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I've just come to terms with being transgender. How do I come out to my girlfriend of many years?

127 Answers
Last Updated: 08/08/2021 at 1:42pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Top Rated Answers
November 22nd, 2017 3:54pm
Face to face, and actually have a good conversation about it. When you do, make sure she understands, but don't force it on her. Answer any questions and make sure it's safe and good to come out.
November 22nd, 2017 8:09pm
Take her somewhere where you both feel comfortable and at ease. There's no preparing speech for it. At the real moment it all will just fly out of your mind. Sit down and talk to her honestly, tell her what you feel and so on. That's all I can suggest.
November 30th, 2017 6:41am
Sit her down. Explain to her what being transgender is like you would to a baby. Miles Mckenna (Mileschronicles on youtube) has a video explaining on coming out
January 10th, 2018 1:57am
First off, you should only do it if you're 100% safe and comfortable. You should always put your safety first. Then, you should go through the process of what you want to say. Once you've done that, take a deep breath and speak from your heart. Remember that there is nothing wrong with you, and while hopefully she'll take it well, if she doesn't you should know you're fine just the way you are. Good luck.
January 14th, 2018 6:08pm
Well first of all you need to ask her if you could talk to her. Then you should tell Her that it’s going to be difficult to understand but this is who you are and you are hoping her to understand you
January 18th, 2018 7:24pm
Hi there, that sounds very difficult. There is no easy way to do it, and it might be scary. The best thing is to listen to yourself, be gentle on yourself. If you need to tell her in front of another friend who already knows, that might make it easier. But take your time. You do not have to rush. No one is forcing you to come out, that is something that you control, and you have the right to do in your own time, in your own way. Stay strong, you have already come so far.
January 25th, 2018 12:06am
Start the conversation in a safe comfortable environment for both of you. Ask her how she feels about the idea of transgender people. Being open and honest with her will be your best chance. Tell her to feel free to ask any questions she might have and that you would love to have an open discussion about what this could mean for your relationship.
February 1st, 2018 2:48pm
I recommend being honest and sincere. Don't suddenly spring it on her, perhaps try to ease into it. Maybe just ask her to sit down with you to talk about something. If she really loves you she'll understand.
February 11th, 2018 5:53am
Well, you could first talk to her about a transgender issue in the news, and then use that as a segway to talk to her about you being trans. I'd also say that this will be difficult to do, and that you should only come out when you're comfortable doing so, so don't feel rushed. I personally changed my pronouns on facebook, and came out to my friends and family that way, as it's a conversation starter, so coming out via text or call is also a possibility, or just sending her a letter regarding this, if you feel more comfortable doing so. Anyways, good luck with whatever you decide to do!
February 14th, 2018 8:59am
It can vary from situation to situation. Love knows no boundaries and has no confines. Coming out is a huge decision and although it can be nerve wracking the sense of freedom and relief you get is so worth it. I would tell your girlfriend in a calm manner and ask her if she has any questions about it.
February 16th, 2018 1:55pm
Calmly explain to her how you feel before just saying you want to change your gender. Sit down and thoroughly explain why you don't want to be in your body etc. If she loves you then she will understand.
March 15th, 2018 12:46am
Hi! Well done on posting your question, it can be difficult in asking these kinda questions. My best advice would be to be as honest as you can be. My own view of this would be if you are together in a relationship with someone and this comes out, you have to be honest. Not so much about being honest with the other person although this is important, but its very important to be honest with yourself. You cannot go through life living a lie to yourself. If your girlfriend loves you, then i cant see it being too much of an issue if she supports you no matter what. Id try by asking her "What would you do if i ever came out as TG to you" And maybe go from there and see her response. Please remember, you are never alone and there is always someone here for you to talk to. We are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. You are always welcome to talk to us and we will always be listening. Hope you find the best outcome to your question soon. Take care and Good Luck! Lots of love! SammiieSmiles~xx
April 26th, 2018 1:36pm
Take it step by step. Firstly sit her down on her own and explain to her that you're unhappy with who you were and you've now found the real you, whom wants her love and support.
May 2nd, 2018 10:06pm
Just tell her the truth. She may not like it, but you have to be truthful with not only yourself, but also the people you care about.
May 16th, 2018 8:30am
Sit down with her an talk about it. It will probably shock her, but if she really loves you she will accept it, even though it might take some time
May 17th, 2018 4:42pm
It depends on the personal circumstances, many ask her view point on LGBT people. If she seems ok with it then when you have free time sit her down and go through how you are feeling at what you want to change about yourself and the pronouns you want to be if she isn't supportive end the convosation and let her come to the realisation of who you are she will realise soon and accept you. X
May 30th, 2018 8:44pm
Just talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel and support each other. Good luck and take care! :)
June 7th, 2018 11:28am
Try to explain it to her in a comfortable setting for the both of you and let her know, make sure you don't feel stressed or that you have to come out any time soon. Do it in your own time too.
June 7th, 2018 9:54pm
I think a good thing to say would be "I have just come to terms with being transgender, I'm still the same person you've always loved, I'm just finally able to be who I'm supposed to be, I hope you understand and that it won't change our relationship"
June 9th, 2018 11:10pm
Be honest on how you feel. Tell her, that nothing about you except your gender identity is changing
June 17th, 2018 2:25pm
I understand how hard it is to come to terms with that, as I have gone through that. The best thing to do is reqlize that this feeling is more than likely not going away. It’s not your fault that you feel this way, you were born this way. The best thing to tell your girlfriend is to have a serious talk with her and tell her how you feel and how long you’ve felt this way, I hope I could help :)
June 27th, 2018 11:56am
You can try to be as helpful as possible, maybe discuss it over coffee. At the end, remember it’s normal if she's upset and do all you can to help her.
July 1st, 2018 9:03pm
Wonderful that you've come to term with being trans. For your partner, it can seem like sudden and unexpected and if you went forward on your way, they haven't had the chance to do so yet. There is no right or wrong way to come out : your way will be the right way :) What's important is to do it when you're ready, when you feel safe to do so, as casually as possible, and on your terms. Your girlfriend may have fears of her own, about your physical evolution (and if she'll still feel desire/attraction toward you), her sexual orientation (like wonder if she can still identify as lesbian/straight ? etc), the social pressure, and of course, all the preconceived ideas she can have about trans people. Transgender organizations can help to listen to her, to her fears and all, if you don't think you can do it (because, it's not our job to educate everyone, and sometimes we just can't, they're absolutely no shame in that!). If you feel like it, then you can try to reassure her by giving her access to information and ressources to help her understand better what you're going through, what it means and what it doesn't mean etc. The most important thing is for her to understand that coming-out is an act of trust and faith. It doesn't mean you lied to her, but on the contrary, that you feel comfortable and trusting enough to share that with her. It doesn't mean you'll become a stranger, but on the contrary, that you'll be able, finally, to be yourself and thrive :)
July 4th, 2018 7:58pm
First off, I want to commend you on coming to terms with being transgender. Realizing you're trans can be extremely hard to figure out and then accept for yourself. I know it was for me. Now coming out is a personal journey. Make sure to do it when you are ready to. The truth can set you free, so being honest with her is your best bet. Make it clear how you feel and what that means, aka wanting to change your name, pronouns, hormones, and/or surgery. When a loved one comes out it can be very confusing, make sure to be clear on your feelings and your wants. Be true to yourself and don't allow anyone to push you back into the closet.
July 15th, 2018 11:20pm
Although I can not tell you exactly how you should do this, I will tell you that you should only do this when you are ready. This is a big moment in your life, and I hope it goes well, but it is also important to consider all possible outcomes.
July 19th, 2018 10:01pm
Well, first it's great that you're coming to terms with yourself. Don't rush this process, it's often easier talking to people about this if you understand how you feel about this yourself. Once you're more confident with that, explaining being transgender to anyone will be slightly easier. However, it can be incredibly difficult as we worry about the other person's reaction. But i would suggest going about it simply, try not to over complicate it. Possibly mention the topic or don't mention it at all and just talk about how you feel and express yourself but softly and slowly explain how you feel. If you've been together a while then hopefully you feel comfortable in her company. However, don't be surprised if she doesn't know what to say or seems different. People take these things at their own pace. But always try to educate them if they don't fully understand
July 21st, 2018 4:31am
If they're initially taken aback, don't take this too personally because a loved one transitioning is a big change in one's life. Just know that in a relationship, your role is to support your partner, so if they care for you it shouldn't change the way that they see you.
July 25th, 2018 10:56pm
Have an open conversation with her. It's part of your identity, it's not something that you can avoid. If she loves you, and if she respects you, she'll understand. It's much better to talk to her than to hide a part of yourself.
August 31st, 2018 3:47am
Start with low-key making conversation about the topic, learn their beliefs, their view points, how they feel about it. Throw son hints. If they are the type to be against it or uncomfortable with who you truly are, maybe they aren't the best thing to be in your life. If they truly loved you for you, they should accept and love you unconditionally no matter who you are. I can't tell you do this or do that. This is simply my thoughts and feelings of this. Maybe after a few conversations of the topic of transgender and you feel they are accepting of it, go ahead, tell them who you are.
September 15th, 2018 11:43am
Just tell her have a good talk and tell her that you are still you and say you can’t lie anymore because im a transgender male/female and you’re you 💜 and that you still love her and hope fully she loves you back and (and please remember that you are not alone ok because there is a lot of people going through the same thing ok) and so if she really loves you she should support you how ever you feel or look and some people will try judge you but there is still people love you out there