I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?

132 Answers
Last Updated: 05/05/2019 at 5:05am
I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Sarah Spiro, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I look forward to creating a partnership with you and being by your side through this time in your life.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
September 20th, 2018 2:27pm
Talk to her about it. Be completely open and honset with her. You never know if she is feeling the same way as you and doesn't want to mention it to you because she is also scared. It could go either way. She could have mutual feelings and the two of you could start dating and end up living happily ever after, or she doesn't have the same feelings. But then again if she doesn't have the same feelings for you it could go two ways..she could feel super awkward, or she will understand but act like nothing happened. I say go for it!
optimisticButton12
September 20th, 2018 8:59pm
This happened to me once, I told her how I felt and even though she didn't feel the same way that openness gave me the space to process those feelings and get back to how things were before those feelings developed. Now it's like that never happened and I have a beautiful girlfriend who I am happy with. That same friend I had feelings for is also in a happy relationship. We're all friends and my partner and I go over to their house for dinner sometimes. It'll all work out in time if you give yourself the time to process those feelings without feeling guilty about it.
Anonymous
October 5th, 2018 10:08am
Very sadly, this happens to many of us, and honestly there isn't very much you can do about it. Maybe try to distance yourself from her for a bit if being around her only as a friend is too painful. Let yourself really experience all of these emotions that you're feeling in your own time (I wrote a lot of terrible poetry) but remember that if she is definitely 100% straight then you'll have to move on eventually because there is just nowhere for these feelings of yours to go. And maybe next time nip whatever feeling you have for a straight girl in the bud! That's what I've learnt to do and it hasn't happened to me again...
freshsupport
October 10th, 2018 8:44am
Try and figure out what makes you attracted to her and try and pull what you don't like about her This can give you something to think about, would she really be the right person for you to be with, what would it do to both your lives. Also consider (if you haven't) telling her you are lgbtq and that you have feelings for someone, but don't disclose who it is. It can bring down at least one wall that is between you two. And put you one step closer to feeling safe in you decision on what you should do.
Clarisse29
November 3rd, 2018 10:47am
First off, try to know if your friend is supportive of homosexuality and then proceed to ask them stuff like “what if someone from the same sex had a crush on you?” Record all such answers and draw conclusion wether confessing about your feelings to her is safe and healthy for your friendship or not ❤️ Also, it’s okay if you do not confess, it’s okay to not tell her about it, as long as it keeps the friendship intact. I don’t think you’d want that ruined. Even if you do confess of your feelings to her and she gives a positive/negative response, be content with what you have as its okay, not everyone is made for us
PizzaRolls2169
November 7th, 2018 1:32am
I know you probably don't want to hear this answer but there isn't anything you can really do. Respect your friend's sexuality and choices. Whatever you do, DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE THEIR SEXUALITY! Put yourself in your friend's shoes. What would you do if a boy was in love you and kept trying to convince you to be straight? You wouldn't like it, right? It's your choice whether to tell your friend or not. If I was in your position, I would not say anything. Although, I don't know the full details. I wish you the best of luck!
angelFace94
November 14th, 2018 3:58pm
I think you should tell her that you're in love with her. The worst thing that can happen is her telling you that she doesn't feel the same way. But if she is straight, there's nothing you can or should do to change that. You should respect her sexuality and try to somehow move on. It's not the end of the world, there are tons of other people around that are worthy of your love and I'm sure that someone else will make you fall for them. Just stay positive and calm. Respect her and her feelings, just the way she should respect you.
AlexSnake
November 22nd, 2018 7:33pm
As a queer person that’s struggled with the same thing - it might be best to try to get over her. I know that’s easier said then done, but you have to respect her boundaries. Of course, a lot of other things can play into this - if she’s ok with you having romantic feelings for her and your relationship with her in general. Falling for straight girls hurts, and to be honest, it usually doesn’t end well. But if she is ok with you having feelings for her, just...see where it goes. Don’t make her uncomfortable, respect her boundaries, and make sure to communicate with her,
Brittneym101
November 24th, 2018 4:14am
The only thing you can do is tell her how you feel and go from there. Even if she doesn't feel that way about you at least you will know and not have to question it. Unfortunately you can't force someone to be into you, but given that you are friends this is a secret that will weigh you down the longer you hold it in. Just be honest with her. Don't have high expectations because from the sounds of it she is 100% straight. She may be flattered though. Who knows. If it's nawing at you , tell her
Saturnstars
February 20th, 2019 9:45am
Talk to her about it. If she’s your best friend she’ll understand and for all you know, she’s straight but questioning. Let her know how you feel and she’ll let you know how she feels. You’ll never know if you don’t try. If it doesn’t go your way then that’s okay! Just take a deep breath and you’ll find your way around it. Just make sure you’re safe and secure before telling her how you feel and make sure you’re ready for the situation. The fact you’ve admitted it to yourself is a great start on its own. Your doing great. We’ve all had moments like this!
Anonymous
March 16th, 2019 12:20am
You can show your love for someone without putting the pressure on them to love you back in the same way. I think it is important to not expect your friend to change for you, but loving her is not wrong. You can love her without needing her to love you that way. If she feels uncomfortable when you express your feelings about her then you should make sure you are acting in a respectful way that doesn't push aside her needs. Your needs are valid but you cannot force others to reciprocate or have the same needs as you.
Anonymous
May 5th, 2019 5:05am
It is quite difficult to deal with such situation, mostly it makes you depressed and frustrated because you are unable to express how you feelings and sometimes you just wish that it never happened, telling your friend how you feel can put your friendship at risk but that's the risk you have to take, just tell her how you feel and tell her that if she doesn't feel the same you are still happy to be her friend, make it comfortable for her to understand. Also be ready for the rejection and don't be sad there are many girls out there.