If I am demisexual, do I still need to come out to my friends and family, and if so, how do I explain?

10 Answers
Last Updated: 08/06/2019 at 8:37am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda Munroe, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), I have worked with individuals of all ages. My work with clients is supportive, interactive and nonjudgmental.

Top Rated Answers
TaranWanderer
August 15th, 2017 9:04pm
Well for the first question: you never have to come out, no matter your orientation or identity. It's really up to you: is this something you want people to know about you? do you feel like it's something important to your life that you want it included in how people think of you? are you comfortable without people knowing? Depending on how you answer, you should get a better idea if you should come out or not. Basically you can come out if you want to but it's not necessary if you don't want to. I think it should be treated the same as any other part of the lgbtq+ community :) How to explain it to people..I guess just be honest with what it is. You can tell them the definition, what it means to you, and why you wanted them to know. Here is an example: "I'm demisexual, that means that I won't be able to feel sexual attraction to anyone unless I have a strong bond with them. This is an important part of my identity, because I feel sometimes the world has an expectation that I feel attracted to people, that I just get crushes or want relations with others. But for me, I really need to be close to someone before even that initial stuff can happen. I wanted to tell you because this is who I am and it's a part of me that I don't want to ignore" And if they ask any questions, just answer the best as you can, for what is true for you! You know yourself and your feelings the best, so just be honest :)
milkyorchid
November 1st, 2016 5:45pm
You are free to come out but if you don't feel comfortable you really don't have to. If you really want to come out just sit down with them and explain them how you feel and explain if they don't know anything about your sexuality.
Eyelook2you
November 15th, 2016 2:26am
No matter how you identify you come out when you feel like you are ready. I would also explain to them what demisexual is. A friend of mine is demisexual and he explained it to his parents and they are ok with him as long as he is happy
BradyHero
January 24th, 2017 1:00am
You don't have to come out to anybody - only if you feel comfortable doing it and your safety won't be compromised. If you do want to come out, sometimes the best way to do so is calmly. Just sit down with them and tell them the truth. If they have questions, you can answer them respectfully, and even if they don't accept you, remember that you are still valid and deserving of love.
Anonymous
February 21st, 2017 10:04am
You never NEED to come out if you don't feel like it. If you want to, then just explain to them what you feel, but if you don't yet then that's completely fine.
Anonymous
September 5th, 2017 6:02am
This needs to be examined on a case by case basis. What is safe or necessary for one may not be for another. The "need" must be determined by the desire of the demisexual individual. For myself, I use analogies to explain, such as wanting to listen to a certain type of music I felt previously neutral to after becoming connected to the lyrics.
LovingRainbowSkies
November 21st, 2017 9:17am
You don't have to come out to anyone unless you want to. Your sex life is private and you dont owe anyone an explanation unless you feel like you aren't being true to yourself and feel the need to come out.
organticPeace28
February 13th, 2018 2:09pm
You don't have to come out if that's not something you want to do. If you want this then you can start by asking them if they know anything about it and also tell them that it is something you have been thinking about and something that you can identify with.
determinedKiwi17
August 13th, 2018 3:13am
Coming out is a choice and you should never feel that you “need” to do so. If you feel like demisexuality is an integral part of your identity—go for it! I identify as ace, and while I haven’t come out to my family, I’ve come out to most of my friends. All you need for an explanation is “I’m only attracted to people I’m close to first.” I use jokes to come out often. I can’t think of any demi puns right now, but I’m sure you can if you want to use that strategy. :) Good luck!
Aayla
August 6th, 2019 8:37am
Coming out is something you should only do if and when you think it would make you feel more comfortable and free to be yourself. There's no right or wrong time to do it and you can choose if, when and with whom to come out. It's all about explaining them open-heartedly how you feel, what it means to be who you are and how you realized it.