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Is it ok to not want to come out right now?

59 Answers
Last Updated: 11/24/2020 at 3:56am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Andrea Tuck, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I tackle and discuss a multitude of social and emotional health issues. I have a belief that through empowerment and non-judgmental support clients' can thrive.

Top Rated Answers
Sunnyboyo
November 5th, 2018 8:02am
Of course it is! Coming out is personal to you, and if you don’t feel like sharing that right now, then that’s okay. Never feel pressured to come if you don’t want to. It’s completely your decision, and you can come out when you feel safe and well enough to do so on your own terms. You never owe someone the right to know things about you if you aren’t ready for them to know. When you do come out though, on your own terms, I’m sure that anyone who really loves and cares about you will support you for who you genuinely are. Good luck!
Synecdoc
November 20th, 2018 7:41pm
Yes, no one is forcing you to come out to your peers or loved ones. You can be your truest self without giving that away to others if it might make you feel insecure. What you have to recognise is that you are the most important person in your life, so therefore you should give yourself time to do whatever you feel like doing. It's alright to not want to share personal things about you. As long as you stay true to yourself and know who you are. Coming out is a process that is never easy and never black and white. The emotional response coming from the people around you or even you may vary depending on a myriad of factors. If you do want to come out, make sure to pick a time when you are most comfortable with speaking up.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2018 5:17pm
Absolutely! You need to be confident in who you are before you come out. Not coming out is not considered being ashamed about who you are it's just being safe! You may not be in a safe place to come out and that's perfectly fine. COming out is a very personal experience and one you don't need to do until you're ready. No one is forcing you to come out. You will know when it's the right time for you. Please make sure you are in a safe place to come out where you will have the smoothest experience possible. Remember that you will get hate from people no matter what you do. That being said, the support you get will be amazing! The support I got after coming out outweighed any of the hate. Good luck, love. You got this!
Ottilie
February 9th, 2016 1:44am
Absolutely! Coming out is an entirely personal decision and no one can tell you when you should or should not. If you feel that coming out is not safe or healthy for you right now (compromises your housing, risks your physical safety, etc.) then by all means wait for a better time. It does not make you any less of a person. Put yourself and your wellbeing first.
Anonymous
April 7th, 2015 8:16pm
You don't need to come out until you feel like you want to. Take your time and decide who you want to tell IF you want to tell anyone at all.
Quakey
July 28th, 2015 3:05am
Of course. Coming out is something special that has to be saved for the right time. Once you're out, it's difficult to go back. From personal experience, I came out as exclusively gay to all of my friends, but now I have a girlfriend and that was quite difficult to explain to everyone. Coming out is a special thing that takes a LOT of courage to accomplish, but once you do it's most definitely worth it.
TanithBlack
July 28th, 2015 6:14am
Coming out is a very personal experience, and it's important that you find the time that's right for you. If you've only just come to terms with it yourself, you may find that you want to wait a while before letting others know.
trisjlistens
August 3rd, 2015 10:15am
It is okay if you feel like it's not the right time. Coming out is best when the time is right and when you feel comfortable to.
silverware
September 19th, 2015 11:09pm
Of course it is. No one, absolutely no one is entitled to knowing about your orientation or your gender identity. You can keep that to yourself for every possible reason: you don't feel entirely comfortable telling anyone; or you don't think it's the right time; or you feel like your environment won't be accepting of you. You're not being a bad person by not telling someone. You have every right to decide something so personal for yourself.
amazingHeart17
October 8th, 2015 10:11pm
Of course it is! If you are not comfortable, you should not have to feel forced to do something you do not want to do, you should be able to come out when you are ready.
warmowl89
October 18th, 2015 4:07am
That is up to you. If you feel that there is no point or gain from coming out right now, it is normal. A lot of people fear the worst about coming out but reflect on the good too when thinking about the timing. You could be your true self without hiding after coming out, there might be consequences but I'd like to think in the modern society we live in there shouldn't be too much trouble
YourFutureBestFriend
October 21st, 2015 7:23pm
It's perfectly fine. I am straight, but most of my friends feel strongly about LGBTQ+. Tell others when you ARE ready.
Shikoba12
October 21st, 2015 9:55pm
your body, your sexuality, your life. you come out whenever you feel like it you don't owe anything to anyone .you are a beautiful, amazing person and as long as you accept yourself for who you are, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks :)
Anonymous
October 22nd, 2015 1:20am
Yes! It;s perfectly fine to not want to come out now, or later, or even ever! It's your personal information, and if you don't want to share it, don't feel pressured to.
Emma16
December 11th, 2015 4:03am
That is very very ok. Wait until you feel ready. I can guarantee that you will be happier if you make these decisions on your own terms instead of because you feel pressure to come out. Good luck to you.
Anonymous
January 25th, 2016 6:39am
It is 100% okay to not want to come out. It takes a while to gather up the strength and courage, and sometimes, when you think you've got it, you go up to the person and realize "Oh no! I don't think I'm ready!" And all of that is okay. Only come out if you are ready!
Anonymous
November 4th, 2016 5:00am
It is your choice when or whether you come out, it is something deeply personal and you shouldn't be pressured into it. Wait till you are ready and prepared - this is far more beneficial than being forced out of the closet
Anonymous
February 16th, 2016 11:08pm
Of course, you have to be ready. If you are not ready to come out then don't pressure yourself. But also remember that most people are more supportive than you think they are !
Anonymous
March 22nd, 2016 1:24am
It's perfectly okay! You should only come out when you feel you are ready and when you personally want to take that first step to living authentically.
MintTea18
May 23rd, 2016 1:21pm
Definitely. It's OK to take your time. Trust yourself enough to know when you're ready. Don't force yourself! :)
JudgeMeNot
June 7th, 2016 3:40am
Your sexuality is your business. While you definitely shouldn't be afraid of it, you certainly hold the right to keep it yourself. You are the boss of YOU!
phasmophobia
July 18th, 2016 8:19pm
Of course it is. Your orientation/gender is a very personal thing and it's your decision to share it when and if you want to.
Anonymous
September 20th, 2016 11:14pm
Of course it is! You shouldn't force yourself to come out if its not something you're ready for. It's a good idea to move at you're own pace. Get more comfortable with the idea small steps at a time :)
TheMegaRaiden
September 22nd, 2016 5:17am
I suggest that you wait a bit, do it when you feel the most comfortable and safe. Take your time, friend, no need to rush it.
sereneMelon86
October 4th, 2016 1:36am
It is completely ok to not want to come out at a certain time. Coming out is a big step in life that some are not ready for. :)
LoveAndPeaceOnThePlanetEarth
October 17th, 2016 3:13am
Of course! It's perfectly fine if you don't feel ready, or just don't want to come out at the moment!
ItsTheLittleThings95
October 25th, 2016 12:44am
It is 100% ok to not want to come out right now. The decision to come out is a very personal one and you shouldn't feel pressured to do so before you're ready. I'd say do it when you feel the time is right and when it will benefit you as an individual.
Anonymous
October 31st, 2016 3:04am
Yes, it is perfectly ok to want to wait to come out. It is very hard and you need to be ready. Take as much time as you need!
GaviAnsara
November 1st, 2016 8:59am
Overall, people can benefit from accepting themselves and who they understand themselves to be on their own terms. However, this does not necessarily mean that all people will be happy with the same degree of public disclosure about their sexuality, past or current gender identity, relationships, or bodies. 'Coming out' is not necessarily right for everyone. For some people, it is a transformative and inspiring experience. For some other people, it can feel invasive and exposing. Although some therapists impose the idea that all people should 'come out', this is often simplistic and ignores people's religious and cultural diversity. Some people in cultural communities find it more useful to talk about 'coming in', especially in places where people are already tight-knit and feel they are not fully accepted in the dominant cutural community. Bringing other people into your life by sharing something you consider meaningful can increase closeness-- but it can also make you feel exposed. There is no 'one size fits all' advice that works for all people. So yes, it is totally fine for you to be aware that you do not feel comfortable disclosing personal information about your sexuality, gender, relationship, or body. Think about WHY you do not feel comfortable: Are you surrounded by people who would not understand you if they knew? What are you worried will happen if you tell someone in your life? What are you worried could happen if you *don't* tell anyone? Are there specific people and situations you wish to avoid? Considering your specific fears and thoughts about disclosure will help you to sort through the different sources of your feelings. Be wary of anyone who tells you there is only one right way to handle this situation. f you decide that what feels right for you is not coming out for the forseeable future, then try to bring people into your life who have shared that experience and who can support you in your decision. You get to explore and set boundaries on what you choose to share, when you choose to share it, in which way, and with whom. I wish you safe journeys as you explore what works for you.