I thought I was straight, up until the last two years, and when I looking for a dating, I only see guys; but when it comes to being in be'Md with someone, it's more women; I"m female... what do I do?
Last Updated: 10/01/2019 at 11:24pm
Dominecaa White, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Emotional challenges take a toll on who we are and can limit us from being our best. My desire is to help all clients experience freedom from emotional bondage.
Top Rated Answers
Sexual and romantic attraction do not always coincide. One can be hetero/homo/bi...sexual and at the same time hetero/homo/bi...romantic. Any combination of the two types of orientation is possible. Maybe sexual and romantic attractions do not coincide in your case, and that's making you feel confused. In these cases, following your heart is the best way. Your heart will tell you what you really desire, what can make you happy. By following it, you'll know everything you need to know. It may take some time to better understand yourself, but there's no rush. You don't owe anything to anyone, and labels are only there to be used if you're comfortable with them. So don't be scared to listen to your heart, and perhaps consider the possibility of divergence of the two orientations.
What do you do ? Well... maybe what you want to do ? There is no rule whatsoever when it comes to sexual orientation (well, except consent - including age restriction - and human being..). You may be confused because you realized that your sexual orientation was different than your romantic one. And indeed : there're two different things ! For most people they bland together and have the same "object" : sexual AND romantic attraction toward people of one particular gender, for instance. But they can also be different, and that's totally OK. So in your situation, you could say - if you think it fits and is relevant - that you're : hetero-romantic and bi (or pan/poly..)-sexual. Which mean that you only have romantic attraction toward men and sexual attraction toward men AND women (and/or people of different genders, since there isn't only 2 genders^^). You could be homosexual + hétéroromantic, if your sexual attraction was only toward women. Just keep in mind that sexual orientation can fluctuate and evolve with time, all along your life, so just live what you want to live. For some people, the lack of romantic attraction could be a form of internalized homophobia (some fear about the idea of living a romantic public life with a woman, how people would react, what they would think etc) and that too can evolve with time, fortunately^^. But it can just be that, well, sex is better with women, for you. It can be problematic if you want to be in a exclusive relationship both romantic and sexual, and can't find that either with men or women, and if that happens you may consider your priorities, your needs, your projections for the future etc to find a situation that satisfies you :)
Related Questions: I thought I was straight, up until the last two years, and when I looking for a dating, I only see guys; but when it comes to being in be'Md with someone, it's more women; I"m female... what do I do?
How do I come out as nonbinary?I've just come to terms with being transgender. How do I come out to my girlfriend of many years?How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm transgender?Is there any chats/groups/forums specifically for Transgender teens 18 and under?What does it mean to be Queer? I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?How do I come out to my parents?How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?How can I explain homosexuality to my parents?Hi. I’ve had trouble with my family lately. My mom says she supports me-being an enby but won’t call me by my pronouns. And got angry at me now I’m in trouble. Please help?