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How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?

101 Answers
Last Updated: 11/21/2020 at 12:21pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Sara Radford, MA Clinical Counseling

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Within the context of a supportive, collaborative relationship I help clients to explore themselves in a effort to create healing and lasting positive change.

Top Rated Answers
TNWhyMe
April 16th, 2020 7:48pm
First of all, tell them the truth about how are you feeling when you are with them. Next, respect their feeling and your friendship. Because it doesnt matter your friend having feeling with you or not, you still dont want to lose that person especially you both being friend for awhile. Lets think this way, sometime you need to know that friendship is more way romantic than a relationship. Why? because being best friend can help you share with them everything you want without any barriers or uncomfortable thoughts. Same to that person, sometime he/she feels more comfortable when sharing a secret with best friend than with boyfriend/girlfriend or even with family. So just in case if your best friend just want to keep the friendship between you and him/her, then just happy and continue to be a best friend to each other.
Anonymous
May 1st, 2020 1:39am
I've been in this situation before, and it certainly is an emotional rollercoaster! You feel a whole host of emotions but likely can't share them with your crush for a number of reasons. What helped me was sitting down and looking at all the traits I was attracted to, then going from there. Was is just a physical attraction to my friend, or was this something deeper? Sometimes straight friends check all the "boxes" we look for in partners, and that can make separating our friendship and our intimate emotions far more difficult. Try not to be too hard on yourself, we can't choose who we're attracted to!
Anonymous
June 18th, 2020 4:57pm
Try to differentiate what you like and what you love about him, what he/she thinks about you (not in front of you ) while talking to others. Don't prioritize always what he/she feels always, sometimes friendships are a lot precious to loose . Be honest. If you think he/she feels something more than friendship to you, honestly acknowledge your feelings. Make sure to be alone with him/her and prepare yourself for all possible outcomes. Warn him/her to be honest too, and that you don't want to destroy your friendship, but you think you fell in love. Normally with friends, one person begins to have feelings earlier than the other.
Anonymous
July 1st, 2020 12:46pm
Remember that you can't change who they are more than anyone can change who you are. I know that this is a very difficult situation to be in, and many people go through this type of thing, especially as teenagers. It is not your fault, nor is it your friend's fault. However, if you aren't able to be friends with them without feeling bad yourself, you may need to consider taking some distance from your friend. Perhaps this time will enable you to move on from them, which may allow you to be friends with them again one day in a way that is healthy for you. Remember that this happens to a lot of people, so don't think that you are alone in this!
Anonymous
August 2nd, 2020 2:08am
hi! this is definitely a difficult situation that you are in and I want to say that I genuinely feel for you in your predicament. I would first before you do anything ask yourself if these are truly feeling of love or feeling in the sexual sense, opposed to say an extreme sense of familiarity and level of comfort. this is the first thing that I would do. before you change anything in a friendship whether straight or not this is something to think about. how does the person make you feel? how would your life change if the other person were to say they were falling in love with you too? but on the other side of thing play devils advocate and ask whether you would be ok if your friendship turns sour because of your attraction. think inwardly first and then outward would be best.
khwaab
August 5th, 2020 7:41am
You just have to focus on what’s important. You can be in love with someone without pushing them to feel the same way and a friendship can survive romantic feelings, and can sometimes grown to incorporate those feelings into it. Anyway, it's complex territory and the fear of losing a friend because of feelings is terrifying. Just be calm and don't push them. If you love them, you should be capable of putting her feelings and her needs before yours in every possible way. That's what love is, in a way. If they don’t want it back off, try to maintain the friendship, and live with the friendship. On the other hand, instincts are very powerful. If you have feelings for a friend, at least talk them out. You never know what might happen.
Anonymous
October 1st, 2020 8:23pm
Well, falling in love with a best friend is hard. It's especially harder if they are straight, and if you know they will not like you back. I fell in love with my best friend and they never knew. I couldn't bear to tell them. The easiest way to deal with this, is to try and focus on other things that make you happy. Yeah, that will be hard. I know that. You might not WANT to do anything else that makes you happy except be around them, but the more you are around them, the stronger the feelings will get. Now that doesn't mean to stop seeing them, just reason with your heart, and reason with your mind, and hopefully things will get better.
JoelA
October 8th, 2020 1:12am
I think the best way to go about it is being honest with your best friend and expressing your feelings you have for your friend. Talking about it with your friend might be the best solution. Most at times we are scared to express our feelings because we are scared of being rejected. Things start getting awkward and the friendship is affected as a result of that. I have always believed expressing yourself and feelings and dealing with the outcome. It is always good to know how your friend also feels. If the feeling is not mutual there are alternate ways to move forward.
Anonymous
October 9th, 2020 4:49am
Ouch, I've done this before. The best thing for me was distance; don't be mean, but focus on other friends besides this one. I also questioned my feelings, as in - thought about the hard reasons I fell for her. Once you've liked someone for a while, it feels natural and you begin to forget what made you feel so strongly. Reach inside you and find those reasons, and if you have to, disprove them. It felt wrong to do, but I deeply considered her flaws and found that maybe we wouldn't be the best match after all. I would also say completely let go of the idea of you two being together. You will never be anything other than a friend to her, it's harsh but it's what you need to realize. Once you've given up on the thought, it becomes a little easier. Best of luck to you.
glowingTruth228
October 21st, 2020 5:05pm
If I fell in love with my best friend, it would probably be extremely difficult for me to come to terms with. In all honesty, I probably would not be able tod encipher my emotions in that given moment in time. It would more than likely take me a while to understand my feelings for them and where they came from. It would be scary, of course, but I would have to tell them at the end of the day. It wouldn’t be fair to myself, for one, to continually allow my feelings for him to grow when there is so much uncertainty as to how he truly feels about me. And second, it would be unfair to him to hold in those feelings from him because he would be completely oblivious to the situation from the start.
Beauty05
November 21st, 2020 12:21pm
First of all, I would check if falling in love with her won't spoil our relationship as friends. Being friends is something that would be very important to me and I wouldn't want to lose that for anything even if it's to get with her romantically. Secondly, as a Christian, I would tell God to help me with my feelings. I wouldn't want to sin against God and fall in love with someone of the same sex. Thirdly, I would talk to her about how I am feeling and I would pay attention to what she says. As a friend she is to talk and understand me