I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?
181 Answers
Last Updated: 03/20/2022 at 3:23am
Moderated by
Tanyia Hughes, Adv Dip Psy
Psychotherapist
I have been through a lot in life too, which helps me to be able to empathize with situations, thoughts and feelings that we have. Sometimes, it's not easy just being human.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
June 25th, 2016 12:25am
Confess to them. If they were your friend they would understand your feelings. If they don't they aren't your real friend.
STAY AWAY STAY AWAY STAY AWAY I loved loved loved my best friend and we were both bi but it didn't work out iland I was crushed it's better not to act on it
I would confront her about these feelings its good to talk about how you feel thank you for asking and have a good day.
You should her decision and try not to force her to do anything that she wouldn't feel comfortable with.
Unfortunately, you have to leave her alone if you know for a fact she's not gay. You can't force her to do anything.
Anonymous
July 29th, 2016 5:27pm
Let her know, even thought she's straight, if she's really your best friend she'll understand and not act disgusted
Boy do I know that feeling, I cant tell you what to do but I can tell you my own experience with the problem. I was in love with this girl named Jessica who had been my friend since the first grade. I first realized this in the late 6h early 7th grade and completely panicked and tried to distance myself from her hoping that I would not be that attracted to her if I did. I STRONGLY recommend agents doing what I did because all it did was ruin the relationship with my best friend. Anyway its like 3 or so years later now and Im happy dating someone else. I used to regret not telling her but in the end Im happy with the way it turned out. Anyway I hope my anecdotal answer helped at least a little bit!
are you 100% sure she is straight? if she is then you're going to have to distract yourself from her before you get in deeper. I know that the feeling of being in love is wonderful, but if you don't get out quick, the heartbreak will be horrible. good luck.
I'm pretty sure almost every person goes through this- I am. Getting over your straight best friend is going to be hard. What I do is just think of them as you would any other friend. That's what I do, I think it's easier for some people to point out all of their flaws that you dislike to them. (But don't say that to their face)you won't get over them fast or easily.
Anonymous
September 10th, 2016 11:55pm
You should tell her. Be honest with her. You never know until you try. Even if she may not feel the same way, then at least you told her. Honesty is key
Anonymous
March 19th, 2017 6:16am
You could cautiously question her on her feelings towards girls, and then hint at your feelings towards her. If she doesn't seem interested or finds the idea very unappealing, you might want to keep your feelings hidden so that they don't compromise your friendship.
This is a tough one. At the end of the day, you cannot force a sexuality or feelings onto another. Your friend may not love you back, so one solution would be to communicate your feelings and feel comfortable with the friendship again.
That depends on circumstances but if you're 100% sure that s/he's straight then you must move on. I know it's easier said than done but you can't really change anyone's sexuality. Not if they are certain of it.
Anonymous
June 2nd, 2018 12:04pm
If I was you, I would try and tell them in a calm way and explain why you have feelings for them. If they have the same sexuality as you, then you might end up together, however, if she does not, she may never return the feelings towards you. This can be very hard to deal with. But that is okay! There is someone out there for everyone! I would recommend getting it off your chest and confessing to her.
Anonymous
June 9th, 2018 9:46am
Tell her. It might eat you up inside if you don’t. If she is your best friend, she should be supportive and caring and then you can talk about it together.
If you think you can talk to her about it, then tell her. Sometimes it's better to release everything and get it out in the open. Once you've talked about it, it can help you move on. & i know it's incredibly difficult and it could change anything. but you are brave, you can do this. don't ALLOW your friendship to falter, hold onto it. this doesn't have to change anything. i believe in you, you can do it.
Anonymous
August 17th, 2018 11:00am
Maybe being honest about your feelings for your friend will help you to move on from them. She may or may not feel the same but honesty is important and may free you to move on. When I was younger and dealing with sexuality, I mistook closeness for attraction to a close friend.
I eventually told her, I felt silly but she reassured me that it wasn't and that it wouldn't change anything. Soon after, those feelings vanished as if they weren't there in the first place.
You don't have to confess your feelings to your friend, but it could help :)
Even flow, go with it...I never understood why others assume or guess. Take it slow and easy, when it's time you will know. If you become scared or feel angry, You have 2 choices. Say it or live with it. If you never come out, it will only destroy love and you in the end. If you choose to tell them and they accept it. You'll give and care selflessly. The compassion, love and connection is endless. Its like having a best friend and love all in one. Being honest with that person you like, makes a huge difference.
Anonymous
October 5th, 2018 10:08am
Very sadly, this happens to many of us, and honestly there isn't very much you can do about it. Maybe try to distance yourself from her for a bit if being around her only as a friend is too painful. Let yourself really experience all of these emotions that you're feeling in your own time (I wrote a lot of terrible poetry) but remember that if she is definitely 100% straight then you'll have to move on eventually because there is just nowhere for these feelings of yours to go. And maybe next time nip whatever feeling you have for a straight girl in the bud! That's what I've learnt to do and it hasn't happened to me again...
I think your brave to tell me about this. I can not tell you what to do as my job is to only listen and I’m not able to give out advice but I have been in a similar situation before. You know you better than me so what would you do, what do you think you might Think and how do you think you will over come it. All I want you to think about is how brave you are and that we all understand you problem and that there are many people like you going through the same thing
Well, you can first try telling her that you are not straight.. That ways she will know about you... And if she isn't straight, problem solved.. You can tell her your feelings and she will respond to it.. But if she is clearly telling you she's straight by giving signs that she likes a guy or something like that you could try to get over her... Although there is a possibility that though she is straight she might want to try few things with another girl.. Which you only have to figure out by the way she speaks to you.. I'm the end.. There is someone for everyone.. So just look for yours and don't be disappointed.. Its hard for 2 straight people to get along too..
Anonymous
November 20th, 2019 11:32am
You have to learn to understand that she loves you as a friend rather than a partner. It may be difficult to move on from her, but you must accept that she has different feelings towards you than you do to her. It might be difficult to do this, and it's normal to feel frustrated or angry, but it would be better for her if you maintained your friendship. I have confidence that you will be able to get through this, and once you have you will be able to love your best-friend for the amazing friend that she is.
Anonymous
December 26th, 2019 10:25am
i must admit this is the toughest situation to ever be in, and straight people will never understand how it is to have to happen to you.. both of us are aware you can't force or change your friends sexuality.. i know life can be unfair sometimes, and i know it's hard to let go of this person but look at it from a different perspective there is someone out there waiting for you.. jut because one doors are closed doesn't mean the others will be too. you can't do anything but wait and let time change this, or someone new.. good luck!!
Anonymous
December 29th, 2019 10:28pm
This is one of the most universally frustrating things for LGBTQ+ women. You are definitely not alone in this struggle! Unfortunately, there's not much that can be done in terms of getting her to fall in love back. You can't change people into being something they aren't. However, you can still love and support her. Your best friend will always support and love you, and if she doesn't because of your sexuality, then she wasn't worth it in the first place. At the end of the day, it's up to you to take that next step. Your feelings and thoughts are your own.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2020 5:34am
The best thing you could do in this scenario (if it’s safe for you) is to talk to your friend and get your feelings out in the open. In any relashionship, it’s important to be honest about these sort of things. Talk through it, and explain that you care about your friend, and also understand that they won’t reciprocate. This way, you can be honest, and can move on. It’s not healthy to keep emotions bottled up, especially romantic feelings. As a member of the LBBT+ community, i understand hard it is to be in this situation. But the best option is to be honest and move on.
Anonymous
January 22nd, 2020 8:50pm
Having romantic feelings toward someone you are aware has a different sexual orientation that you is never easy. You have many options, but only you can know what is most appropriate for your situation and relationship. Would telling the person make it awkward for either party? Would it be beneficial to express this to them understanding that they very well might not see you in the same romantic light? In life there are many things we have to choose between. They never get easier, but only you will know what is the best for those involved. Just prepare yourself for whatever outcome there might be.
it does tend to happen unfortunately! i have been through it and its really confusing and stressful. But if you really love them, its best to tell them in a nice way so that they atleast understand what you might be going through. of course, they might be secretly bi but it is wrong to assume!! Don't let it get to you too much. Attractions happen and it is not wrong . it is just a bit tough when it happens with someone you are close to. but isn't that the best? since we can tell them more easily and openly than to anyone else. Don't be scared, they are your friend...just reach out :)
Anonymous
March 4th, 2020 4:42pm
You could always sit her down and tell her how you feel, I know it’s hard but if she’s your best friend she’ll know how hard it was for you. And it’s better to tell her sooner than later.i know it would be hard but at the end of the day she could be more upset with you that you didn’t tell her versus just keeping it to yourself. Either way it’s up to you to choose what you would like to do but if she really is your best friend as I stated before she’ll still be there for you either way
I understand how you're feeling. I am also a queer woman, and I've had many straight crushes. In my experience, letting it go is the best option. You can't magically turn them gay, just as you can't magically be straight. First step (if you do) is to stop thinking of it as an option. Even if it turns out down the line that she likes woman, you do not want to try to push her to like woman. Second step is to distance yourself and spend time with others. While they are your best friend, this'll help you as you try to get over your crush. The third step is the best step. Give it time. Give yourself time to get over her. You are not a bad person for liking her. You are not a predatory gay for liking her. It's a natural thing. It's just like falling in love with a person that is taken.
Anonymous
March 18th, 2020 10:53pm
Accepting what you want from her is the first step. What do you want from her? Do you want her to be with you when you're sad, do you want her able to hug you when you're happy? Once you've asked yourself this, ask what she can actually give you. If she can't give you the hugs that you want, at least she can give you her company when you're sad. And then accepting this for all that it is and sitting with the emotions, even the sadness that you can't be with her. Setting up those healthy boundaries and realizing what you can get and accepting that it might not be all that you want.
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