I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?
181 Answers
Last Updated: 03/20/2022 at 3:23am
Moderated by
Tanyia Hughes, Adv Dip Psy
Psychotherapist
I have been through a lot in life too, which helps me to be able to empathize with situations, thoughts and feelings that we have. Sometimes, it's not easy just being human.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
January 7th, 2017 2:27am
Try to set a time when you can talk to her and express what you've been feeling. Make sure she knows that it will not change anything on your end. But know, that their may be a period of time in the friendship that feels a little off after. That is okay and normal. You want to respect her space, but you also don't want to friendship to disappear. Be honest and make sure she knows that your friendship is the most important thing. Good luck to you!
There are a few paths you can take - when I was in this situation I explained to her my feelings and we worked together to figure out what path we can take to preserve our friendship. I you aren't comfortable with that you could also keep it to yourself and work on managing your feelings alone.
I know exactly how you feel. It can be very hard to be in love with someone when you know it will never work out. But you have to remember that things will always work out, no matter what! Even if she isn't the one, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Maybe you'll find someone even better!
Anonymous
May 7th, 2017 1:14am
Let off suddle hints, by calling her got telling her you love her. And if you haven't already come out to her. Also make sure not to tell her you like her, it could ruin the friendship, wait and see if she ever notices.
Anonymous
May 9th, 2017 3:23pm
If she's very open about LGBTQ+, maybe you could tell her about it! If not, then I can empathize with you and I'm sure your friendship will not change. After all, who knows what may happen in the future? Have faith, and patience!
Consider telling her. If you think she won't mind and it won't harm your friendship, then maybe it is better to confess your feelings for her. It might turn into something good between you two. If you think the chances of it ruining your friendship are more, then do some more thinking. If you believe you can handle your feelings on your own and get over them, you don't have to tell her anything. If you can't, well it's up to you what you do next. Try to do what is best for you. If you cherish the friendship too much, it's probably better for you to try and keep it the way it is, if you think your friend will mind you liking her. Stay safe, stay positive and take care of yourself!
First, you should tell her about your feelings. If she's really your best friend but she doesn't like you, she will understand you, and everything will continue being the same. And maybe she likes you!
Anonymous
July 9th, 2017 3:26am
You can either leave those feelings to yourself or just tell her how you feel. If she's really your friend she'll understand and still be friends with you. So if it's really bothering you just tell her.
Anonymous
September 3rd, 2017 8:03am
It's best to have a discussion with your friend about this. After all, she is your BEST friend, so anything you say to them, know that however they react will determine if you really want them in your life!
Anonymous
September 15th, 2017 3:25pm
Hello, I understand what you are going through. Being in love with someone who does not love you back is difficult. May I suggest you tell her how you feel? Maybe she feels the same way about you, it's better to tell the truth, than to let it always stay on your mind.
There are a few ways to go about it - you can try taking a small break from your best friend, you can be honest with her, or you can ignore the feelings in hopes they go away. I recommend one of the first two, but be sure to consider her feelings before doing either.
Love is really tough, and sometimes the best thing to do is confess the feelings even if you don’t think you’ll get the answer you want in return. Being honest with friends is always best, and it can lift a weight of keeping the secret if there is any.
Ah, the dreaded forbidden fruit situation. Many of us in the LBGTQ+ community at one point or another have likely gone through the same situation and it can be very confusing. I find honesty to be the best policy in this case. Establish with yourself the goal you have in mind; are you happy just loving from afar? Or will your love affect your friendship because you want more? Once you’ve figured out what you personally want then it’s time to explain the feelings you’re having with your best friend. Remind them the value you place on your friendship and that just because you’re having these feelings this doesn’t change. You can discuss it and both move forward from their. However you should never attempt to force your sexuality on anyone else. Always be respectful of others boundaries.
Anonymous
December 1st, 2017 12:29pm
That can be very hard but it is important to remember to respect her sexuality in the same way you would want someone to respect your's. Even if you are in love with her or just have a temporary crush on her, you have to try and move on. I know it's hard to do but it's the only possible way to resolve this without trying to convince her to go out with you.
Anonymous
December 3rd, 2017 12:28pm
Something that I have experienced, and first step is to actually figure out your feelings properly, do you actually like her or do you thinks she's pretty? And then figure out if you are mixing your feelings with her being your friends cause I was close to my bestie and I felt tht I really liked her but I jus had mixed my feelings up cause I was just close to her and she was the first girl tht I was really close to, and if you actually genuinely like her, then go for it, ask her cause it's better then holding on ur feeling for her and making things awkward, if she's your friend she'll understand even if maybe she doesn't share the same feelings
Anonymous
December 15th, 2017 7:41pm
Ask yourself if being in a relationship with her would be something that would benefit you or if it would be better to have her as your best friend. Sometimes, we can feel like we are falling in love with someone we are really close to, but when we actually think about how it might work out, it's not as fun. So it's important to think about where you want your friendship with her to go. Weigh out the pros and cons, and make sure to keep reality in check.
Anonymous
December 20th, 2017 7:32pm
I think you should talk to her about it! I know it's hard to do that, but I did that to my friend and we became closer after! it may not work out that way, but at least you will get this weight off of your shoulders.
All you can do- be a good friend and respect his/her sexuality. Let them know that no matter what you will still be there friend, and that the feelings you are having are not meant to harm your relationship.
Having had personal experience on this matter, I suggest you accept the fact and move on. If you're certain they're straight ,and not bisexual/pansexual etc. , then there is no point in confessing, since it might distance them.
Anonymous
February 16th, 2018 12:00am
Honestly, you can't ever know what she's going to do. I think that honestly, you should take a stab at it. Maybe she likes you too! You never know.
Tell her how you’re feeling, let her know so that you don’t have to keep this feeling locked inside you. And hey, you never know if she just might be into you as well.
In my experience, it is best to talk to the friend about this. While this is unlikely to end in a relationship, it will help you gain closure, and might also help you feel more secure within that friendship, as you are putting trust in the person.
you can gently let her know how you feel about her , who knows maybe shell feel the same way.
You love your best friend but they do not date same gender. Almost everyone has this problem once in a while. Short and simple, tell them. You are their best friend and they should understand you. Best friends are always there for you.
If you are certain she’s straight, I recommend you try to find a way to get over your crush. Talk to somebody, try not to stalk their social media too much etc.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2018 8:40pm
Have you talked about it with her? Think about if you should talk about it with her if you haven't already. Sometimes you just gotta move on. Take care!
Unfortunately, you may have to take steps to get over her. If she is straight then there is most likely no chance you two will be anything more than friends. So, I would try to emotionally move on.
Well, I was actually in a similar situation a while ago. My best friend was straight as a stick and I was in love with her. So I took forever to get up the courage to write her a note (cause I’m a scaredy cat) that told her how I feel. She actually responded in a way that surprised me, I accidentally turned my best friend into my girlfriend by making her bi. Oooops. Sorry not sorry.
Anonymous
June 30th, 2018 6:52pm
If you are up to it, tell her about it. A best friend will listen to your concerns and will work this out with you. Even if she doesn´t return your feelings, she still likes you for being you.
Unfortunately, you will most likely have to try and get over your feelings. I know that sounds hard, but you can't force someone into a sexuality they don't identify with.
Related Questions: I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?
How do I come out as nonbinary?I've just come to terms with being transgender. How do I come out to my girlfriend of many years?How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm transgender?Is there any chats/groups/forums specifically for Transgender teens 18 and under?What does it mean to be Queer? How do I come out to my parents?How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?How can I explain homosexuality to my parents?Hi. I’ve had trouble with my family lately. My mom says she supports me-being an enby but won’t call me by my pronouns. And got angry at me now I’m in trouble. Please help?How do I come out if I don’t even know if I am coming out as gay or bi or pan?