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I am very confused about my sexuality. How can I determine what my sexuality really is?

120 Answers
Last Updated: 11/03/2020 at 8:08am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Cynthia Stocker, LCSW,

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

My approach is direct, kind, honest & collaborative. My clients appreciate that I help them in a way that cuts through the jargon and gives clear explanations.

Top Rated Answers
February 29th, 2016 12:30pm
I don't know if anyone really knows what their sexuality is. It's a fluid thing. You have no need to label yourself anytime soon. You can go through life without labeling yourself. Society today gives us this pressure to label ourselves and when we don't, we feel lost. But we don't need to. As of now, I label myself as bisexual and when I'm not fully 100% attracted to every woman I come across, I feel slightly lost. I always question, am I really bisexual? But deep down, I know I am. I know I like both genders. You don't need to label yourself. One day you can be straight and the next you can be whatever you want.
March 2nd, 2016 1:42am
Sexuality doesn't have to be defined, just do what your comfortable with. Also gender doesn't necessarily mean who you are attracted to, so do what's natural
March 2nd, 2016 9:14am
You could try dating the opposite gender? If it feels right then maybe you have found your new sexuality but remember you can be BISEXUAL in which case you have equal feelings for both genders.
March 2nd, 2016 4:59pm
you can always kiss and tell :-p but to be serious just close your eyes and think that who are attracted to the most
March 2nd, 2016 5:56pm
The first and foremost thing to take in mind is that you do not have to conform to any label! If you feel like you like the opposite gender more than the same gender, that is fine. On the contrary, if you feel like you like both genders then that is also fine. Some good advice would be to not conform to a label, as you cannot put a label on love, so if you want to be in a relationship with someone of the same gender as you but you have defined yourself as heterosexual before, it doesn't matter, as long as you are with someone that makes you feel happy and safe.
March 3rd, 2016 12:37pm
The best way to determine your sexuality is to try everything until you finally find what is good for you :)
March 3rd, 2016 5:49pm
Determining one's sexuality can be as simple as yes or no, or it could be a complicated affair that can can last a lifetime. Truly, there is no better expert on your own sexuality but yourself. Many individuals base their sexual orientation on persistent, lasting sexual attraction to others according to gender. Like gender identity, everyone's experience with sexual orientation varies and may change. A persons orientation is as unique and special as the person themselves.
March 3rd, 2016 7:35pm
Take your time in figuring it out. It might also help to find a friend, support group, or parent to support you.
March 4th, 2016 8:34pm
Don't be so fast to label yourself. You'll know what your sexuality is when you need to. Just be comfortable in yourself.
March 4th, 2016 9:29pm
The best thing you can do is be honest with yourself, I know that it can be confusing and it is but the best thing you can do is be yourself. When you seriously ask yourself truthfully who you are attracted to truthfully you may find the answer or you may not, remember that while labels can be a source of strength and unity they need not define you and you don't need to fit into a neat box.
March 5th, 2016 8:22pm
Really, the way I suggest is experimentation, thinking deeply about your romantic./sexual interests, and looking up various sexuality. Of course, these methods don't work for everyone, but in general, that's what I suggest.
March 6th, 2016 2:47pm
You cannot really 'determine' you will know when it comes to you. People fall in love with people for their minds, not for their body parts. Dont worry about not knowing exactly.
March 10th, 2016 4:12am
For some people, sexual identity is very important. They want to have a name for what they are: straight, bisexual, gay, pansexual... for others, it's not cut-and-dried, and that's fine. They are all right being sexually fluid or just open to experience. If your confusion is happening because you fall more into a grey area than one that's black-and-white, you may want to let go of the need to define yourself for now. Let your feelings guide you and accept what they are without needing to evaluate them. You can trust yourself.
March 10th, 2016 3:43pm
Oh, let me see: so you are confused about your sexuality. Is there any time when you feel happy about loving somone?
March 10th, 2016 6:43pm
Don't feel pressured to label yourself right away, if you need to take time figuring out what your sexuality is- that is 100% okay. Finding out your sexual identity can be a confusing time and it helps if you can talk through it with someone who you trust and who has your best interests at heart. Try to learn more about different sexualities- if you don't know the name for what you identify as you might have a hard time figuring it out. Thinking about past relationships and/or crushes can help you determine your identity- try to think about the feelings you had towards these people during these relationships.
March 11th, 2016 5:52am
Just be who you are and who you want to be :) Nothing is wrong and also nothing is right too. Be yourself :)
March 11th, 2016 12:21pm
In all honesty, you may not determine exactly what it is. This is because everyone is different and unique, and not only does that mean that a word for someone else may not fit you, but also that you will react differently to everyone else. Don't worry if you cant find what is 'you', but embrace that. You're unique! You're you! And more importantly, you're amazing. If you really want to find out who you are, get involved with LGBT+ communities. Find other people who are like you, and maybe together you can find who you are. Don't stress yourself over it.
March 11th, 2016 5:11pm
You don't have to label anything, but if you want to, try searching online for a sexuality that fits what gender(s) you like/dislike .
March 13th, 2016 8:52am
What your sexuality is, doesn't really matter as you being a person, What makes you this unique person is your personality not your sexuality. As time goes, you'll eventually figure it out without purposely thinking about it.
March 13th, 2016 8:27pm
A person doesn't have to define there sexuality. You like who you like whether its a girl, boy, both or neither. Gender does not matter.
March 13th, 2016 10:31pm
Probably just time and experience will tell you, you don't have to determine it, you have to feel it
March 13th, 2016 11:37pm
Sexuality is a very difficult thing to determine. When I tried to determine mine it took a very long time for me to figure out what I really was. With time will come knowing who you are, and knowing your sexuality. There is no explicit way to determine this is what I am without thinking long and hard about it, and past experiences first
March 14th, 2016 8:37am
Just find out what really arouses you and accept that. Simple !!!
March 16th, 2016 5:39am
It's natural to feel confused about what you're attracted to or what you're interested in. The best part about being confused is, you're in no rush. You don't need to prove to anyone or be any one thing. Just explore your feelings by talking to friends you trust, or reflecting on what you value in people. A lot of people go through these feelings, but that's not always bad.
March 16th, 2016 11:41pm
Explore the waters. If you are attracted to one gender more than the other, embrace it. Your sexuality is yours. It's not something that someone can tell you!
March 17th, 2016 9:55pm
Sometimes we have questions about our sexuality. That is normal. Find what makes you happy, and be what you want to be, not what others want.
March 18th, 2016 3:39am
That's a very personal question, do some soul searching, maybe even experiment. It'll come with time and personal growth.
March 18th, 2016 4:29am
Keep thinking about it until there is not one doubt in your mind. If you rush into it, you could interpret the wrong things from your feelings.
March 18th, 2016 6:12am
Everyone's journey is unique and different. There's no set rules on how to determine your sexuality, it's all up to you and your path to self discovery.
March 19th, 2016 1:13am
Introspection is very important - maybe you can write down exactly what you're attracted to in people, both physically and emotionally. Another great step to take is to talk to people within the LGBTQ+ community. Start asking people about their own experiences when discovering their orientation. This is a great way to connect to others that might feel the same way you do.