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I like the look of guys, but not sexually... Yet I like girls sexually but not I don’t look at them like it. Like I have a really strong emotional attraction to guys, but no sexual real sexual drive ?

3 Answers
Last Updated: 08/12/2019 at 10:29am
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India
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Shruti Naik, MS in Counselling and Psychotherapy

Psychologist

I'm passionate about providing a non-judgmental & supportive platform to my clients to help them understand & accept themselves & overcome any emotional issues troubling them.

Top Rated Answers
Olweg
September 30th, 2018 7:31am
In your message (which I don't understand fully, regarding the 2nd sentence), you talk about 4 different things : 1) sexual attraction (toward girls and not toward boys) 2) emotional attraction (having romantic feelings for people, toward boys in your situation. I don't really understand what you're saying about girls but I guess you don't have romantic attraction toward them?) 3) sexual drive (= being aroused / feeling the will to have sex or at least sexual relief) 4) aesthetic attraction (liking the look of people, bodies etc but without necessarily romantic or sexual attraction linked to it. In your situation, your aesthetic attraction seems to be more about boys) So if I understand you well, you're confused about the fact that your romantic attraction doesn't "fit" your sexual one ? Well, we're told they're the same, when in fact they're not. It's totally possible (and ok) to have distinct attractions. You can be romantically attracted to boys, willing to have long term relationship but in a platonic way (or at least, only romantic, without any sexual contact). Of course, what you consider sexual is very personal (for some people, kissing and cuddling are sexual intimacy acts, when for others it's only romantic and not sexual at all). Sexual attraction has nothing to do (nothing at all !!) with sex drive. Sex drive is independent from the attractions you can feel toward people, or their respective gender. For instance, imagine you're with a guy, in a romantic relationship without sex. Having no sexdrive could mean that well, you would never feel the "drive" to masturbate, or to have sex with girls. Having sex drive could mean you would feel sometime the will or """"need"""" (I put that into brackets because sex is NOT a need properly speaking) to have sexual relief.. just not with boys^^. I guess the goal for you here is to find your balance in that, and how you can fit all of these in a way that allow you to be happy. It can be a bit tricky, but you seem to have identified quite precisely how work your attractions, and that's a really good start to figure out how you want to live your romantic/sexual life. I'd just like to add that maybe, if you're feeling confused about that, it could be interesting to consider some elements of context here. I don't know your gender, but I guess that if you're a boy, the fact that you feel romantic attraction / love toward boys but not sexual attraction could have to do with internalized homophobia : the thoughts and beliefs that are taught to all of us from the homophobic societies where we live.. For instance, if you were raised thinking that sex between boys is dirty and abnormal and not natural and evil or whatever, well, it COULD have an impact on the way you consider it now / for you. That are just speculation because from your message I can't say if you've ever been in a romantic relationship with a boy, or if you're a girl or if your gender is non-binary, what's your story and all. I just think it can be interesting to consider it a second, even if it's to get to the immediate conclusion that no, it's not about that. (it's still a way to move forward and know oneself better^^) Please feel free to contact me if you want to talk about it, I'd happy to listen to you :) Hope that helped a bit!
whiteratdog
December 17th, 2018 6:34am
There really is no right or wrong answer. Life is about discovery. As long as you are honest with your partner and yourself, are safe until you've figured this part of your life out, and have determined what is right for you, then you're on the right path. Youth is a time to learn what works for you. You shouldn't be embarrassed (but should also not discuss too openly), but rather, be curious. Talk about these things with people who have your best interests at heart. Don't take yourself or others too seriously... we're all trying to figure this stuff out. What is right for you may be wrong for another, and that is ok. Let honesty and openness rule the day, and you will be ok.
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+
August 12th, 2019 10:29am
It could be that your sexual and romantic orientation do not coincide. People can be hetero/homo/bi...sexual and hetero/homo/bi...romantic, any combination of the two is possible. You could be an hetero romantic homosexual if you're a girl, and vice verse if you're a guy.