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I am very confused about my sexuality. How can I determine what my sexuality really is?

120 Answers
Last Updated: 11/03/2020 at 8:08am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Cynthia Stocker, LCSW,

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

My approach is direct, kind, honest & collaborative. My clients appreciate that I help them in a way that cuts through the jargon and gives clear explanations.

Top Rated Answers
March 19th, 2016 8:13pm
I have been going through this too, in the last summer. Watching coming out videos and listening to people talking about their feelings and realization when they found out helped me a lot. But I mean you dont have to determine and label yourself. Instead of wanting that you could just say that it doesn't matter who you have a crush on. If it happens then it happens and thats okay :)
March 19th, 2016 11:19pm
Time will tell. If you surround yourself with the right people and do some research on what you think you might be, go for it! You don't always need to label yourself and what your sexuality is, but you can always research different sexualities and determine yours that way.
March 19th, 2016 11:53pm
Give yourself time to work it out. Think carefully about how you feel before you go rushing into anything.
March 20th, 2016 6:09pm
Well, I suggest looking up every type of sexuality there is. Then think, "do I like the same gender, the other gender, both genders, no genders, ect and look up things along those lines.
March 23rd, 2016 1:19am
Google can help you look for labels that "click" with you, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter what you call yourself so long as you're comfortable being you.
March 25th, 2016 10:10pm
In today's society you don't really need to label yourself or come out.
March 25th, 2016 10:52pm
Don't think too much about it. If you like someone, you like them. you don't need a lable for this.
March 26th, 2016 4:21am
Sexuality can be a long process to figure out. Experimentation can always help but is not always needed. I personally never kissed a girl but I know I am attracted to them. If you feel a certain box dosent fit there are endless sexualities and ones that don't need defining.
March 30th, 2016 7:15am
When I began to question my sexuality it took me a while to try and deny it for a while dispite having a massive crush on someone of the same gender. I found the best way to be properly sure was to give it time, then you can be sure if you are gay or bisexual. Coming out to early can be embarrassing if you discover something different from what you originally said, for example if you come out as gay and later discover you are bisexual, it can be hard to come out a second time. When trying to discover whether I was gay or not, I would ask myself, 'if he/she asked me out, would I say yes' and I determined how I felt through that. Good luck to anyone coming out and you can always talk to me, even if I'm not online send me a message and I will reply.
April 2nd, 2016 3:19pm
I think, it is very important NOT to lie to yourself. If you are living a lie, you can't ever be the real you deep inside. Think about your priorities. Who is the first person you are thinking about, when you wake up and go to sleep? Who is the one on your mind, when you are lonely? Who is the subject of every song you are listening to? No matter what your sexuality is, you are human. A beautiful human.
April 7th, 2016 2:57pm
My question is, Why? Do you really need to fold yourself into fitting into a predefined category? As long as you are not harming yourself or anyone around you, you shouldn't feel forced to succumb to a category. If the people around you are not willing to accept you as what you are then it's time to look for a more supportive company.
April 8th, 2016 3:18am
Do some research and talk with some people that have taken the path of learning their sexuality. The best thing you can do to help yourself is to learn the possibilities. If you don't know what you're looking for, it's so much harder to find.
April 9th, 2016 8:53pm
Just listen to your heart! Find some support groups and do some research about all of the different sexualities and find which one is more like how you feel!
April 13th, 2016 8:05pm
Sexuality is a confusing thing. Experience is really the best way to find out who you're attracted to. Sometimes sexuality may not be what you think it was. Be patient with yourself and remember that you don't have to have a definite label for who you are. It takes time and patience, but when you find out, it's very satisfying. I wish you luck :)
April 14th, 2016 1:07am
well you'll have to ask yourself questions and then stuff like that and see if your legit with your thought
April 17th, 2016 10:34am
Sexuality can be very hard to get the grip of sometimes because you might be just curious or not admitting of what is going on. Most of all, it might be the society you live in, is it supporting or judging, if it's judging, subconsciously you might be afraid to even admit it to yourself. The best way to determinate is first to relax and second to get yourself in situations where you can see your feelings and instincts around the both genders. Good luck !!
April 17th, 2016 4:57pm
Mainly by making experiences, without having to feel unconfortable of course. Also take some time everyday to think about it.
April 21st, 2016 1:11pm
Only you will know when the time is right. In time you will absolutely know weather or not your gay, bisexual, straight.
April 22nd, 2016 5:39am
Talk to someone you trust or talk to someone on here and ask them. If it were me, I would experiment with who I talk to or who I derive my feelings to. But don't do it too much that you lose focus on what's important. I'm also going through this too if you would like to talk about it.
April 24th, 2016 2:57am
It'll take time, you can experiment. After time, you will come to terms, and gain a better understanding of it.
April 24th, 2016 6:30am
Figuring out your sexuality is often a process that doesn't just happen overnight. Personally, my journey has been lifelong and ever-changing. Our society makes us feel like we have to fit into a label, but there are not only people that fit labels like "gay" and "straight" perfectly, but also people who fall within a gray area in between. What is most important is following your heart and living your truth. While you may feel like you need to label yourself to define your identity, staying true to how you feel on the inside is what is most important, and the label may (or may not) come later.
April 24th, 2016 2:23pm
Firstly don't rush it if you work out what your sexuality is then great. But there is no need to rush. There are lots of resources out there for all kinds of sexualities.
August 9th, 2016 9:26pm
Your sexuality is something that only you can figure out yourself. You could just take some time with yourself and try to think about what you really want, without worrying about what other people might think.
November 8th, 2016 4:21pm
It may sound corny, but the answer is really inside of you. Love is a natural thing, and it occurs in all of us, and loving different people comes just as natural.
February 20th, 2017 6:04am
Only you get to define your sexuality, and you don't have to rush to do it. Reflection, research, and safe experimentation are useful tools in determining how you want to identify. Different methods and paths work for different people. The most important thing to remember is that there is no pressure to decide soon or permanently. You are allowed to take your time or change your mind whenever you want to.
February 23rd, 2017 8:11pm
That can be really tough! Sadly, no one can tell you exactly who you are or who you love. But, as an LGBT person, I can tell you that experimentation and a lot of deep self-reflection, along with frank conversations about my feelings really helped me work through my identity.
March 9th, 2017 7:22am
This is something only you can really define. It takes time and exploring to figure it out. This isn't something that you can just figure out in a day, You know yourself best. You can ask questions, ask people within the community what different terms mean. But in the end, determining what your sexuality is, is your choice.
April 4th, 2017 6:15pm
Try going over all the evidence pointing towards different sexualitys. Do some research to help you determine which of your crushed you have had a real romantic interest in, and such. I would recommend the site for further help, but in the end, you just have to wait. Don't stress about it, and don't feel pressure to put a "correct" label on you
July 15th, 2018 8:05am
The only person that can answer that is you, but I can suggest that you sit down and think about it. It takes time to figure these things out, and that's perfectly okay. Take your time, there's no big rush. :)
March 2nd, 2020 5:37am
I understand being confused about your sexuality is a very challenging thing to go through. You are questioning right now, and questioning is always good. It helps you reflect on yourself and let you to look at who you are, and I'm glad you're questioning. Sexuality is complicated AND fluid. So there's no real way of knowing what you sexuality is. Keep your mind and heart open and free, feel free to love and experiment. You can talk to queer people, and when it gets hard, you can always reach out for help. You don't have to label yourself if you don't want to. Just love yourself, and think about yourself and what you really feel/want. It should help you discover your sexuality. And whatever it is you figure out, love yourself for it. Thank you for reaching out to us. I hope this helped.