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I am very confused about my sexuality. How can I determine what my sexuality really is?

119 Answers
Last Updated: 03/02/2020 at 5:37am
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Top Rated Answers
HalListens
March 23rd, 2016 12:52am
In the end, nobody can tell you what your sexuality is but you. I realize that this might not be the answer you're looking for (it's certainly not the one I was looking for when I was questioning my sexuality), but it's also a very empowering realization to have. Maybe you switch labels, maybe you're mainly attracted to one gender with the occasional exception, maybe you're bi or pan or maybe you'll decide you don't want a label at all. The great thing is, you get to decide, and you're not obligated to explain your decision or even to share it. Ask yourself who you're attracted to, who you'd like to be in a relationship with, and why you like those people- just thinking about and exploring your feelings towards others is often super helpful when you're questioning your sexuality. Just remember, you're unique, and your preferences are valid.
itsnotwhereyoucomefrom
April 7th, 2016 6:45am
If you are confused, just give it a time. you don't have to say who you are, just at this moment of your life.
patientbambi
March 25th, 2015 9:50am
I personally struggled with this myself, I spoke to others that had gone through the same. I went out and experimented to try to make sense of what was going on. There are sites that can help with figuring you sexuality out, but at the end of the day you have to look inside yourself, as no one can make the decision for you.
Stephz
April 3rd, 2015 1:24pm
It takes a lot of time and it can be really confusing, unfortunately there is no way however you ill eventually work it out.
bambooPanda15
February 13th, 2016 2:56pm
Well every sexuality is different it really depends on what it is. I would recommend a professional just in case.
gaynaomi
February 25th, 2016 4:59am
It can be very confusing! My best advice, after years of debating with myself and analyzing myself... You don't have to know right now. You've got a whole lifetime to think and try things out and see what you like and what you don't! The way you "label" yourself can change over time too. Just take some time every now and then to think about it. If you are unsure or tired of thinking, there are umbrella terms used in the LGBT community like 'queer' 'transgender' etc that cover different kinds of people who are LGBT but don't really know in what way. But really - try to relax. It can be super stressful, but at the end of the day, you are wonderful and you should be proud of whoever it is you become.
Anonymous
March 19th, 2016 9:45pm
Your sexuality is a complex thing, It's something your Cant determine, If you like someone you like them and if you don't then you don't.
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2016 10:23pm
I think that you should experiment with the sexes and see wich pleasures you more. Hope i've helped
Anonymous
September 6th, 2016 11:45am
Experiment. That's probably the best advice I can give. Just try out what seems interesting and you might find out what fits for you :)
natalieheretohelp15
July 9th, 2018 5:22pm
Experience life, learn more about yourself, it will make it easier to cope with. Sexuality is a rollercoaster and often people do not understand what is happening in their bodies, but my best advice is to go with the flow because you do not have to have yourself figured out.
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+
June 17th, 2019 1:07pm
You can try to explore your feelings, emotions, sensations, fantasies and desires. You can do that by picturing yourself with people of different genders, pondering how each of those thoughts and fantasies makes you feel. Try to do that by pretending the rest of the world doesn't exist, so you won't be be conditioned by anything else, like other people's possible opinions. If you manage to be honest with yourself, with time you will find your answer! It might also help you to get in contact with the LGBT community and listen to their experiences, to get an idea of what was determinant in their realizations of their sexuality - but ultimately, you're the only one who can determine who you are.
Anonymous
January 27th, 2015 1:39am
Whatever is in your heart dear
Kakapo
May 2nd, 2015 2:48am
You can think of what gender you are or are not attracted to, from there you can search up the different sexualities, especially if you feel like you don't fit in with the usual hetro/homo/bi there are other sexualities too, try doing some research, that's how I found out I was asexual. But remember you don't need to fit into a certain category, sexuality is a spectrum.
unfin
February 13th, 2016 6:27am
You're feeling confused about your sexuality and I can relate to that. Figuring that out is something that only you can do. It will ultimately help you to figure it out yourself.
Anonymous
February 13th, 2016 7:32am
I know this is more or less controversal but you could try watching porn and see what you are or aren't into. You could also ask yourself what sexual stuff you'd want to do and who makes you want to do that to them...
Anonymous
February 13th, 2016 1:13pm
Experiment to find out what you're into, pornography can also work great too. If there is something you want to try then go ahead and do it. Whatever makes you comfortable
proudhuman
February 14th, 2016 1:08am
Its is quite difficult to figure out your sexuality but experimenting is the best way to figure yourself out
bedtimebear
February 17th, 2016 6:03pm
Personally, when I was struggling with my sexuality I read on the Internet a lot about other people's experiences. Every time I thought "maybe I could be ___" I would research a lot about that topic and see whether I related to the mentioned facts/qualities. It's important to remember that you don't HAVE to have a label and that other people can't tell you what you are. In the end you are the only one that completely understands what situation you're in and you're your ultimate quide.
Anonymous
February 20th, 2016 2:31am
Well when I was discovering my sexuality I did research on anything and everything LGBTQ+ it helps.. But just remember you don't need a label you can take the time without a label to explore and expiriment.
Anonymous
February 20th, 2016 7:26pm
It can be very difficult to determine sexuality and romantic orientation, but the only one who can figure out is yourself. I advise reading about all kinds of orientation, and thinking about who you have felt attracted to, or if you have been attracted to anyone at all. And experimenting is a very good thing to do, even if you end up on what you initially thought you were !
EllieBones
February 21st, 2016 12:30am
Everyone has a different way, for me, I had to find another girl, she was bi, I was bicurious, we kissed, it made me realize, I loved it! I'm gay and its Ok! IRS better than Ok, its great!!
Anonymous
February 21st, 2016 5:44pm
If you are not worried about labelling your sexuality then don't worry about it. To me sexuality is always fluid even if you can put yourself into one of many sexuality brackets. If you must, choose one that suits you right now then keep a record of how it changes. Also remember that with a sexuality such a pansexual it doesn't mean that you like every gender all the time, it means that you are not exclusive to dating just one of two.
BeautifulFreedom1854
February 24th, 2016 6:57am
It may take some time to figure out what your sexuality is. This may sound cheesy but, listen to what your hear and what your gut says. If it feels right, it usually is.
lyricalsunrise
February 25th, 2016 7:58am
research different sexualities and see which one you feel defines you best! You don't need to be definite.
Anonymous
February 26th, 2016 8:18pm
When i was younger i was always confused about my sexuality so i did some research in to the many diffrent types of sexuality there are and how they applied to me personly i cant tell you how to find what tour sexuality is but what i can tell you is to follow your heart amd soul as it took me ages to work mine out to
MatToServeYou
February 27th, 2016 4:45am
Sexuality is a very personal topic, so it's OK to have doubts about it. Don't rush in finding it out, and always follow your heart, because deciding things listening to it will often result in happiness.
LonelyAngels
February 27th, 2016 2:14pm
when you ask your sexual preference, you must not be influence by anybody's criticism. BE confident to whatever YOUR answer will be. Don't be feel bad if its not the ideal answer, just be honest first within yourself. Observe and ask yourself and feel if you like girls, boys or both. Liking someone is not bad, even if its not ideal, as long you can give and accept those feelings. You and yourself will only determine your sexuality, it will take time and a peace of mind. Calm yourself and accept whatever you will realize. Just remember don't answer your question based on what other people say, look to your inner self :)
Anonymous
February 28th, 2016 3:07am
You can experiment, but it does take time. Or you can just not bother labeling it, you love who you love you shouldn't have to label it
TaranWanderer
February 28th, 2016 11:25pm
learn about what all the definitions are, don't be afraid to experiment. and of course, never feel like you have to fit completely into one box. you're allowed to be fluid and unique. your sexuality is solely defined by yourself.
livelong
February 29th, 2016 12:30pm
I don't know if anyone really knows what their sexuality is. It's a fluid thing. You have no need to label yourself anytime soon. You can go through life without labeling yourself. Society today gives us this pressure to label ourselves and when we don't, we feel lost. But we don't need to. As of now, I label myself as bisexual and when I'm not fully 100% attracted to every woman I come across, I feel slightly lost. I always question, am I really bisexual? But deep down, I know I am. I know I like both genders. You don't need to label yourself. One day you can be straight and the next you can be whatever you want.