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I am romantically attracted to men but sexually attracted to women. I am in love with a guy but am not sexually attracted to him. What do I do?

2 Answers
Last Updated: 07/02/2019 at 9:09pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Courtney Cline, MS in Psychology and MS in criminal Justice


I have 15 years exeperience in working with clients suffering from depression and substance abuse. I have worked with children and adults and believe in a holistic view.

Top Rated Answers
November 12th, 2018 9:11pm
Hi. This is very very normal. Romantic attraction involves who you have romantic feelings for, like who you would fall in love with. Sexual attraction is about who you prefer yo have sexual experiences with. Your romantic attraction and sexual attraction don't have to be the same, this is totally normal and nothing to worry about or be ashamed of. If you feel comfortable enough you could tell the guy how you feel. You don't have to want to have sex with someone the love and care about them, there are many ways to express romantic feelings. You don't have to do anything sexually you are not comfortable with, so if anyone ever pressures you to have sex this is not ok. So you could explain to this guy how you feel, that you have romantic feelings for him but not sexual feelings, and if he has an issue with that, then maybe he isn't the person for you. Don't worry, there are many people out there who feel the same way as you do, there are people who are willing to be in s loving relationship with little to no sex, and there are people who are willing to engage in sex without having a romantic relationship, There are other people out there whose sexual preference and romantic preference do not match up, and if that if you cone to the conclusion that this is the way you feel that is totally ok. But you don't need to feel pressured to put any label on yourself, you can take as much tin to figure things out as you need.
- Expert in LGBTQ+
July 2nd, 2019 9:09pm
It can be a very tough situation, I know! In these cases, it's important to be very honest with the person you have feelings for. You have the right to go for it and tell him about your feelings, but it's also important to be clear about what you can or cannot offer in a relationship. There are people who are ok in not having sex in a relationship, or people who can accept to be in an open relationship - you can find your own balance, something that works for both of you, as it happened for many couples. I know you might feel a bit discouraged about opening up about your feelings, but if there's a chance he could return your feelings, you can consider giving it a chance, trying to see how he feels about you, and if you can find some sort of balance that works for both.