best friends life in that manner, there is no point in hurting both. I had to tell myself, that being together as best friends makes much more sense than being lovers. It's a conscious conversation that you have to have with your self and weigh what's more important. I am not saying that the scenario i went through is the same as yours, so circumstance might be different. But i am sure you would know deep down what your friend wants! so listen to that voice, which thinks from the brain and not from the heart .. for once. it will do good to both .. It helped me..
JaedynBois12
February 14th, 2020 12:27am
It's very hard to deal with having romantic feelings for someone who you feel would never be into you. I had very strong feelings for one of my best friends and it hurt to know that they didn't want to be with me. I finally realized that I couldn't let that get in my way of having a successful and happy relationship. It hurts in the beginning but you will eventually get through it. Even if they can't be with you the way you want it doesn't mean someone else won't. Hang in there
Kali4now
March 19th, 2020 8:08pm
It can be very challenging in a friendship to suppress romantic feelings. I believe especially with your best friend you can be honest. Sit down and talk that there are feelings coming up that are beyond your friendship, figure out what you two can expect from one another and how to deal with it. Maybe you need space, maybe you need some distance, maybe you don't want anything to change after all is said. Allow yourself to feel, allow your best friend to feel differently (or maybe even the same - who knows ;) ). But opening up about it gives your friend the best chance at respecting your emotions and behaving adequately
JayBird1917
March 20th, 2020 7:41pm
This is one of the hardest things!! I know in my life I’ve come across this hurdle more times than I can count. But most often, I find it best to be honest, as commutation is key in a healthy relationship, whether it’s platonic or not. Let them know the truth, but be willing to work through your feelings if the situation arises. I’ve found that the more honest I am with my friends, then the easier it becomes to work through the unreciprocated feelings I may have. Just know that you’re not alone! Not by a long shot.
mindovermatter101
April 8th, 2020 2:58am
Remember to take it slow. Remember no one has control over your feelings besides you. No one deserves that power. Remember your purpose is to get to know them, not let them know you. Remember to treat others how you want to be treated. Also remember that people need personal space. Some more than others and you need to respect that. Remember everyone has an entire life that they have lived, and do not have social anxiety, because they are a person just like you. There are many questions to ask to get to know someone. Start with what experiences have influenced them the most as of today. Also ask who they look up to.
Nyte20
April 8th, 2020 4:58pm
Be honest with them, sometimes keeping it inside is more harmful then helpful. Continuing to interact with them as if nothing has changed can be very stressful and space can help. Telling them how you feel but also letting them know that you don’t want to make them uncomfortable is a nice way to ease into the conversation. Ask them to give you some space so you can have some time to yourself to think about things. If your friend reacts in a bad way they may just need some time to think about things too, this is a lot to take in. Give it something time and things should work out for the best. Just remember that communication is key.
TNWhyMe
April 16th, 2020 7:48pm
First of all, tell them the truth about how are you feeling when you are with them. Next, respect their feeling and your friendship. Because it doesnt matter your friend having feeling with you or not, you still dont want to lose that person especially you both being friend for awhile. Lets think this way, sometime you need to know that friendship is more way romantic than a relationship. Why? because being best friend can help you share with them everything you want without any barriers or uncomfortable thoughts. Same to that person, sometime he/she feels more comfortable when sharing a secret with best friend than with boyfriend/girlfriend or even with family. So just in case if your best friend just want to keep the friendship between you and him/her, then just happy and continue to be a best friend to each other.